The first thing Nadeshiko notices as soon as she wakes up, is the cold, empty space next to her.
With a cavernous yawn, she sits up and rubs at her eyes with a gnarled hand. She sneezes once, twice and sniffles. Ah, that's not a good sign. She shakes her head ruefully and winces at the crick in her neck. Should've added that extra layer of insulation before she went to bed last night. Already, she can hear Kagari's voice in her head, scolding her for her forgetfulness.
Geez, you know you're not as young as you used to be, Mom! You have to remember to take care of yourself when you're out solo camping. You know how easy it is to get the chills at your age?
Their daughter can be such a worrywart sometimes. Nadeshiko chuckles a bit and heaves herself out of the sleeping bag. She definitely gets that from Rin's side of the family, that's for sure.
She picks up her phone and swipes it on. She stares at the display for a good second before grumbling and taking out her glasses. Once they're perched reluctantly on her nose, she checks the time again.
5:35. Nice. She gives a small fist pump. Time yet to start breakfast before she calls Rin.
It takes a few minutes for her to shake the stiffness out of her joints, but once she's appropriately dressed, she unzips the tent flap and steps outside. She breathes in deep the chilled winter air. It cuts into her lungs, crystal and clear, like a mountain stream and a smile works its way onto her face. A breath of fresh air is the best way to wake up in the morning, a fact that she'll stand by until the end of time.
The smile quickly morphs into a frown when she notices the overcast clouds above her head. It doesn't look like it'll turn into a storm, just a small shower, which is unfortunate, this time of year. She shrugs and busies herself with making breakfast. Oh well. Not much she can do about it except enjoy what little time she has left before it starts to pour. She'll have to take her picture later when the clouds clear up, but she thinks Rin won't hold it against her for the delay. It's for her sake, after all.
Although, it is a bit odd that she hasn't called yet. Nadeshiko glances back at her phone. Probably sleeping in. Good for her! A few extra hours of shut-eye is just what the doctor recommended.
Nadeshiko opens up the dial pad and punches in a number. It takes a few tries, what with her eyesight being so shoddy, but as soon as the automated voice tells her to leave a message, she begins to talk.
"Good morning!" she chirps, then corrects herself. "Well, not so much where I am, but hopefully it's better for you back home! I haven't gotten your picture yet, but I'm expecting something bright and sunny back at home to make up for the weather here. Gonna wait until the clouds clear before I take mine, so hang on for just a little longer, kay?
Anyway, Mototsu is so cold this year! Remember when we first met here during our second year? It's even colder than then, can you believe it?" She chuckles a bit. "So, I'm counting on you to navigate me somewhere warm today! Preferably nearby, but if anything catches your eye, let me know!
She pauses here to imagine Rin agreeing with a quiet chuckle, and then continues. "Welp, that's all for now. We'll talk some more when you get up. And if Kagari asks, tell her yes, I'm keeping, warm. Kind of. Not really. Okay, maybe don't tell her that. Oh! Just tell her I'm having a lot of fun! And that you are too!
Can't wait to come back home to see you again. Love you. Love you lots!"
She decides to take a walk around and stretch out her joints a bit so that she can shake off the aching in her bones that the cold left in them.
Since it looks like it'll rain soon, she elects to stay near her camp and just walk the edge of Lake Motosu. Decades later and the lake looks the same as ever, serene and pristine. It's comforting, knowing that the place of their first encounter is mostly preserved from the passage of time. Comforting, and maybe… just a little bittersweet.
Slowly, she lowers herself down into a sitting position at the edge of the shore and props her arms on her knees. The waves lap gently at her boots, back and forth, back and forth. She glances behind her at the trees swaying listlessly in the breeze, at the sky above with its clouds of grey.
It's all so peaceful.
And quiet.
So very quiet.
Nadeshiko closes her eyes.
She remembers the moon sparkling like an incandescent pearl in the reflection of the lake. She remembers the sound of the crackling fire at her fingertips and the delicious warmth in her stomach after a full meal. She remembers a sky filled with stars, filled to the brim and overflowing like a memory.
Rin is holding Kagari close to her, balancing the toddler on her hip as she murmurs quiet comforts into Kagari's ear. The vastness of the night sky had frightened her. She was scared of getting lost in them, scared of losing her mothers in the immenseness and being alone
"You don't have to be afraid." Rin whispers softly to her. "Here, do you want to know a little secret? The sky may be big, really, really big, but the stars in the sky will always be the same. Always. So don't be scared of losing us. We'll always share the same sky, no matter where we are. Mama promises you.
Kagari sniffles. "P-Promise?"
"I promise." She holds her closer and smiles softly. "As long as we share the stars in the sky, you'll never be alone."
Nadeshiko opens her eyes.
The world is quiet, save for the sound of the waves lapping at the shore.
