Chapter Five

Exam Stress

The day of Delia's final midwifery exam had dawned.

She had tried hard not to think too much about the fact a year of studying hard had let up to this point. But as she began to dress, a nervousness shrouded her whole body. The anxiety making her chest tight as she fiddled with the catch on her dress. Warm hands enveloped her own struggling digits, helping her complete the task.

"You'll be fine." said Patsy softly.

Her flu had greatly improved over the past twenty four hours leaving her with a blocked nose and headache. But now satisfied she was no longer contagious, contact between the two woman had resumed with ernest.

Delia looked up, her blue eyes willing it to be true. She had revised everything a hundred times over, or so it felt. Deep down she knew it would be alright but on the surface she was terrified. It was the what ifs that scared her most. What if she failed? Would she have to move out? Would she be stuck on male surgical for the rest of her life? Would Patsy be so disappointed in her she'd leave? The last thought was ridiculous but reason didn't stop her overactive brain from thinking it anyway.

Instead of reply she buried her face in her girlfriend's pyjamas, inhaling the scent of sleepy Patsy. It calmed her instantly as soft, warm arms enveloped her in a strong hug and a hand came up to stroke her hair.

"What if I fail?" her voice sounded foreign to her as she mumbled out the four words to the question that had been plaguing her all night long.

"Delia." Patsy said sternly, releasing her from the hug and holding the small woman at arms length. "You won't fail. To be completely honest I think you know more about the theory of midwifery than I do at this point."

Delia did not smile.

Patsy tried a different tac. "Look. We can go over some of the major points over breakfast if you'd like? For ever question you get right, you get a bite of toast."

"I'm not hungry."

"You've got to eat Deels, come on. You finish getting ready here and I'll go put some eggs on." she squeezed the shoulders of the younger woman and offered up a lopsided smile.

Delia returned it halfheartedly before turning and pulling her long locks into their customary bun. Patsy stared for a moment before mentally kicking herself and retreating down the stairs to the kitchen. Maybe it was the phlegm making her head hazy but Delia was catching her eye a lot today. She couldn't help it though, the small woman's long sleek hair was mesmerising.

"What are the initial symptoms of pre-eclampsia?" Patsy asked thickly through a mouthful of toast.

She glazed over as Delia listed them off, counting on her fingers. Delia did have beautiful hands.

"Was I right?" Delia asked, snapping Patsy out of her reverie.

"Oh. Erm." Patsy's eyes snapped back down to the textbook.

Delia sighed. The redhead was clearly not paying attention and it stung slightly. It's not like today wasn't life-changing for her.

"Forget it." she snapped stiffly, gathering her scattered notes and rising from the table.

"Deels wait, I'm sorry!" Patsy realised too late she'd upset the Welshwoman.

But Delia had already disappeared from the room.

Cursing herself under her breath Patsy deliberated whether or not to follow. They couldn't leave this on an argument she decided, not before an exam.

The weather outside was horrendous, wind and snow battering against the old walls of the convent, sending an eerie howling through the corridors. Patsy shivered. At least the boiler had been fixed but she dreaded returning to work in this weather. Thankfully Sister Julienne had agreed to let her settle the administration with her father's lawyers before returning to the rota, she didn't think she'd be able to cope with work and the agony going through her father's will. Patsy had decided she wanted Delia with her when dividing up the assets. This was little more than a pipe dream however, only relatives were allowed the lawyer had told her. She was not sure of the total value of the mount estate but was sure it would tide her and Delia over to retirement easily.

Patsy halted as she reached their bedroom door, thoughts swimming in her head, clouding all logical processing. She hadn't discussed any of this with her girlfriend, just assumed they were together in the decision, after-all it made logical sense. But Delia was often far from logical, especially when she was stressed or nervous. No, this whole business would have to wait until after her exams.

Delia heard the knock and stopped pacing as the toe of her woollen sock caught on a splinter sticking up through the old floorboards. Swearing in Welsh she kicked her foot violently to attempt to release it, sending her sock and offending splinter flying through the air and landing on the outstretched arm of a very confused looking ginger nurse. Now hovering on one sock clad foot, the other waving uselessly in the air, Delia locked eyes with Patsy. There was a beat and they both erupted into giggles at the hilarity of the sight.

"Oh Deels..." gasped Patsy between giggles, removing the splinter from the sock and bending to put it back into the small, frozen foot.

She straightened up, the mirth falling from their faces gradually.

"I'm sorry." they both said in unison.

Patsy held the smaller woman close rubbing small circles on her back.

