A.N. To all my beautiful readers, those who favorite and follow me and my stories, I am truly sorry it has been a while since I have posted anything. Between major writer's block and work issues it has been difficult to write. But I can say my writer's block is starting to clear up. I will be working on this and Sesquicentennial so I can get new chapter's posted. Thank you so much for your patience.
A special thank you to EdwardLovesKlutzyBella for helping me with some idea's and listening to me vent.
"You may not realize this, but just because we are what we are does not mean we too do not have fears. I promise we do, in fact we want to offer you the opportunity to hear about ours if you wish to." Carlisle says.
"What?"
"You can ask any one or all of us about what we fear and we will tell you our story."
She sits there quietly for a few minutes before saying, "Daddy Carlisle?"
"Yes"
"Can you do it in order of how the family was created," she then looks at everyone to address them, "but only if you want to share them?"
"WE DO!" They all state at once.
She smiles and softly giggles at their response.
"Okay, my Beautiful Angel Bug I guess I go first, please stop me if you have any questions. Okay?"
"Okay"
"As you already know parts or most of our stories, I am not going to go into a lot of details about my past. My fear was caused by my Father." I start when I hear a growls, knowing my children so well it doesn't surprise me I heard it, just from who.
"Mary Alice and Rosalie Lillian," I say.
"Sorry Daddy, sorry Dad," they say at the same time cautiously, unsure if they are in trouble or not.
I look towards Angela to make sure she is okay; ironically she seems unphased by it. I must have a questioning look on my face because she says,
"Daddy Carlisle my boyfriend phased into a very large wolf in front of my eyes. I spent the night in a house of animal drinking vampires, I am not sure if my new sisters growling are even close in comparison." She says to me.
"Okay Angel Bug, but they know how I feel about growling in this house. But as long as you are okay I will let this one slide and continue."
"I am Daddy Carlisle, I promise."
"I was born in the mid part of the 1600's in England, and changed at age 23 near the later part of the 1600's. My Father was an Anglican Pastor, who believed it was his duty to rid the world of the evil in it. Unfortunately he took many innocent lives at the same time.
My Mother…" I hesitate when I hear Edward calling to me mentally. I look at him and hear him say,
'Say her name Father.'
I continue looking at him, unsure, when he stands up and comes over to me, embracing me in a hug whispering very low, "Honor her Father." He then walks back to his Mother and takes his seat.
"My Mother, Catherine," everyone becomes very still and looks at me; I have never said her name out loud to anyone of them before. Not even to my beautiful wife. I know she has wondered, but she also knew that it was painful for me to think about her. When my eyes fall on Edward's when he nodes encouraging me that I am doing the right thing saying it.
"She died because of giving life to me. Just after she gave me my name, she closed her eyes and died. My Father decided then and there that I killed her, that I was a monster and needed to be raised to have the fear of …of everything. That I was a killer already and he would have to make sure I knew I was unworthy of God's love and forgiveness."
As I am speaking I feel myself getting worked up inside, I then notice Edward telling Jasper something, however, I try to continue telling my story.
"He kept his distance from me until I was old enough to be "trained to hunt, and beaten for my wrong doings. Old enough for him to teach me to believe I was what he thought I was, unworthy of love."
I hear more growling and even my newest child starting to say, "That bas…"
"Children!" Esme chides them just before I start hearing him again,
'You are, you're worthless, you're no good, they think you're a joke of a leader. Those boys are just waiting to overtake you. Esme thinks you're a joke of a husband, of a man. You don't deserve any of them, you don't even know how to handle them, handle her.'
"STOP! STOP IT! YOUR WRONG! YOUR WRONG!" I shout.
'I am not you murderous monster, I should have killed you when you were born, look at you, you pathetic excuse of a man, you pathetic excuse of a husband and father. You murderous piece of …'
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I AM NOT PATHETIC, I AM WORTH SOMETHING! I LOVE MY FAMILY AND THEY LOVE ME, UNLIKE YOU EVER DID! I HOPE YOU ARE ROTTING IN…" I am shouting again when I start to realize someone is talking to me.
"Papa! Papa, please stop! Papa look at me," I finally hear my son calling out to me. I snap out of whatever I am in to see Jasper in front of me. His hands on the sides of my face, his eyes full of worry. I turn and see my family just watching, I quickly turn back to face my son who begins to talk to me.
"Papa you're right, you are not nor have you ever been or will ever be what he said. You are the most amazing man I have ever met. You are strict but fair, loving and compassionate. Papa you always allow us to tell our side of the situation and as long as we are respectful you discuss our punishment first. You are not a coven leader, you are a husband, Father, Dad, Pops, Daddy and Papa for each of us, you are a friend, brother and uncle to so many more. I don't know of anyone else that would have accepted two strangers such as Alice and me from the moment they met us. You didn't offer us a coven; you offered us a home, a family. You never hold our mistakes against us or use them to punish us, and when you have to physically discipline us you always hold us after, let us calm down and show us we are loved and wanted. That we are forgiven. You are more of a Papa than my Pa ever was. I know I can speak for everyone here when I say we love you with everything we have and are beyond grateful to have you as our Father. Papa I am honored to be able to call you and Momma my parents, especially since you did not create Alice or me." He finishes hugging me closely, I pull him closer embracing him, accepting all the love and calming feelings he is projecting to me when I hear Esme talking to Angela.
"His greatest fear is he will become his Dad, he will turn on, hurt and abuse his children and me. That he is a murder, a monster, not the caring doctor, loving husband, father, brother and friend he is. That his belief he has a soul and God has forgiven him is wrong. That he will one day burn in the depths of Hell like his Father always told him he would."
Angela looks so sad now that it begins to break my un-beating heart. I watch as she gets up and slowly comes over to me. Once she is in front of me she begins talking,
"Daddy Carlisle, I wish he was here. I would love to see what my new family would do to him, especially my new Momma Bear Esme. She even growled when you were out of it (she whispers to me) I look at Esme who just smiles at me. Daddy Carlisle trust me when I say that you do have a soul that God has beyond forgiven you, he loves you. Look at his family he has blessed you with. My Dad more than once has said to his congregation how blessed our town of Forks is to have had God send Dr. Carlisle Cullen to us, to our little hospital. I also believe that your Mom would be so very, very proud of you."
I look at her questioningly.
"Daddy Carlisle with everything you lived through, with everything that happened to you how could she not be. You made the choice to not be like the others of your kind," she turns towards the rest of the family to say, "you all made the choice and mistakes don't count. Jasper your situation doesn't count either, you were forced into that world, what you had to do you did to survive." Turning back to me she continues, "you taught your family, your extended family to live on animal blood, you took in what was once your enemy and made them family, you accepted humans into your life, your family. Not to mention how many people you have helped, cared for and saved. You Daddy Carlisle, you and this family do have souls and none of you are murderous monsters."
Again turning to address us all she finishes with, "and I am honored to call you my family now, and will be happy to talk to anyone who needs to talk whenever they need to talk. I love you, I love all of you."
I quickly pull her into a hug, embracing her when I say, "we love you to Angel Bug, and are also honored to call you our daughter, our sister, our friend."
We decide to take a short break Esme goes into the kitchen and gets Angela a cup of tea and some homemade oatmeal cookies. When she comes back in Angela asks if maybe her new Mom can go next followed by the order of the family. We all agree and get settled again, I now go sit where Esme was next to our newest daughter and Esme goes to where I was before she begins.