A/N: Wow. First - the last time I posted an update, there was no email notification - so you may want to back up a chapter and check to see if you missed it!
So. It's been longer than I intended, and while I've been working on an update, I won't lie - I was definitely motivated by a couple of messages checking on me (awww, thanks!) and requesting an update. I have had a crisis of confidence, looking back over the last few chapters. The writing just isn't measuring up to my own standards, and while I have been pleased with where the *story* is going, I've been disappointed with the actual writing. I thought, maybe, a break? A step back to get reinspired? So I've been re-reading some favorites, of mine and others, and watching some fan videos and even just enjoying H50 GIFs (fans self) because I felt like I was just losing touch with the characters. (I watch for the plot. And for writing inspiration. And, um, research. Yeah.) I think I identified a couple areas of technical difficulty and I hope I can tweak things just a little.
I mostly just really, really want to give these closing chapters the attention to detail and quality they - and you - deserve.
Up to this point, as you know, the chapters have been written/released to coincide with "real time" - holidays, passage of weeks, etc. Now that the pregnancy story line is past, and the plot points that revolved around holidays are finished, we will move back to a less timeline-specific story. I hope that doesn't throw you off. I'll still try to clue readers in to passage of time where it impacts the story.
Also, please note that while I'm working towards wrapping up this fourth and final Jersey series that involves an ongoing story line and plot - I will continue to revisit the Jersey universe as long as there are readers interested in it! But, it will be more sporadic, and the chapters will be self-contained. And I'm not sure at what point that will happen. Just because I'm giving everyone the *happy* ending they deserve, their lives, of course, will be far from perfect. There are still oh-so-many unanswered questions about Doris! And Jax's parents! And Joe. And seriously, do we *really* believe that WoFat isn't going to stir up trouble? And then, obviously, McGarrett ninja twins, as someone called them (and made me laugh out loud) are going to end up with notes home from their teachers, and I will definitely share those with you, if you're interested. :-) All of that to say - please don't hesitate to tell me what you need to have resolved, what questions you need to have answered, or what hijinks you envision those twins getting into in the future. You have been an amazing group of readers, and I can't imagine anything more fun than writing to your prompts.
Thanks again, ever so much, for your encouragement.
#*#*#*#*#
"I've got this," Jax insisted.
"You could call -"
"Mary. It's an interview with the company first on your list," Jax said. "This is fantastic. I've got this. You've been amazing, and we couldn't have managed without you, seriously, but I am absolutely fine."
"They are really good babies," Mary said, kissing Billy on the top of his head. "Okay. Here, go see your mom, kid. Auntie Mary has to go get suited up in grown-up clothes."
Jax nestled Billy in the crib next to Annie. They looked up at her, waving tiny fists at the race car mobile. Billy scrunched up his face and yawned, starting to squirm and fuss. Jax's hand on his tummy soothed him, and he closed his eyes. Annie maneuvered her thumb into her mouth and sighed, closing her eyes as well. Jax stood, watching them, unable to resist stroking her fingers over their soft cheeks.
"You're so good at this," Mary said softly. Jax turned to see her standing in the doorway. "Being a mom. You're, like, really good at it. Not that I'm surprised, I've seen you with Gracie and Charlie but . . . anyway. And you're right, you've got this, I know you'll be absolutely fine. I think I'm the one that's terrified."
"Mary, you studied hard and got almost perfect scores on all of your tests," Jax said. "And look, you pulled off getting everything ready for us to come home with the babies - that's a skill set, Mare. And you look fantastic."
Mary smoothed down her simple navy pants suit and tucked her neatly brushed hair behind her ears. It waved around her face in sun-kissed curves.
"I've never - I've nannied, and waited tables . . . this is completely different," Mary said. "Okay, wish me luck. Mind if I take the Supra?"
"Of course not. Keys are on the table," Jax said. She tucked a blanket around each of the sleeping infants. "I swear, I'll get your VW running before I go back to Tripler."
"What if you have an emergency and need to go somewhere?" Mary said, as Jax followed her out of the room.
Jax laughed. "The Marquis will hold car seats, but I'm sure I'll be fine."
"You should just get a mini-van," Mary taunted.
"You should wash your mouth out with soap," Jax said. "Mini-van my ass."
