A/N: 32 weeks and counting . . . just enough time for some holiday fluff, an adventure, and then BABIES. Bonus points if you get the random movie reference in this chapter.
#*#*#*#*#
Jax grumbled sleepily as Steve slipped out of the bed while it was still dark.
"Stay asleep," he whispered. "It's very early, and you don't have a shift. I'm just going into the office to get caught up on a few things, then I'll be back. I'm making an appointment with Lieutenant Allen, I'll be back to pick you up."
"'Kay," Jax mumbled.
"Do you remember anything I just said?" Steve asked, smiling down at her.
"Early," she sighed.
He chuckled as he crept down the stairs, and wrote everything out in a note in his neat block print, and left it by the coffee maker.
#*#*#*#*#
Danny's eyes automatically took in the details of Steve's office: blinds still closed, two cups of coffee on the desk - one empty, one half-full, a larger stack of papers on the right side of the desk, almost no papers on the left side of the desk.
"You've been here for hours already," Danny said. He deposited a muffin on Steve's desk. "From Gracie. Apparently, Jax mentioned to her that cooking was a good thing to do when you are worried, and so she made muffins yesterday. Kids at school knew about the bridge. She knew we'd be there. Hence, muffins."
"Thanks, Danno," Steve said, grinning. He took a bite of the muffin. "This is shockingly good," he mumbled.
"Why would you be shocked that my daughter makes delicious muffins?" Danny asked. "Of course she makes delicious muffins. Why have you been here for hours?"
"Wanted to get caught up," Steve said. He looked at Danny apologetically. "Would you mind taking point today? Jax and I need to go see Lieutenant Allen."
"Sure, babe," Danny said. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. "Everything okay?"
"Kono mentioned to Grover yesterday - after we grappled with that disoriented sailor - she's thinking of carrying a tranq gun. In case I lose my shit on a case and try to take out my own team," Steve sighed. "Jax is worried that she'll flip it one day and hurt the babies. Wants me to teach Mary how to take her down."
"Shit," Danny muttered. "I'm sorry."
"What do we do, Danny?" Steve asked. "Should we not have - I mean, should we have asked ourselves these questions before?"
Danny shook his head. "Look, I've seen firsthand how off the page Jax can get. But nothing that triggers her involves babies in any way. Worst case scenario, I could see her mistakenly thinking they're in danger when they're not. I bet Lieutenant Allen will agree with me."
"But you're not arguing that Kono should carry a tranq gun," Steve said.
"Oh, no, I think that's entirely appropriate," Danny said, grinning. "Big 'ol tranq darts. Strong enough to take down an elephant. Come on, Steve. We know enough to know that we don't know."
"Is that a riddle, or are you having a seizure of some sort?" Steve asked. He rolled his eyes and took another bite of muffin.
"Steve," Danny said. His tone was serious and he leaned forward again. "This is a civilian task force. I tease about having to keep you reined in, but seriously, man . . . we know you're exercising a lot of restraint, every day. Sometimes, like yesterday, when you casually toss a rope around a belt loop and launch yourself off the side of a bridge - sometimes we get a little glimpse of SEAL Steve. We know that we've only seen the bare surface of what you're capable of, and frankly, yes, it's a bit terrifying. Would you ever, in a million years, choose to hurt one of us? No. You'd take a bullet for any of us, any day, and twice on Sunday. But you have the potential, because of your past - not because of any fault of your own - to lose your shit. We have to be honest about it."
"I could have killed Jax," Steve whispered.
"Yeah, but you didn't, because I taught her well enough that even confused herself, she headbutted you off, you big goof," Danny said. "But could the four of us have taken you down that day? Maybe. Would one or more of us have been hurt in the process? For sure. Here's the problem, for me anyway - we all know that Kono is more badass than the four of us guys put together."
"Fact," Steve agreed, nodding.
"But you'd break her arm like a dry twig in winter," Danny said. "And you'd never, never forgive yourself."
"Shit, Danny," Steve said. He sat back in his chair and rubbed his hand over his face.
"Look, I think it's unlikely to the point of remote. Very remote, like Siberia remote. Or one of those god-forsaken pineapple farms remote," Danny said. "But now that it's been brought up, you're not gonna rest easy until you've addressed it. Come up with a plan. I bet they call it a scenario or some shit, in Army war college."
