"So, you know my father died when I was 11, Jase was a baby and I didn't know how the fuck to handle…anything. I mean, I f-found him for Christ sakes…OD'd right in my bedroom."

Billy puts his arm around my shoulder and holds me closer.

"My mother clocked out mentally for a while after that…wasn't until I almost kicked her ass one night when Jase got really sick before she paid attention. Up until that point I was taking care of Jase myself. I mean I was like 13 taking care of a baby, people used to mistake him for my son all the time. When she went back to normal I pretty much let myself be a kid, or what I thought a kid should be in this neighborhood."

"I started partying ya know, goin' out all the time, me and Tia. Started drinking which I really, really liked. By the time I was 14 I had my own personal bar under my bed. Used to take shots in the morning, full glasses of straight brandy when I couldn't sleep at night. This went on until I was 17. By then I got into other shit, I was doing coke and would've been worse off if it weren't for Tia and Collin."

He hums, "Where you get it?"

"Get what?"

"The coke."

"Uh, I th-think you."

"What?" He asks sitting up at bit to look down at me.

I look at him sheepishly.

"Tia used to tell me that she was getting it from this boy she knew, whose brother sold. I didn't realize until after we met that it was you and Joe."

He stares at me in silence for a while. After a minute he shakes his head and sighs.

"So ya OD or somethin'?"

I shake my head no.

"Never. I uh, ha-had alcohol poisoning a few times, and was drinking nearly every day. When I wasn't drinking I was really sad and sick all the time. By this point my mother notices, well she decides to intervene. Takes me away to a relative's house over the summer to wean me off and I was so upset with her. They never let me drink and the first week there was fucking hell…I guess they all thought cold turkey was going to work for me. But it only made everything worse."

"So it was a Friday, my aunt was out at work and she forgot to lock the liquor away. I didn't waste a minute, by the time she got home I was passed out drunk on the couch. When I woke up I was locked in my room. She told me she wouldn't let me out until I agreed to go away to some hospital for treatment. I of course told her no and to fuck off. She left me in there for a few days, she gave me food and water, but didn't let me out. She and my mother decided it was the best way to handle my problem."

"I…uhm, I don't know why I did it…I know I didn't really mean to, I was just looking for attention. I d-didn't really want to d-die…"

Gripping my hair gently he turns my head to face him. I can't look him in the eye and instead focus on the tattoos on his neck.

"Ya' tried t-"

I shake my head no, "I was just…sitting by the door carving into my thigh."

"Where?" he exclaims in shock.

I sit up from his embrace and turn a bit sideways to show him my outer right thigh. Way at the top, where it's not very hard to hide are the ugly scars that with time and plenty of scar treatment cream they're almost gone. I bite my lip and stare at the ceiling as he trails his fingers against the scars.

"What happened?" he asks stiffly and I could tell all this was beginning to hit him.

Still looking away from him I inhale deeply and sigh.

"She got home, saw all the blood by the door and took me straight to the hospital where they put me under suicide watch until I was stable enough to leave, and I went straight from there to a mental hospital for about almost 6 months."

It remains deadly quiet for I'm not sure how long, I don't want to know and I don't want to look at him.

"You think I'm crazy?" I whisper, my voice barely a whisper. Conscious that if he things I'm crazy now, telling him the whole entire story which ends with me being slightly medicated will be much too much.

He finally stops touching my scars and clears his throat.

"No."

His lack of response, or minimal response is enough to make me look at him.

"What are you thinking then? Probably want to run out the door huh?" I mumble with a sad smile.

"No." he snaps as if I've offended him.

I look away from the annoyed look on his face and bite my lip hard.

"Please say something," I whisper dropping my head a little.

He puts his hand on my knee and pulls me closer to him.

"Look at me."

I turn to face him slowly, not wanting to at all.

The moment our eyes meet he grasps my face and places his lips on mine. Holding my cheeks he makes me forget for a second how awful I felt. I kiss him back though I feel overwhelmed from his reaction. I topple a bit on his chest and brace myself against him, in no hurry when I break our lips away to speak.

