The death

It was dark in the room. I was reading a book by the candle light.

I could not praise my room beautiful, however, it was large and comfortable. Our house was two-storey and there were four rooms on the ground floor, upstairs was just an inaccurate dusty attic. I cleaned it and took my bed, bookcase and necessary things up in the downstairs. So, I was living there. There was a little ever - red - blossomed cactus on the window of my room which could show the street as I liked the cactus very much. When there was not any cloud in the sky I liked to watch the stars in the summer evenings through the window. Because the stars were looked very beautiful by the moonlight as they were in the cinemas. My books were always lying on the floor disorderly, but not in the case. I did not know the reason, but I did not like the order very much. No, no, my clothes and the things in my room were always in their order, but I liked that my books were everywhere in the room disorderly…

So, I was reading an interesting book. At that time the light breeze began to blow and put out the candle which was lighting hardly. It became a pitch-dark in the room at once. There was a dead silence all around. I could not hear even the sound of the wind. I tried to strike a match for three or four times, but I could not. The sound of the clock on the wall could not be heard to me at that time. At once somebody smothered me and I could not breath anyway. And I felt myself not on the floor, but on the air. I dropped the match, too, and it stayed on the air instead of lying on the floor. I could not see who was smothering me and I could understand nothing and that situation was frightening me very much.

- You must read the red book on the shelf, now – a creature which was smothering me said with hissing sound of a snake. Whether he set me free or threw down, I could not realize, I fell down on the ground unexpectedly. Then I tried to take breath. I came to some reason, and saw something shining on the shelf. I stood up and came to it very slowly and the most amazing thing was that it was stopping shining as I was approaching the shelf. It was a bloody book. I was trembling with fear and bathed in cold sweat. I had to hold that book. But my hands were still shaking. Suddenly the strange writing "Vakallusiydahu" appeared on the top of the book literally. I was interested in it and began to read taking it on my hand.

The first death

"There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. Yet that will be the beginning".

Louis L'Amour

That day I came to my flat early from the work as usual. I lost my consciousness and fell down on the ground when I was going upstairs to my flat. After some minutes my neighbour – a girl called Mary went out and screamed covering her face with her hands as she saw me. And she ran to call her mother for help. At that time, I came to myself and was trying to stand up touching the wall.

Mary was very afraid of me very much and always tried not come across with me anyway. In fact, Mary quiet saw my real face. It seemed to her that I was wild creature with bloody eyes. No one except her could see me in that appearance. I seemed to be a creature with dark blue bloody eyes and to have a scar on the bottom of my right eye-brow and eye. One of my upper teeth on the left side could be seen although I closed my mouth. And there was a chap in the middle of my lower lip. I was pale – skinned as white as the sheet and had tousled dark as dark as the moonless night and long hair till the ground. I wore dirty brown robe like bishops and I had an axe with a long handle on my hand. I was snub – nosed and both holes of my nose could not be really seen. No one except Mary could see me in that appearance, as I said.

However, in the real life I was light – skinned without any scar on my face and I had short curly hair and also was used to wear suit and tie and to bring a small red briefcase with myself. I was a main doctor – an accoucheur – gynaecologist in the city hospital.

I knew very well why that girl was afraid of me and screamed any time she saw me. I remembered, all of them had happened as that:

"I was a five-year-old boy. … Our house was large and very comfortable. In the middle of the courtyard there were different kinds of flowers and fruit trees. I used to call our house as "Paradise". My mother loved trees, flowers and animals very much. That's why, she had never pained them. She was used to enjoy and tried to make conversation with that beautiful house only my mother and I was living happy. My father was not there. According to the saying of the mother, I could not see him. By the way, we had a wonderful dog called "Ronny" at home. It was grey and there were red spots on its ears and, the most interesting, it had six feet, not my mother used to tether it with magic words.

That day I was riding my bicycle as usual. My mother was tidying up the courtyard whispering magic words "Kiyaa – kefgaas" and was acting her index finger of her left hand strangely. The leaves gathered themselves in the shape of man and was getting on my mother's nerves putting out its tongue standing in front of her. I laughed in a loud voice seeing it.