Mary laughed, then took a deep breath. "Okay, this is it. I'll send you a text when I'm done, let you know how it went."
"Absolutely," Jax said. "Good luck, Mary. They're gonna love you."
Jax stood at the window and watched until Mary left the driveway. The house was quiet, and empty, a soft breeze blowing in the open window, carrying with it the scent of plumeria. She'd already caught up on the laundry from the Hart's visit . . . everyone would be content with simple rice and stir fry for dinner, which wouldn't be for hours . . . and the babies were due to sleep for at least an hour, probably two.
Pupule sauntered down the stairs and wound around her ankles, then meowed up at her.
"Yeah, now what?" Jax asked the golden cat.
She forced down a feeling of uselessness and panic and took a deep breath. Walking through the kitchen, she poured a cup of coffee - pausing to inhale appreciatively before her first sip, the novelty of unlimited caffeine still not worn off - and then continued through to the lanai. She left the back door open, so that she could hear the babies through the screen. The ocean stretched out beyond the gentle slope of the yard, and she closed her eyes and imagined swimming, feeling the gentle burn of pushing herself to keep up with Steve. He usually paced her for a while, until his own need to push himself, to test his limits, sent him rocketing ahead. She didn't mind. Both of them enjoyed - needed - the solitude of swimming, too, and some days she was waiting for him with coffee when he finished. Other days, she pushed herself longer, and he caught up to her before she finished, both of them grinning, having burned off some of their mutual restlessness.
"Like you're trying to outrun demons or something," Danny had groused quietly once, waiting impatiently for them to reach that ambiguous point of enough so that they could start the grill and have dinner. Steve had tossed Jax a towel and then grabbed one for himself, rubbing it over his face and shrugging.
"Yeah, might be," he'd said.
And Danny's eyes had gone all soft and fond, looking at the two of them.
"Well, then. That's good," he'd said, beaming. "Now. Cook me a steak, I'm starving."
Jax smiled at the memory, and sighed, looking at the clear water sparkling in the mid-day sun. Even if she were medically cleared to swim now, she couldn't, not with the twins inside, sleeping. She frowned in concentration. They'd have to take turns swimming now, she and Steve. He could swim in the morning, as usual . . . she could swim in the evening when he got home, on nights that he came home at a decent time. She thought about it a moment - taking turns, and if it would work . . . thought about him holding Annie the other morning after his swim.
Oh yeah. That would work.
As if on cue, her phone buzzed and she fished it out of her pocket, the screen lighting up with a picture of Danny's smiling face.
"Danny," she said, her heart skipping. "Is everything okay? Is Steve okay?"
"Fine, babe," Danny said.
"Hey, Jax, we're good," Steve said quickly. "Driving back from interviewing a witness, just wanted to call and check on you and the twins."
"On Danny's phone, on speaker," Jax chuckled.
"Well I'm driving, it's safer," Steve said. Jax could hear Danny chuffing a laugh in the background. "How are you, everything okay? Babies okay?"
"We're fine," Jax said. "Your sister got called in for an interview. Just me and the twins here; they're sleeping, I'm sitting on the lanai, thinking about swimming."
"Soon, ku'uipo," Steve said, his voice warm. "I know you miss it. We'll have you back out there soon."
"I just realized, I'll have to wait for you to get home before I swim," she said. "Can't leave the babies unattended."
"You can count on it, Jax," Steve said. "We'll figure it out, okay? We'll figure everything out."
"Yeah," she said, and she realized that she believed it. Of course they would figure it out, they had so far. "Yeah, absolutely. And the hospital has a gym facility for employees, too. And -" she hesitated a beat, "and, um, they even offer yoga. I was thinking about it."
Steve glanced at Danny.
"Rachel did yoga after Charlie," Danny said. "She loved it, said it was a great way to recover. Sounds good, babe."
"Hey, I hear Annie," Jax said. "You guys have a new case?"
"Yeah, I'll tell you about it in just a little bit, I'll be home soon," Steve said. "We're waiting for financials and warrants, won't be late tonight. Tomorrow, maybe."
"See you soon," Jax said. She smiled, hanging up the phone, and looked out over the water once more, as Annie's cries started to become indignant.
