Dedicated: To anyone who has experienced anything traumatic in their life, you are not alone. No matter what it was or if other's believe it to be traumatic or not, to you it was. There are people out there who care about you, let them in, let them help you. I DID.
A special thank you to Twilightrocksyoursocks for listening to my idea's and encouraging me to write this story. To Phoenyx-Fyre-Writer for listening to me and being an amazing beta. Your friendships are such a wonderful part of my life.
Thank you to everyone who has Favorite/Follow and/or reviewed this story. You make me want to write more. Please keep it coming and let me know what you think.
A.N. Unfortunately my beta has been busy with school and not had a chance to review this chapter, but I did not want to have my wonderful readers waiting. I will re-post it once my beta is able to review it. Thank you for your understanding.
P.M.'s and Reviews always welcome, please no flaming. If you do not like it please do not read it.
Warning: Chapter's 4 & 5 will explain what happened to Angela. While I do not go into graphic detail, I think I detailed enough to paint the picture of what happened to her. It may be hard for some people to read.
C. POV.
I hear Rosalie and Angela go into the exam room where Rosalie instructs her to get undressed and put on the rob tying it in the front. I decide to send a quick message to Esme. I pull out my phone and text her:
'Love all is going fine here, I am about to do Angela's physical. You would be so proud of Rosalie, she is doing amazing.'
'You're allowing her to do some of it?'
'Yes, she did the history and with Angela's permission, gave her the Tetanus booster.'
'She did what? I thought you texted she gave a vaccine?'
'She did and I could not be more proud. She will do amazing helping at the clinic. Billy was right.'
'Billy will love to hear that, give her a hug and kiss for me, we will see you soon.'
'I will my love and I will let you know when it's good to return.'
'Okay I love you.'
'As I love you to'
I close my phone when I hear Rosalie scream,
"DAD COME HEAR!"
I drop everything and in a split second I reach the exam room. The site in front of my eyes is one I never wanted to, nor ever want to experience again. My vampire daughter is calling her human almost sister's name, while my human almost daughter is going into a full panic attack.
"Rosalie what happened?" I ask trying to keep calm.
"I don't know she was fine when I left her."
"Did she say anything?"
"No"
"Please can you think of anything that could have triggered this?" I ask again while trying to now sound accusing.
"No Dad, she said she was fine and I went to get her juice."
"Angela can you hear me? It's Dr. Carlisle."
As I say this she starts to panic even more, her breathing is borderline hyperventilating and she begins shaking in fear. I turn to Rosalie and in a low voice and vampire speed ask again, "please think back, can you think of anything even small that could have triggered her?"
"Wait, yesterday she told me that she has only had one gynecological exam…"
She fills me in what happened so I get an idea of what may have set her off. We both step out and close the door. I then instruct Rosalie on what we are going to do.
"Rosalie take your coat off; go in as yourself and not Dr. Rosalie. I'll come in as your Dad and her soon to be Dad, and then see if we can get her to calm down enough to talk."
"Okay. Dad?"
"Yes Kitten"
"I'm sorry I didn't think she would react like this. She knows us and that we would never hurt her." Rosalie starts to cry now so I quickly pull her close when she says, "this is all my fault. Daddy I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner. Please help her Daddy, please. Tell me what to do, tell me how to help her. I'm so sorry please forgive me."
"Kitten there is nothing to forgive. She told you in trust and you were right to not say anything, you didn't know how bad it affected her. We will help her; just do as I ask okay?"
"O…Okay. Daddy…" I stop her by placing my finger to her lips.
"Enough Kitten you did nothing wrong."
After I give her one more hug and kiss her on the top of her head, I tell her again what I want her to do and how we are going to help Angela. Rosalie takes her coat off, knocks on the door and tells Angela she is coming in. Just as I explained she calls me again.
"Dad can you please come to the exam room, Angela needs you, but can you ask Dr. Carlisle and Dr. Rosalie to stay away please."
I wait a few seconds and knock on the door.
