I wouldn't have hyped this fic idea up on twitter had I known it was going to be me writing it.. But here it is: Darvey playing poker - with a twist. And lots of confessions. Oh, and s(M)ut because well, it's me.
(also, I literally just learned the basics of Hold'em for this piece, so please don't judge me if it doesn't make perfect sense haha)
Enjoy!
Fickle Games
Five bodies sit around the large coffee table in Harvey's old office - which was now his present one again since Robert Zane had moved in and taken over as managing partner. A poker mat lays over the glass, currently covered in cards and chips and glasses of scotch. Nobody is in it for the money, but it's the only thing to play for. Other than the fun of it.
They had all decided to do something to celebrate a month of Zane Specter Litt. Or more so, the merger running smoothly without anyone killing each other. Donna had been worried about Harvey burying himself in work after also giving up his job title to Robert. So she organised the get together, and had everything set up and everyone waiting in his office at 9.30 PM sharp before he waltzed in right on schedule. He caught her soft smile and knew it was all her doing straight away. He figured she thought that he needed the distraction from work. When really it was her that was occupying his mind. And he didn't want a distraction from that at all.
An hour had passed and everyone was fed up of losing to either Bonnie or Clyde - nicknames awarded to them by the others.
"You two have got to be colluding over there." Louis accuses, tired and grouchy, but mostly just being a sore loser. He's sweating through his shirt, having tossed his tie and suit jacket aside. Both at different times, unknowingly making them all aware that he had been dealt crappy hands each time he shed an item of clothing.
"This isn't a team sport, Louis." Harvey amiably fires back at him before glancing over at Donna to his right who's reshuffling the deck, mirroring his smugness.
Her little black number has been taunting him all night. The low v-neck not helping matters one bit. Especially when she had to bend over to turn a card, or place a bet. His adjacent spot to her giving the corner of his eye front row seats. But he was too much of a gentleman to fully enjoy the view - even if his groin wasn't.
"Maybe your luck would turn if you'd stop sweating so profusely every time you glance at your cards." Donna teases, earning chuckles from everyone - bar Louis.
Katrina sends him a sympathetic smile, tempted to throw her own game to make him feel better. But her competitive streak decides against it and she refocuses her attention back to her cards.
Harvey places the small blind bet, then Katrina places the big blind. Donna sits back into the couch beside Alex after dealing out the deck. Everyone picks up their cards as they prepare to begin the first round of four. They all look to Louis first. His cheeks are red and eyes bulging. Harvey and Donna eye each other. Not helping ease everyone else's suspicions. They weren't cheating. They were just the best at the table. Years of playing intricate relationship poker and knowing when and when not to call each other's bluff had paid off.
Its Louis' turn to act. He glances around the table, lets out a huff and folds his cards. Harvey tries not to laugh at how unlucky his partner is. Especially when Donna sends him a 'be nice' death glare. Apparently only she could poke fun at him. To be fair, she was gentler at it than he was.
Alex calls, but Donna confidently raises the bet without her expression giving anything away. Harvey only has eyes for her seeing as she's the only stiff competition. She can sense his gaze, and feigns nonchalance. His stare momentarily falters and falls to her silky looking limbs as she slowly crosses one over the other. Her heeled toe almost tapping against his ankle when it grazes his silk pants as he sits just two feet from her in his leather armchair. He wonders if she's doing it on purpose, to throw him off his game. If so, it's working. She's occupying more of his mind than the game is at this point in the night. Or at any point, of any night.
Everyone who's still in play contributes their chips to the right-centre of the table. Donna deals the three community cards next, leaving them face-up in the middle and giving everyone the chance to form a five-card hand. Harvey places a generous bet, immediately catching the redhead's attention. Just as he'd hoped.
"Ooh, feeling confident." Donna purrs.
"Afraid you can't match it?"
She feels his lascivious tone low in her abdomen. Him challenging her like this was only making it all the more enticing to play with him.
"Not at all."
Katrina sighs before folding her cards. "Well I am."
"Alex?" Harvey gauges the man's face.
Quietly, his partner digs into his chips and matches Harvey's bet. He wasn't giving much away either, and was always concentrating intensely on the game as the other's would chat.
They eagerly await Donna's move next. Just as Harvey suspects that she may fold, she neatly slides her chips into the pot and smirks at Katrina who she knows is rooting for her.
"Next round." she sings, brazenly peering over at him.
Harvey watches Donna press her cards to her chest as she leans in to add another card from the deck to The Flop. Giving them each six cards to work with. Only permitted to use five.
"Holding your cards close, I see."
"You're one to talk."
She throws her eyes to the side, glancing at him as she sits back.
"You think I'm harder to read than you are?"
Donna knows she can analyse him better than anybody. But lately it doesn't always feel that way. There's something taking up the space between them even more so than usual. Ever since the kiss. And their reconciliation. Things are supposed to be back to normal. And maybe they are. Just a different kind of normal they once shared. Thirteen years ago when they first met. And had nothing to lose by shamelessly flirting with one another.
"You don't?"
"I'm an open book." he jokes, knowing full well he never has been and never will be.
"Are you guys even talking about the game anymore?" Louis interrupts with knitted brows, clearly still sour about his losses.
Donna clears her throat, feeling each set of eyes in the room on her, burning through her skin and lighting her veins on fire. Or was it just him doing that? Suddenly, the spotlight feels less desirable to the performer in her.
"What else would we be talking about..?" she deflects, nodding to Harvey to start the next round, which ends in Alex reluctantly folding once Donna raises the bet too high for his liking and he knows he can't bluff either of those two and their eagle eyes much longer.
The COO deals the last community card. A King of Hearts. Which turns her Broadway Straight into something much better.