Soon, she thought. Soon, she'd be cutting through the water once again, the sun warm on her shoulders, her heart steady in her ears. Steve holding the babies, or inside with them, giving them a bottle, maybe. It really would work out.
#*#*#*#*#
"She sounds great," Danny said. "Okay, I believe you now - that is, indeed, the sound of a happy new mom. And . . . yoga? I thought . . . "
"I know," Steve said, smiling. "She's tried it a few times, even during the pregnancy - the obstetrician said it would be great but -"
"Too many associations," Danny said quietly. "Sounds like she's ready to try again. That's good, Steve. And if it's at the hospital . . ."
"Yeah. It's her happy place, after all," Steve chuckled.
"Trauma centers and practice ranges," Danny grumbled. "The two of you, a matched set, I always said so."
Steve smiled broadly. "It's good when couples share common interests, Danny."
"Guns, explosions," Danny started ticking things off on his fingers. "Swimming with sharks, camping in the wilderness -"
"Hey, with the Airstream you guys gave us, camping is a luxury vacation," Steve argued. "Speaking of which, the Harts suggested coming to keep the babies and that I, um, book a nice suite or something in a few weeks. Take Jax on a little get-away, you know . . . some place with room service and stuff. She loves taking the camper but I'm thinking, someplace where she doesn't have to lift a finger. Is that - that something that - you think that's a good idea?"
Danny stared at him a moment, processing. He opened his mouth to say something, and closed it again.
"You're worried about Jax not enjoying it?" Danny asked, eyeing Steve.
"Well, a little," Steve said. "You know how it is, Danny, we're both homebodies. We like our privacy. But . . . she loved that resort, you know, the undercover op?"
"Yeah, that place was something," Danny said. "Hey, take her back there. It was low-key. Quiet."
"Good idea," Steve said, nodding. "So, it's - it's okay, right? To go that far?"
"You're worried about leaving the babies," Danny said, nodding. "Totally, babe. I mean, we couldn't, because Rachel was nursing but . . . yeah. You know the babies will be absolutely fine with the Harts. Everything you and Jax went through, right before the babies were born . . . you haven't had any time, just the two of you, to regroup. I think it's great. That time together, that would be great."
"Yeah, it will," Steve said. He flexed his hands back and forth on the steering wheel and cleared his throat.
"Oh. OH," Danny said. "You're ah . . . I get it. You're worried about . . . resuming intimacy."
"That's - actually, that's a very classy way to put it, Danny, thank you," Steve said.
"Of course, that's what a college education will do for you," Danny said.
"Danny. I graduated from the United States Naval Academy. Annapolis. It's one of the best colleges in existence," Steve said.
"And then subjected yourself to countless explosions and head trauma, which is why you're a Neanderthal animal," Danny said. "But I digress."
"Yes, you do," Steve said testily.
"We were talking about -"
"You know what, we don't need to," Steve said quickly.
Danny put his hands up in surrender. "Okay, big guy, whatever you say. You've got this."
Steve nodded abruptly and they rode in silence for a while.
"Okay, except -" Steve started.
Danny looked at him.
"I don't want to, you know . . . there was . . . that was . . . a lot happened, Danny," Steve said earnestly.
"Ah, yeah, babe, been through this twice myself," Danny reminded him. "In the delivery room both times. You definitely can't unsee it. But Jax had a c-section so . . . "
Steve shook his head. "Still, Danny, there was . . . I mean, that was . . . it was traumatic, okay?"
"I get that, Steve, I do," Danny said.
"And she's really, really touchy about the scar," Steve said. "Which is so weird. And she says her clothes don't fit right, and she's just kind of . . ."
"Hmm. She's always been insecure, even on a good day," Danny said thoughtfully. He nodded decisively. "Wine. A very big bottle of a very good wine."
"I'm not getting my wife drunk, Danny," Steve said. He looked at his partner in disbelief.
"You're not - of course you're not, Steve, you're not a schmuck," Danny practically yelled. "I'm just saying - you're anxious because - correct me if I'm wrong - you're afraid you're going to hurt her or something, and she's self-conscious because the miracle of childbirth does leave a few marks and - I never had conversations like this in Jersey, I'll have you know - I'm saying, candlelight, a nice glass of wine, everyone relaxes . . . it's all good."
"You don't have to yell," Steve said. Danny smothered a grin. For such a badass, Steve could be shockingly sensitive.