"Rosalie, Angela can I come in?" I say asking permission.
"Are...Are…Are you alone?" I hear Angela asking in a very soft tone, if I wasn't a vampire I may not have heard her.
"Yes, it's just Mr. Carlisle. I asked the Dr.'s to stay in my office."
I don't hear anything for a few seconds when Rosalie finally calls, "okay Dad come in."
I slowly open the door and what I see breaks my unbeating heart even more. Angela is trembling worse and now is hyperventilating to the point I am afraid she may pass out. Thinking fast I know I need to get her out of here and back to the study.
"Rose will you please make sure I put everything away in the office, I want to get Angela out of this room for a while."
"Okay Dad, I'll get her some hard candy and a blanket to if that's okay?"
"That's very sweet, thank you Kitten."
Rosalie leaves and I turn my full attention to Angela. What I witness breaks my heart again, my newest child crying.
"Angela" I say softly as I slowly approach her. Her eyes grow large in fear so I stop for a few seconds and just continue talking to her, keeping my voice as soft and calm as possible. As if I am treating a young child.
"Angela, it's just me, Mr. Carlisle. Can you hear me sweetie?"
Without looking up she shakes her head while whimpering, I decide to continue slowing making my way closer while still talking to her. I keep a close eye on her and notice she is fighting the fight or flight instinct. I was happy she does neither
I then hear Rosalie calling, "Dad the room is ready."
"Okay, thank you Kitten."
I notice Angela glancing with a sad yearning in her eyes, when I realize what my help me get through to her. Angela is now and forever will be a 'Cullen Child' and every one of our children has a nickname only for them, I make my final decision on what to do and decide to do it.
"Angela, I'm going to pick you up and take you back to the study now."
She stiffened when I first picked her up, but I made sure to go very slow.
"It's okay, no one is in trouble, we are just going to talk. I promise."
She seemed to relax a little, but the closer we got the more she shacked and whimpered. I was not sure if it was because she was cold, scared or both.
"Shh...it's okay. I have you." I kept repeating softly. "No one will hurt you, I promise."
Once we reach the study I see Rose has everything cleaned and ready for us to come in.
"I got her a cup of hot tea Dad, the hard candy is on the table and I have a blanket for her." She says showing it to us. It was a beautiful throw with a dreamcatcher on it, in the dream catcher on one side was a wolf head looking out and on the other side a side view of him. "I hope you like it Angela, I saw it when Mom and I were out shopping and instantly thought of you." Rose told her sister in a very soft tone.
Angela turns her head to look at it and then at Rosalie and with a small smile whispers, "thank you Sis." This then causes Rose to smile and look down shyly.
"Rosalie that is beautiful and beyond thoughtful I…"
She stops me by saying "I thought it may bring her some comfort now and why wait?"
"You my kitten never cease to amaze me." I tell my oldest daughter. Now she really lowers her eyes, I swear if she could blush she would be red now. Once she looks up I see her smile beaming at my words. Then I notice her eyes are becoming a little darker, I am sure it is due to the blood smell in the air.
"Kitten why don't you go get a snack, you appear slightly hunger."
"What about…" She starts while shifting her eyes towards Angela.
"She will be fine, plus I would like some time to talk to her alone. But please do not go too far and make sure your phone is with you and turned on."
"Okay Dad," she then walks over and kneels down to look at Angela saying, "Angela I promise I will be back soon. You just have to call out if you need me, okay?"
Angela looks at her and barely shakes her head yes, at least we know she can still hear and understand us.
I continue holding Angela as I watch Rosalie heading out. I then try and put her down so I can grab the throw to wrap around her. Unfortunately her panic attack becomes worse. As soon as I set her down her heart rate already reaches 130 bpm and is steadily rising, she begins shaking and hyperventilating again. In a split second I had her new throw and was wrapping her up before cradling her like a baby trying to calm her.
"Shh…I've got you…Shh…your safe."
She begins pressing into me as if she pulls slightly away I will disappear.
"Can't breathe."
