A/N: I am trying to stick to my outline/schedule which aligns the progression of Jax's pregnancy with the actual calendar . . . an approach which has its pros and cons. :-) I apologize if much of the story is being told in dialogue, and for the fact that the reader is having to "fill in" the passage of time. I hope that the cues of the mentions of which week of pregnancy Jax is in will help keep you oriented. One of the events I "skipped" was Steve actually telling Mary about their mother, and reading the letters . . . I'm so sorry to have disappointed! I felt like the story was starting to drag, so I didn't include it. I have some ideas for how to give us a glimpse into that happening, and I hope it helps.
Thanks for the amazing support for this story. I'm hoping to give you a satisfying "ending" (I'm sure I'll be back with timestamps and one shots) and then I hope to do something of the same with the sadly neglected Skeletons. I'd say that I plan to stick with shorter works in the future - but then, I never intended for this to be more than a handful of chapters!
#*#*#*#*#
The smell of coffee drifted up to the bedroom, and Jax stretched, smiling. She slipped out of bed, grabbing Steve's hoodie and wrapping it around her, and padded down the stairs quietly. There was no sound coming from the babies' room, and she couldn't remember if that was because they were sleeping, or because they hadn't been born yet.
She should know. That was something she should know.
She put a hand on her stomach, looking down in confusion and then horror, as she saw the purple silk and felt the smooth texture under her hand.
WoFat appeared in the doorway, holding a cup of coffee.
"Good morning, Jacqueline," he said. "Would you like some coffee? Come now, you know it smells wonderful, and you can have all the caffeine you want, now. You just need to ask for it. Ask me for coffee, Jacqueline. Ask me for everything you need. Your very life is in my hands, your very existence . . . your soul . . . your body . . . "
"Jax, you're safe, I've got you," Steve murmured, gently capturing her hands and holding them against his chest. He wrapped one strong arm around her, pulling her to him, tucking her face into his neck. "Breathe, ku'uipo, it's me. You're safe. You're home."
"The babies are quiet," Jax mumbled. "I don't - are they asleep?"
"The babies aren't here yet," Steve said. His hand drifted down, strong and warm, and splayed against her stomach. "They're still safe and sound." He bit his lip in the dark, concentrating, until he felt them move.
"I should know that," Jax whispered. "What the hell is wrong with me? It . . . it seemed so real. They - they were just quiet, and I wanted to get coffee, before they woke up, but you weren't here - he was here, and I don't know where they were -"
"Shhh," he murmured, his hand coming back up to stroke her hair gently, cradling her head against his shoulder. "It was a nightmare, it's over."
"Did I wake Mary up?" she asked, fretting.
"It's okay, it doesn't matter if you did," he said.
"I have trouble keeping roomates," Jax said. "In New York. Rent, it's so expensive, but - no one wants to live with me, I drive everyone away. I wake up screaming, or I put my hand at someone's throat if they come in the kitchen too fast. No one stays."
"I'm not a roommate," Steve said patiently. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying."
"I need to pee," Jax whispered.
Steve chuckled. "Of course you do." He loosened his hold on her, confused when she didn't move to get out of their bed. "What's wrong?"
"Turn on the light?" she whispered. "I'm . . . I need to see the door, I need to see that -"
"Okay," he said quickly. He reached out and turned on the lamp next to his side of the bed. A soft glow filled the room. "There. If you hear anything at all at the door, it's just Pupule."
"It was so real," she whispered again.
He kissed her forehead gently, and slid out of the bed. He came around to her side and sat down, reaching for her shoulder and gently nudging her over. She looked up at him, and then past him, nervously. Keeping his movements slow and deliberate, he stood and went to the door and opened it, smiling softly at Jax.
"I'm sorry, I'm being stupid," Jax said.
"No, you aren't, and no apologies," he said. "I know how real it can seem. You're awake now, and you're safe."
"Steve?" Mary's soft voice came up the stairs.
"We're okay, Mare," Steve said. He closed the door carefully.
Jax untangled herself from the sheets and padded to the bathroom. She emerged, her eyes red rimmed, pale, and shaky. Steve wrapped his arms around her.