Steve glared at him. "I wouldn't know," he said, "since I'm in the Navy, Danny, the Navy."
Danny grinned.
"I'm going to talk to Lieutenant Allen," Steve said. "Then I'll come up with a plan - a scenario - and we'll talk about it, as a team."
Danny nodded, and started to head out of Steve's office. He turned back, talking to Steve over his shoulder. "Can I be the first to shoot you? We need to know if the tranq is strong enough . . . "
#*#*#*#*#
Jax smiled, reading the note in Steve's precise block script, as she poured a cup of coffee. Pupule nudged the door to Mary's room open with his paw, and padded out to the kitchen. His footfalls were heavy on the wood floors.
"You are remarkably noisy, for a cat," Jax informed him.
He plopped on the floor and proceeded to clean his backside.
"Oh, so dignified," Jax muttered, sipping her coffee. She heard the front door open and close quietly, and in a few silent strides Steve was in the kitchen, his arms wrapped around her.
"Good morning," he said, smiling against her shower-damp curls. "You know, you've had three showers in the last twelve or so hours?"
"Watch the coffee," she protested, holding her mug precariously out of his embrace. "Well, the first shower you nullified, the second shower would have been sufficient, I agree, but I was still half asleep and didn't think of that when I went for the third shower."
"Nullified," he mused. "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"
"You are in a suspiciously good mood," she said, "for someone who got up at o dark hundred so you could drag us to see a shrink."
He looked down at her, his hazel eyes serious and searching. "I think we should go talk to her, but -"
"I agree," she said. "I'm willing, Steve, I just - I wish it wasn't an issue."
"I know," he said, wrapping his arms around her again.
"Good Lord," Mary mumbled, padding into the kitchen. Her hair was in wild disarray, her tshirt hanging off one shoulder. "I don't suppose I dare hope for hot water?" She stumbled to the coffee pot and poured a huge mug.
"I'm so sorry," Jax said. "I took a shower about twenty minutes ago, and it wasn't a long one. You should be fine. I'm sorry about, um, last night."
"I'm not," Steve informed her, smirking.
Mary growled at Steve around the edge of her mug.
"I'm thinking of a couple improvements over the holiday," Steve said quickly. "Believe it or not, things actually do slow down for the task force. HPD ramps up with petty robberies, B & Es, that sort of thing, but I guess even organized crime and serial murderers take some time to be with family. So, I'll look into a new hot water heater. I'll ask Grover, he has a family. And I was thinking . . . the bedrooms in the house are full, but we have the Airstream. I was thinking of hooking up water and electric supply here, at the house, so we could use it for guests. What do you think?"
"The Harts said they wanted to come," Jax said. "That would be nice, for them. Private."
"And Aunt Deb, she will want to visit, after the babies are born," Mary said. "Speaking of . . . I love being back here with you guys, and I know Five-O does a great Christmas party but - I was thinking, this year, I'd go back to spend Christmas and a few days with Aunt Deb."
"Of course, Mare," Steve said. "We'll miss you, but . . . Aunt Deb has spent every Christmas with you since you were a little kid. I don't like to think of her being alone. Maybe next year she can come here."
Mary nodded. "That's what I was thinking. Okay, I'll look at flight information."
Pupule trotted off after her.
"I think he's choosing a new favorite," Jax said. "Poor kitty. Probably for the best."
Steve chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "Wait until the babies are old enough to play with him."
"Oh, he's going to hate that so much," Jax said. "We'll get video."
#*#*#*#*#
Stephanie smiled at them as they came into her office.
"Thanks for making time for us on short notice," Steve said. He sat down, stretching his long legs out in front of him. Jax scowled. Her feet didn't reach the floor, and now she was too round to comfortably tuck them under her.
Stephanie held up a finger and grabbed a footstool, hidden under her desk.
"Here, borrow mine," she said, smiling as she tucked it under Jax's feet. "Hey, wipe that smirk, sailor. Not everyone in the Navy is six feet plus of rippling muscle, diving over the side of a bridge. Impressive, by the way."
"Good Lord, didn't anyone have anything better to do yesterday?" Steve groaned.