"Manson, ride your bicycle and play in the garden", - said my mother angrily. Then I was going to do something useful and decided to tether Ronny myself. "How? I was not a three-year-old child, now. What was the magic word? Mmm… I could not remember. OK, I myself tie it with my hands", - I said to myself and ran to Ronny's burrow. Then I began to call it taking the chain which it had to be tied: "Ronny! Ronny!". Suddenly, it was dead silence. Even the wind was not blowing. "It might not hear me. O, my God". Now I called its name angrily: "I order you come here right now". At that time, Ronny appeared at the long path. But it seemed that it was not Ronny. I saw a grey dog with blue tongue. It was running towards me as fast as it could. Everywhere covered with dark fog. I did not know the reason, but I was very frightened. The dog was three or four times as big as me. I did not realise when it reached me – may be – in some minutes or hours. I only realised that I fell down on the ground at once and felt something above my body. It was Ronny – I saw it after opening my eyes. It was pushing my shoulders down with its front legs. And its mouth was watering. It disgusted me and I tried to turn my head to my left side. Suddenly, its eyes shone as bright as the sunbeam, I stared at them automatically and saw a small baby through that beam. At that time the dog hurt my face with its front leg. I felt intolerable pain and began to cry in a loud voice. Might be – it was afraid of my voice or came to its senses, the dog jumped down from me and ran towards its burrow. My face was bleeding very much. Then my mother came and brought me to the middle of the garden holding my hand. I could not stop crying from pain.

"Stand, stand, my dear son, Manson, be patient." – she was saying me continuously. Then she whispered "jallasu" embracing me in the middle of the garden. Suddenly, we appeared in the large white room. It was as white as the milk and there was neither door nor the window except a white table. At that time, I did not feel pain. And my face also stop bleeding, I thought. I touched my face carefully. Then I felt a stitch in my left side. It was very painful and I knelled down touching my left side from pain. I did not realize what kind of pain it was, and I could not describe it, however, after that I have never felt such kind of pain in my body again.

"Mr. Wilder, please, do something, what happened to my son", - said my mother to an unknown man who had appeared in the room at once. Mr. Wilder (he was possibly a doctor on my mind) was grey-bearded, and completely bold, almond-eyed and was wearing wonderful reddish shirt. He was looking in an astonishment at me.

My mother's terrible screaming voice made him come to his senses. Then he whistled saying "sakaniyyyvastu" and made me sit on the white chair after lifting me on the air with the help of whistle. However, he used neither his hands nor his eyes. He was bewitching me closing his eyes whistling like the sound of the reed-pipe. Then he ran and back to me 4-5 times. Each time when I saw his eyes I felt myself as a new-born baby. At last, something blew up the air from my body. It was something black – I had never seen before. He grinned at me in an ugly voice and entered my left side of my body again. Mr. Wilder was lying on the glass floor panting. He felt himself very weak and feeble. And I began to feel well. But in my body something like evil deed appeared.

"He was damned very hard, my attempts were in vain, Zara", - said Mr. Wilder in a minute. "The scar on his eyes cannot be seen, now and he feels neither pain nor power. But I am very afraid of not only saying but also imagining what will happen to your son after some years", he continued turning his head in the opposite direction angrily.

"Why? For what? Who? Who has such kind of evil strength? Who was that?" said my mother seizing her head.

And I was sitting on the corner of the room staring with surprise at first my anxious mother, then the "doctor" without understanding.

Mr. Wilder said: "I advise you to teach your son gynaecology. In future this profession will be of use to him. And leave your house and move to other place. There is not any chance.

My mother fold in her arms me and said "sakaniyyyvastuu". Then we appeared in our own garden again. My mother looked around with loving care and the tears on her eyes. "Mum, let's stay here", -I said to the mother imploringly. Mother began to raise her hands slowly saying "zag'azuu – yaksizakuniix". I thought, she called the lightning, because in a minute there was a flash of lightning, it thundered and white clouds appeared above our house. Everywhere covered with white colour. And I was watching everywhere in an astonishment. Then I saw that my mother began to burn from head to toe like the blue gas. And she died out in a minute slowly. There was dark yellow smoke around her and I lost her in that smoke. No, she appeared in that smoke again. And my mother changed her appearance completely. At that time, she had big golden wings as the eagle had. And she was wearing golden trousers and a blouse made of leather. It was the first time I had seen my mother in that appearance. So, I was in an astonishment and said "Oh, mum, you are great".