"I've got you," he said. She nodded against his chest. "You need anything to eat? Drink?"
"No," she said. "I'm sorry."
"Shhhh," he murmured. "Can you go back to sleep?"
She shrugged, and allowed him to guide her back to the bed. He held the covers up and she slipped in, sighing as he tucked the light blanket around her securely. He turned off his lamp and then eased his body in behind her, slowly.
"This okay?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her.
She nodded, but he could still feel the tension radiating off her. He let his fingers drift over the curve of her stomach in absent circles.
"I couldn't fight him," she whispered. "I was completely helpless."
"You did good, Jax," he murmured. "You stayed calm, you stayed alive."
"I was so scared," she whispered into the dark. "Oh, God, Steve, he has your mom."
"Hey, it's a completely different scenario," he said. "It's not the same. She's going to be okay, Jax, it's not the same. Shhh, I've got you."
"I'm so tired," she murmured.
"I know, I know you are," he said, his voice soft and warm in her ear. "Sleep. You can sleep, Jax, I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."
#*#*#*#*#
Jax sighed and stretched. Her eyes still felt gritty, her muscles still tense. At least it was morning, and she could get up . . . put another day behind her, and not worry about sleeping again until later.
"Good morning," Steve mumbled, kissing the back of her neck. "Did you at least get a couple more hours?"
"I did," she said. "I will never, never take sleep for granted again."
His hand slid over the curve of her stomach. "Rest up," he said. "These nightmares will pass, Jax. They will. And then we're going to be sleep deprived for a really, really wonderful reason. Two reasons." He left his hand in place, waiting to feel the babies kick.
"And they're off," Jax murmured, as she felt the small movements.
"I can't get over it," Steve whispered. "It's amazing. I can't wait to meet them."
"Ow," Jax said, wincing. "Okay, one of your little ninja babies just aimed a direct hit to the bladder." She launched herself from the bed and headed for the bathroom.
"Why are they my babies when they make you run to the bathroom?" Steve called after her.
"That's the way it works, McGarrett," she called back. "Even I know that much."
#*#*#*#*#
Mary sat in one of the chairs overlooking the water, the early morning breeze ruffling through her sleep-tousled hair. She held her mother's letter in one hand, her coffee in the other.
"Hey, Mare," Steve said quietly, as he sat down next to her. He took a long sip of his own coffee. "Thanks for making coffee."
"Figured . . . everyone would need it. Especially Jax. She okay?" Mary asked. "It was bad, wasn't it?"
"It was," Steve said. "She's still recovering, physically, from the sleep deprivation, which makes it even worse. But . . . it will get better. This helps." He raised his mug to her in salute.
"How did I not realize how amazing the coffee is here?" she asked, smiling at him.
"You were really, really young when you left," Steve said.
"So were you," she replied. "You were only sixteen, Steve. You couldn't have done anything differently. I'm - I'm really sorry I was so angry, when you told me. I just . . . I can't yell at mom, or at dad, and so I lashed out at you."
"It's okay, Mare, I understand," he said.
She shook her head. "You're too damn quick to take responsibility for things that aren't your fault, and let people take their anger out on you. Is that a Navy thing or a Steve thing?"
"Mary, I don't -"
"Yes, you do," she said. "Jax knows it, too. She feels terrible, you know, about how snappy she was when she came back from . . . from that horrible man."
"She talked to you about it?" Steve asked, surprised.
"Oh, shit, I didn't mean to get her in trouble," Mary said. "It's probably classified."
"No, it's fine - it's good. She doesn't talk about stuff enough," he said. "I'm glad."
"Well, I'm sort of all up in your business these days," Mary said.
"We're glad you're here," Steve said firmly. "This was the plan - we wanted you here, even before -" he gestured to the letter in her hand.
She sighed and looked at the letter, folded neatly. "Sorry, I know you need to take these in today. I just . . . I don't know, I guess I just wanted to hold it for a few minutes before it becomes - state's evidence, or whatever."
