MADDIE

March 7, 1906

I have always been able to find the strength to go on. Even in my darkest hour, running through the cold Paris night, I had the will to survive. Tonight, I have lost all strength as I lay in my bed, cold, lonely and afraid. I know I will be cared for that is not the issue, for Raoul is a good man above all else. Society does not worry me, I have never cared for it. What frightens me, is that the father of my unborn son or daughter has lost his mind and is nowhere to be found. Possibilities keep running through my head and I am helpless. Oh Christine, is this how you felt when you learned you would bear the child of your Angel? What insanity lies ahead? I will perform in this Don Juan Triumphant, Christine. For you…for the Angel and for the son you created out of your love. I don't know if I will ever return to the opera after it is over…

Charles had been missing for just over two weeks now. I had no one to turn to. Raoul was beside himself with guilt, Madame Giry was not feeling well and Deirdre was engulfed in her upcoming wedding to Daniel Reynolds along with her mother. I promised Didi I would, of course, be in her wedding at her constant begging. It was to be me and Daniel's three sisters. Raoul's sister, Alana, my aunt, had been very generous in trying to include me in the family. I was grateful that his family was so kind. Camille spent the most time with me, she became my crutch along with Gabe. They were truly a perfect match, though twelve years apart in age, they understood each other, which was something I hadn't allowed myself to do with Charles. I blamed myself for most of the problems we'd had. He'd been so willing to offer me everything I could hope for, and time and again I had run from him.

One night, after they'd left, I walked out onto the balcony of my bedroom, letting the cool air into my room. I looked up into the dark crystal clear sky and strained to see Heaven. I wondered where it could be hiding…I leaned against the railing, feeling the smooth, cold stone as I stared up at the scattered diamonds in the sky, realizing I was looking at Heaven. I folded my hands under my chin and kept looking at the sky.

"Angel…if there are angels of music and other things," I began, unsure of what I should say, "Please help me to get through this…I've never asked for anything before, but please just let him be safe…please…" I said, and I thought I saw some movement below me, but I realized it was just my imagination as my bedroom door opened and Raoul walked in.

"Raoul…" I said as he came to shut the doors to the balcony.

"Maddie, it is cold outside…you can't get sick…it could be bad, you know…" He said, gesturing to the baby. I still scarcely believed I was with child. I didn't feel different. I hadn't experienced the sickness that many women complained of and I certainly wasn't showing. I was only just over two months along. The only reason I had gone to the doctor was because I had missed my monthly date and was beginning to get worried. I'd never expected this out of a night I couldn't even remember and yet, it had started to come back to me piece by piece. After we'd kissed at midnight, we'd continued to drink champagne, and dance through the night. At one point Charles had beckoned for me to follow him and we hailed a cab back to the house. It had been hours before anyone else had come home, so it wasn't as if we were careful in our drunkenness.

"Just trust me…" He'd said and as if I was watching myself behave like a silly tart I'd giggled and said,

"I do…" And it had happened.

Maybe if I just pretended like it wasn't real, it wouldn't be. At least while I got through this opera. A young man named Alexis had been brought in to take Charles's place as Don Juan. He was well mannered, talented enough and I had absolutely no chemistry with him. My heart just wasn't it anymore.

"Maybe I should step back…" I mused at dinner one night after rehearsal. Raoul sighed.

"Nonsense Madeleine…you've worked so hard for this…" He said, taking my hand.

"I just don't want to let everyone down…I feel like I am…" I said, staring into my food.

"You're not…and you'll do great. I promise…" He said, a smile in his eyes. It was nice to see him smile as he rarely did anymore.

"You should smile more, Raoul…" I said, trying to lighten the mood and he chuckled.

"Thank you Madeleine…I'll try for you." He said, getting up and kissing my cheek before retiring to his study.

I finished eating before I went upstairs to get ready for bed. As I changed, I inspected myself in the mirror for any changes at all. Obviously not. The only thing about me that had changed was I was tired and that was due to stress and lack of sleep. My appetite was the same as it had always been. I put on my nightgown and a robe and padded out of my room, to peek into Charles's room as I always did before I went to bed. The bed was made, everything was perfectly in place. It was almost like he'd died. Like he'd never lived here. God, it hurt to look at that room. I missed his mess. I walked to his desk and sat down, opening the drawer, searching for some remnants of him. I found a stack of papers stuffed into one of the bottom drawers. There were architectural designs, and random still life drawings. There were sketches of people walking down the street.

I stopped when I came to the next sketch. It was me. I knew it wasn't his mother, because he'd titled it on the bottom right corner along with his signature. Madeleine. I began to cry again.