"Manson, my dear son, come to me. It was time to leave. We are obliged to do so. There are unclear situations in the life that you will be forced to leave your favorite places and the things you love. Exactly, you will be forced. Even the people are not related to one another, forever, my dear. The life is ruthless. It makes you live with unrealized dreams".

I cried and ran to my mother's arms. We flew on the air when she flapped her wings. I closed my eyes. You do not think me as coward, after all, that was my first flight. When we were away from the yard, I opened my eyes and looked at our house for the last time. The white clouds on the courtyard were now scattered, and trees and flowers were disappearing becoming darker and grey one by one. It seemed to me that the house was moving to the bottom as if there was earthquake and it was drowning to the depths of the earth slowly. I thought that this house was as beautiful as the paradise just because my mother was there. We were flying slowly across the clouds. The sky was very calm and beautiful, and cloudless. Mother passed through the clouds and described my smiling face, and whole my body from them. We went so fast that I screamed and mourned with pleasure until my mother painted my picture. I enjoyed it.

We landed to the unattractive house reduced to ruins in the city. There was no path to walk around the yard. The trees and plants occupied everywhere. Mummy tidied the courtyard up with magic words as usual.

"It was your grandfather's house, he was very kind man, but he was killed by your dad, and there was a huge, fierce battle between them, and I do not want to remember, and suffer remembering itagain," explained my mother looking at me as I did not understand where we were.

Then that unforgettable event for me which had been connected with our dog Ronny came to mind and I thought the reason of why it had done that. "Well, mummy, why did our dog – Ronny hurt me and why was everywhere covered with smoke and I could not see you? Where were you at that time? Why such things happened?" I asked her without stopping.

"You know, my dear son, as Mr. Wilder has said, that dog was damned very much, and I felt that it would be a disaster, and even though I had tried hard, I did not have enough strength to break into that smoke above your head. Although I tried to come to you, my feet were fixed to the ground hard and I could not walk even a step. The fire which I had blown was useless, and I saw something shiny above your head and the smoke, the fog dropped off, and then the strange power firmly fixed me left me at once. Mr. Wilder told me that he saw a little baby in your eyes and you have to find a girl for obviating that curse. You will meet with her after 15 yearsand it will not be easy for you to find her because there is no peculiar sign of her. Only you can feel each other, Manson. Only with help of your feelings you can know each you understand me, Manson?", - said my mother politely scouring my face.

"What will I do after finding her, mummy?" I asked looking with my tearful eyes at my mother without understanding.

"When you will meet her, you will understand, my son," she answered smiling.

"Wait, how do you know so much information? You talked with the doctor in front of me, did not you? So, you had not spoken with him about what you have said now. Am I right?"

"We, magicians, are able to do much things than the normal people can. If we feel any danger, we will be able to convey one another even though we are far away from one another. But not each magician can communicate with one another like that. For this, we need a magic word which is known to the magicians we want to talk. For example, my secret word is known only to the doctor you have seen and Gagunji".

"So, you have a password," I said laughingly."By the way, who is Gagunji, mummy?"

"One day I will introduce you with him, OK? "said my mother, scratching my hair.

And about fifteen years passed likethe life of the butterfly. Although I was a magician's son, I did not do any magic at all. I did not want, perhaps I understood that I could not do any magic.I used to feel something like evil deed on my bodywhen I tried to do any magicand I could not manage to doit.

When I was graduating from the school, my mom would put some books on gynecology on my desk and made me read them. Right, I did not want to read them at first and I made myself read them as I wanted not to annoy my mother. But after years I began to be interested in this field of science and such kind of scientific books. And I myself started to look for books on gynecology and not long after I could not find any new books on that subject in any library in the city. I used to spend all my time reading the books on that sphere of science. However, the life was very boring for me. because I did not have any friend, close, lovely person except books. So, I dedicated my life to that profession.I chose to be an accoucheur – gynaecologist as my job and had a PhD in gynecology when I was 20 years old. I was proud of my job. I felt it as the important part of my life. I used to breath with my profession.

And I had an only friend and she was my mother. But she had disappeared for last 2 years. I was trying to find her every day. I could not sleep at nights being delirious dreaming about my mother and my childhood when she consoled me.