Harvey smirks, pushing the rest of his chips into the middle of the table, biting his bottom lip before he looks at her.
"You all in?"
He wonders what's taking her so long to decide. She taps her cards against her chin and responds to his intrigued stare.
"Just tryna figure out if that confidence of yours is a bluff before I commit to anything."
"I think he's for real, Donna." Alex chimes in at her side.
"I'd call his bluff." Louis adds, advising her to hold on to her remaining cash.
Katrina leans in after taking a drink, eyes narrowing on Donna's opponent. "Looks pretty confident if you ask me."
"I've never heard so much chit chat in a game of poker before." Harvey frowns at the others before giving her his undivided attention again.
"We're lawyers, Harvey. Talking is what we do." he hears Louis defend.
"Well Donna isn't a lawyer, and I'm only interested in what she has to say right now."
The pair never break eye contact.
"So..what do you say, Donna?"
Biting her bottom lip and making sure not to let go of his intimidating stare, she slides all of her remaining chips into the pot. The action shouldn't have felt like a big deal, but for some reason that's exactly what it did feel like. He was sure she was giving him some kind of answer too.
"I'm all in."
The couple get swept up in yet another staring contest, both waiting for the other to reveal their hand first.
"What's the hold up, you two? I want to get home some time this century." Alex says, eager to see who would be winning big.
"Ladies first."
The redhead arches a brow and purses her glossy lips with an authoritative nod.
"This lady will go whenever she pleases. You first."
Harvey shakes his head with a smirk, throwing his two cards down on the table so that all could see.
"Straight Flush."
The rest of the group lean back once they see the hand, biting lips and inhaling with anxious anticipation of Donna's reveal. There's only one rank that can beat his.
Her calm composure and straight face make her impossible to read. He shuffles in his seat. The spotlight is completely on her again as she lays her cards on the table. But it doesn't burn or blind her this time. She means business.
"Royal Flush." she breathes, her voice low and teasing, overly cocky in all the ways she has picked up from him over the years - without even knowing.
As the others react in awe of such an intense showdown, Harvey and Donna are busy engaging in yet another staredown. He thought he had her, but he's not surprised that he didn't. She is awesome, after all. At everything she does.
Her tongue pokes the inside of her cheek as she tries her living best to remain humble and not gloat. She pulls the small mountain of chips over to her spot at the table in a true winner's fashion. She finds herself wishing Mike and Rachel were here to see this.
"Well, as much as I love losing all of my money to you, Donna.. I think it's time I head home." Alex gives her a congratulatory pat on the back then stands up between them, his right hand now resting on Harvey's shoulder. "Sorry she whooped your ass, buddy."
"There's always next time."
Again, he's responding to another but only looking at her. 'We smile, we drink, we flirt,' ringing in his ears when she offers him a coy smirk.
"I think I'll just deal next time." Louis mumbles after losing three games. He stands up next, gathering his jacket and tie, followed by Katrina, smiling at the pair before she speaks. "I guess I'll see you guys on Monday. Have a good weekend."
"Goodnight, you guys. Thanks for coming." Donna beams as they pass by, relaxing into the leather when it's just her and Harvey left in the room. Both of them having missed the otherwise conspicuous glances exchanged by their colleagues as they were leaving.
Her legs are outstretched, crossed at the ankles and almost touching him as they lay under his own limbs. She keeps glaring over at him with a self-satisfied smirk that he's able to make out even from the corner of his eye.
Harvey mirrors her seating position and sits back in his chair, bringing his tumbler to his lips.
"Go on, say it."
"Say what?" she quizzes with feigned innocence, ogling him as he swallows it down.
"Whatever witty remark you wanna throw at me."
"Harvey, I have more decency than that."
He gives her one look, a raised brow telling her he knows her better than she gives him credit for. She quickly caves, forgetting the definition of decency for a second. Because she wasn't ready to let him forget that she had just beat him with the best hand possible.
"That's what you get for playing against royalty, my friend."
With a smug-worthy sigh, she sits up and makes her way over to his decanter with both of their glasses. While he shakes his head at her playful ways. That complacent humour of hers arousing his senses.
"That's what I get for playing against an actress." he corrects, speaking to her back now. "You're impossible to read. I thought I had you."
"'Cause I wanted you to think you had me."
Harvey sits up, striding over to his record player and taking out his Miles Davis.
"Is that so?"
She pauses her actions for a fraction of a second. Taking in his tone. Overly flirtatious. Seductive even. Then the music plays in her ears. She finishes pouring their drinks. Deciding to give herself a bit more than she usually would. Hoping it would help settle the sudden set of nerves stirring up a storm inside her.
"Didn't your mother ever teach you not to play poker with an actress?" Donna toys, waltzing back over, her dress skirt slowly swaying in heavenly harmony with her hips.
Their fingers kiss as he takes his glass back and sits down.
"All my mother taught me was how to play poker.."
He's referring to her sordid skeletons, of course. Her constant bluffing. The lifetime of lies she had him keep for her, which he only ever kept for the husband she was cheating on. Not to forget all that gambling with people's lives. His. His brother's. His father's.
"Way to kill the mood.." Donna mumbles humorously, smoothing the fabric of her dress under her thighs before sitting back down. She sends him an alluringly wry smile, making sure he understands that she was joking.
Things go comfortably quiet between the pair while they simultaneously take a sip of scotch, wincing only lightly as they swallow it down, feeling it land. Donna's fingers tease the rim of her glass, giving her something to do as her mind deliberates on whether or not to ask. But when she glances back up at him, he has zoned out, his train of thought clearly going there anyway.
"How are things between you two..?"
