Cara's brother comes for a visit. Cara and Fenris both realize it is time to decide what they should do about their budding relationship.
Needing to get her emotions under control, before she faced any of them again, Cara rode for an hour before stopping and sliding off Scout. She pulled the belts around his stomach loose and tugged the saddle free. She propped it against a boulder and sunk into the thick path of spring blooms next to the stream.
Scout moved to the stream and took a long drink before finding a large patch of clover to munch on.
"What am I going to do?"
Scout looked up, blew a noisy breath through his lips, and returned to his snack. Rems trotted up, drank from the stream and ducked his head into the cold glacier fed water. He shook most of the water from his fur and sprawled beside her. He placed his wet head across her lap.
"Oh! You rat!" She pushed him away.
Remus sat up and sneezed with amusement.
Cara lay against the saddle with a sigh. She absently picked a bloom, twirled the stem between her fingers. Her mind drifted back to the night before. She wouldn't call last night a mistake. Fenris' thorough attention to her needs was much more than she ever experienced before. Their lovemaking was just as hot and filled with passion as the first time. For that alone, it had been worth it. His touch was tender and loving. Waking in his arms felt right until he opened his mouth. If Fenris left tomorrow it was too late; she was already in love.
She pursed her lips. His chivalrous comment stirred her anger when it shouldn't have. Cara wasn't easy with affection. She didn't advertise when she found someone she spent time with until things got serious. She wanted it to be serious. She plucked the petals from the flower in her hand. Happiness was fleeting; if life taught her anything, it was that. Someday, all this would end. The heartache would be temporary as well. The sharpness of pain would dull over time and something new would bring her happiness. Until then, she would find whatever joy and comfort she found in his arms. After all, this was a once in a lifetime experience, not just rare, but a cosmic impossibility. She'd have to be crazy to pass up the opportunity.
She chuckled. How many women, and men for that matter, would kill to be in her shoes right now? Heartache be damned, she would ride the high as long as she could.
He paced the cabin living room. Cara hadn't returned for the noon meal. He wanted to find her, make sure she was safe. Jess told him to give her space. Fenris wondered if the older man also meant for Fenris to avoid her bed? This morning's events were more than just ribbing the new cowhand or the greenhorn.
Fenris raked a hand through his hair, it had worked loose of the tie he used to hold it back. He moved to the bath, leaned on the sink and stared at his reflection. There were times in his life he cursed the day he received the marks on his skin, but none more so than now. His ears could be hidden if needed, but the markings would always show through. Even now they faintly glowed.
He splashed water on his face, ran his hands through his hair and re-tied the cord. She deserved better than an ex-slave. She deserved someone she didn't have to hide from her world. Even if he wanted to stay, this world would never accept him. It was time to end the growing attraction between them. He would resist the temptation. Had he not proven the depth of his determination countless times? This was just another challenge.
Fenris found her in the kitchen, bent over, peering into a cabinet. His body reacted instantly to the shapely behind presented. Images from their night of lovemaking flashed through his mind. He pushed them away. He wouldn't use her just to slake his lust. He knocked on the door frame.
Cara turned and flashed him a wide smile. The jolt of desire hit him in the gut. His heart slammed in his chest, and his breath caught in his throat.
"Good, you're here. I wanted to talk to you, but I have company coming in a few hours. I need to get dinner started," she said.
"I too wished to speak with you."
"Ok, you first." She waved at a stool across from her.
Fenris shook his head. "I won't keep you long. What happened between us cannot continue."
Cara sunk slowly to the stool, her smile fading as she sat. "I see."
"You deserve someone who can stay here," he waved a hand around him and continued, "someone who can share this life with you. You deserve better than an ex-slave."
"The old, 'it's not you, it's me.'" She stood and moved to the pantry. "Ok, whatever you want."
"I apologize. I hadn't considered a way home was possible until yesterday's storm."
"Ok." Her voice wavered. "I'll bring you a plate later. Jess and Harris left to repair some fences I found down on my ride. They won't be back until midday tomorrow."
"Cara..."
She waved him off. "Sorry, I need to get cooking if I'm going to be ready on time. You know the chores by now, I'm sure." She pulled a tin out and set if heavily on the marble bar. "Or do you need me to go over them again?" She grabbed a loaf of bread and pulled something from the icebox.
He cleared his throat and shook his head. He expected more anger. Aside from slipping quickly into the role of boss rather than a lover, she took it better than he thought she would. Why did it bother him? Why did he want her to argue, provide reasons for them to continue? For a heartbeat, he thought to take back what was spoken.
"No, I think I can do them blindfolded."