Two years ago on the Easter eve, she left the house saying "I will come back soon". Her last words to me were those. I saw a piece of paper left on the tablewhen I came back from work to homewhich was written "Choose yourself your own way, set your own life going by yourself".

At that time, at the same day, I took all my necessary things and moved to a new one-room-flat for rent locking my own house. However, I waited her with hope every day. I knew, she was living taking the breath from the same air which I was taking the breath. I felt that. Only I missed her very much and wanted to see her. I was ready for everything even to break the world for seeing her. In that unfair, false world the only one I believe, the only one I trusted was you – mummy…

Mary's mother, Mrs. Sophie took me to my door holding my hand. "Manson, let's drink a cup of tea in ours. Do you feel well?" asked her when I was opening the door of my flat.

"Thank you, madam, I want to have a rest", - I said her trying to smile.

"Take care of yourself, do not forget: my grandchild is on your hands" – said she smiling.

"OK", I said her and entered the flat immediately.

Mrs. Sophie's husband Luis used to keep his family driving a had two daughters. She had lived with her husband and two daughters in the flat downstairs of mine till the last year. Their elder daughter, Mary's sister had been married. She wouldhave a baby after three months. Now, she was under my control. For last two years, I had achieved a lot in this field of science. Everyone was satisfied with me; everyone was happy with me. Because of me 128 babies had been born in that great world. I lovedbabies very much. One could feel a new life in their blood. Every time a new miracle – a baby came into being, I rejoiced and enjoyed the life. "Let's imagine, Manson, if you take at least 10 grams of blood from each baby, and put it into your body you will get younger and younger year by year. Stop, what am I saying? What do I think about myself? What happened me? Sorry, I have an unusual habit as speaking myself. But do not think me crazy. I used to speak myself as there is no one to speak with".

By the way, Mary's mother was a very good woman. Sometimes she gave me delicious meals she had cooked.I did not cook a lot at home as I lived alone. I used to eat ready-made meals in the restaurants or content myself with the meals which my neighbour gave and sleep dreaming and imagining my future and past days. And Mary, the daughter of my that dearest neighbour, was a girl I had to kill.

That's terrible. But the curse that struck me was increasing day by day. At nights, my whole body hurt. A few months ago I only dreamed aboutmy mother and my childhood days, however, now I was dreaming about only 3 month old pregnant women every day. They were so ugly that I was frightened all night and could not sleep. The nights were really very terrible for me. And sleeping was more terrible than that.

I could not sleep that night when I was unconscious on the stairs of my flat. That's why, I had been sleepy all my working day the next day."I do not even want to sleep today, may be, terrible dreams leave me then. Or I will sleep like a log not dreaming anything as I am very tired", I thought myself. No, it did not influence on me, the same horrible night repeated again and I could not sleep that night being delirious and when I closed my eyes I dreamed only dreadful things. So, the night was awful again.

In the morning, I overslept. But I was not able to go to work. "I will not go. I have not slept for two nights" I said myself and called my office and told the head master that I felt sick and would not I went to sleep again. At least, I slept very well. I dreamed: my mother and I were in that white room without any door and window as we were when I was a child. At that time Mr. Wilder appeared and said me:

"Manson, it's time, you have to be a beast. If that curse came into force, you would just kill not only a young woman and her three-month-old unborn baby, but also hundreds or thousands of unborn babies with your own hands. Nobody can resist you and stop , think about it: the life of two people or even thousands of unborn babies and their mothers. The life in Australia will stop. The humanity will be missing. However, you are able to get rid of the curse and continue your life as normal people." I could not speak in my dream, I only listened what he said. "I do not know what to do then. What should I do? I love Mary very much. Shall I be able to cope with this task?" I was deep in thought of that girl.

It was the last days of the great season autumn. The ground was covered with yellow leaves. The sound of the dry leaves on the ground made you relax as you walked in the street. But that season made one think about his/her future and past life full with sorrow and sadness. "Why am I here in the world? Why was I born? What is wrong with a merciful girl who has not yet enjoyed sweet and sweet moments of life that has never been reached? Is there no other way out?" With these thoughts, I did not know how I came home from the street. Mary was standing with the bottle in his hand by the door of my flat.