"Shall we try again? I promise I won't get distracted this time." she whispered.

"No, it's okay. You're right, I don't need to revise anymore, it's all in there - I've just got to stop stressing and trust myself." Delia muttered in reply.

"What time do you need to set off?"

"Exam starts at 10 so I'd say 9, just to make absolutely sure. I don't know if the busses are even running in this weather, I might have to walk."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Delia seriously considered the tempting offer for a moment.

"Can we walk back together after? I'll probably need some fresh air to get rid of the adrenaline."

"Of course we can."

They remained intertwined for a few more moments before the sound of Sister Monica Joan prowling close by interrupted them.

As luck would have it Delia managed to catch the last running bus of the day to the London Hospital. As she disembarked she heard the driver call to the other passengers he'd be unable to continue the service as the engine had failed. Thanking a god she didn't really believe in the bus had made it to her destination before packing in, Delia made her way to the hall where the exam was to be sat.

The hall was freezing cold. Clearly an attempt had been made to heat the vast room, but a couple of storage heaters were unlikely to make a dent in the bitter chill. About fifty students took their places behind rows upon rows of desks. The high ceiling amplified the slightest noise tenfold as one unlucky student found out when she dropped her pen with a clatter that Delia was sure would shatter eardrums.

A large clock was situated at the front of the hall, its minute hand moving agonisingly slowly, the seconds ticking by so loudly, some students nearby jumped at the sound. Delia took her seat near the front next to Caroline Burns, a skinny, mousey haired, ever so slightly jittery woman she vaguely recognised from a ward round a few weeks back. The woman smiled nervously in recognition as Delia settled, pulling out her writing implements and awaiting further instruction.

A stout older woman entered the hall, her high heeled shoes echoing loudly off the walls as she passed down each row, handing every student a thick slab of paper. With a shaky hand Delia wrote her name, number and the date on the first page.

"You have two hours." The older woman's voice was clipped and sharp. She looked down at her watch and then to the clock at the front of the hall.

The silence was palpable as every student waited for the command to turn over their paper.

"Begin."

The two hours went by faster than anything Delia had ever experienced before. It felt like no time at all before she was standing outside, wishing for once that she had a tendency towards tobacco. Anything to help ease her erratically beating heart and the adrenaline coursing through her body. She inhaled the crisp winter air and tried to look at everything objectively. She had managed to answer everything. Some questions had been harder than others but that was to be expected. There was no use running over the nitty gritty now but question four still weighed heavily on her mind, a particularly difficult question about a forceps delivery.

Shaking her head to clear the brain fog that had begun to settle she caught a glimpse of copper as Patsy hurriedly made her way towards the building.

"Delia!" she called, breathless. "Gosh, I'm so sorry I'm late - I had-" she clutched a stitch in her side "...things to do."

"S'alright." Delia mumbled, still thinking about question four.

"How was it?" asked the redhead, tentatively.

"Okay. I think." Delia began. "Oh I don't know!" she threw her hands in the air then covered her face.

"Do you want to go get coffee?"

Delia mumbled in affirmation just as the last student left the building.

"Delia! Patsy!?" came a bright and cheery voice.

Lowering her hands Delia came eye to eye with the intruder.

"Sylvia." acknowledged Patsy, crisply.

The tall, blonde woman smiled broadly enough but Delia noted it didn't quite meet her eyes.

"Gosh awful exam wasn't it! I do hope you did well old thing-" she turned to Delia. "-I know you always struggled with the more.. academic side of things."

Delia bristled.

Sylvia was one of their ex-friends from training school. They had both placed her firmly in the "ex" category after a particular incident at the nurses' ball involving a few too many gin and tonics, a randy surgeon with wandering hands and a low cut, polka dot dress. She was a bright woman, incredibly gifted and seemingly intent on gaining as many qualifications as was humanly possible within the field of nursing. She was clever, and boy did she know it.

"I have to say though question eight was a right doozy- I mean they were clearly trying to throw us off with the spotting symptoms but-"

Delia blocked her out whilst Patsy nodded along blankly. They caught each other's eyes, Delia pleading quietly, not having the energy to deal with the bubbly, over confident woman at that moment.

"Well, it's been wonderful bumping into Sylvia. I hope you did well. Delia and I were just off..." she began.

"Oh should we catch a coffee together? It's been absolutely ages, we should catch up! I've not seen you since male surgical Patsy!"

Patsy's face read "and for good reason" but she smiled graciously and grabbed Delia by the arm.