"Sorry," Danny said, managing to keep a straight face.
"So, booking a little get-away, you think that's a good idea," Steve said, checking just to be sure.
"I do," Danny said seriously. "Steve, you guys have been through hell and back. Take some time, just for the two of you. Enjoy it."
Steve nodded decisively. He'd call tomorrow.
#*#*#*#*#
"Oh, don't you look at her like that," Jax said, peering into the crib at the babies. Billy was observing a squalling Annie, and if Jax wasn't mistaken, with a bit of disdain. "You raise a fuss when you're hungry, too, just because she happened to get hungry first, today . . ."
Sure enough, by the time Annie had finished her bottle, Billy was working up to a cry.
"See?" Jax said, nestling Annie back in the crib and picking Billy up. She sat down in the beautiful rocking chair, a gift from Mamo, and settled Billy with his bottle. His chubby hands bopped ineffectively at the plastic.
There was the sound of a key in the door, and the gentle beep of the security key code, and Jax smiled to herself. It was a good sound, it was always a good sound when Steve came through the door, and she'd never take it for granted - but she'd done it. She'd managed, both babies, with relative ease.
His heavy footfalls brought him straight to the babies' room, and he stopped in the doorway, leaning against it, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Hey," he said softly. "How's it going?"
"Billy, here, was kind enough to wait for Annie to eat before he started fussing," Jax said. "So . . . it's going great, actually."
"She sleeping?" he practically whispered, and he moved - silently, this time, which never ceased to amaze her - over to the crib. "Hey, baby girl," he murmured. He lifted her out of the crib and snuggled her against his chest, kissing the top of her head. She snuffled sleepily and squirmed around to get her thumb in her mouth, and then settled against him. He closed his eyes and breathed in the soft baby scent of her, and then looked down at her with such fond amazement that Jax felt her heart stutter.
He looked down at Billy with the same expression, reaching one hand down to stroke his tiny cheek.
"And you, what a little gentleman, waiting for Annie," he said softly. "That's my boy."
And then, he was looking at Jax, and she saw it clearly, unmistakably in his eyes - the same unqualified affection and joy, and then, as he smiled that slow, special smile that was just for her, a flicker of pure want and need . . . and she felt it settle around her, the weight of it like her favorite quilt when she was cold and tired.
"Oh," she breathed, as she finally let herself believe what he'd been telling her all along.
"Hmm?" He raised an eyebrow at her, tilting his head in question at the strange expression on her face.
"You - shit," she said, because she was a cop from Jersey, after all. "Really? I mean, the kids, but . . . me? Me."
He folded himself down, still holding Annie easily, until he was at eye level with her. His hand wrapped around her neck, his thumb tracing over her jaw.
"Yeah, ku'uipo," he said, his eyes searching hers. "Yeah, you. You're the only one that's ever doubted it. You done?"
She nodded, and he shifted Annie, just a bit, and then his lips were on hers, gentle at first, but then more insistent as he tilted her head, her lips parting under his. His hand slipped up, cradling her head as his fingers threaded through her hair, and he felt her last thread of doubt disappear. It reminded him of that night together in New York, when she'd accused him of holding part of himself back, and -
He pressed one more gentle kiss against her lips and then pulled back, carefully, searching her eyes again.
"You don't have to keep your guard up anymore, you get that, right?" he murmured. "Not anymore, Jax, and not ever again. Not with me."
"Yeah. I get it," she whispered, her voice hoarse around the lump in her throat. "I didn't mean - I was just afraid. It's always seemed too good to be true."
"I know," he murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I get that, I do. But . . . hey, Danny's Law."
She laughed, then, just as the bottle emptied. Quickly, she pulled it away from Billy, despite his protests.
"Okay, looks like we need to add another ounce to his bottle next time," she said. She handed the empty bottle up to Steve and propped Billy on her shoulder, patting his back until he let out a satisfying belch.
"How about a little walk before dinner?" Steve asked. He tilted Annie back so he could see her face. "What do you think, punkin? Go look at the water?"
She kicked her feet happily and gurgled at him.
"Pretty soon they'll weigh enough to use the carriers," Jax said. "We'll get our hands back."
"Hands are good," Steve said, laughing "You up for a short walk, feeling okay?"