"My mother gave this meal for you" she said smiling pleasantly. I opened the door. "Come with me, I need you, I want to say you something", -I told her. She followed me and came into the flat. She went to the kitchen and sat on the chair slowly. I sat beside her and told her all – from the beginning to the end. She listened to me attentively till the end of my speech. Then she sighed. There was a very unpleasant silence as the sound of our breath could be heard each other.

"I'd been dreamed about you last night, so I came to you, and I agree with all your conditions. I have an only request from you: my grandmother lives far away from here, let me go and see her for the last time.I'll come back to you tomorrow. Then you will conjure on me, OK?" she said staring at me with her big pretty dark had no fear in her eyes. On the contrary, there was indifference to me in her eyes. I was angry and asked her, "Why do you agree with me?"

"You have no other choice, do you?" she said, holding his thin hands on my hands. I felt a strange feeling like an ant was crawlingon my body. She did not say anything, got up and left the house. At the same time, I could not find any word that would please her. But I was very sorry for her.

I could not go to work the next day. Because I was not in a position to accept patients. Waking up early in the morning I opened the window of my bedroom. The sun was shining bright. What a beautiful scenery! I did not notice it till that time. At the same time, someone knocked on the door three times with soft hands silently.

I knew that was Mary. I was extremely glad. But I came to see reason and opened the doorin a bad mood. Mary was standing by the door smiling. Suddenly, she embraced me when I was going to speak her.

"I miss you so much," she said feeling shy.

"I do not understand, what are you saying, what happened to you?" - I said.

"We will be married today, will not we?" she said with surprise.

"No, no, Mary, you misunderstood me, I will not touch you. We shall make a baby with magic." I'll give you a magic syrup which my mother left me for cure. Only you have to drink it. That's all. Do you understand me?", - I said.

However, she left the room with anger and closed the door angrily when she was leaving the flat. I thought the wall would fall down. Thank goodness, they stayed as they were before.

"Why has she said like that? Or she has fallen in love with me?" I was sitting not knowing what to do then. At that time, Mary came back again happily as nothing had happened a minute ago.

And she asked me "Are you hungry?"

"Can a person be so impudent?" I thought, but did not say her about it. I shook my head as the meaning of "No". I did not realise what was happening at that time. And she went to the kitchen. I went to the bedroom and began to put everything in order. She called me for the breakfast for 2-3 times when I was there. But I did not want to have breakfast, because I did not have breakfast, usually. Then she came to the bedroom and said me furiously: "Haven't you heard me? I've prepared breakfast for you". And she began to "hit" me with one of the feather pillows. I took the other one and we began to hit each other, to hunt after each other and to jump on the bed. We tired and began to laugh in a loud voice with joy lying on the bed. I did not remember exactly when I had enjoyed so much as I was at that time. Then we had breakfast together. I gave her that syrup and she drank it. We were waiting what would happen then silently. I stroked her belly and began to do magic: I raised my hands and said "Zanikayuhasummikaysdex". The bluish light came towards me and threw out me to the wall and I hurt my head on the wall. I lost my consciousness, but recovered consciousness in a minute. And I saw that Mary was lying on the floor seizing her belly. I ran to her: "Mary, open your eyes. Look at me, can you hear me?" I hit her face slowly saying it again and again. She opened her eyes and began to scream with hard pain. But her dark eyes were as white as the milk. I pushed her away as I had been scared so much. "Have I done wrong magic? What mistake have I done? What have I done to her?" I thought and was shivering with fear. I began to cry under the table embracing my knees.

"Manson, where are you? Everything is OK. Do not worry" somebody said me after some minutes. I stood up and saw Mary in a good condition. It seemed me that she felt herself very well.

'I am well. Do not cry. It is not easy to have a baby. Do you think it is easy?" she said laughing. I embraced her with joy. I lost my sense when I embraced her: I forgot about myself, the whole world and the life. But she slipped from my arms and left the room not walking with steps, but flying like the ghosts.

I lay on bed again covering my old clothes on. But I could not sleep for the whole night as usual. I had spent almost all nights of my life like that for last 15 years: "How have I spent my life in general? I was born as a human, but I did not know as what I have lived. As what? I have asked it for myself for many times. The only answer is that it will be good if I am not alive, I was not born. How can I live in this world killing a merciful girl? How? How I justify myself to the God after my death? I will say: Oh, my God, I have lived in the real world killing two innocent people – meaningful words. The God will forgive me then, I think."

