Chapter Five: Beyond the Veil
Over the next few days, Peyton was in and out of consciousness. Her mind and body had gone through so much that exhaustion was inevitable. She awoke many times screaming, her eyes full of terror, her body unable to be touched under the strain of fear.
It was those moments Lucas hated Jason the most.
He hated the bastard for hurting the woman he loved. For damaging her body and soul to the point where he almost lost her. But most of all, he hated Jason for putting fear back into Peyton. She'd overcome so much fear in high school after Derek attacked her and now it was back.
Well, he decided one day as he watched her sleeping, I'm just going to have to help her overcome this, too. He looked at her sleeping face; her cuts and bruises were starting to heal and he took that as a good sign.
He hadn't strayed too far from her bedside (baring the trip to the jail with Nathan, Skills and Mouth to confront Jason... where he nearly killed the bastard) since the moment Nathan told him she was awake. She'd fallen back into unconsciousness by the time they'd reached her room, but he was content to wait there. And there he was, four days later, still waiting for her to wake up again and talk to him. Waiting for the chance to tell her how he felt about her.
He hadn't heard from Lindsey, but then he really hadn't expected to. He'd broken her heart and knew she needed time to deal with that. What she'd done for him was selfless and noble. She'd walked away from their relationship in order for him to have a happy ending to his epic love story with Peyton. He felt he'd never be able to repay her for that... except by being happy.
It was nearly three in the afternoon, nearly a week after Peyton was admitted to the hospital that she awoke and found him by her bedside reading to her. He'd been reading to her all week while she slept. Or played music from her massive collection. He and Brooke took turns watching over her, allowing the other time to shower and eat.
"Hi," she said groggily, interrupting his story (albeit a pleasant interruption as far as Lucas was concerned).
Lucas dropped the book to his lap and scooted forward, eyes wide with concern and happiness. "Hey," he said just as softly. He raised a hand and touched her face. "How are you feeling?"
"Thirsty," Peyton answered after a moment. Lucas moved quickly to pour her a glass of water before returning to help her sit up straight in the bed. He handed her the cup (making sure she could hold it steady in her shaking hand) before sitting back down in the chair. "How long was I out this time?" she asked after taking a long gulp of water.
"Just a few hours," Lucas replied. "Just a little nap."
Peyton nodded and bit back the tears that wanted to flow. She felt like an invalid. Dirty, disgusting and damaged. She felt pathetic but didn't want him to know. He'd given up so much of his time to spend with her and she didn't want him to think she didn't appreciate it. She did, very much, but there must be something else he'd rather be doing. Anything else besides watching over his ex-girlfriend.
Still, it was nice having him there. She would have to thank Lindsey for allowing Lucas to spend so much time with her.
She thought about finding Lindsey with her ring the night of her attack and the tears wanted to flow even more now. She wouldn't let them. Not now. Not until she was alone. "What were you reading me this time?" she asked, changing to subject to something less painful.
"Aladdin and His Wonderful Lamp," Lucas answered.
"The original version from 1,001 Arabian Nights?"
"Yes."
Peyton smiled even though she wanted to cry. "Why?"
Lucas looked at her as if he didn't hear her. Peyton almost thought he didn't until he answered. "Because it's one of your favorites."
The words were so soft and simple that Peyton almost thought she didn't hear them. He looked at her so adoringly as he said them (in fact he'd been looking at her that way since she woke up the first time) and that only served to make her uneasy.
The time he spent with her was nice and she cherished it more than anything... but his heart belonged to another.
"What's wrong?" Lucas asked, closing the book ad dropping it to his feet. He could see the tears falling from her closed eyes and sat on the side of her bed. "Peyton?"
"This is wrong," she admitted on a raspy breath of air. "This." She gestured between them. "You being here with me all week is wrong. You have a life, Lucas. One I am no longer a part of. You have a fiancée that you're going to go home to as soon as I get the all clear and I'm going to have to find a way to get used to being without you... again. This isn't fair. It's wrong."