Rin still hasn't replied to her message.
She tries not to think too deeply about it. There are a slew of other things to worry about, like making sure everything stays dry from the impending rain, packing everything back into its proper place, and a stack of other small things that just pile up, up, and up and threaten to overwhelm her.
Sitting so long at the shore did no favors to her body. Every few minutes she has to pause to massage the ache in her fingers and will them back to warmth. Her back aches fiercely, and there's a steady throbbing in between her eyes that just won't go away no matter how much she massages her temples. But all that, she can deal with. It's been something she's been dealing with for the past decade, after all.
She just wishes it wasn't so cold.
Making a fire would be pointless though, what with the rain coming in. So instead, she sits down and imagines warm things.
Like fluffy scarves, cute mittens, the crackling of a campfire, a steaming mug in her hand.
A hand warmer placed against the back of her neck, followed by a feather-light kiss to the top of her head.
Cozy blankets pulled around their shoulders, sunlight dancing on their skin, the sound of hushed laughter, a warm body pressed against hers, slotting perfectly into her arms.
In the distance, she can hear the beginnings of rain.
An hour later, inside the shelter of her tent as the rain falls, she gets the message.
Her phone buzzes once, twice and then falls silent.
She makes no move to pick it up. Just stares at it, lying on the nightstand. She notices the pink coloring is coming off in places. The keychain attached on is starting to rust. It's definitely seen better days. How long ago was it when she first picked it up? How long? She can't remember.
Her hands are so cold.
She reaches out and picks up the phone. One new message blinks on the screen.
From: Kagari
Subject: Mama
Ah.
She puts the phone back down. There's no need to read the message. She knows what's inside.
She's known for a while now.
Suddenly, she feels so very tired. Exhausted with every fiber of her being. The decades suddenly leap onto her, all at once, sinking their age-old claws into her back. She rubs slowly at her brow. Every inch of her body is cold.
They talked about this sort of thing happening. Those talks were never pleasant; they always left her feeling upset and the weight of her age on the inside. But Rin had always insisted.
But what if I get lost?
You won't be, silly. I'll be the navigator this time, see?
But-
No buts, Nadeshiko. I don't want you spending all your time inside moping over me. Go out and see the world! For both of us. Okay?
...Fine. But it won't be for long! I'll be back before you know it!
Hm. I know you will… Love you.
Love you too. Love you lots.
She realizes that she's clenching onto her hands so hard that she can hear the bones creaking. She feels the dull ache intensify into a burning sear.
It's not fair.
She thought she'd have more time. Just a little more time.
It's not fair.
If she'd known how little of it was left, she wouldn't have gone.
It's not fair.
I don't want to be alone.
The sound of utter silence is what finally gets her to crane her neck up. The rain has finally stopped.
Her body moves on its own, and she finds herself standing up, grabbing her phone off the stand.
Outside the tent, there's a crisp scent to the air, fresh and new. In the bright moonlight, she can finally see proud Mt. Fuji. It looks the same as all those years ago, when she first rode her bike all the way from Nabu and met her best friend for life. Breathtaking and beautiful.
Her hands rise, phone still clutched in them.
Click!
She looks at her phone. It's a gorgeous shot. Rin would've been proud of her. A moment in time captured almost perfectly.
Almost.
She attaches it to her mail and sends it before taking a step forward and raising her arms again.
Click!
No. This one's better, but it's missing something, just like in the last one. She sends it regardless and begins walking the path down to the lake.
Click! Click, click, click.
Almost. Not quite. Still missing that perfect shot. Her pace quickens.
Click, click, click, click, click!
Her feet pick up speed. Her walk turns into a trot, then into a brisk jog, then to as close to a full-on sprint that her body will allow her.
Click!
Each breath drawn sears the inside of her lungs like fire.
But she doesn't slow down. Not when she's so close.
Click!
If she reaches her arm out now, can she touch the sky?
Click!
Love you.
Her foot catches on a rock, and suddenly, she's sent sprawling, head over heels. She grunts in pain as her hands and knees scrape the ground. A second later, she rolls to a stop on her back, facing the night sky. Her breath comes out in pants. In and out. In and out. It's the only noise in the silence of the night.
She raises her arm feebly to the sky. Just a little more. A little more and...
Her phone buzzes.
Nadeshiko stops.
What?
Her phone buzzes again, and she blinks. Who would even…? She lifts the phone to her face and squints.
From: Rin
Subject: None
Her heart stops in her chest. Quickly, she checks the time it was sent.
Yesterday at 10:53 PM.
Nadeshiko stares. That's the time when they finished talking on the phone. She remembers Rin sounding more tired than usual and they had wished each other an early good night. Rin must've scheduled the text to be delivered at the same time the day after. Which meant she knew.
She knew.