"I get it," he said. "I'm sorry, Mare, that we need to take it in . . . they'll give it back, I promise. But it needs to be analyzed. Handwriting, fiber . . . she was a CIA agent, it's very possible that cryptology will find something significant."
Mary was quiet for a long moment. "So, you take after her, then, I guess. With all your ninja skill shit. I guess it's genetic."
"I don't have it in me to do what she did, Mary," Steve said. "I've been offered . . . roles. Positions. Intelligence was as far as I was willing to go, and even that crossed into some gray areas that I'm glad to be done with."
"So, you're not going to fake your death someday, disappear, leave me and Jax here with your little spawn?" Mary said. She tried to keep her tone light, but Steve could see tears in her eyes.
"Mary -" he said, hesitating, choosing his words carefully. "I'm still in the reserves. I might be called to participate in something classified. I can't promise that I can always tell you and Jax exactly where I am or what I'm doing. But I can promise you that I will always do everything in my power to come back to you."
"What if the Navy orders you to go, like, to the other side of the world, and do something dangerous, and not tell us, and -"
"Mary. Mary, if it comes to that, if - if they don't allow me to turn down the assignment, I'll resign my commission," he said. "There was a time, yes, when the Navy was my entire life. My family is more important to me, now."
"It wasn't more important to mom," Mary said. "She left us, Steve."
"It was complicated, Mare," he sighed. "She'd been compromised. People were going to come after her, bad people. She was trying to protect us."
"Yeah, well, it didn't work for her, so don't get any ideas about it working for you," Mary said. "No disappearing acts."
"No disappearing acts," Steve promised. He stood, and leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "I gotta go, Mare," he said softly. He held out his hand for the letter and she handed it to him reluctantly.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I would have brought both Mom and Jax home, if I could. Mom didn't let me, Mary. You have to believe me."
"I do, Steve," she said earnestly. "I never doubted you. Go, do your Navy SEAL shit. Jax and I have some quality girl time to enjoy today, we don't need your testosterone hovering around here."
#*#*#*#*#
Jax stood at the kitchen sink, watching Steve and Mary. She saw Mary place her letter in Steve's hand, watched as he laughed at something she said, and then amble toward the house. He came in the back door and closed it quietly behind him.
"Hey," he said, placing the letter carefully next to his, with his phone and keys. "You okay?" he asked, frowning slightly as he wrapped his arms around her and cradled her head against his chest.
She nodded against him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I miss Billy," she said.
"Oh, ku'uipo, I know you do," he whispered. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," she said. She smiled up at him. "It's something the two of you had in common, being wonderful older brothers. I'm glad Mary is back home."
"What are you two doing today?" he asked, pouring himself a travel mug of coffee.
"I'm not sure," Jax said. "Mary mentioned wanting to scope out the physical location of a couple of places she's put in job applications. Probably Kamekona's for lunch."
"Tofu?" Steve smiled.
"Maybe," Jax laughed. "I like the idea of shrimp but then I smell it . . . anyway. You'll be at Pearl Hickam today?"
"Yeah, probably all day unless Five-O gets something big," he said. "I'm turning the letters over today . . . getting oriented to the new offices, surveillance equipment. I still haven't wrapped my brain around this . . . heading off to work with Naval Intel to coordinate with the CIA in regards to my mother, the rogue agent."
Jax blinked up at him.
"Wow. And I thought I was the one with mommy issues," she said.
His chuckle turned into a riotous laugh as he picked her up and twirled her around the kitchen. Mary stood in the back doorway, smiling broadly at the sight. Steve stopped swirling Jax and bent over her, one hand slipping into her hair while the other steadied her at the small of her back. He kissed her gently.
"I gotta go," he whispered, but instead of moving, he kissed her again, lingering.
Mary tried to back silently out of the doorway, but she lost her balance, slamming the screen in the process.
"Sorry, it's me," she said, quickly and clearly. She'd learned, in her first week back home, that it was in everyone's best interest not to startle Steve or Jax. "You were just laughing, and having so much fun, and it was just so good to see that, I didn't want to spoil it, and then . . . well." She grinned wickedly. "Then you were really having fun and I tried to slip back out but I'm not a ninja freak like my brother."