"Angela please look at me."
But she doesn't move. I slowly move my hand to her face and gently move it to face me. "Please breathe with me," I instruct her.
"Can't breathe, hurts, help me. Please help me." She cries out in a small child tone.
Now I know I have to try. I decide to try using the nickname I picked for her. "Angel Bug, please try breathing with me. We are going to go slow okay? You're going to be okay I promise. Please try so I don't have to medicate you, I really don't want to."
Now her eyes fly open wide staring at me.
"W…WH…what did you call me?" She asks me in a shaky voice.
"Angel Bug," I simply answer with a smile.
"Why?"
"Well I truly believe God sent you to my family. From the second you told Bella you thought it was nice she invited Edward to the beach not knowing we could not go at the time. To you asking Jasper to join you on the project. Not to mention you befriending my children. Only someone with a soul of an Angel would have done what you have. Also in my opinion you my little girl are as cute as a bug in a rug." I say tapping her nose lightly getting her to smile. "So you Angela Webber are now and forever will be my Angel Bug." I tell her before kissing the top of her head.
This now causes Angel to do something that I would never have expected, she turns to face me hugging me tightly and crying. But this time her cries were different, not panicky, but like a small scared child. A child who needs someone to listen, to care and to help her, that is exactly what I will be doing no matter what or how long it takes.
"Angel Bug I'm here I have you. Let it out, just let it out." I tell her softly rubbing circles on her back swaying slowly side to side.
"Scared," she whimpers out.
"I know Angel Bug, I know. I'm here, you can tell me. I'm here no matter how long you need, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here."
"Scared," she repeats.
I just continue holding and rocking her. After what seems like hours, though only minutes I notice something changed. Angela seems to be having a flashback to what ever happened to her. I move my hand to her upper leg so I can adjust her position, when it happens. The one thing I silently prayed would not. My newest daughter's eyes glazed over, she starts screaming in terror and she goes into fight or flight mode. Trying to do both, fight against and get away from me. Angela begins swinging at me while yelling so I decide to grab her wrists so she doesn't get hurt by hitting me. Unfortunately while I have no choice it causes her to become more hysterical and she begins to scream;
"Daddy, Daddy help Daddy!"
"Angel Bug it's me Mr. Carlisle, you're safe. Shh…you're safe, I have you."
"Daddy, Daddy Carlisle help me please help me!" She screams as she is trying to free herself. I am shocked at what she said and unfortunately loosen my grip, because Angela is now able to get up and head to the door. Luckily for both of us I am able to get there first and stop her. Once more I grab her, this time saying; "Shh…Shh… Angel Bug Daddy Carlisle has you…Shh."
She once again starts fighting me, now even hitting me and slapping my face. I mentally tell myself I need to talk to her about this later. Once she starts hearing me, understanding me. I slowly pick her up and head back to the couch where I rock her about ten minutes when her flood gates open. Needless to say what I hear I am not ready for, even though I was warned about it.
"Why? Why?"
"Why what baby girl?"
"Why did he do it? Why did he hurt me Daddy Carlisle?"
"Angela, my beautiful Angel Bug who hurt you?" I ask trying to stay calm hoping she was finally ready to open up.
"The…the…the doctor." She cries now grabbing on to me for dear life. I unfortunately know I need to push her more, but decide to take it slow and ask questions to get her started.
"Angela I need to ask you something and I expect you to answer honestly, okay?"
"Okay," she replies sniffling.
"Did either Rosalie or I hurt you in any way?"
Angela looks at me slightly confused so I clarify it. "Did you mind my asking Rosalie to help?"
"No."
"Were you truly okay with her giving you the tetanus booster?"
"Yes."
"Angel Bug do you trust us to never hurt you? Before you answer I don't mean a sore behind if you break the rules either, but do you truly trust we will never harm or abuse you?"
"Yes Daddy Carlisle, I felt so safe last night I fell right to sleep. I knew no one would ever hurt me." She cries before hugging me again for dear life.