"Unfortunately I have some financial business to attend to this afternoon but it's been great to see you." she steered them both away hurriedly.

"Pats?" Delia ventured as they began a brisk walk in the direction of freedom.

"Just keep walking." said Patsy through gritted teeth. "Is she following us?"

Delia chanced a glance over her left shoulder. "I think we're safe."

Patsy slowed her pace, but to Delia's surprise and delight, kept their arms linked together.

"We are still going to get coffee though?"

"Of course! I just wanted to throw busy body off the scent."

"With your Financial Business? What was that all about? It sounds very sophisticated." Delia chided, nudging the taller woman in the ribs.

"So, the Silver Buckle then?" Patsy called, then strode on ahead, breaking the rare physical contact between them.

Delia stared after her, confused and a little hurt. There was something Patience Mount was not telling her.

Patsy was faffing around near the jukebox, apparently trying to find the right song but Delia could tell she was stalling for time. Her coffee was getting cold Delia noted as she sipped her own tea.

Eventually the tall redhead joined her girlfriend at their small table in the corner. They were both such regulars of the cafe and the little booth they frequented suited them perfectly, out of sight and when the jukebox was playing, out of earshot of anyone else.

Delia watched Patsy fiddle nervously with her cup and decided to get it over with.

"What's wrong Pats?" she asked softly.

"I had a meeting this morning with my father's financial advisor."

"Oh." said Delia, wondering why this was making Patsy so nervous.

"We... we went over his will."

Delia reached for her hand under the table, giving it a slight squeeze in reassurance as the redhead continued.

"There are a number of assets that have been left... to me." Patsy was avoiding Delia's gaze but returned the squeeze of her hand. "This includes some funds. A considerable amount actually."

"What are you going to do?" probed Delia gently.

"I don't know Deels. I've never accepted any financial aid from my father after I left for training school. It felt too much like he was keeping me out of sight out of mind, but shovelling money at me to show he still cared in his own sadistic way. I refused point blank to have anything to do with his wealth, I left that behind a long time ago. I am a person with my own means and although it's not luxury it suits me fine."

"So you're worried about accepting it?"

"I don't know what I'd do with it all. The financial advisor recommended I invest some of it but I don't know the first thing about stocks and shares and quite frankly I don't want to know."

Patsy worried at her bottom lip for a moment as silence settled on the table.

"I wanted to ask you about it." she said eventually.

Delia looked puzzled.

"Whatever I do will probably effect the rest of my life. And seeing as the rest of my life involves you... I -" Patsy's voice caught in her throat.

Delia felt a warmth fill her as she took in the usually poised woman in front of her declare, in her own unique way, that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her.

"I think you should do whatever feels comfortable Pats." she said finally. "And whatever you decide I will support you in that decision."

Patsy tapped her finger nails anxiously on the table.

"There's something else."

"What?"

"His estate extends further than just Hong Kong. There's a house. In Chelsea."

Delia tried to stop her jaw hitting the floor but did a pretty poor job of it.

"Patsy, this is an awful lot to take in, for both of us. Why don't we work together through it all piece by piece. We can ask this financial advisor for help.

Patsy nodded "I think I'm just a little... overwhelmed." she smiled nervously.

Delia flashed her dimples. "The unflappable Patience Mount, overwhelmed?" she winked.

Patsy broke into a lopsided grin which quickly faded as she exclaimed "Oh gosh, here I am ranting on and completely ignoring the fact you've just had your exam."

"It's okay. It was good to be distracted." said Delia as a sensation of anxiety settled in her chest again.

"When do you get the results?" Patsy ventured.

"Next week hopefully."

"But that's nearly Christmas!"

"Well at least I'll be able to commiserate over a roast turkey." Delia said glumly.

Patsy tutted and rose from the table. Delia watched her, perplexed and the sudden movement. Patsy reached out her hand.

"Come along Busby."

"Where?"

"We're going for a walk." said the redhead simply.

Delia sighed and took the offered hand. Patsy led them both outside into the snow covered streets, but not before leaving a generous tip in her wake.

"Where are we going?" huffed Delia.

They had been walking for nearly an hour and the cold was biting its way through her woollen coat.

"We're almost there, I promise." came the bright call form up ahead.

Delia pulled her arms closer to her chest and trudged onwards, staring down at her feet to avoid the bitterly wind whipping around her face. When she finally looked up Patsy was nowhere to be seen. She scanned her surroundings. They were in an empty park if her assumption the lumpy shapes surrounding them were indeed trees. She shivered. Why couldn't they just go back to Nonnatus, she'd worked out all her adrenaline by now and just felt exhausted. Nothing would hit the spot better right now than a warm blanket in front of a roaring fire, a good book and a nice hand to hol-

Thwack.