"Billy?" I look at him apprehensively, waiting.

He smirks and shakes his head, "What? Ya think I'd be all pissed?"

I shrug.

"I'm proud'a ya kid.

With wide eyes I look at him shocked, "You are?"

"Yea that shit ain't always easy to kick."

I can't help it, throwing my arms around his neck I pepper his face with kisses until I felt like stopping. He puts his hands on my hips as I tip him backward so he's lying on the bed and I'm on top of him. When I kiss his nose for the maybe 5th time he shakes his head and squeezes my hips.

"Don't think ya missed a spot baby."

Grinning widely, all teeth I pull back a bit, still hugging him though.

"Sorry...you just don't know how good it feels to hear you to say that. You really mean it?"

He wraps his arms around my lower back and rubs my spine with his thumb.

"I mean it. But ya know what that means right?" he asks.

I shaky my head, pressing my lips on his chest.

"Ya need t'lay off the shit fa'good."

I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't start drinking again until we met. But to be perfectly honest, I haven't gotten nearly as drunk as I used to in my drinking days. My tolerance is still way too high for that.

I look up at him and clear my throat.

"I don't know if that's possible. I can-"

"No. You can smoke all ya want but no more drinkin'. You don't hafta come to the bar no more if it's too much."

"Billy you can't parent me. I know what's good for me and what's not."

I snap starting to sit up off him. He yanks me back down, his hands enclosed around my waist.

"Stop it," his glare makes me quit immediately, "I aint tryin' t'parent ya, this is nothin' t'do with authority, it's what's best for ya."

What's best for me? Who is this person?

"Yea well…how many of your boys have drinking problems or drug problems…or both?" I ramble not knowing why when I knew he was right.

"You ain't one'a my boys and don't ever compare ya'self to em'."

Stunned silent I just stare at him my furrowed brows and frown faltering.

"No more," he says sternly, his eyes softer than before.

I bite my bottom lip hard and my eyes flicker away from his bluer more intense stare.

"Okay.

The weeks following that night were…peaceful. The nights I spent going out were back to once in a while and not every weekend. Seeing this change my mother no longer ignored me or got pissed off when I said I was going out. Now, going out meant I was meeting up with Billy. A subject she still didn't warm up to but more so accepted at this point. She doesn't ask me any questions about our relationship. But when I'm not around she stuffs my nightstand with hordes of condoms of every size, color and flavor. Billy laughs every time I tell him she's stocked me up. Not to mention she's been on top of me about my birth control like a hound. I can't say I don't appreciate it though. Jase however has been on a quest to find out if Billy is the guy I'm seeing. He's a smart kid so he constantly brings up the day Billy saw us together. He's tried to hack into my phone more than once to see who I text and is always disappointed when he's denied.

Every day I have to pick up Jase from school I am bombarded with question after question. Why he can't know and it's his right as a little brother to know.

"I know you have rights Jase, but my business isn't one of them, I'm sorry to break it to ya kid."

"What's the big deal Reese? I'm going to find out sooner or later, not like I don't know already."

"If you know already why you keep asking me?" I sigh

"Because," He retorts in earnest, folding his arms across his chest, "You never lie to me," with the biggest pout on his face.

I have to hand it to the kid, he's learned a lot from his big sister. Including how to make people feel like absolute shit on a regular basis. I roll my eyes and shake my head as we come up to his school. Still not giving him an answer I hand him his book bag and lean down to kiss his cheek.

"See you after work."

"Yea, yea." He says with a little smirk on his face before he jets off to meet his friends at the top of the steps.

Work. I'm happy to report that I'm no longer an employee of McDonalds. Billy's reach stretches all over the city. His clients even further. I'm not allowed to know how I got this job specifically and I was against taking it for that reason alone, until I found out it paid 13 dollars an hour plus health care and other benefits.

