A.N. My beautiful readers, thank you again for your patience, this chapter was harder to write than I thought as it's Esme's fear. I just want to warn everyone that there are references to her abuses, though I do not go into any details. But if this is not your type of story to read please stop.

Also if you are like me, you will need tissues when reading it.

A special thank you to EdwardLovesKlutzyBella for helping me with some idea's and listening to me vent, you are a great friend and author.

Esme POV

"My story contains a fear I had and one that will come back from time to time. To understand them better I will tell you a little about my life before I married Carlisle.

When I was sixteen I first met Carlisle, he was covering for the E.R. Dr. when I broke my leg falling out of a tree. Unfortunately when I went back to have my cast removed he was gone. My Father said it was just a school girl crush. A few years later I was pressured to marry a man by the name of Charles Evenson, I was twenty two. We didn't even get through what they now call "the honeymoon period" before it started. The night of our wedding is when he started, all because I was nervous and not sure of what to do. He forced himself on me, when I asked him to stop he hit me."

I hesitated while looking at Angela not sure how much more I should tell her about what Charles did to me, when I hear,

'Mother tell her, she needs to know she's not alone.'

'But I don't want to hurt her, I don't want her to relive it, relive what almost happened to her.'

I see Edward glance towards her when he answers,

'She already has, now she needs help to heal. She needs us Mother."

"Ahem"

I turn to see Angela staring at me before she continues.

"Momma Bear Esme please stop having a conversation with Edward through mind speak. You all agreed I can ask any questions, right?"

We all answer together,

"Yes, of course, anything, you beta little bug."

We all look at Emmett.

"Little Bug?" She asks surprised.

"Yeah, Pops calls you Angel Bug, and now your our newest little sister, so that makes you our little bug," he says smiling.

"Oh Emmy Bear." Angela says smiling back. "Momma Esme, did he…did…"

"Charles," I answer.

She shakes her head no before continuing,

"Did that monster…did he continue to assault you?" She asks looking down.

"Assault?" I think I know what she means, but want to make sure when we all hear a whisper from her.

"Rape you?" She whispers it so low we barley heard her even with our vampire hearing.

'Be honest Mother she needs to know you truly understand what almost happened to her.'

I walk over to her kneeling down so I am eye to eye with her and answer,

"Yes Angel he did, repeatedly throughout our whole marriage."

Her reaction surprises us because she not only does she appear to space out, but she pulls away from Carlisle, but she goes to smack him, thinking he was Charles. I look at her as he stops her and is about to reprimand her when I jump in.

"Angela, look at me. Please. That's Carlisle, not Charles, Angel. That's Daddy Carlisle."

I see her starting to come back and register what I am saying when she gets scared about what she was about to do and how he will react.

"Don't worry Angel," I say as I put my hands on her face. "I promise you will not be in trouble." I continue now looking at Carlisle. He nods and reaches for her hands.

"Angel Bug your Momma Esme is correct, however, I will not let this slid without saying this, if you had hit me you would have received some punishment. Also if you ever try or actually hit me two things will be very, very sore. Do you understand?" Carlisle asks semi-sternly.

"Yes Daddy Carlisle, Daddy I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I don't even know why I was going to, I thought you were him."

As he kisses her forehead he says,

"I know Angel Bug, I know."

I decide I should continue.

"My parents were no help, they said he was stressed and I should be more understanding. That I must have been doing or saying something to upset him. My Mother even said that he was not raping me; he wouldn't have to be so forceful if I just did what I was suppose to.

When the war broke out he was drafted and I prayed he would be killed. Unfortunately he came home and was even more violent. After one of the more violent," I take an unneeded breathe and continue, "attacks."

Now I am stopped by the sound of my whole family, even my newest child gasping, I wanted to stop when I heard Edward,

'Mother she is just hurting for you. Don't stop she already has a question but won't ask you yet.'

'Okay, but stop me if you need to.'

"I conceived my first child," I notice Angela looking at me questioningly so I continue to explain, "see I consider all of them," I say pointing to my children, "along with Jacob, Leah, Seth, Bella and now you one of my children. When I found out I was pregnant I knew I had to leave before he hurt my baby or even taught the baby it was normal to abuse or be abused."

"Momma Esme did anyone help you?"

"No, back then it was not spoken about. My parents kept saying it was my fault. If I was a better wife, if I didn't deny him what he wanted I would not get hit. But I knew otherwise.

While he was at work one morning, I ran away to my cousin's house. She did try and hide me as long as she could. Unfortunately one day her husband was talking to my parents and forgot, he told them where I was, they then told Charles. I had to leave and run again, this time losing the last member of my family and the only one who believed me, as I could not contact her anymore. I ended up in Ashland Wisconsin posing as a war widow using my maiden name, and taking a job as a teacher. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy."

I feel myself getting emotional and notice Jasper getting up, walking towards me sending his love and calming feelings to me. I give him a smile before he goes back to sit by Alice and I continue.