Her query pulls him back to the present. His lips tugging upwards only slightly as he responds with an appreciative nod.
"Good.."
"Will she be coming to town again any time soon?"
"Why do you ask?"
Donna looks back down at her glass, rolling her ankle as she points her foot.
"Just curious."
"I mean, she hasn't planned anything, but.."
"You don't always have to wait for her to call first, you know?" she suggests gently, tenderness in her tone.
"I know." Harvey agrees.
"Did something happen the last time she was here?"
She's well aware that he had his mother meet Paula. They never discussed it. And she hates how much it stings, even to this day.
"No," he denies before rethinking, "I don't know..maybe."
Donna watches him subconsciously lean in and take one of her chips to fiddle with, flicking it in and around each finger in a revolving motion, practicing the trick his father taught him as a young boy. Something so easy to him now, but he remembers thinking he would never master it. He would have given up had Gordon let him. Just like the countless times he would have given up on an immeasurable amount of things, had she let him. But never her. He would never allow himself to give up on her. Perhaps the only thing she would all too easily let him quit on.
"I'm not mad at her or anything I just.."
The redhead senses his struggle to speak about his mother. She's confused, seeing as they had apparently mended their fences. But she also knows that he's Harvey and the slightest thing about that woman could set him off and make him tear them down again. So who knows why he's acting cagey.
She sighs lightly before speaking warmly.
"You know what, you don't have to talk about it. I should go home now anyway, it's late."
He hears her set her glass down and realises she's about to get up. About to leave him.
"I want to talk about it," he blurts out in an attempt to get her to stay, "with you."
Donna smiles sweetly, then nods with immediate understanding, relaxing once more and staying put. She waits for him to speak. His heavy sigh banishing the silence between them and providing a direct contrast to the giddy mood they were in just five minutes ago.
"Last time she was here.." Harvey looks away, both hands now fiddling with the red chip as he sits, leaning more to his right and gravitating towards her, "she kinda landed me in it with Paula." He inhales, taking in more than his fair share of oxygen. Although, that's not what leaves her breathless once he finishes his sentence, glancing back up at her as he says it. "About you."
Her heart slams against her chest. She hears it thumping away as much as she feels it doing so. Her eyes aren't as steady, blinking more frequently as she attempts to control her breathing.
"What do you mean..about me?"
Donna thinks of their kiss. The kiss that drove him and Paula apart, when it couldn't even drive him and her apart. She feels as though she's on the stand for the third time in her life. Ready to be held accountable for ruining his relationship. Paula the prosecutor, and Harvey both judge and jury. Pounding a gigantic gavel down on her heart as his painful verdict echoes in her ear; Guilty.
But then he speaks again.
"Remember the last time I went to Boston..to see her? After you convinced me to?"
She nods anxiously. As if she could ever forget.
"I told her about you. When she asked why I showed up."
His voice is a low murmur. His eyes now lacking in that uber-confidence they possessed while playing a different game moments before.
Donna smiles, almost bashfully. Hearing him admit that to her, and acknowledge her support, was something she never knew she wanted, until after she got it. It no longer felt like he was against her in this complicated case. He was her defense attorney, if anything. Therefore, she would just have to be her own judge on the matter. Hopefully someday she would see herself worthy of being found innocent.
"I told that her someone very special to me convinced me that I needed to go see her."
She swallows down his words. It was no revelation to either that she was special to him. Because with her it's different. But him actually saying it out loud like that made it feel like headline news. She still tries to downplay it because as much as it means to her, it doesn't feel like some grand confession on his part.
Her hand reaches out to grab one of the cards in front of her, something to fidget with. It's the Ace of Hearts. She laughs to herself. Feeling anything but ace whenever it came to matters of her own heart.
Donna adds everything up in her head, only needing a second to do so. Her thumb and index stroke the card in her hand as she speaks.
"And let me guess..your mother thought it was Paula, and that's what landed you in the dog house with her."
She need not pose it as a question.
"Pretty much."
She frowns in thought as she does the math on the timeline next.
"That was around the same time I resigned?"
Harvey nods, looking up at her afterwards. This part of their past was still so raw and neither were comfortable discussing it. Besides, they had moved on. Hadn't they?
"It's the reason she asked me to choose between you and her."
Donna laughs dryly, recrossing her legs and tossing the card back down on the table. He only sees what it is then. He's bemused at her response.
"You know as well as I do that that's not it, Harvey. It may be part of it, but it's not the main reason."
She hates how bitter she sounds. She understands how the woman may have been unenthused about her and Harvey working together after what happened. But her being okay with forcing Donna out of the job she loves because of it? She found that detail much harder to comprehend.
"The kiss?"
"Yep." Donna widens her eyes, nervously pressing her lips together afterwards.
Watching her uncomfortably fidget with the silk material of her dress becomes too much for him and he wants to put her more at ease with his voice, if he can't do so with his words. So he adopts a more playful tone.
"Actually…you may not be as right as you think you are, for once."
The right side of her mouth bends into a curious smirk, eyes narrowing slightly as she waits for him to elaborate.
"She moved past the kiss, Donna."
Her eyes bore heavy holes through his own. Harvey inhales before revealing further.
"It's the feelings part she couldn't accept."
The second the words leave his lips he stops breathing. His eyes slowly make their way towards her panicked features.
"What feelings part?"
She lightly shakes her head, feeling the sudden weight of their current situation crashing down on top of her chest, threatening to crack it open just to rip out her heart and leave.
'I didn't feel anything when I kissed you, Harvey!'
She thought she was crystal clear the night after they kissed. But more importantly, she thought he bought it.
He needs to be honest, and pushes himself to tell her the truth. He breathes again, his own heart seeming still, stone-like.