"Is what we are going to do what caused you to have the flashback? Please be honest, Rosalie told me about your conversation…" Before I can finish she buries her head crying thinking she was betrayed by her new sister. I had to let her know her trust was not betrayed. "Don't get mad at her, she only told me that a doctor hurt you, but said it was your story to tell me." I feel horrible because this was mostly true, but not completely. I know Rosalie is near us now and I truly don't want Angela to be upset with her. As I am saying this I can hear Rosalie telling me it's okay to tell her what she side if I need to.
"Dad tell her I said it was a gynecologist, she needs the truth from us or she will not trust us anymore." Rosalie says in vampire speed.
Knowing Angela is still hurting and now feels betrayed I decide to let her know what Rosalie said and that she is scared. I gently grab her chin and turn her face to look at me before continuing.
"Angel Bug, your sister is very scared and worried; she blames herself for what you are going through." Before I could finish Angela reacts.
"NO! NO! NO!" She screams at me while once again trying to hit me. I hate I now need to reprimand her, but I do not allow any of my children to treat me like this and neither will she. I feel a verbal warning will work for now.
"Young lady we do not act like this towards each other unless we wish to feel the consequences."
Now she lowers her eyes, so I tap her chin. "I expect a response please."
"I'm…I'm…I'm so sorry Daddy Carlisle, but it's not her fault. It's mine, it's all mine I didn't stop him. I let him hurt me." Once again my newest daughter is crying near hysterically. I pull her close to me as she continues, "Why? Why did I not stop him, why did he hurt me? Why?"
"Angela sweetheart I don't know why. I don't know how to answer that because I truly don't know what he did or who he is? All your sister told me was you had a very bad experience with a gynecologist, but she didn't tell me what it was, what he did if she even knows. Please talk to me, please tell me."
She shakes her head yes, but as she starts to open her mouth her heart rate begins to increase and she begins to hyperventilate. I had to think quickly before it gets worse, knowing Rosalie is in the house I call out and ask her to get me something to help calm her sister down. In a few seconds there is a soft knock on the door. "Come in Rose."
"I wasn't sure which you wanted Dad, I got a 0.25mg Xanax pill, I also drew up a 5mg Valium injection."
"Thank you Kitten. Angel Bug do you think you could swallow a pill for me or would you prefer the injection?" I think it is important to allow Angela to have a say in which one I use, as I am asking her I notice Rosalie beaming. I look towards her and she quietly says, "She is truly one of us now." I smile and give her a quick nod.
"I can try the pill Daddy Carlisle."
Again I notice Rosalie beaming.
"Okay," I hand her the pill and her tea as soon as I know she swallowed it I ask Rosalie to go listen to some music while we continue talking. I give Angela ten minutes to let the medication take effect and calm down, hating that I had to medicate her, but I could not trust my sons enough to as Jasper to help, especially if they hear her story. I know Angela is ready when she shifts on my lap so she can look at me while still feeling she is safe.
"Angel Bug take your time, but also please tell me everything that happened so I can help you."
"Okay." She says softly. After a few deep breaths, which I praise her for doing, she begins and what I hear tears me up inside.
"I started my cycles just before my fourteenth birthday; Mom was due for her yearly exam and mentioned I started. Dr. Saunders office said since I was on the younger age range for starting maybe I should get checked also. She made appointments for both of us to go together. A few days before our appointments Dr. Saunders called Mom and explained he had to go out of town on a family emergency. He told her his Mom had a stroke and he was not sure how long he would be gone. That Dr. Barlow was covering him and that he did his Obstetric/Gynocology rotation under Dr. Saunders. It was up to us if we wanted to keep our appointments or wait. Since Dr. Saunders was getting…um…older, Mom thought it might be a good idea for me to see someone starting out. I was okay since Mom was going to be there."
Now her anxiety is picking up again, I decide to stop her for a minute to calm her down. I have a feeling it is about to come out.
"Shh…I've got you, have a sip of tea Angel Bug." She does as I ask and I let her calm down before I allow her to continue.
