I'm one for confrontation. I don't shy away from expressing how I feel. But I've never had to confront a man for this. Never. This is of course due to the fact that I've never been in a relationship. This predicament is precisely one of the reasons why. I never quite understood why people would walk into a tryst knowing the chances. Call me a coward but Billy was the first person to pursue me long enough that I stopped caring about the chances. If it weren't for that who knows where we'd be. Not in this fucking mess most likely.

So I wait. Despite every bone in my body telling me to pack all my things and leave I don't. I did pack my shit, but I was going to wait for him. I want a fucking explanation.

Reality hit me as I sit here waiting for him that he could be fucking her right now. He could be fucking her while I'm waiting for him to come home and explain himself. Lie, I mean. Because I know he will.

As if he heard my thoughts the front door starts to open. I'm on the couch quietly waiting for him. My luggage aka some garbage bags I rounded up are by the door and I call a cab the moment he steps inside the apartment.

"Shit-you up still?" he questions locking the door behind him. I watch him in silence.

It's just after 6 am.

"Where'd you go?' I ask folding my hands under my chin and blinking slowly, still feeling the effects of all that liquor.

"I told you I had t'make a run real quick, why the hell are you up so early?" he asks tossing his keys on the couch and standing before me waiting for an answer.

I stare at him and something in me tells me to stand up and hug this man. He stands there frozen when I do, I can feel the confusion in his body when I meld mine to his. I rest my nose against his neck and inhale deeply.
"What are you doing?" he asks not hugging me back.

He smells like fucking viva la juicy.

I take a step back and wipe my tired eyes and face down with my hand.

"Ya still fuckin' drunk, c'mon." he laughs trying to guide me to his bedroom.

I snatch away from him harshly. Billy stops and looks back at me like I offended him.

We stare at each other for a few seconds. I know exactly what he's thinking. What does she know?

"Where the fuck were you?" I ask feeling brave.

"I ain't in the mood for this shit Reese, I'm fuckin' tired."

"Go to sleep then you piece of shit my cab is on the way."

I walk away to grab my bags which he only noticed now.
"The fuck you just say t'me?" he asks watching me grab my things.

I don't answer as I feel that bravery slowly slip away from me. I somehow didn't expect his hostile reaction.
He snatches the bags from me and tosses them across the room. My things spill out of it and he takes visual inventory of what I had packed.

"What'chu doin' Reese?" he asks stepping closer to me. I try to get around him so I could grab my stuff and meet my cab but he blocks my way.

"Don't touch me Billy, don't fucking touch me."

"Or what? Ya think ya just gon' leave an' that's it?"

"Screw you." I retort. "You don't fuckin' own me you asshole!"

"Oh yea cuz I bought all that shit ya got packed in those fuckin' gahbage bags, be serious."

I felt bile rise up in my throat. I swallow the urge to spit on him and grit my teeth so hard my whole head began to hurt.

"Keep it then." I take my-his phone from my pocket and throw it at his chest. Before it crashes I look down and shake my head as I feel the weight of my stupidity hit me. Not for throwing the phone but for realizing all this shit he bought me did just the thing it was meant to.

I reach for the doorknob before I let myself cry in front of him.

"I just fuckin' said ya not leavin'" he stands in front of me before I can unlock and open it. He didn't sound emotional at all. No hint of worry in his voice, he knew he could keep me here.

"Ya waited fa me for a reason didn't ya? You just gon' run now?"

I don't answer, my leg began to shake beyond my control. He would be wishing he let me go any second now. Billy thinks he knows me more than he does. The same way I assumed I understood him.

When he puts his grubby knuckle under my chin in an attempt to see my face, I slap it away with all the contempt I felt

"I said don't touch me."

"Well ya gonna have to talk to me and tell me what it is ya think you know."

"Are you fucking kidding me? You really wanna play this game with me? I'm not the one Billy."

I look him in the eye as I speak, no hesitation in my tone.

"Okay that still don't answer why ya runnin' out on me."

"You're a fuckin' liar and I hate ya fuckin' guts that's why. You're a disgusting fucking bastard just like your father!"

"You think ya know me so well Reese, keep pushin' me. Keep it up."

"What are you gonna do Billy? Hit me?" I push him away from me and he lets me.

He looks me in the eyes and says, "Don't put ya hands on me. Tell me what the fuck is up like a fucking adult."

"You were with Alicia this mornin'."

"She's a fuckin' dope head-"

"Don't Billy!" I yell back. "Don't try and make me feel stupid, you know what you did with her."

"Did what? What did I do, smart ass?" he asks.

"What is wrong with you?! You're gonna make me say it?!"

"Say what? That I did what huh? Cuz you think you know everything and ya fuckin' don't."

I go for the door again when I hear the cab outside honk for me. "I said it's over Billy, stop!"

"Aint shit over, tell me how ya know I was with her then."

"Cuz you're a fucking idiot that's how."

He grabs my arms this time and slams my back against the door. I go stiff and stare at him trying to hide my fear as he gets close to my face so he can menacingly whisper,

"You got one more time t'insult me. Look at me." He snaps when I look away from him and try to stop the tears.

"I said fuckin' look at me!" he shouts. I look at him for a second and look away again.
"Ya gonna tell me what the fuck ya know and how." He grasps my face in his hand and makes me look at him again. He doesn't use force or hurt me but I still fucking hate it.

"You called me earlier, I heard you and Alicia fucking."

I say fucking even though that's not what I heard. Just so see if it went that far. Even if it didn't I've heard enough.

He sobers up a little, his anger dissipates and guilt is there instead. Then he looks angry again.

My eyes fill with tears and I try to push him away again but he isn't having it this time.

"I didn't fuck her." He barks at me. "You heard wrong."

"What did I hear then Billy?" I ask staring at him waiting for a lie.

"Ya musta heard us before she paid me, but I didn't fuck her."

"But you kissed her, you kissed her and you've accepted sex with her before as payment."

"So the fuck what? She and I were together for years before you."

"So that gives you the right to do whatever you want?! Have you been fucking with her while we were together?!"

"No!"

"I don't fucking believe you, I don't believe you anymore. Nothing that comes out of your mouth is the whole truth. What if I just did that huh? I've known Collin forever? I can just go make out with him because he was my first?" I ask.

"You know the answer t'that…look, I aint mean t'hurt you. It went too far. But we not breakin' up."

"No Billy. We're done. I don't want to be with you anymore after this. You can keep all your shit, give it to the next bitch but I'm over this."

"Just like that? Ya over it?" he asks. It sounded like he didn't believe a word I said.

"Just like that, I'm fuckin' over you."

"Whatever, go home to ya mother, call me when ya done bein' dramatic. Take ya phone." He walks away to grab it off the floor and the second he moves from the door I jet out. I was so pissed. Not only did I miss my cab but Billy watched from the fucking window as I stood deciding what I was going to do.

"Need a ride?!" he laughs.

I flipped him off and walked all the way home.