Delia stopped dead in her tracks as something very cold hit her square in the nose. She raised her head, eyebrows disappearing into her fringe at the sight before her.

Patsy was in the middle of readying up another projectile with an eagerness Delia could not leave unchallenged.

She narrowed her eyes and ducked skilfully as a second snowball missed her by inches. The melting remnants of the previous missile had started to melt, sending cold water down her neck and into her coat.

"You'll pay for that one."

Ignoring the cold stinging her bare hands she managed to gather some snow into a ball just as a third made contact with her back. Her assailant was moving with surprising agility considering the layers of clothing.

Having abandoned throwing, Patsy had decided the best course of action was to now flee the impending revenge - her long legs offering a significant head start. But what she'd failed to draw into consideration was the powerful throwing arm belonging to the bowler of the two times regional championship winning Tenby High School Cricket team.

The snowball hit the back of her head with such force just as Patsy's feet came into contact with a particularly icy patch of snow. She hit the deck, sprawling, arms out like a lopsided snow angel. Fortunately the snow was powdery and soft, cushioning the fall. Delia herself followed, jumping on top of the prone figure and pinning her arms to her sides.

The mirth on their faces died as blue eyes locked together, made even brighter by the reflections of their surroundings. For a moment he world seemed to stand still as the two women shared in their private moment. There was a sparkle in each other's eyes, one which neither had seen in many months. It felt like a breath of fresh air, to be childlike together in the safety of solitude.

Suddenly something very warm licked the side of Delia's face.

"Oi!" she started, rolling off Patsy to see who the intruder was.

A black labrador stared back, head tilted looking at the two women with excitement, his tail wagging fervently, hot breath causing great billowing clouds of steam to pour from his panting mouth.

"Hello!" Delia said, reaching for the dog and giving him a good scratch behind the ears.

The dog immediately responded and began rolling around in the snow, clearly in want of even more attention. Delia marvelled for a moment. The dog didn't care that he'd just stumbled across an intimate moment between two women. He was just pleased to see them. She smiled. If only everyone had that attitude.

"Deels, careful, he doesn't have a collar." Patsy had sat up, brushing the snow off her coat and eyeing the dog suspiciously.

"Oh no, where's your owner boy?" she cooed, rubbing the dog's belly and receiving lots of licks in return.

Patsy clearly seemed perturbed by the interruption to their moment and wary of the new visitor. She looked around, expecting to see someone appear from behind the bushes and accuse them of stealing his dog as well as inappropriate behaviour in a park.

"He's harmless." Delia insisted. "aren't you?"

The dog barked in agreement.

Patsy pursed her lips but her unease lessened slightly at the look of joy on Delia's face. She deserved a break today of all days.

"I have an idea." she said.

Delia looked up at the redhead questioningly.

Patsy began rolling another snowball and the dog, sensing what was about to happen jumped to his feet and began panting excitedly. Patsy threw the snowball as far as she could and the dog sprinted after it.

Delia howled with laughter.

"Is that what you call a throw Patience?"

Patsy raised a perfectly plucked brow.

The dog had bounded back, his mouth empty but looking game for another round. Delia looked around and spotted a branch sticking out of the snow. Perfect.

"Bloody hell Deels. That went halfway to Wales."

Delia flexed her arms and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Patsy suddenly felt very hot under her layers.

All too soon the sun had started to set and a blue glow of evening settled over the park. The pair agreed it was time to head back.

"Pats..." Delia began to address the elephant, or rather, dog in the room.

"No." Patsy said warningly.

"Oh please!"

"Sister Julienne would have a fit! We can't Deels." Patsy snipped. "You know we can't." she added softly.

Delia set her jaw. She knew it was impossible, but there was something about the way this dog looked at them through non judgemental eyes that just brought her a sense of joy and freedom that she'd never really felt before.

"We need to go. If we hurry we'll get back before it's too dark." Patsy was already walking away.

Delia gave the dog another scratch around the ears and took his head in her hands.

"Thank you" she whispered so only he could hear.

Tearing herself away she caught up with Patsy and linked arms with the taller woman. To her delight Patsy did not move away. This would take some getting used to Delia thought as they began the long walk back home, the cold made slightly bearable by the closeness of each other's body heat.

Unbeknown to both ladies, a small panting shadow followed a short distance behind.