"Oh Charles…" I whispered, "I am so sorry…I ruined everything." I began to put the sketches back, when I noticed an overstuffed envelope. I pulled it out and emptied its contents onto the desk. There were pictures upon pictures of Charles and his mother. One such caught my eye and pulled at my heart. He couldn't have been more than two or three years old and she was holding him with his head resting just under her chin. He was shyly clinging to her, smiling at the camera and she was looking down at him with such adoration, one might have thought she was looking on a piece of Heaven.

His hair was dark as it still was and wildly curly, his eyes bright. There was one with them seated side by side at the piano, and another with them sleeping on a sofa. It was clear to me then that Christine had cherished her son. The last photo was different. It was still a quite young Charles, but this time Raoul was in the picture instead of Christine. Charles was looking up at Raoul and trying to imitate the way he stood as Raoul laughed. I didn't even have one photo of my own mother except for the cracked old one in my locket and the drawing Charles had given me. I set everything carefully back where I had found it and nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt something rub against my ankle. I looked down to see Aida staring up at me like a lost kitten with her big blue eyes. I bent to pick her up and stroke just behind her ears.

"It's just us now kitten…" I said, kissing her little forehead.

She sensed my unhappiness and rubbed her cheek against mine. Poor baby had lost her master and had almost been forgotten in the shuffle of everything. Sure, she had been fed and cared for in that way, but the love Charles used to lavish on her was gone and she was left to wander aimlessly as I was. Oh, I wished we could speak to each other in that moment, insane as it sounds. I took her to Charles's bed and lay in the middle of it with her, turning my head into the pillow and trying to retrieve the scent of his cologne, which I did, and it only made me cry again. How could I go on as Aminta without Charles as my Don Juan? We had started this together and now, he wasn't even here to finish it.

The rest of that night is a blur to me for just moments after I had settled on top of Charles's comforter, Raoul was calling out to me desperately from the hallway.

"Madeleine! Maddie!" He cried as I got up quickly from the bed, running out of the room, Aida close at my heels.

"What is it Raoul?" I asked when I found him just outside my bedroom. He looked white as a ghost.

"It's Madame Giry…she's taken a turn for the worse…" He said brokenly as I stood, not knowing what to do. He came to touch my shoulder. "Get dressed…we have to go over there." I nodded numbly, rushing to pull on a dress and pull my hair back.

We arrived at her flat fifteen minutes later, Deirdre answered the door in tears.

"Maddie!" She cried, throwing her arms around me. I held her, rocking her back and forth for a few minutes. I nodded to Daniel who was standing with Deirdre's father and brother. Madame Bennett approached us, smiling at Raoul who stood behind me.

"Do you want to see her?" She asked and I looked up at Raoul who nodded, guiding me by the shoulders past the doctor. Nothing could have prepared me for the sight when I walked into her room. She was chalk white, even her lips. Her hands were limp and twisted at her sides and her eyes were barely open, yet she managed a small smile when I walked in. I took one of her hands.

"Madame Giry…how long have you been sick?" I whispered on the verge of tears. She sighed with great effort.

"For about four or five months…" She breathed and I began to choke, sobbing. She touched my cheek weakly. "I didn't want you all to fuss over me…there's nothing they could do…it started as just a cold, then developed into a more severe cold which eventually became Pneumonia. The same thing that killed my husband." She said, gasping for breath. I shook my head over and over again, clinging to her hand. She smiled slightly.

"Please Madeleine…find Charles…bring him home…his child needs him…" She gasped out and I began to cry harder.

"I want to find him, I do! Please Madame Giry you can't die! I'll be alone!" I cried, hating my selfishness, but still her smile remained.

"No you won't sweet heart…you have your father…and you'll find Charles…" She said, smiling up at Raoul. "Don't run from love Madeleine…don't do what Christine did…" She began to cough violently and Raoul quickly ushered me from the room, shielding my face as her body was wracked by coughing.

I held onto his jacket.

"She can't die Raoul…she can't…" I whispered over and over again. He only stood with me and let me lean on him as any father would let their daughter. Deirdre sat with Daniel in the corner, he held her on his lap like a little girl, whispering words of comfort. William Bennett stood solemnly behind his wife and son, Alexander. I'd never seen Madame Bennett look so young and helpless. Her blonde hair was frazzled and hardly tied back, her blue eyes red rimmed with tears. The great Madame Giry was soon going to be laid to rest and the world wasn't ready to lose her. Raoul's eyes were also wet with tears, his light brown hair disheveled, dark circles beneath his usually bright eyes. He sat me down beside him on the small love seat as we all waited in horrible heavy silence. An hour went by with nothing until finally the bedroom door opened and the doctor emerged. We all looked toward him with leaden hearts as he confirmed our worst fear.

"I'm sorry…she's gone." Everything went black.