"Your feelings for me."
He suddenly feels the over-exhausted organ cracking against his chest once the words escape his lips.
Donna experiences the emotional impact of such a bold statement as too many suppressed feelings start to swell tenfold within her. A callous blend of humiliation and vexation causing a light blush to settle under her cheeks and burn through her skin as she prepares to enter self-protection mode and shut him off. Because it's the only coping-mechanism she's familiarised herself with. They had become entangled in this unproductive pattern over the years, and now he was suddenly trying to pull at the ropes and see which knots came undone.
"And mine for you."
His sentence stops her in her tracks and the words she was about to spit at him wilt at the tip of her tongue, leaving her mouth mutely agape.
'It did affect you, didn't it?'
Donna wonders if he's finally giving her an answer, and considers asking him.
But instead, she almost immediately deflects, reminding herself that this was what Paula thought. Not what was actually true on his part.
"I still don't understand why you don't wanna see your mother."
Harvey sees what she's doing. He smirks to himself, inwardly thinking up another way to get her to open up about their complex friendship.
He tilts his head at her, smiling in a way that has her curiosity levels rise.
"I have an idea."
She arches a brow, wondering why he was changing the subject. What isn't he telling her?
He eyes the poker set-up in front of them. The aftermath of their Texas Hold'em night laying scattered in front of them. He collects her Ace of Hearts and holds it up between them.
"Neither of us need the money..so let's play confessional poker."
She double-takes him, the name choice forcing her to imagine poker-playing priests.
"Confessional?"
"We'll play the cards as normal, just without the betting. Whoever ranks lowest in each round has to answer a question posed by the other."
"I feel like I'm back in college."
Donna squirms in her seat as she dismisses the idea, trying to conceal her inner panic. This could only end one of two ways. And she isn't about to place all of her chips on things panning out the way she would like.
"But the questions have to be related to the player's relationship with one another."
They may be partaking in a game, but Harvey isn't there to play. He has a goal in mind.
"We're the only two players.."
"Really? Hadn't noticed."
His boyish grin has her chuckling in no time. He sensually spies her nipping at her bottom lip as he shuffles the deck.
"Come on, Donna. What have you got to lose?"
Everything, she thinks.
He glances up at her once he's finished the task at hand.
"You in or not, Paulsen?"
Donna picks up her scotch and takes a sip, her lashes fluttering with a more seductive allure as her voice echoes in the glass.
"I'm in, Specter."
Harvey deals, hardly taking his eyes off of her while doing so. He may not be able to make her sweat during a game of poker, but he sure as hell can try to get her hot and bothered about their labyrinth of a relationship. Which is all he felt. More bothered, though, especially as of late. Work had once again gotten in the way of them. And since the wedding, and even Scottie's question - that he apparently answered just by the look on his face - he was eager to test the legitimacy of their apparent normality.
He takes off his suit jacket, resting it on the chair behind him, and loosens his silky grey tie, combing firm fingers through finely trimmed strands. He had his poker face on the entire time they were playing with the others. But now that it was just him and her, he could relax more, hide less.
Donna lays her cards down after Harvey and wins the first round despite his sex eyes which were proving difficult, but not impossible, to ignore.
She sits back in her chair, taking all of him in, knowing what she was going to ask next. As did he.
He smiles at her as his back hits his leather armchair and she takes it as her cue to quiz him.
"Why are you nervous about seeing your mother again?"
"I'm not nervous.."
Donna leans her head to the left, scolding him with her stern glare.
"This is gonna take all night if you try to get out of answering every single question, Harvey."
He inhales a generous breath, his voice and chin lowering as he attempts to bullshit her with a smirk.
"I said the questions had to be about us."
"Stop being such a lawyer." she giggles somewhat anxiously. "You mentioned me in that ambiguous anecdote of yours..so this is about us."
"Why do you think, Donna?" He gives in then, his voice unenthused, but soft. "She's gonna keep asking me about that someone special, thinking it was romantic." He's more than interested to see her reaction to his choice of word.
He notices she's unable to look at him as she digs further.
"Why would you assume that?"
Harvey raises both his index and middle finger.
"That's two questions. One confession per win."
"Fine." she sighs. "But you're only buying yourself time."
Harvey deals once more. Again, Donna's hand outranks his. She doesn't even try to hide the smug look creeping its way across her face.
"So," She leans in dangerously close, and now she's the one using both fingers to gesture between them, "why would you assume that your mother thinks things between us are..romantic?" The words taste oddly sweet rolling off her tongue, and almost have his mouth watering.
He licks his lips, staring at her like he used to before she reinforced her rule after the other time; admiring, without the fear of her catching him.
"I don't know, maybe because of the way I said it.."
The room is coated with an intoxicating layer of silence then. As if his still singing record player was non-existent. This night wasn't going as either had planned. She didn't know where he was taking them. And neither did he. He just felt the need to press his foot down on the accelerator and see where they ended up. Anywhere was better than the limbo they were vacationing in lately.
"There. That enough?"
He knew admitting it would leave her speechless. A hilarious sight he only gets to see once in a blue moon.
"Mhmm." she responds quickly, both her extensive vocabulary and wit failing her when she needed them most.
He sits up, hunching over the table slightly as he deals yet again. Offering her the chance to gather herself without his distracting gaze fixated upon her. This time, it works in his favour. His Three of a Kind beating her Pair.
Donna clears her throat. Preparing herself for whatever his next question would be. But also still taken aback from his last answer.
None of this felt normal. But then again, what exactly was their normal?
Harvey lays an arm on each rest. The veins in both clearly visible with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. One of her secret weaknesses.
"Tell me something you think about me, that you have never told me."