It's a nice desk job that includes but is not limited to filing legal documents, delivering mail, typing memos, and picking up lunch for several lawyers. I don't mind, it keeps me busy and moving for 8 hours a day and I don't leave the joint smelling like French fries.

My supervisor is okay, she's one of those people who don't let anything personal interrupt work. She doesn't like to talk about anything other than work and I get the feeling that she thinks I'm beneath her. But I could give a shit, I keep my head down, do my job and go home. Plus, I get weekends off.

I thanked Billy plenty-most of the night to be exact. And despite her lack of showing it, I know my mother appreciates what he's done for me so far. I haven't had a drink really since our conversation, but have haphazardly taken up with smoking weed more often. Every chance I get I'm smoking. It happens mostly at Billy's apartment, which he thoroughly enjoys because smoking makes me hornier than ever.

All in all, I've never been this happy for such an extended period of time.

I think I was so overjoyed with my happiness that all the bad things I should have been noticing flew right over my head. It wasn't until tonight that I realized something was definitely up.

At the end of work usually when I get downstairs of the large office building, Billy would be there waiting. But he wasn't. Instead in his place was his little brother behind the wheel of his own car.

I gaze at the car confused through the large window of the lobby before pulling out my phone and powering it back on. The last time I had it on (during my lunch), I'd gotten no word from Billy about Joe picking me up. As I step outside, the night's breeze blowing through the cardigan I wore over my work clothes.

Joe watches me, an anxious look in his eyes. I pull on the door handle, saying hello politely before sitting down and getting straight to the questions. My phone showed no messages and I texted Billy to ask him what was going on immediately. Joe, in the fashion of his older brother evaded all of my questions; yet the poker face he was wearing was partially answer enough.

After my failed attempts at getting information, all of my questions being referred to: "Billy'll tell ya," the car was silent. It wasn't until we drove up into the hospital drive way that sheer panic tore through me.

I look at Joe eyes wide and mouth agape, ready to curse him in every way until he told me what the hell we were doing here.

"It ain't Billy," he says when I take a deep breath to sustain the onslaught of words I'd had for him.

I sigh, my shoulders drop and I close my eyes.

"Oh, thank god. Who is it then?" I ask, leaning into my seat more, resting my nerves.

"Billy'll talk t-"

"To me I know," I snap cutting him off in exasperation.

He doesn't say anything but parks the car at the entrance of the hospital. Billy who had been leaning against one of the large pillars surrounding the sliding door starts to make his way to the car. Joe gets out, muttering he'll see me later, I don't say anything as I'm staring at my blood streaked boyfriend.

Our eyes lock until Joe interrupts our gaze. They share a few words, all hushed of course before Joe pats Billy's shoulder and walks around him inside the hospital. I turn down the music playing softly and watch him closely until he's inside and seated beside me.

"Tell me now." I demand staring at his bloody white v-neck.

He glances at me as he puts a hand on the wheel and takes the car out of park. It isn't until we're on the street driving that he answers me.

"Bodie got shot."

My eyes go wide and I gasp.
Billy doesn't have a best friend, but if he had a best friend it would be Bodie. From what he's told me they've been knowing each other (best friends) since 5th grade. I can tell by the stoic expression on his face that he's hurting more than he'll ever let on.

"Is he okay? What the hell happened?" I rush out.

"Yea, lost a'lot a fuckin' blood."

He doesn't elaborate on what actually happened.

"You didn't get hurt did you?" I ask scanning over his body, clad in his dry blood stained shirt and jeans.

He shakes his head no before resting his left arm on the window opening, chewing on the side of his thumb as he drives slower than normal. I know it's because he's now in deep thought, so I keep quiet.

Much to my surprise we pull up to my place, Billy doesn't look at me as he puts the car in park but waits in silence for me to get out.

"I-uhm…so, you don't want me to come to your place?"

He shakes his head no, "I'm gonna go clean up an' I'm leavin'."

"Oh." My heart sinks.

He's out to do no good. I can only assume he's going to conspire with the rest of his flunkies about who did this to Bodie. That's if they don't already know, and if they do know, then I have even more to worry about.