Stephanie narrowed her eyes at the faint bruising on Jax's throat and Steve's throat. "Please don't tell me . . . "
"No, well sort of, but it was a patient," Jax said quickly. "PTSD plus TBI. I made a rookie mistake, and I actually didn't understand the extent of the TBI situation. I do now."
"It is one of the reasons we're here," Steve said. "My team has expressed concern - so, what I hope there wasn't news footage of yesterday, we pulled Jax's patient up out of that wrecked pickup. He was disoriented, combative. Danny ended up with a couple stitches. It's . . . it's not outside the realm of possibility that could be me."
Jax's hand tightened around his.
"I need to have a plan. I need to know that my team can safely handle that scenario," Steve said. "Kono and Danny are thinking a tranq gun, with varying motivations from each of them, I think. And . . . okay, I really personally don't think this will be an issue, but Jax is concerned, to a degree, about a scenario in which she's disoriented and . . . how that will affect -"
"I'm afraid I'll hurt the babies," Jax said. "Don't sugar coat it, Steve."
Stephanie took a deep breath and nodded at them. "Wow. Okay, that's a lot to discuss. I might need some time to do a little more research, and come up with some suggestions. Of course, we can review all of your current practices - combat breathing, grounding - maybe go over those together with your team, Steve, and with anyone who is helping Jax those first critical weeks at home with the babies."
"My sister," Steve said, smiling. "She's delaying taking a full time job so that she can be available to help out for a while."
"That's lovely," Stephanie said. "I'm genuinely relieved, actually . . . how much does she understand about your PTSD?"
"She's um . . . she's been in the house when we've had rough nights," Jax said quietly. "I think she gets it."
"She needs to be read in to the situation," Stephanie said. "Fully vetted."
Steve smiled at her terminology, but nodded in agreement.
"This is not some family secret," Stephanie continued. "You are blessed with this amazing group of friends, and now family, that you have in your life. I'm serious. Read them in. You're not fooling them anyway. Now. You said that was one of the reasons you wanted to come in. What was the other? What else is going on?"
Jax looked at Steve. She wasn't sure, either, what he could possibly have in mind.
He shifted on the sofa so that he could look at Jax, to gauge her response to his next words.
"It came up, that maybe Jax doesn't need to have a C-section, because of twins being smaller," he said. "Things have been so crazy, we haven't had time to read over all the stuff they sent home with us, but her OB encouraged us to include you in the conversation."
Jax shifted uncomfortably.
"Okay, well, I think it might have been wise for the two of you to have this conversation privately, before including me," Stephanie said. "Jax, what do you think?"
"About the conversation or the C-section?" Jax asked, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.
"Either," Stephanie said.
"I don't mind talking about it here," Jax said. "Before all hell breaks loose again."
"Fair enough," Stephanie said. "How do you feel about delivering naturally versus by C-section?"
"They told me, from the beginning, that I'd need a section," Jax said. "I don't - I hadn't really thought about . . . I think, it's frowned upon, though, to have a C-section if you don't really need it."
"Why do you think that is?" Stephanie asked.
Jax shrugged. "Hell if I know. Look, a C-section is a very controlled situation. You've got anesthesiology there, and an obstetrician, and the pediatric nurse . . ."
"Does the idea of a controlled situation appeal to you?" Stephanie asked. "That's essentially a rhetorical question, you realize that."
Jax shrugged again, and nodded.
"It appeals to me," Steve said quietly. He faced Jax again. "It's your body, your decision, ku'uipo. But after everything . . . I don't know, Jax. I don't know if it's a good idea for . . . shit, I don't know how to say this."
"Just say whatever you're feeling, Steve," Stephanie suggested.
He wanted, so badly, to blurt out his increasingly strong opinion that Jax would be crazy to attempt a natural birth, that it looked terrifying, and traumatic, and that he wanted nothing to do with it. He pushed his feelings down.
"It's Jax's body, her decision," he repeated, his voice growing hoarse with emotion. "Enough. There's been enough times where that hasn't been an option, where that's been taken away from her . . . she gets to decide. Who gives a shit what anyone else, including me, thinks about it. That's what I feel."
Jax stared at him, speechless.
"Jax, what do you think about what Steve just said?" Stephanie prompted. "I'm interested in that, first, then we'll talk about the delivery plan."