Both nostrils flaring, along with his boyish grin, tell her that he is all too eager to hear her answer. His smirk widens as he watches her perfect pearly whites poke out just as her lips crack into a smile that reflects his own.
"I've told you everything about yourself. To your face. On multiple occasions."
"Now who's tryna get out of answering?" He lowers his gaze at her, purposely judgemental-looking, before he takes a gulp, exhaling loudly as he swallows the burn. "It can be good or bad. Preferably good. You're too good at denting my delicate ego."
"Delicate my ass." Donna scoffs.
"What about your ass?" he murmurs faintly, feigning ignorance and innocence.
She rolls her eyes at his distasteful antics. But her pulse involuntarily picks up its pace. She ignores his carnal comment and refers back to his initial query.
"Technically this isn't even a question."
"I can rephrase it as one?"
"Fine…" Donna tuts in defeat, tapping her chin as she relaxes back into his couch. She sits back up once her answer comes to mind. Her eyes narrow on him before she divulges her previously undisclosed opinion. "I think you overcompensate in business, because you lack so much in personal."
"Ouch." Harvey frowns, exaggerating hurt, palm over his heart as he looks her up and down.
"Wanna know how I know?"
"Cause you're you.." he guesses from years worth of 'I'm Donna, I know everything' experience.
"Exactly." she nods, knowing he was right in a roundabout way. "Meaning I do it too."
Harvey takes in her admission. Her widened eyes and crooked smile. She didn't need to confess that part to him. But she did anyway. She's telling him that she's missing something in her life. Maybe without even realising that she's telling him. All he can hear is her 'I want something more' echoing throughout the room as if it were happening all over again. Except this time, he wouldn't let it catch him by surprise again. He wouldn't let himself run away, again.
Donna is triumphant once more after the following round. She's not sure whether or not she should ask her next question. Whether she even has a legitimate reason to ask it or not. Seeing as all queries were supposed to be directly related to them. But she can't shake her gut feeling, telling her that this just might be exactly that.
"Why didn't you tell me Scottie came to see you a month ago?"
She sounds unnaturally nonchalant about it. Her face dead straight. However, he can detect the resentment in her tone. Maybe even a slight tinge of jealousy. Though confusion, as to why he never mentioned it, overpowers all other feelings. Perhaps his answer would be because she isn't his secretary anymore, and doesn't need the details of each of his business-related visits. But this wasn't business, and she knew it.
The fact that she's even asking it, knowing how emotionally exposed it may leave her, tells him a lot. And gives him the confidence he needs to continue with this high stakes game. To find his answers.
Harvey swallows another swig of scotch, sets his glass down on the table and leans towards it. He feels her acute stare meet his side silhouette. Making him hyper-aware of his actions.
"I figured you'd find out. Like you do about everything in the firm. It's your job. And you're damn good at it. That's why I promoted you," He nods lightly to back up his statement before his voice is reduced to a low murmur and he looks down at his hands and away from her, "gave you your more.."
She watches him spy her old cubicle out of the corner of his eye. Before she follows suit and her own pair land on the place she stood when she said that she wanted more. If only he remembered what he initially thought when she told him - that she was looking for so much more than a job promotion - instead of letting her convince him of something his gut knew wasn't true in the days that followed. And if only she herself was conscious to the fact that she wasn't thinking of work when she confided in him.
"There's something you're not telling me."
She didn't miss the resentful way he said more. But it's one confession at a time. Any more and her brain would implode.
Harvey presses his lips into a defeated smile. He knew that his answer wouldn't suffice. He was just stalling. He sighs weakly.
"I didn't tell you because then you'd ask what we talked about.."
Donna wonders why that would be such a bad thing. He's confided in her over the woman before. She's helped him more than once with his unconventional relationship with her, and never complained about it. He should know he can come to her.
"Are you two seeing each other again?"
She tries to sound supportive and encouraging but the words taste like bitter poison in her mouth. She hates even having to ask. Though ever since his last relationship - with his ex-therapist of all people - slipped right under her Harvey radar, she lacks in that irrefutable certainty that she knows his each and every move.
"No." he frowns immediately, taking her back somewhat before he looks at her again, his eyes kind and reassuring. "But that's what she came to see me about."
"Oh."
"I didn't take her up on it."
"Because you didn't want to…or because it was bad timing?"
She feels like she doesn't have the right to ask, but she can't help herself. It's almost as if he wants her to take a crowbar and pry him open.
"You're getting a lot of questions in here." he chuckles lightly, flattered by her interest.
"Because I haven't really found an answer to my initial question." Donna defends.
His chest rises and falls more slowly. He takes her in, and then answers.
"When I told Scottie about the breakup, she immediately asked me if you had anything to do with it."
Donna's forehead creases as she frowns.
"Why would she assume that?" she asks, a whisper of annoyance in her tone.
"She didn't mean it maliciously..it sounded more like she was asking because of..past experience."
A monsoon of memories suddenly gush back, flooding her thoughts until they start to submerge her in denial-deep waters.
'Are you in love with him, Donna?'
Yet, she can't help but play the game. Still eager to find answers of her own. To see what really lies beneath the surface. What's really floating around in their deep blue sea of secrets.
"Okay, next round."
She sits up, allowing her marmalade tinted manes to fall at her left side, conveniently acting as some sort of veil.
Harvey watches as she deals this time, before laying five cards face up in the middle once more, which ends up giving him the best hand of them both. Before she has time to anticipate his next question, he's already spitting it out.
"Do you have any regrets?"
She knows he means about them because of the nature of the game he had constructed on a whim.
"No." she says assertively, only realising what her answer implies when she sees him tug his lips to the right, nose scrunching in an effort to hide that smug grin of his which was trying its best to surface.