"Ga'head, I'll call ya later." He says nodding to my building.

I take off my seat belt and scoot closer to him across the seats.

"Would you come over when you're done?" I ask putting my hand on his left cheek, turning his face to look at me.

"I ain't in the mood to sneak aroun' ya mother," he replies sharply, I wouldn't argue even if that's what I was optioning based on that tone alone.

I shake my head, "No, I'll come downstairs. I just want to see you tonight."

He eyes me for a while, his eyes not faltering in its hardness.

"Don't look at me like that," I mutter rolling my eyes at him.

He doesn't say anything but nods and flickers his eyes away from my face.

I suck my teeth and give him a quick kiss to the lips, seeing he won't let up even a little.

"See you later then."

I go upstairs a bit numb, knowing I should feel annoyed or sad. But I don't, I just feel…there.

When I got upstairs my mother was in the kitchen cooking. Jason was watching the discovery channel in his underwear on the couch.

"Hi," I sigh once I'm inside, locking the door.

"Hey," he barely mumbles, his attention deeply invested in the habitat of the hammerhead shark. Snorting I ruffle his hair and walk to the kitchen.

Dropping my keys on the kitchen table I walk behind my mother and wrap my arms around her shoulders. She was busy mixing what looked like mashed potatoes in a big pot. She jumps a little when I hold her.

"Scared me, Reese."

I rest my head on her shoulder and apologize. She pats my arm and turns her head a bit to kiss my cheek.

"How was work?" she asks in a more cheerful mood than usual, as I said she's lightening up to the situation.

"Good," I reply letting go to rummage in the fridge for something to drink.

She glances at me when I pull out half a Snapple and eyes me up and down for a moment.

"What?" I ask.

"Your brother made me promise not to tell you, but he demands that we find out who your…friend is."

I roll my eyes and lean against the cold fridge shaking my head.

"He's so damn persistent," I gaze down at the Snapple fact under the top.

"I may not condone your relationship, but he is right you know."

"Right about what?" I ask tossing the top in the trash and setting the glass bottle down on the counter before putting my hands on my hips.

"You've been with this guy for how long and I don't even know his name."

Just the idea of telling my mother his name makes me a bit sick.

"You didn't care to know his name before," I state shaking my head, "And it's been 5 months."

6 months in 2 weeks. I wouldn't believe it if it wasn't happening to me.

"That's a stretch for you isn't it?"

Yes. But I don't give her the satisfaction of saying so. I finish my drink, throw it away and say, "food smells good," on my way out.

Alone in my room I strip myself of my work clothes and the minute I lay on my bed my phone starts to ring. It's Tia. I answer on the second ring.

"Did you hear about Bo-"

"Yea I heard," I reply.

"Joe told me that it was some guys from upstate, and they almost got Billy too."

I sit up and gasp, "He didn't tell me anything! Why does he tell you and not me?!" I exclaim.

"Billy told em' not to, I'm not supposed to tell you either but whatever, you're my best friend. Anyway, Joe's all pissed because they went to meet these guys without him. Whatever deal they had goin' on went wrong and they started shooting."

"What the fuck," I sigh rubbing my forehead.

"I know, and the cops are looking for them."

"Billy?!"

"And the rest of those idiots. They don't know it was them but you know, if anybody's shooting in this neighborhood they go to Billy first."

"Oh my god, this is nuts. He didn't say a word to me about any of this."

"Plausible deniability," is all she says in return.

"He told Joe he doesn't want you involved in anything and to never tell you anything."

"Well what about you? You seem to know everything."

"I'm not Billy Darley's girlfriend hon'."

It all makes sense, but it doesn't mean I like to be left completely in the dark.

"So do you know anything else or…" I trail off.

"Just that as of right now things are fucked. Joe-hold on a second." I hear the line click over for a second before she picks back up.

"Yea, I have to go, Joes on the other line."

"A-alright, call me back."

We hang up and I sit there in the dark staring at nothing; I just know she's completely right, things are fucked.