"It's okay," Steve said. "I really do need to leave, and you spared me the temptation to be really, really late." He kissed Jax again, quickly, before gathering up his belongings and heading out the front door.
"So," Mary said, smiling at Jax. "Good morning."
Jax laughed and poured Mary a cup of coffee. "Yeah, sorry."
"Don't be," Mary said. "It's been, honestly, kind of a buzz kill around here. I mean, I get it. You got nabbed - on purpose - our mom shows up - you were a zombie for a few days . . . and you know, Thanksgiving was awesome but we were still . . . I don't know. Kind of in shock, I guess. Not that I'm comparing how I feel to how you and Steve must -"
"No, Mary," Jax said softly. "You get to feel how you feel. It's not a competition. I know you're hurt, and confused, and angry -"
"Ah. Steve mentioned . . ."
"Your impressive vocabulary and very decent left cross?" Jax asked, grinning.
"Hey, if he wasn't such a giraffe, that punch might have connected," Mary said. "You get to feel how you feel? That doesn't sound very Navy SEAL or NYPD SWAT. That sounds . . . Dannyesque."
Jax laughed. "Yeah, yeah it does, and it is but - he's right. And our - our therapist . . . "
"Hey, I grew up in LA, remember?" Mary said. "No need to feel awkward about therapy. In fact, I'll go with you."
"You'd do that?" Jax asked.
"Of course," Mary said. "Any time. Look I don't . . . I tease about you and Steve, you know, but . . . I do hear things. At night."
"Oh, Lord," Jax said, blushing.
"No, well, yeah - whatever, it explains twins, I guess - but I mean I know you both have some pretty intense nightmares," Mary said. "It's better, now, than it was when I was here last time. But still, last night -"
"Yeah," Jax said quietly. She remembered screaming, remembered Steve shaking her awake. "Sorry." She put her mug down as a sudden thought struck her.
"Is that - is that why you offered to come, and stay for a while, after - shit. Did Steve tell you about - do you think we might hurt the babies? You think I might hurt -"
"No!" Mary said. "No, I swear, Jax - that never crossed -"
"Shit," Jax whispered. "Mary. What if I hurt the babies? What if I get caught up in a flashback and don't -"
"Jax. You won't. You and Steve . . . you won't. You won't," Mary said.
"You'll stay, for a while?" Jax asked.
"Of course, that was the plan," Mary said.
"We need to talk. With Steve," Jax said. "We need to teach you how to . . . how to slow us down, how to - "
"Hey, we will," Mary said. "That sounds like a good plan, just in case . . ."
Jax sat down with a thud onto the kitchen stool. "Mary, I'm scared shitless. Last night, I didn't - even after I woke up, for a few minutes - I couldn't figure out if the babies had even been born yet. What if I get that confused . . . Mary, what if I hurt the babies? I - I think it could happen. Don't tell Steve, he has enough to worry about."
Mary shook her head. "No way. I'm not keeping secrets from Steve. That's one thing this family has had enough of already. I say you talk to Steve, maybe. . . maybe you talk to your therapist about it."
"You say that like it's . . . I don't know, normal or something," Jax said. "To talk to a therapist."
"LA, remember?" Mary grinned. She wrapped her small hand around Jax's wrist. "And it is normal, or at least it should be, for people who have been through the things you and my brother have been through. Believe me, I had a few sessions after you shoved me under the house and let those guys throw you in a van and take you away."
"You did? That's good," Jax said.
"Damn straight, so it's good for you, too," Mary said emphatically. "But that's for another day. Today, we start holiday shopping. I'm going to buy my niece and nephew something noisy and ridiculous because I'm going to be the cool aunt."
#*#*#*#*#
Steve sat in the cab of his truck outside the building. He rolled the windows down, and the gentle breeze drifted through. He held the letters carefully in his hands, and read through them one more time.