"I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, William Platt. I held him and vowed to be the best mother he could have, teaching him how to treat women. Then just two short days later the unthinkable happened, at just two days old I held my beautiful baby boy as he…as he…"

I had to stop as I now was crying at the memory Edward came over and pulled me in his arms as Jasper softly spoke the words,

"Momma's first born son, William passed away in her arm."

Now not only was I crying but all my daughters including my newest.

I see Edward changing places with his father as Carlisle walks over to me. He kisses my cheek softly before whispering to me,

"Let me tell the rest of your human life, than you can continue my love."

I nod in agreement, than let him lead me over to Edward. All the kids come to sit around me for comfort.

I see how upset Esme is becoming and I am trying to let her tell her story when I hear Edward.

'Father'

I look towards him acknowledging I heard him. I see him holding his Mother.

'She needs you, I'll sit with Angela. Maybe offer to finish telling Mother's human life. She needs to do her own fears.'

I must have given him the wrong look as he lowered his eyes in submission to me.

'Edward, no I'm sorry, you did nothing wrong. I just don't know if she will want me to, but I will ask.'

I get up and walk over to them thanking Edward mentally. As I take Esme from him I place my hand on his shoulder and smile, hopefully letting him know how much I love him.

'I love you to Father.'

"Esme," I whisper to my beautiful wife.

She looks up at me,

"Let me tell the rest of your human life, and then you can continue my love."

She nods and I lead her over to where Edward is sitting. Before I can ask I see Emmett carrying Rose over and sitting on the floor in front of their Mother, while Jasper takes Alice's hand and walks over sitting next to them on Angela's side.

"Thank you boys, I am once again beyond proud of the love, care and concern you show your Mother, mates and sisters.

I am going to finish your Mother's human life and then she will continue her story.

Edward and I had moved to Ashland a short time before Esme. I took a job at the local hospital working midnights.

The day Esme lost her son I was off, but the next day I worked I was assigned to morgue duty. I noticed on the records they lost a two day old baby boy to Lung Fever so I decided to go say a prayer over him. As I located his, let's say place, I looked again at the name, "Platt" and recalled a beautiful young girl I had met just a few years earlier in Columbus Ohio. I knew it couldn't be, but I asked about his parents. They told me she was a war widow, she found out she was pregnant just after her husband died. Little did I know as I was praying for his soul I would see what some might call my true love, I call her my soulmate being brought in. One of the orderlies brought in a young woman who committed suicide. He even commented that is was very sad since she just lost her son and now would not be with him in Heaven. I explained that as the son of a preacher I was taught that God forgives certain mistakes we make, that since she was not in her right mine when she did this he would send her to Purgatory for a period of time then allow her into his kingdom. We just need to pray for her and her son."

"Why did you tell him that? Back then they didn't think that way I was told. Also what is Lung Fever?" Angela asks.

"Lung Fever is now called Pneumonia. Back then we didn't have the treatments like we do now so very few made it, especially those who were very young.

As for Purgatory, you are correct, most did not believe this way, however, I truly believe God is all loving and all forgiving when we ask his forgiveness. Plus I actually picked up a faint heart beat in her. I decided I needed to try and save her, after the orderly left I used my break to sneak Esme out and to our house. Edward was waiting at the door when I arrived. I placed her on a bed where I proceeded to bite her, knowing I didn't have much time. I decided to bite her neck and upper legs making sure to get the jugular and inferior vena cava veins. This way I was sure if there was any chance to save her this would be it. I didn't want to lose her again if I didn't have to. Three long days later she awoke and now I will let her finish her story.

Are you able to continue my love?" I ask Esme.

Esme's POV

"Yes dear, thank you." I reply, and then gently kiss my true love.

"Before I continue I want to tell you what you're Dad left out. While I was going through my transformation Carlisle took my son and gave him a proper burial, even buying a grave site and marker. Then shortly after Jasper and Alice came into our family Jasper had a new one made since a group of vandals destroyed a bunch in the cemetery he was in. Jasper had a beautiful marble engraved:
"William Carlisle Platt Cullen"
 "March 13, 1921 – March 15, 1921"

"Loved son and brother" with a teddy bear on it."

"Oh Jasper that's so sweet," Angela says.

"Thank you Darlin, it was the least I could do for my new Momma."

"It was a wonderful surprise my baby boy." I say before continuing.

"So after I awoke I was obviously very scared as I didn't know what happened. I knew my son was gone, I remembered I jumped to kill myself and the horrible burning, so bad I truly thought I was sent to Hell for what I did. But the first person I saw was a young boy with bronze hair and golden eyes. He was so young, he also had a look in his eyes that seemed so sad, longing like he missed someone very much. At first I was not scared until I heard another man speak.

"Has she awoken Edward?"

I look back to the young man who smiles gently towards me.

"Yes Father," he replies.

Then I hear the door open and I jump to the furthest corner and cower, afraid of whom it is and what is going to happen to me. Then I notice something going on between these two men.

'Please, please don't hurt me,' I'm begging in my head. The second man just looks at me unsure of what to say or do.

'I told you Father, someone hurt her bad.'

I now stare at whom I learned to be Edward and asked,

"How…how did you know?"