Jax nodded, snagging a couple of light blankets off the changing table. They headed out the back door toward the water. Billy kicked as he felt the breeze on his cheeks, and Jax winced.
"I knew that was you before, you know, assaulting my bladder," she said. "Trade. Kick against your daddy's ridiculous abs."
Steve chuckled as they carefully switched babies, so that Annie was snuggled on Jax's shoulder, and Billy was cradled in Steve's hands, facing outward, kicking with all his might. They walked slowly, the sky turning orange and fuschia above them.
"Tell me about the case?" Jax asked.
"NCIS agent found dead in her garage," Steve sighed. "Her second-in-command, her partner, found her, inside her car . . . apparent suicide. The field office is reeling, so they called us in." He paused for a moment. "Danny thinks it's par for the course, that her partner would stop by her house early in the morning."
"Because it's par for the course for you and Danny," Jax said. She tucked a blanket around Annie, bopping her nose with her finger.
"Yeah . . . I don't know. But, I'm the only one of us that isn't a cop," Steve laughed. "We're looking at everything of course, but . . . I don't know. Danny's probably right. We don't have motive."
Jax raised an eyebrow at him. "Doesn't take much," she said softly. "Jealousy, for example. If your gut is telling you to look at the partner, look at the partner."
"I hope you're wrong," he said. "But thanks . . . that's helpful."
Billy yawned and batted tiny fists against his eyes.
"Look at that, nothing like salt air to make you sleepy, hunh, big guy?" Jax murmured.
They headed back into the house, and tucked the babies securely into their crib. Billy kicked his blanket away, and Annie grumbled until she secured her thumb, but in just moments they were sound asleep, tiny lips parted just slightly.
"I could stare at them for hours," Steve whispered.
"I did, today," Jax said. "It was amazing. I didn't get the laundry done, though."
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, bending to nuzzle against her neck, his heavy stubble scratching deliciously against her skin. She sighed and leaned into him. His hand threaded into her hair and he tilted her face up to his.
"Are you happy?" he asked softly.
"So happy," she said.
"Then I don't care if you don't do anything, at all, besides stare at the babies," he declared.
"I want to go back to work, though, too," Jax said.
"Then you can go back to work, and stare at the babies when you're not at work," he said. "Deal?"
"Sounds good," Jax said. She stretched up on tiptoe, carefully, wrapping her arms around his neck. He grinned at her as he tilted his head towards hers, capturing her lips in a tender kiss.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he groaned in frustration, fumbling for it to silence it before it woke the babies. A pleased smile spread across his face as he stepped away from the crib and toward the hall, one hand wrapping around Jax's.
"Mary got the job," he said, once they were out of the nursery. "They loved her, she loves them - it's a good fit - lots of exclamation points - wants to know if we're okay if she meets up with Kono and her friends to celebrate."
"Of course," Jax said. She couldn't quite keep the wistfulness out of her voice.
Steve's fingers moved quickly over the phone. "Hey," he said, stopping to look at Jax. "Did you want to join them? You know they'd absolutely love it."
Jax smiled. "Not tonight. I think, while I still have stitches, a girls' night out - especially with Kono and your sister - might be pushing it. But . . . in the future? Yeah. Yeah, I would love that. I've missed that. Maybe . . . after I'm cleared, from my six week checkup."
He ducked his head, smiling slyly.
"What - wait," she said, "why are you looking at me through those ridiculous lashes? I'm suspicious."
"I was thinking about . . . speaking of your checkup . . . that resort, where we pulled the undercover op," he said. "You seemed to like it."
"It was beautiful," she said. "But so is our home."
He shook his head. "Nothing will ever be more beautiful to me than our home. But I think some time away would be good. Just the two of us."
She glanced behind him, into the babies' room.
"Two nights, max," Steve said. "The Harts have offered to come."
"I guess . . . a couple nights, completely uninterrupted sleep -"
Steve smirked.
"Okay, a couple nights, completely uninterrupted not-sleep," Jax amended. The way his hand was resting at her waist, his long fingers rubbing absently against the small of her back, she was starting to warm to the idea.
He bent and kissed her again, pulling away reluctantly and leaving her breathless.
"You want to make the reservation, or you want me to call?" she asked. "And stop with the smirking . . . "