Chapter 5

Insert witty one liner

Loneliness is a strange thing. Sometimes it's comforting yet at times also stiffening. It was an ambiguous emotion that one merely cannot comprehend-

"God, would you please stop that already!?"

What, my inner monologue? If you don't want to hear it then just stop reading my mind, woman.

"No, not that! Well, that too, but it's not about your strange quirk this time around. Stop goddamned moping around and get over it you asshole!"

I'm not moping around, I am being emo. That's what trending around these days, right? It's my way to emulate myself like other children around my age as to hide and disguise my identity as a reincarnated person from anybody, with Ajuka being an exception as he already knows it. Partly anyway.

"You're just moping around and we both knows it! Do you want to look at how your soul is right now? It was bearable, even if it was a bit shitty, but now the place is an utter mess! Just look at it!"

Suddenly my head went dizzy as my surrounding changed without warning. Then before I knew it I was already in an unfamiliar place… or not. It was my room, the one I had in my past life. Well, or at least it should be, but I don't think I was that creative with the furniture placement in my past life.

The bed was upside down, my desk and chair were sticking at opposite end of the room, and then there were my closet and table, just stuck on the ceiling of the room as if they were glued there.

"...Did you wreck my place?"

"I didn't, you did. This happened after that girl left you for your father. As you can see, your soul became an utter mess."

Hey, don't put it that way. Sonya was just doing her job.

"You'd say so but I'm not the one whose soul was shaken by said action of hers."

As I said, she was just doing her job. When I managed to convince my father to let me out to the human world he agreed with the condition that I was to have Sonya constantly watching over me over the course of six months, and if she were to judge that I wasn't fit to live my life independently yet then I was to return back to the family.

Now that those six month have passed I cleared Sonya's test with flying marks, but that also means there is no more need for Sonya to attend to me. As my father's bishop I knew Sonya has her duty to serve him, so I couldn't ask for her to stay with me.

Therefore I was left alone with Nozarashi, free to do anything me and my laziness would like to do. But after a few days I realized I was rather lonely without her around.

It's just how things go I guess.

"Fuck, stop being a depressive jerk you asshole! It's going to come again!"

I was about to ask what was she talking about but I got my answer by the next second.

The whole room shook as if it was a ride at an amusement park. Or rather, it's actually pretty dangerous. If my reflex weren't trained through battle then I probably would have been hurt a lot.

"See, this is what happens whenever you get a depressing line of thought. An avalanche occur for every moment you spent brooding. I can't even catch a wink of sleep with all these shits going around."

Huh… was that so.

"Wait, you sleep on my bed?"

"Don't imagine jack, dumbass! I just do it cause there's nothing else to do in this room. I can't even swing my blade around in this place."

"Huh… Then why don't you just come out more often? That'll also solve my problem of being lonely, for the most part."

"...Eww, what do you take me for, a weirdo? Nobody would want to become friend with a nerd like you."

Ouchie, that kinda hurts.

"But fine, this great miss Nozarashi will help you for once."

She snapped her fingers, and before I realized it we were both back to my room. My present room.

"Hello, is this Lord Sitri? Farith need some help. We need slots to go to the Familiar Forest. Yeah, straight away. Cyaa."

I stared at her with googly eyes, trying to process what the hell she is saying.

"Wait, is that my phone!?"

...Did she just call my pops, asking for slots to go to the familiar forest?

"So this is the place? Feels like we're in the boonies."

Said Nozarashi, scouting out our surrounding.

Actually, you can only go to the Familiar Forest at full moon. Luckily it was exactly on the date for a full moon to come that she demanded for this special treatment. Or rather, I'm pretty sure she demanded for us to go here because she knew it was going to be a full moon today.

That was why I was so solemn in the first place. Moon watching at night really makes people feel melancholic. I guess she can't handle it and snapped.

"Yo, the name's Zatooji. So what kind of pets do you guys want?"

We both ignore the man, walking forward without caring about him. To hell with that Ash Ketchum wannabe.

"By the way, do you want to get a familiar of your own?"

"Pfft, me? Fuck that, I don't need any weaklings around. Unless there's something like a hellhound hanging around somewhere in this place."

"There probably are, you know. The problem is they are apparently super hard to tame. I don't know, maybe you want an undine instead?"

"Those muscle maniac? No way in hell. Maybe in your dream."

Eh, what a pity. It would've been funny to see an undine in a battle, what's with being able to use familiar in rating games and all that.

"Ooh~~ They're talking like couples do!"

That voice.

...Oh god. No. Just no.

I thought I escaped from her already.

Nozarashi and I shared a look. I could see on her face a horrified expression that was probably also stuck on my own.

We both ran.

We ran with our full strength, even knowing that it would be futile. I guess she was similar to me in that one aspect, if nothing else. You know, during our time together within these six months I realized she and I are actually rather alike, at least in term of social awkwardness. And now I know she is alike to me in one more aspect, I suppose.

"Did we escape her?"

Like hell we did. Sera is just letting us off for a while, like a hunter playing around with his prey.

"By the way why are you escaping too?"

"Hmm? Ah, that. Those two bitches, the maid and the psycho always wanted to dress me up like a doll. I swear they can only put that thing on me if I was a dead body, and even then I'll still struggle against them."

Huh, that was new information to me.

"Then again, it was stupid of me to not expect them to appear." I muttered mostly to myself.

The Sitri family has quite the political power amongst the houses of ars goetia, but not so much to the point they can make a reservation for whatever they want just about whenever.