So she doesn't regret kissing him. Or sleeping with him. But for some reason, the former seems more important right now.
Donna lets out a sigh, feeling naked under his immobilising stare.
"Can this made-up game of yours even end?"
"I didn't have time to make up a full set of rules, Donna." Harvey grumbles, less than pleased with her sudden disinterest. "I'm not as fond of them as some of us are.."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
She knows exactly what that's supposed to mean.
"Nothing." Harvey retreats, entering moody teenager mode. "If you wanna stop playing, we can."
"No." She sits up with a firm resolve, annoyance and stubbornness fueling her spirit - along with her fourth glass of scotch. "Let's finish this."
His teeth tease his bottom lip, inwardly analysing her motives. He may have been the one to start this game - hoping that they could lay their cards out on the table instead of so close to their chests - but she had agreed to play, and was clearly invested with intention of her own now too.
"Two more rounds." he decides, unsure they could last much longer without a damaging fight breaking out.
Donna comes out on top this round. She wastes no time with her next question. His last one giving her the courage to do so. His objectives were becoming quite clear now. And they didn't match up with what he shouted at her in the lobby some two months prior. Not by a long shot.
"Did you lie when you said you didn't want more?"
Neither look away once. Nor blink. Nor breathe. The moment lasts forever and not long enough at the same time.
"Yes."
It was the first question he had answered straight away. Without hesitation or withholding. The confirmation she was looking for falling off his tongue as easily as law jargon and quick-witted insults do.
She hadn't for a second thought about the aftermath of his answer. And what it would do to them. And the atmosphere of the room. Too focused on finding resolution.
No, would have destroyed her. Yes, has temporarily paralysed her.
Without even realising, she takes the deck. He watches her deal the cards out, trying to mask her shock. She's operating on autopilot and is desperate to get the final round done and dusted so she can dart home before dusk.
"Are you just gonna ignore my answer?"
A sickening fear lines his gut when she doesn't look up at him.
"We have to answer the questions, not the answers."
She could out-lawyer him too easily at times.
"So we'll just deal with this how we deal with everything that gets too serious between us then?"
She could rightly call him out for being a hypocrite as both that god-awful night at her apartment, and the entire day that followed, enter her mind. You know I love yous followed by unanswered hows. But she doesn't have the strength to argue with him over who is more deserving of the coward's crown tonight.
"Let's just finish this god damn game, Harvey."
Seeing as they were no longer playing actual poker, and this was solely just a luck of the draw situation - no bluffing, hiding or deceiving involved - their entire fate seemed to be left down to the random deal of fifty-two pieces of card.
He wants to win, one last burning question on his mind.
She needs to win, to get away from answering anymore of his contentious inquisitions.
Donna exhales all of her relief. Three of the five cards in the middle, combined with the two in her hand, allowing her to form a Straight. She reveals her hand. Her exhilaration dissolving the second she spots that conceited smile of his teasing the corners of his lips. Harvey eyes her as he shows his hand.
A fucking Flush.
Donna clears her throat without the need to, straightening up to maintain some semblance of control over the situation as she prepares for his next question. Or more accurately, her next confession.
"Better make it count." she mocks, recrossing her legs, somewhat still annoyed for allowing herself to fall into this dangerously vulnerable game of his - which in hindsight feels like a trap.
He cocks his head, eyes stalking her like a predator. But she knows he would never hurt her. Which only partially eases her dread. He may however, play with her. Like a lazy house cat pawing at a helpless goldfish just to see what happens. And that's what she fears more.
His lips purse as he begins to form his next words. She can just about guess what they will be. At least judging by her last question, and the confident way he's sitting back, scotch in hand.
He angles his head towards her, speaking in the voice he only uses for her.
"Did you lie about not feeling anything?"
There's a pause that lingers for so long he wonders if she's ever going to press play. Because they certainly can't rewind. Not now. And he doesn't even want to. Unless he gets to go all the way back to the night they met, and tell himself that she's the one.
She raises her brows and looks away, her lip lowering as she fails to find words.
"I fold."
Harvey frowns, pulling his head back at her ridiculous rebuff and throwing his hands up so both palms were facing the ceiling, almost carelessly spilling his scotch.
"You can't fold, Donna, this isn't even proper poker."
Donna shakes her head, eyes shut and brows furrowed as she stands, waving her hands between them.
"This is absurd, Harvey. We never should have played this stupid game."
Harvey slams his glass down on the table, surprised it didn't shatter in his fist. He stands to fire back.
"Because you have to answer something you're not comfortable with?"
She spins around on the spot to shout back at him, her hoarse voice a desperate plea.
"Because we're just dredging up the past! Opening up old wounds-"
"Those wounds never healed in the first place and you know it!" His eyes turn to slits, top lip curling upwards with anger at the fact.
"This isn't healthy for us, Harvey!"
"Neither is denial, Donna!"
"We've buried the hatchet. We've moved on.."
It's as if she isn't even listening to him. If she was, she would realise how willing he was to open up to her. But perhaps that's what she was hearing. And it was scaring her senseless.
"Are you really that blind!?"
"I'm that petrified!" she cries, feeling trapped and finally accepting that the truth is the only kind of key that's going to free her from the confining chains his unorthodox love has shackled to her, progressively and gradually anchoring her down over the last decade. She the boat, and he the sails. No life jackets aboard.
"Donna.." he urges hoarsely. As if he was already witnessing her walking out on him in his mind. A constant fear of his that has previously turned his dreams into nightmares and his nightmares into reality. "Look at me."