Many days, months passed. Spring began. The trees blossomed, everywhere was covered with flowers. One could smell the smell of flowers all around. That spring, that beautiful season I had to kill two innocent people. I spent the whole winter planning something for not killing them. Wehad only 3 days till the magic time. I thought nothing besides Mary. I was looking after her, to cotton her. But Mary did not like my attitude to her. One day she said me: "Do not take care of me as you consider yourself guilty for my and my baby's death. Take care of yourself. You are attenuating day by day. I am offended with you, Manson".

When he went her flat I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. Who was that – on the mirror? Was it really me? My face was already hollow and my hair had already turned white even I was just 22 years old. I looked like a 60-year-old man. Just now I understood: the cares cause people to grow older and older. I had planned everything to keep you alive, my darling. And those plans grew me older and older day by day. It was time me to pass away. My life was over: "Today, the baby will be 3 months old in her mother's belly. Exactly this night I have to do magic." I sat on the chair and waited the middle of the night looking at the clock on the wall. At least, it was 12 a.m. Mary came the room wearing a white dress. I did not pay much attention to her. I did not even say goodbye to her. I did not like to say goodbyes at all. Because I knew, in the other world we would meet again certainly. So, she lay on my bed silently and said: "The death is always winner, Manson. Stop blaming yourself. I will not die in vain, if you save other people's lives."

"Mary, my darling, you must stay alive. You have to live", - I said to myself. And I began to whisper the magic words "Bazilkay-lakasu, iyahisqshishkashum". The room was bright at once. I was standing on my toe raising my hands. I felt that the whole magic power merged into my hands.

"Mary, farewell forever", I said, and hit my hands on my chest. I died in a moment. And my life was over…

"No, no", - I threw the book away. The book fell down the corner of the room and began to burn.

"Where are you, the wicked creature, the beast that forced me to read this book, where are you?" I lost my control and began to throw my books all around. The book I had been reading was burning like a fire in the corner of the room. I noticed something was standing behind me.

I turned back and saw a big, as tall as the height of the ceiling, and dark blue-eyed snake with red tongue. I fell down when I was fleeing two back step as I was afraid of that animal very much. He took the book with its tail and put it on the table. With tail! What? It was not a tail. The snake's tail looked like a man's five fingers. But "those fingers" were the same color of the snake's body.

"Control yourself," said the snake. "The story has not finished, yet."

"Why? Why did Manson die? It is not the right end. He had given birth to many children. She loved Mary. And I did not want Manson to die", I said.

He slowly pushed me to the chair and made me sit on it with its tail like human fingers and read the other part of the story, holding my shoulders.

"OK, read the book, nothing will happen without any cause", it said. When I was about to open it, the book itself opened the page that I had stopped and I continued to read in a loud voice.

"I'm dead. The life has easily overcome me. But in this battle, I did not fight bravely. They easily took my life. I would like to live longer. The life which accepted everyone did not accept me, mummy. So pity!"

At that time, Mary was lying on bedclosing her eyes. Her body was covered with cold sweat. She woke up as someone put her warm hands on her forehead.

"I'm alive, am not I?" she asked for my mother standing in front of her whom I missed very much.

"No, Manson sacrificed his life for you, but he saved the lives of all 3 month pregnant women in Australia besides you. If he did magic to you, many unborn babies would be killed with you. He did not know anything about it, so I left him for the last two years, because my conscience would be suffered too much if I did not tell this truthto him. If he had known this, he would have stabbed himself to death. But it would not solve this problem and bring him back to life again. And I could not explain it to him. So I decided to leave him alone. To die doing the magic oneself cannot be always carried out. One need to have a pure heart, a merciful heart for it. He was such a merciful man" – said my mother looking at her with kind.

Two years passed…

Now my mother, Mary and his son, were living in our courtyard where my mother and I had lived before.

"Manson, sonny, do not touch birds, do not hurt them!" said Mary to his son who was playing in the courtyard, being furious.

The little boy did not pay attention to her mother. He was running around the yard. And when he raised his hands, the birds on the sky landed on his hands. The little boy was laughing and laughing, enjoying at that. I realized that I had not lived useless for 22 years as I was watching them from the heaven…"

To be continued…