Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.
Chapter Thirteen
ARIZONA'S POV
I said what I said. Wow, I don't even know how I feel about it. I mean, I know I want kids with Callie, but I don't know why I said it now. Why I said it during her tour. Maybe it's just how it's supposed to be. Maybe my mind had finally settled without me realising it and I'm now ready to take that step with her. Honestly, I'd give her the world given half the chance. She knows that, though. Callie knows I'd do anything to make us happy, kids included. We have been through so much since we met and yeah, we both know that we want the absolute world together. The world and more. I could see it in her eyes. That unmeasurable amount of love and joy for the situation I've just possibly created for us. I'm more than sure she has been waiting for me to make the next move in our future, but I still don't know why I suddenly want this. I mean, she has so much going on right now. We both do. Her reaction told me different, though. Her reaction told me she was ready for whatever life threw at us. She's stronger than anyone I know, so I shouldn't be surprised. I shouldn't be surprised by how prepared she was for the conversation we shared a few days ago outside a London coffee shop.
Squinting as the early morning sun hits my eyes, I glance to my right and find Callie watching me. Giving her a small smile, her hand grazes my stomach and her arm wraps around my waist. "Good morning, beautiful."
"Mm, morning." I nuzzle into her chest. "Another day, huh?"
"Another day…and one step closer to this tour ending." She breathes out. "I cannot wait."
"Not what I expected, but okay." I furrow my brow as a yawn slips from my mouth. "What's up?"
"Nothing." Her thumb runs across my cheek. "Just…let me look at you for a little while."
"I'd rather you didn't." I close my eyes.
"Please, open your eyes…" A slight pleading tone in my wife's voice, I do as she asks and study her face. "Perfect." She presses a kiss to my nose. "So perfect…"
"Okay, what's going on?"
"One year ago today…" Her voice breaks. "One year ago today, you all but died in my arms and I thought my world had ended." A tear slips from her gorgeous brown eyes.
"Oh, Calliope." I pull her in close. "Don't cry, please…"
"Hard not to." She whimpers. "I wouldn't have survived without you…"
"I'm here." I give her a sad smile. "I'm here and I'm never going to leave you again."
"I know." Her own eyes close. "But for a moment, I lost you." She cries. "I lost you but look at us now…"
"Pretty amazing, huh?" My smile widens a little. "Married. Happy. So much to look forward to."
"I don't want to wait." She rushes out. "I mean, once my tour is over…I don't want to wait."
"O...kay." I give her a look of confusion. "Wait for what?"
"Kids." She admits. "I just…last year I almost lost you and then we had the most amazing wedding. Its time to move forward again and since you're leaving your job as editor, I feel like now is the right time."
"Yeah?" I wrinkle my nose. "I mean, I want all of that soon, too…but I won't be as financially stable as I usually am."
"Arizona, I have enough money for neither of us to ever work again." She holds me close. "If you don't want to work, then don't." She smiles. "What's mine is yours, right?"
"No, I couldn't not work again." I disagree. "But I should keep my position."
"Why?" She furrows her brow.
"Because, if we're about to have kids…I cannot travel the world and be the photographer I once was."
"We will figure it out." Her thumb ghosts over my bottom lip. "Everything will be okay."
"No, we won't." I disagree. "If we are about to start a family, I refuse to travel. I want to be there for it all. I want in on everything, Calliope. Surely you understand that, no?"
"Of course, I do." She smiles. "But I don't want you to give up what you want…"
"I'll survive." I breathe out. "If it means I'll be home every night with our kids, I can live with the editor position."
"Kids, huh?" Callie narrows her eyes. "Like, more than one?"
"Well, let's just start at one, yeah?" Laughing, she wraps me up tight in her arms, her naked body pressing against my own. "Maybe we should start small…"
"Fair enough." She shrugs. "But I still think you should think about taking a break…"
"How can I take a break, Cal?" I sigh. "I'd love to have that option but my position will only be kept open for so long. They need someone who can do the job."
"I still think we should just do nothing." She says with a confidence I wasn't expecting. "Like, have kids and go with the flow…"
"How would that even work?"
"Well, we would have kids." She rolls her eyes. "Then, we would spend the rest of our lives being happy and in love. With our kids, and with each other."
"No. You would miss your music too much."
"Not if I'm happy with our family." She brushes stray hairs from my face. "How could my career ever compete with the possibility of having a family with you?"
"I don't know but I think you should think about this," I reply. "I mean, I know you're worth a lot but is it really as simple as just calling everything a day and living off of it?"
"Arizona, I have $20 million plus before I even look at my career finances. That is from Daddy alone."
"But I haven't contributed to any of that." I furrow my brow. "That is your money. Your hard work."