"Great, let Jess know if you need anything. He's in charge of tack and supplies when he's here." She handed him a sandwich and a can. "Since you must wait for dinner, this should help tide you over." She gave him a weak smile and turned her back, dismissing him.
She listened for his retreating footsteps. Ages passed before they retreated for the door. She turned only after he was halfway to the barn. She wiped the tears from her cheeks. At least she let him speak first. What a fool she would have looked, harboring feelings for a man who didn't want her. The last thing she wanted was his pity.
She busied herself with dinner preparations. No stranger to heartache, in fact, it seemed to be the norm. The idea to turn the ranch over to her nephew returned. As soon as Fenris returned to Thedas, she would do just that. Liam would finish school this summer. He was ready to take over, and she was ready for a change of pace.
She still struggled to get her thoughts under control and had nearly burned dinner thinking of what had happened the last two nights. If she didn't get herself focused, Sean would know something was up. He read her easily. The timer went off again and she pulled the brownies from the oven just as Sean pulled up.
Fenris stood in the shadow of the barn, just inside the doorway and watched. Cara had accepted his request to end their relationship. Finding himself trapped in a strange world didn't excuse him from using good judgment. He'd never rushed into any relationship before. Doing so now was reckless and irresponsible. She deserved better.
So why did his chest tighten when she raced out to give the man who stepped out of the strange contraption a hug? Even Remus raced across the yard with an excited yip, scattering the hens in his haste to get to the man's side.
The man's picture hung in her den. Many of them taken over the years with her daughter, Grace. He didn't think he was Dan from the way she spoke of her ex-husband, but the man was someone important to her.
The two went inside and Remus flopped down in the doorway. His usual spot during meals, unless he had wandered off.
Fenris found focusing on his task difficult. The occasional peel of laughter reached him. Her laughter was a sweet sound and it made him smile. He hoped he would hear it more. The tension between them was over since the first incident was behind them. For weeks, she guarded her emotions around him. Things changed after being snowed in, but he knew they couldn't continue using each other. He should have tried harder to fight the attraction he felt toward her.
He'd thought both dealing with the attraction instead of dancing around it would help them move past it. He'd known this was more than just a casual thing when he woke curled around her this morning. He watched her sleep, listening to the steady beating of her heart and enjoyed the soft flutter of her breath against his arm. He was certain the way she had sighed contentedly last night meant she'd thought it more than just a physical satisfaction.
Why did it upset him how easily she accepted his decision? She didn't remind him of Isabela before. Her indifference was unexpected after the passion he found below the surface. He tried and failed to push her from his thoughts. The way her eyes changed from dark purple to the color of midnight when she was angry. Or the way they seemed to sparkle when she laughed or smiled. The way she stopped just short of tucking her hair behind her ears. Or the way she had trembled when he kissed the tip of them.
The laughter died down but the man's carriage was still parked out front.
"Alright, what's going on? You've been distracted all evening?" Sean had just beaten her in the second game of chess. "You went out with someone to move cattle, knowing Jess and Harris would be here that very night."
"I thought some more experience would lessen some of the shit the old men would dish out."
Cara didn't want to tell him anything until she had to. If she was lucky they would find a way to get him home before anyone else had to know he was here.
"So, who is he?"
"He's stranded and working through the summer to get back home."
"There's more to it than that. Did something happen? Jesus, Cara. Did he force himself on you?"
"What? No, it was nothing like that."
"Then what was it like?"
"Look, I know you feel like you have to protect me, but it was mutual."
Sean paced the living room.
"He'll be gone by fall anyway so you can just relax." Cara wasn't certain he would be gone by then, but she hoped there was a way to get him home before winter hit.
"You need time to heal. You aren't ready for this yet."
Cara stood, put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "You can stop right there. I know you care, but this is my life. I'm not 20 anymore. I raised a daughter for 24 years. It's up to me to decide when I'm ready or not, not you."
Sean raked a hand through his dark hair. "I just - You waited to date until you were ready, then you decided to wait until Grace was out of school, but you still need to heal from losing Grace."
"It's been five months. There are still plenty of bad days and plenty to remind me she isn't here." She waved at the photos on the wall, there were pictures of everyone, but there were more photos of Grace. "If I want to forget that pain for a short time and found someone who can accept that I'm not ready for serious, then you should be happy for me. It's done with anyway, he doesn't want to be tied down, and he's right. Once fall comes he'll be gone.
"What an ass! He just helped himself to a job, and extra benefits on the side, but can't show a little respect. Where is he?"
Cara knew how he felt and why. "I was a willing participant. He didn't 'take' anything. I'm a big girl. If I want to engage in a little intimacy without strings, why should you care?" Cara placed a calming hand on his arm. "Sean, I know you mean well, but this isn't high school. I don't need you sticking up for me. My reputation isn't at stake."