Nadeshiko unlocks her phone. There's no writing in the message, just a single jpg attachment. She doesn't even notice that her hands are trembling as she clicks open the image.
She doesn't know what she's looking at first glance. It's a grainy image of what looks to be the lights of a small town, taken from a distance at a height. Billions upon billions of stars litter the night sky above the town. And then it hits her.
It's the picture from Takabochhi Plateau, the same picture that started their lifelong tradition together, the first picture Rin ever shared with her.
Nadeshiko lowers her phone. Above her is the same starry sky, unchanged by time, shining just a brightly as they did back then.
Oh.
So that was what she was missing.
As long as we share the stars in the sky, you'll never be alone.
And suddenly, Nadeshiko is sixteen and falling in love, all over again.
"Riiiiiiiiiin-chaaaaan..." The tears begin to flow freely now, unchecked and she makes no move to stop them. A sob is ripped out of her throat, along with an aching pain that manifests itself in her heart and fills the empty space in her chest with a soothing warmth that threatens to spill out of her. She can feel the warmth enveloping her form, like an embrace, and she cries even harder.
"I love you, Rin-chan." She cradles the memory close to her chest, right above her heart as the tears continue to soothe and fall. "I love you so, so, so, much. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."
Above her, the stars shine knowingly and hold her close.
Nadeshiko dreams.
In her dreams, she is young again, cheeks full and eyes bright. No mysterious pain in her back, no aches in her joints, everything is perfect.
She glances around her. She's sitting in her favorite camping chair with a mug of something warm in her hand. In front of her, a pot sits cheerfully on a burner, a pleasant smell wafting off of it.
A grassy plain as far as the eye can see. The sun shines brightly in the sky, giving off a pleasant warmth. And of course, Mt. Fuji is serving as the backdrop. Nadeshiko laughs a bit at that. Mt. Fuji is an inescapable constant in their lives at this point.
Behind her, she hears the tent flap unzip and a few seconds later, someone steps into view.
"There you are," Rin-chan says, voice impossibly fond. There's a small knowing smile on her face, the same smile that's etched itself over Nadeshiko's heart over the years they've spent together, the one she absolutely adores. "I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to show up. What took you so long?"
Nadeshiko scratches the back of her head and laughs a bit sheepishly. "Eheheh, yeah sorry. I was feeling kinda mopey there for a while. But I'm all good now, see?" She jumps out of her seat to illustrate her point, but ends up overshooting her balance and nearly tripping herself. "Whoa! Kay, so maybe too good. But it's better than mopey, eh?"
"Sure is," Rin says, smile still in place. She sits down in the seat next to her and holds out her hand for Nadeshiko to take.
Nadeshiko returns the smile with her own and settles down as well. She takes Rin's hand in her own and marvels at just how perfectly it fits in her own. Even as they got older, Rin's hand was always the perfect fit for hers. It's like… fate? Destiny? Hmmm. Is that coming on too strong? Then again, they have spent most of their lives together.
On second thought, fate sounds pretty good!
They're silent for a moment, watching as the sun slowly crest over the top of Mount Fuji. To Nadeshiko, it's the second most beautiful thing she's ever seen in her life.
The first just so happens to be sitting next to her and holding her hand.
After a while, Rin turns in her seat to face her. The knowing smile is gone, replaced with an expression that is a bit apologetic, a bit wistful.
"You know you'll have to go back soon, right? Are you going to be okay?"
Nadeshiko thinks for a second. "Yeah. Yeah, I think so. It's going to be kinda lonely for a while," she admits, and she feels Rin squeeze her hand sympathetically. "But that's not so bad. I mean," she cranes her neck upward, "I just have to look up, and I'll see you there, right?"
"Well… sort of? I mean, indoor ceilings exist for a reason, you know?"
"Aww, you know what I mean!"
Rin laughs, and after a second, Nadeshiko's pout morphs into a smile and she joins in, just happy that she can hear that same laugh again.
One more time.
Once they're spent, Rin gestures back to the rising sun. "Well, while you're here, wanna catch a cool looking sunrise?"
As if she needed to even ask. Nadeshiko bobs her head up and down. "Definitely!"
With that, the two settle back into their chairs, keeping their hands linked between them. The two of them are silent, and Nadeshiko closes her eyes, letting the warm rays gently caress her form.
A soft breeze blows between them, ghosting her cheeks. The hand in hers is so warm.
"Nadeshiko."
"Hm?"
She feels Rin move to sit closer to her. A soft weight places itself on her collar. She feels Rin's hair tickle at the spot just below her chin and she giggles a bit at the feeling.
"Love you."
And Nadeshiko just beams.
"Love you too. Love you lots."
"With all my strength, I live out the day with joy, so as to meet you with pride, beaming with a smile." - Sahara Mizu, Tetsugaku Letra