Dear Mary,
Don't be angry with Steve. Remember, he was just a kid, too, when all of this happened. He couldn't have done anything different, and neither could you . . . and neither could your father. I wish I could see you, explain in person. I wish I could know about all the things I missed. I thought I was doing the right thing, and protecting you . . . I'm starting to see that I was wrong, and that it might not have helped. Please, know that my intentions were good. I will do my best to close this chapter safely, and permanently, and then I can only hope that you will give me the opportunity to be a mother to you once more.
All my love,
Mom
Dear Steven,
I am so sorry that it is under these circumstances that I am finally able to tell you that I'm sorry. Sorry for leaving you and Mary, and your father . . . I did what I did to protect you, but even that fell short. I know that you have served your country with honor and bravery, and I hope that someday you'll understand that I tried to do the same. I am sorry that it is because of my actions that your wife is in danger. I can't believe I have missed so much. Please try to make Mary understand. Please try to help her understand that the right choices are often the most difficult. I will try to come back to you, back to both of you - all of you - if it is in my power to do so. But, I will always and forever choose to protect you, in any way that I can. If that means I can't come back . . . I love you. Take care of your family. Hold them tight. Don't let go.
Love forever,
Mom
Steve looked at the bottom of the page, at the words obviously scrawled in haste, added to the letter at the last minute.
That piece of shit Joe waited until I got to the island to tell me that your wife, the person being held hostage for my exchange, is carrying your children - twins. I'm to be a grandmother? I am not at all certain as to this development. I am not grandmother material. Still. I am happy for you, son. Know that I will do everything in my power to get them back to you. Twins, really Steven?
Steve chuckled. He could hear the exasperation in his mom's voice, as if she were in the truck with him. They'd had so little time . . .
He jumped as a soft knock on his window interrupted his musings.
"Hey, you okay, Smooth Dog?" Nick asked, leaning his forearm against the cab of Steve's truck.
"Yeah, I'm good," Steve said. He rolled up the windows and climbed out of the truck. "New digs are nice. Windows, even."
"Yeah, which is how we noticed you were a little slow on the exit," Nick said. "Sure you're okay?"
"I'm handing over letters from my mother, who I thought was dead," Steve said, "so they can be analyzed by Naval Intelligence and the CIA, to see if she left any breadcrumbs for us to follow before she went off the grid with an international arms dealer - in exchange for the return of my wife, pregnant with our twins. I'm not sure that I'm in the universe of 'okay' right now, but I'm ready to get to work."
"Fair enough," Nick said, slapping Steve on the back.
#*#*#*#*#
Mary flirted shamelessly with Kamekona and scored shave ice on the house for both herself and Jax. She carried the two heaping servings - one cherry and one watermelon - to the table, grinning.
"I don't know how you do it," Jax laughed.
"What, bat my eyelashes to get free food?" Mary asked, batting her eyelashes at Jax.
"Yeah, that," Jax said. She closed her eyes and sighed in satisfaction as the sweet, cool ice landed on her tongue.
"Come on, you never charmed your way out of a ticket?" Mary said.
"I drove my way out of tickets," Jax said, smirking. "Before I discovered law enforcement. Nah, I never understood how to do the whole flirting thing. It was just better if I didn't try."
Mary nodded. "You do know that 'Smooth Dog' has to be an ironic nickname, right?"
"Yes, that's been established," Jax said, laughing.
"It's one of the things that makes the two of you really perfect for each other," Mary said quietly. "I . . . I met Catherine, once. Everyone thought she and Steve were a good fit but . . . well. I could spot the 'charm' a mile away. Steve didn't need someone who could turn it on and off at will. He's . . . bless him. He's brilliant, fucking brilliant, I know this but - not when it comes to girls. Never was, not in high school, and I suspect - not that I was around much - not ever."
"I don't know how to play at anything, Mary," Jax said. "I couldn't if I tried. I didn't come here expecting . . . I was running away."
"And Steve caught you," Mary said, smiling at her. "I know. And I've never seen him happier. But I look forward to seeing if maybe, just maybe, that stupid goofy grin of his gets even bigger when these babies get here. Now, finish your shave ice - because Lord knows you didn't eat much of anything else, which, gotta say, worries me - and we are going to go buy some baby things. And - okay, please don't be mad but -"
"What?" Jax asked.