He explained he was a mind reader, that while he tries hard to respect other's thoughts, sometimes it's just too hard. Apparently my mind was screaming while I was out of it.

"Don't worry, I didn't say anything about what happened or who did it, I was just telling him what he was thinking was correct."

'What?' I try asking him mentally to see if it was true.

"He suspected someone hurt you, he wishes we never left Columbus when we did, and he just wanted you to be happy." Edward tells me.

I turn to look at the other man and say "Carlisle?"

"Yes Esme it's me,"

I look away when I hear him say,

"Esme, Esme please look at me," when I do he continues, "I promise I will never harm you. I promise."

It took me a little time to register what was being said when Carlisle finally suggested we go hunting. Let's just say I didn't do too well my first time.

"You did very well for your fist time Mother," Edward says.

"Thank you baby."

Well I didn't feel like I did, I destroyed my dress. Once I saw it I started to back away and cower down again. Edward made his way over to me and spoke very softly.

"Esme it's okay, no one is upset. You should have seen me after my first hunt, I was a mess. I had blood in my hair, my shirt was destroyed, and I was covered head to toe in mud and blood. Carlisle just started chuckling at me and informed me I needed a bath.

I watched as Carlisle walked slowly towards me, his hands up in a surrender position. Once he was close he put his hand out and Edward carefully took mine and placed it in his. Carlisle then carefully placed his other hand on top before saying,

"Esme, I swear you have nothing to fear. None of us are clean our first times, it takes practice and time. I promise it will get better. Please come home and take a long hot bath, you can clean up. I had Edward go to your house and get some clothes and personal items for you. We can get whatever else you wish before we leave."

We got home and just as he said 4 of my dresses were placed on the bed in the room where I woke up. Edward told me they created it for me during my transformation. On a table was placed my bible and a couple of books I had as a human.

"I didn't go in your person things I saw those out and thought you may like having them." Edward explained from the doorway. I thanked him and told him I believed him.

Over the next several months I got to know Edward very well and became more comfortable around him and Carlisle. I was actually starting to think of Edward as a son. Even talking to him about when I first met Carlisle, being forced to marry Charles to please my parents, my dreams for William. I wanted him to truly understand my life before my change and why I felt the need to do what I did , most of all why I was so fearful after I woke. He was so sweet, sitting and listening to me, telling me about his human life, his parents, how much he missed his Mother Elizabeth. We would spend hours talking while Carlisle was at work. Then one day Carlisle came in the living room as he had the day off and asked me if I cared to join him on a walk. He also asked Edward to join us but to walk a little bit behind us so he could talk to me privately. Edward laughed, winking at me and said,

"Excuse me Dr. Cullen, but don't you think you should ask my permission to take Miss Esme for a walk? After all I know what your intentions are after all."

"Well Mr. Mason Cullen since you are my son, no I do not." Carlisle responded laughing now.

"Well as Miss Esme's only other "living family member" I feel you should." Edward replies with his sweet crooked smile.

"Well let me tell you what I think young man," Carlisle said trying not to laugh while sounding stern. It didn't work.

Next thing I knew Carlisle tackled Edward on the living room floor and they had a wrestle/tickling match going on. That was until Carlisle stopped it fearing I was scared. He must have said something to Edward in his mind because they both stopped and looked only to see me laughing.

"Edward thank you for being so sweet, but I think I will agree to go for a walk with Carlisle. That is only if you agree to walk with us slightly behind." I tell him.

That was the beginning of our relationship, we courted for a few months, then on New Year's Eve Carlisle and Edward surprised me with the most beautiful wedding at a small chapel near where we lived. The next day we all headed to Denali where we dropped Edward off with our family while Carlisle and I went on our honeymoon.

For the next few years I thought I finally found my family, that was until something happened and my fear started all over again. I think I should wait though to talk about it until after one of the kid's talks about theirs as they go together.

"Momma Esme is it still there, your other fear?" Angela asks.

"No, not really baby girl. I will admit sometimes it tries to come back, but I know how to fight it better now. I know it will not happen."

"Okay, I'm sorry about what happened to you, but I am not sorry that Daddy Carlisle saved you because now I have you to." Angela says before she hugs me.

We decide this is a good place to take a break, Rose and Alice offer to make Angela lunch so Carlisle and I can go on a quick hunt.

A. POV.

I am sitting thinking about doing a portrait for Momma and Daddy Cullen when I hear Edward.

"They will love it Angela."

"Are you sure? I don't want to upset them."

"What are you talking about doing Little Bug?" Emmett asks smiling.

"I was going to make a special gift for Momma and Daddy Cullen."

"I think you should darlin and Edward is right, whatever you give them they will love. Do you need us to help you with anything?" Jasper asks.

"No I think I'm good, but if I need anything I will ask I promise."

"OH THEY WILL LOVE IT!" Alice squeals at the top of her lungs causing everyone to laugh.

After I fill everyone else in, I ask them to please no tell.

They agree, now I just need to make it.

A.N #2

I am going to finish the chapter I have been stuck on for Sesquicentennial so the next chapter for this story may be a little time away, but don't worry I am going to be working on it. Edward will be next so please come back to see the other's fears.