"Peyton-"
"Look, Lucas, I appreciate that you've been here for me. I know Brooke does, too. But go home, okay? Go home to Lindsey and plan your wedding and be happy."
She leaned back in a huff against the pillows, wincing with the pain that accompanied such a swift movement.
Lucas didn't move, just stared at her with knowing eyes.
Peyton diverted her eyes away from him, staring at any and everything but him. She was sure she was going to cry at any moment and would rather he not see that.
"Is that what you want, Peyton?" Lucas asked, his voice sounded so full of hurt.
No, no it's not what I want. She swallowed hard before answering, "Yes."
Lucas still made no moves. "I'm sorry, Peyton. I can't do that."
She rolled her eyes, sure that he was being pigheaded because she was hurt. "Why not?"
"Because I'm not getting married. Lindsey is gone." Peyton's eyes, so full of shock, landed on his face. He didn't look sad or angry at all.
"Because of me?" she asked, her mouth turned down in a petulant frown. "Because of what happened to me? Because you're spending so much time with me?"
"No," he assured her. "Because of me. Because after you got hurt I couldn't hide my heart anymore." He grabbed her hand and was pleased when she didn't pull away. "Lindsey left me because I'm still in love with you." Tears fell silently down her cheeks. "I love you, Peyton. I'm so sorry that it took you being hurt for me to admit that. I'm sorry that I hurt you in LA by leaving you and being a colossal jerk to you last week by kissing you and then going and letting Lindsey think I was going to propose to her."
"Lucas-"
"No, wait," he begged. "Hear me out." Peyton nodded. "I know you think I'm only here because I feel guilty for leaving you that night." When her eyes didn't quite meet his, he knew he was right. "Truthfully, I am. I never should have left you. In LA, in the office that night, never."
He bowed his head for a moment, thinking of the correct words to tell her how he felt. Thinking of the words to tell her what he'd experienced this past week. He'd learned so much about life and love and not taking either for granted.
"When I saw you in that bed, unconscious and bruised, my heart broke. I cannot remember feeling more lost and desperate than I did in that moment. We didn't know whether you were going to come out of your coma or live or die and I was never so terrified. Of not only losing you, but also losing you without telling you that I do love you. I always have and I always will."
He sat closer to her now, holding her hand tightly against his chest. She could feel it beating against the back of her hand and could feel her own thundering in her chest. She'd waited for these words for what seemed like a lifetime.
"I know that we have a lot to work out and to get through, I know it, but I'm willing to do it, Peyton. I don't want another moment to pass by and you not know that I'm willing to give you everything I am." He dug in his pocket for the ring he'd been carrying for days now. Her eyes caught sight of it and Lucas felt her breathing hitch. "This was never Lindsey's ring. Even she knew that. It was always yours. Always." She allowed him to place it on her finger. "Just like my heart."
Though she was in a tremendous amount of pain, Peyton smiled through the tears. A happy smile. A happy smile that reached all the way up to her eyes and warmed her to the depths of her soul. They did have a lot to work out, and she had things to deal with, but she wanted to do it with him.
She smiled to him and pulled him to her in a warm hug. She couldn't hug him as tightly as they both wanted because of her injuries, but just being able to hold him, being able to love him freely and knowing he loved her back was enough.
"Our story is epic, Peyton," he whispered against her ear. He pulled back to look into the green eyes he loved so much. "Beautiful and tragic sometimes, but ours." He kissed her hand gently. "I want it to have a happy ending."
Peyton's mind raced. She felt as though her heart would burst with love and happiness and pride at any moment. As more tears (happy tears) streamed down her face, she could only think of one word.
One word to the one person who truly mattered.
"Yes..."
Lucas smiled and kissed her gently on the lips. A sweet, slow yet passionate kiss between the boy who loved the girl. She'd gotten away from him before... but never again.
He kissed her as if he never kissed her before... or ever would again.
Because Peyton Sawyer died the next morning.