"I hadn't thought about it, that way," she said slowly. "But that's part of it. I don't like the idea of -" She shook her head. It sounded terrible in her head, she couldn't imagine how it would sound if she said it out loud.
"Don't censor yourself, Jax," Stephanie said. "You get to feel how you feel. I suspect that's why Steve decided to bring this up here. You two need a bit of help giving yourself permission to say what you really think. God only knows how long it's going to take to figure that out, but anyway - go ahead."
"It scare me, to think about . . . what if I tried to deliver the babies and it made me think of . . ." Jax hesitated. Her lip trembled, and she blinked rapidly, trying to hold back tears.
"You've suffered not just psychological damage, but physical trauma, as well, as a result of sexual assault," Stephanie said. For once, she was willing to go along with their more gentle terminology. "You're concerned that physically, delivering the babies naturally, might be a literal painful reminder of that physical trauma?"
Jax nodded, tears slipping out of her eyes with the motion. "There were - I had stitches. After New York. When I got here, I still had stitches. Malia knew. No one else did. But that's one of the reasons they said, if I ever had a baby, I might need . . . there's a ridge of scar tissue. And the idea of -" She stopped and shook her head again.
Steve wrapped his arms around her, tucking her head against his neck.
"Could you tell?" she whispered. "You never said, but . . ."
"Yeah," he whispered back. "Yeah, Jax, I could tell."
"I'm sorry-" she started.
"Don't you dare apologize," he whispered fiercely. "Never. And - don't do it. Please, can we insist on a C-section? I know I said it was your decision, but I'm asking you, please. Please don't put yourself through -"
"Yes," Jax said, nodding. "Yes, I want a C-section. I was afraid you would think, I don't know, maybe you wanted that experience, as a father-"
"No way, no," he said. "Danny made me look up the word episiotomy. Holy shit, it's terrifying."
Jax had to laugh, then, at his horrified expression and tone. She brushed the tears away from her eyes and smiled up at him. "Okay, we're going to schedule a C-section."
"Thank God," he said.
Stephanie smiled at them. "See, that wasn't so bad. You could have figured that out without me. How do you feel, about making a decision?"
"Like I disarmed an IED," Steve said. He sank back into the sofa relieved.
Jax thought for a moment, a soft smile spreading across her face. "Like I'm . . . really, truly, one hundred percent excited about having these babies. Also, I feel hungry."
#*#*#*#*#
They sat at one of the tables in front of Kamekona's truck, waiting for the order.
"You're sure you don't mind me coming back to the office?" Jax asked. She was nibbling on a skewer of teriyaki shrimp, one of Kamekona's new ideas.
"Are you kidding? Everyone will be happy to see you," Steve said.
"Do you have a new case?" she asked.
"Not yet," Steve said. "Danny would have let me know. But the day is young. Unless - was there something you wanted to do at home? I could get a black and white to run you back -"
"Nah, I'd rather hang out with you guys. Mary's going to be busy working on a flight and packing," she said. "The most I would have done is maybe start thinking about a few Christmas gifts, maybe thought about food for when everyone comes over. I can do that just as easily at the office."
"Yeah, we never seem to manage to be very organized about holiday shopping," Steve said, laughing. "Thankfully everyone on the team is easy to buy for. I have no idea whatsoever for Mary, though." He paused, glancing down at his hands. "I haven't exactly been a good brother . . . I think the last time I sent her a holiday gift was the year Dad . . . anyway. Any ideas?"
Jax grinned. "Well, actually . . . she's mentioned that she really, really likes VW bugs."
"A car?" Steve asked. He raised his eyebrows. "I mean, yeah, we could probably -"
"Not a new car," Jax explained quickly. "A project car, that I could restore for her. They're pretty cheap, even on the island. And then she could pitch in some, as she's able, for parts and stuff. Between us, we have three working vehicles, and she enjoys driving the Supra, too. I just thought - before too long, she's going to have her own place, and she's thinking near downtown so she'll have public transportation access, but within a year, I'm sure I could have it up and running."
"I love it," Steve said, reaching across the table and wrapping his hand around hers. "It's a great idea, Jax."
"Yeah?" Jax asked. Her eyes were shining with excitement. "Okay, my next day off, I'll follow up on a couple that I've looked at. We can get it hauled to the garage after she leaves for Los Angeles."