"Are you okay now?"
"Yes, I'm sorry; I'm such a baby and an idiot, who would allow someone to hurt them like I did? He was right I am such a baby."
"Angela Catherine Webber, you will stop right now, you are not a baby. Something happened to you and now you are beginning to deal with it." I say as I decide to deal with her putting herself down, I will talk to her about the rest later. I turn her slightly and give her a very light swat.
"Owe! Daddy Carlisle," she cries, "that hurt, you spanked me."
"No my dear child I gave a warning swat, do not ever put yourself down again or I will promise that will feel like a mosquito bite. Angela you need to know I love you as if you are my own child. If you ever need anything I will always be here for you, do you understand?"
Sniffling she answers, "Yes I'm sorry."
I kiss her head and tell she is forgiven holding her until she is ready to continue; again she shifts back and begins again.
"Mom explained what a female exam is like and that Dr. Saunders will tell him to use the smallest size instruments on me. That I do not need to have a bimanual exam done, just to do a basic exam since it was my first. Once we got to the office the nurse had us go back to Dr. Saunders office. Dr. Barlow was going to ask me questions first; they were the same questions Rosalie asked. Next they had us do a urine specimen; Mom said it was to check for a UTI so I was okay. After I walked out of the restroom the nurse met me and took me to a room, she asked me to take everything off except my socks and place the gown on opening in the front. There was a paper drape to put over my lap. I did as I was asked and then waited for Mom. Then the nurse came in and I asked her where my Mom was, she said in another room getting ready for her exam."
I had to stop her, who would separate a fourteen year old girl having her first female exam from her Mom.
"Angela is what you are telling me is that they did not let your Mom com in your room for the exam?" I had to stay calm for my newest child, but she could see how angry I was becoming because she began to shiver, probably thinking I was mad at her. "Angel Bug please tell me they went and got her before they started?"
"No," she begins crying again. They told her I was in the waiting room so she could go first and have time for her mammogram before my exam. Dr. Barlow knocked on the door and asked if he could come in. I said yes, I thought the nurse would be with him, but she was not. I even asked and he said she would be in shortly, that he was going to start by just checking for any lumps and then check my abdomen. I should have told him no but I was taught to respect doctors. I didn't think he would…"
Once again I feel I need to stop her and give her something to drink. I hand her the cup of tea and say, "yes you should respect them, but sweetheart you have a right to say no to anything you are not comfortable with." As I am saying this I hear Rosalie talking to me.
"Alice texted, Angela needs to get the rest out, please don't stop her if you want her trust. Just knock something if you understand what Alice means."
I bump the leg of the table knowing Rosalie hears it as I place the cup back on the table again.
"Angela I am not going to stop you now, I have a feeling you need to get this out. But I want you to look at me and promise if it gets too hard to talk about you will stop and tell me."
"I promise."
"Okay my baby girl." I hear Rosalie turn the music back on now.
"At first he was okay, he checked my armpits and even explained there are lymph nodes there."
I nod my head in agreement.
"Then he started touching…touching my breasts. At first it seemed okay, but then he started pinching my nipples hard. I didn't think he should I even told him it hurt. He half apologized and half laughed saying I would come to enjoy this one day."
I am beyond stunned at what I am hearing, but want her to continue. I start rubbing circles on her back trying to keep her calm but also not setting her back into a panic attack or even worse a flashback. She continues describing her upper body exam as I sit holding her wishing I was here at the time it happened, yet thanking God I was not. However, I do know and will tell her happened to him once she is done.
"After he finished he went to the end of the table and told me to scoot down so my…my rear end touched the end of the table. I was scared and asked where the nurse was, just then she knocked on the door and stepped in. But she stayed by the door so she did not see him…him rubbing his hand on me. I tried to move but he seemed to get upset with me and told me to stop moving. The nurse didn't say anything when I had tears rolling down my face. She didn't even offer me a tissue, and then he started my exam. He took the speculum and shoved it in me, forcing it open, scraping my insides roughly. When I cried out in pain he told me to shut up and stop acting like a baby…"
My poor daughter was once again crying hysterically as she told me about the bi manual probe. How when she was done he told her she needs to grow up and stop acting like a baby, he even implied that she was nothing more than a whore waiting to come out. I know now what happened to him he truly deserved. After a few minutes, she calms down enough to finish telling me the rest, so I listen giving her my complete attention.