"The hard work that I did for us. Not just me." She presses her lips against my own. "Everything I've worked for has been for this moment."
"You mean that?" A soft smile curls on my mouth. "You really would stop it all for our family?"
"In a heartbeat, Arizona." She admits. "You are my wife and you are all I care about. If laying off the work makes the both of us happy whilst we concentrate on ourselves then that is exactly what we will do. We are set for life. We really are…"
"Wow." I breathe out. "I don't even know what to say to that."
"Say you'll think about it?" She raises an eyebrow. "I mean, I can always release a new record a few years down the line. You know, when the kids are in school?"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." I give her a knowing look. "We have to plan everything first."
"I'm not worried." She breathes out. "I'm not worried and I'm so ready for this with you."
I've been taking a little time to myself for the past couple of hours and I'm still finding it hard to believe that Callie is willing to stop everything for me. For our family that we will one day have. I know I shouldn't be surprised because she has put it all on hold before but something about this time feels different. Something about it tells me that we are never going back to any kind of bad place like we've found ourselves in throughout our relationship. Yes, everything is perfect right now but I know better than anyone that I shouldn't drop my guard too much. Jaida is still out there and I know that at any given moment, someone or something could come along to mess us up. It's been the story of my life since I met Callie, so no…I don't ever drop my guard. I'm not stupid. Even though I still worry some days, I've learned to cope with it better. I've learned to relax myself and not constantly look over my shoulder. It doesn't benefit me in any way and honestly, it makes me feel a little insane. Sure, we're all insane in some way, but I had to let it go. I had to remove the possibility of Jaida ever coming back from my mind or I won't survive. I know that for sure.
Callie is due back any moment now and I want to discuss her ex with her. If we are going to begin planning our family, I need to know that we will always be safe. Yes, I know that we cant always be safe from everything that this messed up world has to offer, but she is the one I'm most concerned about. Everything else? Well, everything else is out of my control. Maybe she is too, I don't know…but I believe we need to have a conversation about Jaida regardless. Callie always does a good job of reassuring me, but there will soon be kids involved. I refuse to bring kids into this world with the whole Jaida situation still hanging over our heads. I don't know how we are supposed to fix that, but I feel like Callie should know about my worries. It makes sense to be honest with her about it all. Sending a quick message to my wife, I grip my cell in my hand and set my coffee cup down.
Hey, what time will you be back? Az x
Right now….
The door to our hotel room beeping, I turn in my seat and find Callie walking through the door with a huge arrangement of flowers in her arms. "Wow, someone has one hell of an admirer."
"Mm, you do." She approaches me and presses a kiss to my lips. "I love you." She smiles against my mouth and hums in appreciation. "So much."
"These are for me?" I furrow my brow as she hands them over. "From you?"
"Of course, they are." She laughs. "Who else would they be for?"
"Well, I don't know but I also don't know what I did to deserve them…" I glance up at her, unshed tears in my eyes. "They're beautiful."
"You deserve them because you're the most amazing woman to walk this earth." She looks at me as though I'm supposed to know that. A small smile curling on my mouth, I study the arrangement and yeah, they're incredible. "And, you survived…for me."
"I did." I nod slowly. "I so did."
"So, you deserve more than just flowers…" She breathes out. "You deserve the freaking world."
"The flowers are more than enough, Calliope."
"Wrong answer." She shrugs her leather jacket from her shoulders. "I'm taking you out to dinner tonight."
"But we have an early flight." I furrow my brow. "I thought you wanted to relax tonight."
"I did…but you deserve some fine food." She gives me that gorgeous full smile I fell in love with a long time ago. "Besides, we have all the time in the world to relax on the flight."
"We do." I agree. "Thank you, Callie." Taking her hand in my own, I set the flowers down and pull her in between my legs. "You're so beautiful." Her thumb brushing my cheek, my eyes close and I lean into her touch.
"I can't believe I almost lost you." She sighs, her voice breaking. "The thought of never having you in my life is something I still struggle with."
"I'm here." I place my hand on her own that is settled on my cheek. "I'll always be here."
"I know, but you almost weren't here with me." A tear slips down her face and I give my wife a sad smile. "I couldn't have done any of this alone. I wouldn't have survived."
"You would." I tighten my grip on her hand. "You're Callie Torres so yeah, you would've survived."
"Not without you in my life." She leans in, her lips ghosting over my own. "You are my life, Arizona. Completely. Everything about you is all I will ever need. Kids or not."
"Y-You've changed your mind?" I pull back, my hand falling from her face. "You don't want kids?"