She's still reluctant to do so. So he takes her chin between his thumb and index gently, and coaxes her head upwards until her eyes ascend on his. She notices how much he's mirroring her then. His own pair looking as fearful as hers feel. It calms her somewhat, to know that it's not just her.
His thumb grazes her cheek while his fingers tentatively rediscover the back of her neck. Fingerprints pressing against freckles that he can't see, but knows to be there. As do his lips.
She finds safety and solidarity somewhere between the expanding onyx in his eyes, and his secure grip. His body inches closer, until their clothes are touching, warming her. Leaving her wanting more the second he stops moving inward. Forcing her to clutch his shirt, just under each set of ribs.
"Yes," she whispers, voice quivering as her top lip bends, a heavy tear splashing onto her cheek, soon meeting his thumb before he quickly wipes it away, "I lied."
Harvey breathes out a sigh of sheer solace just inches from her face, momentarily closing his eyes, utterly alleviated by her confession.
"I panicked because you were taking it so badly and I wanted some control back. I needed to protect myself. And then..eventually I start believing it. And things went back to normal."
Both arms flap at her side, goosebumps visible on each, widened eyes watering with fresh tears.
"Things are never normal between us." he jokes, his facetious remark eliciting a watery chuckle from her that makes his heart skip a beat or two. "And I don't ever want them to be."
And just like that, he takes her lips in his. Barely hearing her gasp under the soft jazz still playing in the corner. His heated breath falls against her mouth as she inhales, feeling as though he had just knocked the wind right out of her. Until she feels his tongue part her lips and she grants him access, moaning as she breathes into him. His fingers pull her even closer, both at the back of her neck and lower spine. Her core screams out for more and she presses into his lower half. His bulge now even more prominent as her nails rake over his shirt until her hands are crossed around the back of his neck. Soon exploring his neatly-styled strands. Just like the last time they kissed.
She feels both of his hands glide down her body before he hitches up the flowy ebony skirt of her otherwise tight-fitting Dior dress.
Neither care where they are as he backs them over to his desk. Pressing her body against it, his hand reaches behind and clears space for her. He's not a fan of mess but this more than warranted a desk-sweep. He lifts her up and sets her down just as quick. Her bare flesh meeting the cool surface. She can't help but think of all the times she had tended to his desk during her secretarial days - replacing his ink cartridges, leaving down his files, keeping everything neat and tidy just as he likes it. Fantasies of fucking him on this very table were unwelcomed by her logical self, but impossible for the idealist in her to avoid. He however, didn't even try to ignore his own. Not acting on them, out of respect for her and what she seemingly wanted all these years, was punishment enough for him.
She cements their groins together with the help of her calves wrapped around his waist, Louboutins digging into him as the pair breathlessly fumble around in the dimly lit space.
"Harv-ey.." Donna moans into his mouth.
She feels his smile widen mischievously as he groans back, as if just wanting to hear her name roll hot and heavy off his tongue. "Donna."
"I don't think we should," she trails off among kisses, lips already raw and numb as he moves onto her neck, sucking her pulse point. She rolls her head and eyes backwards, mouth agape, chest rising and falling more sporadically, "be doing this,"
Before she can finish he's pulling back from her a fraction, studying her carefully, lightly frowning in fear that she's already having doubts.
"Here," she whispers quickly, reassuring him with a firm grip around his neck, "I mean here."
She can't help but grin at the relief in his expression then.
"Why not?" He pulls her even closer, tilting his head with a charming cockiness about him. He knows the floor is practically empty at this time of night. "I thought it'd be symbolic."
"And how is that?"
The redhead quirks a brow, readying herself for a ridiculous response. But she isn't afraid of his answers anymore.
"I don't know.." he mumbles, "work is what brought us together in the first place so..."
Donna lets out a throaty laugh that reverberates right through him while he nips at her earlobe, kissing her jawline. She closes her eyes and bites her lip.
"True."
"And I've always wanted to do it."
She pushes him off slightly and glares at him with a devilishly arched and scolding brow. He cocks his head at her with a straightened face, as if surprised he'd even have to clarify it.
"With you."
Feeling her appetite for him build, she pulls him in again, loosening his tie. Lips smacking in union as bodies clash once more. He sets a slow grind against her then, torturing himself as much as her. She holds herself against him as his right hand smooths the side of her thigh until it's under the fabric of her dress once more, before landing on her hip, his thumb teasing her lacy thong.
Harvey groans when her fingers seek his waistband. She pulls his shirt out in a frantic hurry. Popping open his button next, then sliding down his zipper. The sound exciting them both. Her eye catches his before she dips her hand down his boxers. Impatient fingers meeting hardened muscle. She coaxes him to full attention. He has no choice but to rest his head in the crook of her neck as her thumb titillates him by grazing against his other head.
He takes control again once his mind has caught up to his body. Or the other way around - he can't tell. His lips meet the exposed area of breast that had been teasing him all night. And every other day. She hikes up her skirt and slides her thong to one side, uncovering herself for him. He inches closer, hand around his own length, his head soon meeting her centre. The heightened touch adds immense pressure to the rising inferno right under her abdomen, now causing a wildfire to spread all the way up to her cheeks, and down to her knees, scorching strong muscle until it turns to senseless jello.
The frenzied fusion of two bodies, two souls, meant she was definitely wet to the touch already - probably long before they even made contact. And even if she wasn't, she was in no mood to wait around to perfect the foreplay. It had to be now. She needed him now.
"You all in?" he pants, forehead using hers for support as he rests against her.
Her lashes flutter open and she holds his stare in hers. Noses grazing and lips wanting. They're too close to share a fully focused view of one another, but that doesn't prevent them from gazing. Her fingers caress his moles before her gentle hand slides down his cheek, thumb stopping at his jawline, fingers at his neck.