"When I walked out of the room my Mom was coming around the corner so I ran to her crying, begging to leave. She asks what's wrong when I hear Dr. Barlow coming acting fake, I just look towards him and Mom gets the message and says she is leaving and will be calling Dr. Saunders when he returns to reschedule her appointment. Once we are in the car I tell her everything and she takes me right to the E.R. where Dr. Snow checks me and re-assures both of us I was not raped, but it could be classified as assaulted. He will be filing a formal complaint with the medical board, that what he did was both immoral and unethically wrong. Daddy what did I do to cause him to do this?" She asks sniffling.
"Nothing, you did nothing my Angel Bug. I can promise you Dr. Snow was correct you were never raped. Right after he tried it on you he moved to another town where we lived at the time, sadly he did take it further and assaulted a girl who was eleven years old at the time. He was convicted and sent to prison, while I will not go into details I will say prisoners do not take kindly to anyone who hurts women or children. Especially children, he will never hurt anyone else again. I know this for fact."
She stares at me confused.
"Angel Bug while like I said I will not go into details I will say the prisoner dealt with him.' She now begins to understand. "I think we are going to put your exam off and have you see Dr. Catherine, Rosalie can still assist. I will call Catherine and schedule it for you." Her reaction was definitely not what I expected; she jumped off me crying hysterically and goes to the door before I could react. I was able to flash to her before she was able to get to the stairs.
"LET ME GO! LET ME GO! YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME, YOU DON'T WANT ME MR. CARLISLE, I'M SORRY I BOTHERED YOU." She screams hysterically at me.
I hold her tighter because with each word she becomes more hysterical.
"Shh... Shh...Angel Bug…"
"DON"T! DON'T CALL ME THAT! YOU DON'T WANT ME, YOU DON'T CARE, YOU…YOU DON'T LOVE ME."
"Shh...Shh...Angel Bug what do you mean I don't want you, that I don't love you. Of course Daddy wants you"
"NO! No you don't, maybe Daddy Carlisle did, but once you heard what happened to me, what he said I was going to become, Mr. Carlisle took over and decided he doesn't want to be bothered with me. That I'm not good enough for his son, his family." She half screams half cries.
"Why would you say this?"
"Because you want to pass me off, I trusted you, I told you everything. I trust the family. Please, please Daddy Carlisle please don't do this to me. Please"
"Angel I don't want to do…"
"You said I have a right to refuse correct?"
I nod my head yes.
"Fine, I refuse to go. I refuse to ever have another exam if you don't do this one, you and Rosalie. I swear I will refuse. Please Daddy Carlisle Please I beg you, please."
I take a few seconds and then decide the only way I will do it is if we come up with a safe word for her to use.
"I will agree only to do it on one condition."
"What is it?"
"We will have a code word and you use this code word if you get scared and want me to stop. Angela I mean it, if I find out you don't you will not be a happy young lady. I will look at it as lying and disrespect. You can ask my children what I think about that."
"O… okay Daddy Carlisle and I already know. Bella told me a while ago."
I give her the word we will use. Then I text Esme quickly and tell her what is going on and she tells me her and the kids will go see a movie and check with me when it's done."
"Okay Angel Bug why don't you go have a few human moments while I get Rosalie. We will get everything ready, when you are done come to the exam room."
"Thank you." She says as she embraces me in a hug. "Daddy Carlisle?"
"Yes honey."
"Do you think Mrs. Esme would mind if I call her Momma Esme?"
"I know for fact she would love it."
We leave the study and start getting ready to try and do her physical. I hope I'm doing the right thing. I will know soon enough won't I.