He covered her hand with his and let out a breath. "Maybe not, but that's what family does."
She gave his arm a squeeze. "When I need you to, I'll let you know."
Sean let out a defeated breath. "I just don't want to see you get hurt more. You barely held it together when Dan left."
Cara pursed her lips. "I was a lot younger. I was more upset about what a divorce would do to Grace, than losing him. It took me a long time to realize it was my pride that was hurt. That he made a fool out of me and I let him."
"You had Grace then, what keeps you going, now that she's gone?"
Cara hugged her arms over her chest. "She still does. I know she wanted me to find someone to share my life with. She'd been bugging me about it since she turned 18. Told me there was nothing holding me back now, but me. Just because she's gone doesn't mean she doesn't want the same thing for me now."
Sean pulled her into a hug. "We all want you to be happy. I want you to find someone, I just worry you might rush into something because you think it will fix what hurts."
Cara chuckled. "Have you met me? I embrace solitude and am the poster child for patience. It felt right to be impulsive. You're just peeved I didn't pick one of the guys you've been pushing my way for years."
Sean snorted. "I was beginning to think you hadn't noticed what we've been doing."
She shrugged. "I didn't want to make you and Leslie feel bad. It was sweet of you to try to set me up, but I wasn't ready then."
"What changed?"
"Honestly, I don't know. There's just something special about this guy. If time were on our side things might be different."
Sean held her out at arm's length. "You care about him, but he doesn't want anything serious. Don't let him take advantage."
"I don't think he would do that." She bit her lower lip. How to explain? She couldn't tell him she knew Fenris well enough to know he wasn't that kind of person. Of the people, she met and even dated, Fenris was the last person to just use someone in such a way.
"Maybe not, but you haven't known him long. Even Dan had us all fooled for years."
Cara sighed. Fenris was the furthest from Dan as he could be. He was honorable and loyal to a fault. Two things Dan knew nothing about.
Sean reached for his hat. "It's getting late. I'd best head out. Don't hesitate to call if you need anything, and try to get into town more often."
Cara kissed his cheek. "Yes, dad." She grinned at the grunt he made.
Sean hugged her at the door and kissed her cheek. "If I don't see you in a week, I'll drive out and check up on you."
Cara rolled her eyes. "Such a waste of gas and time when a phone call is cheaper and quicker."
Sean ruffled Remus' head. "You keep her safe, boy."
Remus huffed and licked his hand.
She found him in the barn repairing frayed halters.
"I brought you a plate as promised."
Fenris grunted a greeting but didn't look up.
Cara set the plate at the end of the bench. "Sorry, you had to wait so long for dinner."
"It is what it is. I can't walk freely around strangers."
Cara leaned her hip against the bench and crossed her arms over her waist. "No, I should have returned earlier. I didn't hold up my end of our bargain, meals on time are part of that."
Fenris tossed the harness to the side and grabbed another.
"Those can wait, eat up. My brother said it was worth the two-hour trip here and home."
Fenris met her gaze, his eyes widened, his brows softened. "Your brother?"
"Well, yeah. Who did you think it was? You've seen the pictures in the den, he's in nearly half of them."
"I - it doesn't matter, you needn't put your life on hold while I'm here."
"Well, gee thanks, considering you decided to end things as quickly as you started them."
"I did not."
"Didn't you? But that's the way you work, isn't it? Just how long did Hawke wait before moving on?" Cara bit the inside of her cheek.
Fenris surged up from his seat, marking glowing in the dimly lit barn. "You know nothing about it." His green eyes bright with emotion, she swore she could see sparks flashing behind them.
She stood up straight, fists clenched at her side and held her ground. "Sounds like I struck a nerve. You walk away the moment things turn serious. You didn't give Hawke a choice, and didn't bother to ask how I felt either."
"A relationship now is reckless and inconsiderate."
Cara looked at her feet and let out a defeated sigh. He was right, but that didn't ease the ache in her chest ease any. Maybe if she'd known nothing about him before meeting him she could say it was just a physical attraction, but that wasn't the case. She knew him. He was just as the game portrayed him, the same pain sat behind those bright green eyes, etched the lines on his brow. In the weeks since he'd arrived, she found herself wishing to ease the suffering he still held on to.
Fenris cupped her jaw, raised her face to meet his gaze.
"I would spare you another person leaving, once you grow to care for them."
"Is it my heart you protect or your own?' She stepped away and made for the door. "Good night, Fenris." The ache in her chest tightened with each step she took away from him. She had her answers, nothing she could say would sway him, and it would be selfish of her to try to change his mind.