"I'm all in."
There was no question about her commitment this time. She didn't have to think about it. Or him. Just herself.
"Always." she breathes.
An ardent kiss reinforces her words. She sucks him in and breathes him out. He returns the favour. Quickly engaging in an erratic back and forth. They pause briefly, absorbing this new-found freedom to just be. Lips part but only barely. And they share one last glance before he buries himself in her, completely. Soon discovering that that's all they ever had to do to find each other; become lost in one another.
Her walls expand for him with each thrust. He hits against her internal spot over and over, building tension that creates an overbearing weight inside her core. Just waiting to be liberated. She gasps and he pants. She moans and he sighs. Her calves clench behind him and draw him as close as humanly possible. Pressing his want into hers with a fervently untamed need.
He senses her yearning rise and helps her come undone with the touch of his thumb. Fast and smooth against her tendered nerves. Swollen and moist, for him. Her nails dig into his back as she softens even further under his doubled attention. His digit switches to anti-clockwise motions and takes her by surprise. Hitting against her heated flesh with extra vigour that sends shock waves coursing down her inner thighs and spreads fire to her belly. Thrusting, tapping, and every other touch, eventually have him press that pressure-relief button buried deep inside her and she unravels before his hooded eyes. Erotic, bodily acoustics mix with the seductive jazz and fill the sultry office air with their combined melodies.
Soaking up the seconds he has to watch her falling - for him, into him, because of him - his slightly cramped hand slides from her middle to her thigh, digits digging in to her soft, flushed skin while she leans into him for extra support as she rides out each spasm, her legs having lost their full strength around him.
She plants her palms around his neck and finds his lips once more. Helping build up a steady pace again, knowing he wasn't far behind. She jerks into each thrust. His stiff shaft grinding in and out of her, teasing her now overly sensitive area, would be enough to have her come again if he could last long enough. But that would be asking far too much of the man who has only had this experience with her once before, and has been dreaming of having it again ever since.
Moaning his name against his ear - along with something about coming for her - does the intended job and he achieves his own release before she can even finish her raunchy command.
He eventually regains some sort of regular breathing pattern and looks up at her. She's never seen his eyes as black and he wonders if hers have always been this magnetising. The backs of his fingers sweep some of the stray, sweaty strands from her face and he kisses her gently before pulling out even more so. She feels that pleasurable ache settle beneath her groin the second she loses him, and can't wrap her head around the fact that it was him who was making her feel this way. Who just gave her an ethereal, endorphin-rich orgasm. Before she gave him one.
He pulls a fresh tissue from the metallic holder to the left of him and swiftly fixes her up, tossing it in the trash can then as he helps her to her feet and she adjusts herself before tucking him in and zipping him back up. She's not confident in her ability to stand on her own right now so she's grateful he's holding on to her waist while both of her hands flick most of her frizzed hair over her back. He pulls her in then, his contagious grin slowly pressing against hers before her fingers rake his scalp.
"My place or yours?" Her sensually suggestive sound soaks straight through him as her mouth mumbles against his.
"Mine."
He wouldn't tell her why he didn't even have to think about it. Reason being that he was itching to make his frequent reveries become reality. To wake up with her in his bed, without also having to wake up from that dream, feeling empty and alone.
She pulls his tie to fuse his body to hers once more. "Looks like I'm winning big on everything tonight."
"You know I let you win in poker, right?"
"Oh I know for a fact that isn't true." she whispers hypnotically.
Harvey furrows his brows and holds her even tighter.
"How is that?"
"Cause, you regard me high enough to treat me just like any other player." she blinks as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"I sure do."
She wasn't wrong in the slightest. As usual.
Donna loses her uber cool charm when his cheesy smirk makes her chuckle. And his intense gaze makes her blush.
"What?"
He licks his lips, utterly in awe of her features.
"You may be the one taking home the pot, but I'm taking you home. So who's the real winner here?"
She's too flattered to let herself show it in full, so she mocks him instead.
"Wow, someone's really into me."
"I'm more than into you, Donna." He raises his brows, nostrils flaring as his smirking eyes descend on her hazel-greens. She knows exactly what he's saying. "And I intend on showing you exactly how..tonight. That was just a warm-up."
"Just tonight?"
He knows she isn't ready to hear everything tonight. So he decides to let her know how much he loves her in a more subtle way. A day at a time, he thinks.
"Every night. For the rest of our lives."
She decides to let another wall or two down, brick by brick. Her darkened eyes sparkle up at him with a hint of caution, but more so hope.
"No more bluffing?"
Harvey leans in to kiss her chastely. Both eyes falling shut as he whispers with reassurance, both thumbs caressing her lower back.
"No more bluffing."
He pulls away smiling, waltzing over to the couch, collecting his jacket, her coat and her bag. He walks behind her and places the Cashmere item over her freckled shoulders before offering her handbag. Followed by his hand. She grins back and places her palm over his. Their fingers interlock and shoulders cement the entire way to the elevators and down to the lobby. They don't speak much. Smiling, touching and kissing getting in the way of words.
Holding the car door open for her, and watching as she smirks at him before getting inside, he can't actually believe he's taking his best friend home. And his best friend can't believe she ever tried to convince herself that he wasn't her soulmate.
As Harvey slams the door shut behind her, he remembers something his father told him during one of his visits back home to Boston, not long before he died.
'Life is just one big card game, son. The hand you are dealt is determinism. But the way you play is entirely free will.'
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Hope you enjoyed this lengthy one-shot! It drained my life and soul and took on a life of its own, so I would LOVE to hear what you thought of it - I don't bite! Reviews really do help keep us going at times :)
Thanks for reading.
X.