"I think, with Kono busy with that case with Malia . . . okay, someone has to step up and find you some more clothes that fit," Mary said. "Seriously, are you wearing one of Steve's shirts right now?"
#*#*#*#*#
"There's one other thing to discuss," Nick said quietly. "But not here. Not in uniform."
"Agreed," Steve said. "My place, seven. I'll throw some steaks on the grill."
"Your sister is home, and Jax. Are you sure . . ." Catherine trailed off, hesitating.
"Pretty sure they've earned the right to be read in to an unofficial gathering of friends," Steve said.
"But there are things about this situation that you can't -" Catherine started.
"Classified, right?" Steve said. He stood up abruptly, his chair scraping loudly on the floor behind him. "I'm aware, Catherine. I've been in the Navy even longer than you have. I outrank you, come to think of it. I am damn well aware of what I can and can not tell my wife and my sister. But tell me - what do they not know already? What have they not witnessed firsthand? They came into my house - my house, Catherine, and they tried to take Mary. WoFat had his filthy hands on -" He shook his head, stopping, and left the room.
Nick sighed deeply and looked at Catherine across the table.
"Flip for it?" Catherine asked.
"Nah, I got it," Nick said. He brushed his fingers across her shoulder, gently, as he left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
He found Steve standing alone in a darkened communications room. The plasma screens flickered and flashed with data, maps, dots . . . it was mesmerizing, even if you didn't know what you were looking at.
"Hey," Nick said quietly. He stood next to Steve, their shoulders almost touching. They fell in next to each other as second nature, years of training and missions ingrained into their muscle memory.
"Sorry, man," Steve said. His eyes stayed fixed on the screens.
"Look, if there's something that you and Jax elected not to disclose . . ." Nick said carefully. "Damn it, Dog, did that piece of shit -"
"No," Steve said. "No, but . . . he got inside her head, man. The first time, yeah, she took a beating, took a shot . . . picking her up off that forest floor, it felt like . . . gathering up a wounded animal. Sometimes I think . . . maybe that time was easier."
"That time - that time that she almost died, even after you got her back?" Nick asked.
"Yeah, well. You know what they say," Steve sighed.
"The only easy day was yesterday," Nick replied, automatically, the SEAL motto rolling off his tongue.
They stood in silence for a few moments.
"How much of this is WoFat?" Steve asked. His eyes still hadn't left the screens. "Suspected? Confirmed?"
"Suspected," Nick said. "Some of it is too unlikely to really even warrant surveillance but . . . we needed to feel like we were doing everything we possibly could."
"We."
"Catherine and I," Nick said.
"Yeah, about that," Steve said. He turned, finally, and looked at Nick. "Who's idea was it?"
Nick started to protest, then sighed. "What gave it away?"
"A dozen missions with you, half that many R&Rs in various ports of call around the world," Steve said. "And . . . well. I know a few of Catherine's tells. Who's idea was it?"
"Mine," Nick said.
Steve nodded slowly. Nick stood, waiting, not sure if he should be prepared to dodge a punch or launch into an explanation, until Steve's hand came to rest gently on his shoulder.
"Don't let her keep beating herself up, okay?" Steve said. "She - she got sucked into something way over her head, with the SAD. And . . . then she got more invested than she meant to . . . more invested than I did. She may have misled me, but . . . I hurt her. I didn't mean to, but that doesn't change the fact. So . . . make sure she understands, it's time for her to move on. It's time for her to find happiness. And if that's with you, then . . . that's good. That's really good, Bullfrog."
Nick let out an exhale of relief.
"Yeah? So - we're good?" he asked.
"We're good," Steve said firmly. "Look - I need to get out of here. See you tonight?"
"Go," Nick nodded. "Tonight. Hey, think Jax would make those potatoes? With the green things?"
"Chives," Steve said. "They're called chives -"
"Oh, like you knew what they were called, before she told you . . . "
#*#*#*#*#