Lucas had awakened to find her cold, lifeless body lying in his arms and his heart broke. She'd passed away in her sleep (free of pain, the doctor said) from a blood clot that traveled to her heart. Something so small and tiny had taken away the life of his beloved.
It couldn't be. Just couldn't be. He'd finally gotten her back. He couldn't lose her again. Not again. Not forever.
His brother and Skills had to carry him away from Peyton so the nurses could remove her body while Mouth, Haley and Millicent tended to a heartbroken Brooke.
"No!" Lucas screamed. "Peyton!"
She couldn't be dead.
She just couldn't be.
Peyton...
- - - - - - - - -
He stood at the graveside with her father, Larry, his mother, and Brooke; and the rest of their friends, too. The ceremony had been lovely; people who loved Peyton said the most wonderful things about her. They looked in his direction when talking of her love of music and art, correlating that her love of him.
Lucas had barely heard them saying anything at all. Could only hear Brooke and Larry's sobs. Could only hear the screaming of his breaking heart resonating loudly in his mind. Could only see them lowering the casket that held his beloved into the cold, hard ground.
When it was over, he stood alone at her grave. Alone with his thoughts of her and his bitter feelings and anger at losing her forever. A touch to his shoulder made him turn around. He half-expected to see his mother, his brother or Haley behind him but was surprised to see Lindsey standing there. Had she been there the whole time? She smiled to him as warmly as she could and handed him the unfinished manuscript of his latest book.
"Give it a happy ending," she said and Lucas knew just what she meant.
She turned to walk away when Lucas called to her. "Lindsey?" She turned to face him, brown hair blowing in the wind. "Why did you do it? Why'd you break up with me so I could go back to Peyton?"
She thought for a moment, and then smiled. "It really is an epic story, Luke."
With that, she walked away from him and out of his life again.
Lucas returned home that evening to find his friends and family gathered at his house. He avoided them all and went to his bedroom, unable to explain his need to be alone to them anyway.
He pulled out his pictures of Peyton and looked lovingly at them all. She was smiling in almost every single one and the thought of never seeing that smile again finally hit him.
Instead of destroying everything in a fit of rage, instead of giving into the grief, he decided to do something that would make Peyton proud of him.
He'd gotten what many other people would kill to have: The chance to make things right. No matter what he was feeling now, he was secure in the knowledge that Peyton knew he loved her before she died. He hoped that maybe she died happy.
He would give anything to have her there with him. Anything in the world to get just one more moment with her, but he realized he had a lifetime to love Peyton Sawyer. She may not be with him anymore, but her memories would never be far from his heart.
"Lucas?" Brooke's soft voice called from the doorway of his room. "Can I come in?"
Lucas smiled to her as best her could. Brooke was hurting just as much as he was. He couldn't turn her away. "Of course."
The short brunette walked further inside the room and shut the door. "I just wanted to say thank you," she told him. "For being there for me and Peyton these last weeks. I know it meant so much to her to have you there." She smiled sadly, as the tears flowed again freely. "To know that you still loved her."
"I'll always love her."
"I know." She walked over and hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry."
"Me, too," Lucas said as he hugged her back. "Me, too"
"Make her proud, Luke," Brooke said and left him alone again.
Many others came into his room after he finally let them and expressed their condolences. It wasn't until nearly midnight, and he was finally left alone, that he opened his laptop and began to write as the thoughts of her swarmed his mind.
Make her proud, Brooke had said.
Give it a happy ending, Lindsey had said.
He would.
It was what all epic love stories deserved.
"It was more than just a comet because of what it brought to his life: direction, beauty, meaning. There are many who couldn't understand, and sometimes he walked among them. But even in his darkest hours, he knew in his heart that someday it would return to him, and his world would be whole again... And his belief in God and love and art would be re-awakened in his heart."
Lucas Scott went to sleep that night, the night he buried the love of his life, with one word in mind.
One word. Just the name of the person who was still looking out for him.
Peyton...
- The end -