"We can send her a picture of it on Christmas day," Steve said. He nodded in satisfaction. "There's only one drawback."
"What?"
"How will we ever, ever top this gift?" Steve asked, grinning.
#*#*#*#*#
The team was delighted to see Jax, and they all left their desks to hang out and eat in the breakroom. They chatted about the babies, and Danny quietly kissed Jax on the cheek when she announced, with confidence, that she would be scheduling a C-section with her obstetrician.
"For what it's worth, babe," Danny whispered, "I think you're making a good call."
"C-section babies have pretty heads," Grover proclaimed.
As they finished, Steve cleared his throat, and they looked at him expectantly.
"Before we get back to our desks . . . I've asked Lieutenant Allen to help us formulate a plan to address a concern that I think we all share," he said quietly. "It has crossed my mind, more than once, that what happened with the master chief on the bridge yesterday could happen with me. We all know that Jax and I had a clusterfuck of a situation a while back, in which she could have been seriously injured."
Kono glanced down, twisting her hands in her lap.
"Kono," Steve said gently, "you were one hundred percent on point to realize this was a concern, and absolutely right in sharing it with a teammate. I'm glad you did. Don't ever second guess watching out for the safety of our team. So, we're going to discuss specifics, and I'm going to take the lieutenant up on the offer she's made, to work with us as a team. Here's what I want you to understand: I would rather live permanently disabled in some way, than to live with the guilt of having hurt one of you, or an innocent civilian. Are we clear? If it comes to it, you guys take me down in whatever way you see fit." He stopped and grinned at them. "I mean, you know - try to get a clean shot."
They all looked solemnly at him, and Jax shook her head.
"Seriously, guys," she said. "It's the right thing to do. You're all excellent marksmen. I don't want to live with Steve if he's hurt one of you. So if you're worried that I would hold it against you - don't be. By the way, though, headbutting him hard, right in the nose - that seems to work pretty well."
They all laughed.
"We can hope that this will never be an issue," Steve said. "Thanks to you guys - your support, your friendship - I can honestly say that my head in on straighter than it's been since I became an active SEAL. But like we saw today - a head injury, another factor - it could be a problem. And you're good, every one of you - the best backup I could ever ask for, and I'm proud to serve alongside each of you. But the honest truth is that none of you have the same kind of training that I have. I've learned -" he glanced at Danny - "that the focus of law enforcement is to control, to subdue, to get people into custody safely. You need to understand that my training was to neutralize threats . . . usually with extreme prejudice. If I come at you confused - I'll be coming at you hard. You need to respond accordingly. Don't hesitate. Are we clear?"
The team nodded, and murmured their understanding.
"Okay, well, then get back to work," Steve said, smiling.
"Jax, I'm reviewing everything we have on Adam," Kono said. "We're hoping something will give us some new intel on WoFat. Would you like to - oh, I'm sorry, that may not be at all -"
"I'd love to," Jax said quickly. "Seriously, that would be great. Plus, your office smells nice."
#*#*#*#*#
They saw it at the same time, their heads close, peering at the screen in Kono's slightly darkened office.
"Holy shit," Jax whispered. "Is he -"
Kono backed up the CCTV footage of the assassination attempt on the governor and they watched it again.
"Holy shit," Kono repeated. "He is. He was. He's -"
"Looking straight at the building where WoFat had the sniper nest," Jax said. "He knew it was coming. He was involved at least that far back. I'm going to get Steve."
#*#*#*#*#
Nick hung up the phone and shouted, pumping his fist in the air.
"What are we celebrating?" Catherine asked.
"Kono and Jax just confirmed WoFat's claim that Adam was embedded, feeding him intel," he said. "Footage of the sniper shot at the governor - Adam was way ahead of the action, staring right at the building where they found the sniper nest. He was definitely the mole."
"Which means -" Catherine said, grabbing for her phone and her laptop.
"Which means, we get the best of the Navy and the best of the CIA on every single piece of evidence, every single piece of communication of Adam Chan's," Nick said. "He made a mistake. Somewhere, sometime, he made a mistake. And we're going to find it."
"And then we're going to find WoFat," Catherine said, her eyes glinting.