"No, that's not what I'm saying." She tries to reassure me. "I'm just saying that you will always be more than enough." She smiles. "Who doesn't always want that little bit extra, though?" She's right. I always knew she would be my everything. All I'd ever want and need. Having kids will truly complete us. I guess I've always known that, though. Even when I told her I didn't want kids.
"What is happening with Jaida?" Changing the subject completely, I suspect I've caught my wife off guard a little. "Sorry, I just…aren't you worried?"
"I try not to think about her." She shrugs. "But yes, I'm always worried. About you. About us."
"And when we have kids?" I raise an eyebrow. "Are you not worried that she will come back? I know I am."
"Daddy wouldn't ever let her get anywhere near us." She pulls me into her chest and presses a kiss to the top of my head. "I promise, Arizona."
"She tried to kill me, Calliope." I know I'm stating the obvious right now, but sometimes I have to remind my wife just what her ex is capable of.
"I know she did." She sighs. "I held you while you died in my arms, remember?"
"Sorry." I tighten my grip around her waist. "Just…what if she tries again?"
"She won't." My wife sounds more than certain about that but how could she ever be so sure? How could she ever promise me such a thing when she has no control over what Jaida does?
"You can't say that." I shake my head as I pull back and climb from my seat. "I know you want me to stop worrying, but you can't tell me she wouldn't do it again."
"I can." She breathes out, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I need you to stop worrying, Arizona. Jaida is gone."
"Except she's not." I scoff as I move into the living area of our hotel suite. "I know you like to believe she is, but the fact of the matter is…she's not."
"She's gone, Arizona." Callie looks at me like I'm supposed to know what that even means. "I promise, she's gone."
"Don't promise me something like that." I hold up my hands. "Sure, she may never come back for me but don't promise me something you cannot ever be certain of."
"Arizona…" She steps closer to me and turns me to face her. "She's gone."
"Why? Because your dad said so?" I raise my eyebrow. "It kinda doesn't work like that."
"She's dead, for the love of God." Callie rolls her eyes as I study her face. "Jaida…she's dead."
"What?" My eyes widen. "H-How? When?"
"It doesn't matter how or when." She shakes her head. "But she is and that is all you need to know."
"Okay, I don't even know what is going on right now but you can't lie to me to make me feel better, Callie. That's not fair."
"I'm not lying to you." I search her face and yeah, she isn't lying to me. "I promise, she's gone."
"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask, my voice laced with confusion.
"I didn't want you to know anything about it. I didn't want you involved in any way."
"Involved in what?" I ask, incredulously. "What the hell have you done?"
"Me?" She furrows her brow. "I haven't done anything."
"Okay, but what the hell is going on?" Pacing the floor of our hotel suite, I'm trying desperately to understand what my wife is saying. Jaida is dead, okay…but that doesn't explain what she doesn't want me to be involved in. "Calliope?" I stop and fix my eyes on her own. "What happened?"
"Nothing for you to worry about, Arizona." She closes the distance between us and gives me a sad smile. "It was taken care of and you aren't in any danger anymore."
"That's why you've been so relaxed about it all, huh?" I scoff. "And what does that even mean? It was taken care of?"
"My dad knows people…" She clears her throat. "Those freaking detectives were useless and were prepared to let her walk. She could've killed you, Arizona. She could have taken you away from me once and for all."
"You had her killed…" I breathe out, my knees almost buckling. Taking a seat, I drop my head into my hands and close my eyes. "Someone made her disappear."
"Yes." She admits. "I don't know who and I don't know how, but it happened and you are safe now. I had no part in it…I need you to know that."
"You allowed someone to take her life?" I glance up at her, uncertainty in my voice. "I mean, you knew?"
"Well, I didn't have much choice." She drops down beside me. "I didn't ask for it to happen, but it was talked about and they knew what they had to do. Daddy knew what she was capable of."
"I don't like what has happened, Callie." I give her a knowing look. "I don't like it at all, but why didn't you tell me? I've been worrying for months and you kept it to yourself…"
"I had to." She takes my hand in her own. "I knew nothing would come back to us but I still didn't want to take that risk." I can see the honesty in her eyes but this is all too much to understand right now. "Look, I know you hate what has happened and I wasn't happy about it either, but I needed you to be safe. I needed to know that you could stay home alone without her coming back."
"I was still terrified to be home alone…" I shake my head. "And why have you decided to tell me now?"
"I know, but I knew you were safe…even if you didn't." She presses a kiss to my knuckles. "I've told you because it happened a while ago now and if it's going to affect us starting a family because you are worried…you had to know."
"I-I need to lie down." Standing, my wife's hand drops from my own and I run my hand over my face. "In a dark room. I need to lie down."
I appreciate her protecting me, or her dad even…but this is all kinds of wrong.
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.