They had probably made a reservation here for Sona, who I saw was tagging along with Sera. In fact, I'm sure they would have called me to attend this even if Nozarashi didn't do anything.

"Tch, I guess some people just never change. And I thought that you might change for once."

I don't get what you're talking about. If there's something you want to talk about then why don't you just say it. Just because you can read minds that doesn't mean others can do the same to you, you know.

"As I said, you never change."

I really don't agree with that at all. People change as they age, it's just a simple fact. You'll change even if you don't want to, it's just a part of growing up.

She looked away with a frown, before her eyes widened, mouth gaping wide she pointed forwards.

"Wait… What the hell is that?"

"What are you talking about."

I looked to see where she was pointing, and was greeted by a snake. A large snake. With many heads.

That's a hydra.

Fuck.

I felt my legs turning around, before I dashed away as quickly as I could. There's no way in hell I can survive a fight against a hydra. Its poison is deadly to even the most powerful of devils. Now that I think about it I never saw any other animal except for that hydra around here, so I guess this is its territory that we tumbled ourselves on.

Huh, where's Nozarashi?

I can see a glimpse of her through the edge of my sight. She was escaping too, just like me. I guess she wasn't like Kenpachi who would have just straight up fought that thing. Nice to know she isn't that prone to violence.

Say whatever you want but I don't intend to be related to a person who would go into a fight against the like of Ophis just for the sake of said fight itself. That's beyond prone to violence, it's just straight up suicidal.

Hmm, I probably ran far enough, right? I looked behind me. It seems that the hydra didn't bother chasing after me. Or maybe it did, but stopped after a while.

"Nyan."

Instead of the hiss of a snake, I heard the whisper of a cat. Locating it, I saw that it was a white cat with yellow eyes. I could see it bleeding from a wound at its side. It was survival of the fittest around these lots, I suppose.

"..."

I poked it with my index finger. It barely reacted at all. It seems that the thing is going to die out at any second. I tried out stroking its ears.

"Nyan."

"Are you going to make it your familiar?"

Before I realized it Nozarashi was beside me, gazing at the cat I held with my hand. Hey, I am not going to let you steal it, capiche? It's finder keeper dumbass.

"...Yeah, I sure as hell want to."

The moment I said that, I felt my four normal pawn pieces disappearing from my soul. Then before me was a woman with hair shaped like cat ears.

I looked to my side.

Huh, it didn't even affect my sword this time around.

"Hiss! I hate dogs!"

Now what the hell is she talk-

"Yip!"

I turned to the source of the sound. It was a hellhound, one with injuries all over its body. Just chilling beside Nozarashi.

"Cool right?"

She bragged with smirk on her face.

Me, being the omnipotent primordial god of all beings except vegans, of course have the perfect response for that.

"Taming a Hellhound by beating it up in merely a minute or two? I'm not even mad, that's amazing."

It was only a week later that I found out Serafall had actually panicked when we ran away, and in said panic had frozen the hydra that we saw. That had utterly ruined the ecosystem around the forest. Oops.

I never liked parties. At all. Not a fan of gathering of any kind, really.

"Aww Fari-tan, don't make a face like that."

Then there she was. You might think that it was Sera but it was me, Dio!

"...I don't get your thought process at all."

Hey, as far as I'm concerned that was a great Jojo reference, mind you. Also you can read my mind too, huh.

Anyway, the person who spoke to me was Haineko, who is my quadruple normal pawn.

She stated that she is a nekomata and also a devil in term of species, which doesn't make any sense to me. I really don't get how this power of mine work at all. Hell, I wonder if I can get Spiderman to be a part of my peerage if I gave a spider my evil pieces…

Fuck, now that I think about it I never watched Infinity Wars before I died. Shit.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I don't even know how this ability of mine works at all. I thought I was able to make zanpakuto spirits by putting my evil pieces into a normal blade, but this time around Haineko appeared from a cat. Or rather, it's as if the cat gained sentience. Apparently she still can go back to a normal cat form, for whatever reason.

Still, how am I supposed to utilize this power of mine without even knowing what it actually is? [Can't break the rules if you don't know what the rules are] is the condition I'm in.

...Huh, that sounds like something people would post on a meme website, but I digress.

"Thinking so much would give you wrinkles, Fari-tan."

Ugh, she's literally been teasing me since the moment she appeared and never seems to stop doing so. After she knew that I'm annoyed of the way Sera refers me Haineko started calling me the same way sis does too.

"Fari-tan, here!"

This time around it was actually Sera. I could see her waving at me at a table. It was because of her that I'm stuck in this party.

This is a birthday party of Ravel Phenex from the Phenex family, and apparently they had sent invitation to the Sitri family. Since I was around for once Sera decided to take me to attend said party.

"You heard her, let's go there."

No, I think she was specifically calling for me and not the three of us, but whatever goes, I suppose.

The gang consisting of me Nozarashi and Haineko went ahead to the table Sera sat at.

Aww, Sona is there too, hiding behind Sera. How cute of her. Me and my twin sister never really had a good relationship what's with my troubles with my family and all, so I guess she's still somewhat awkward around me.

"Yo, Sera. It's been a while, Sona."

"Hyaa, isn't it Farith's sisters."

"Tch, You'll pay for this."

Those words were respectively said by me, Haineko and Nozarashi in that order. By the way, Nozarashi is mad at sis for forcing her to wear a dress. I don't know the how but Nozarashi looked soulless after she came out of the closet room so I don't intend to stick my nose into it.

And yes, Pureblood Devils usually have a room dedicated for hanging clothing.

#JustDevilsThing

God, why am I using the hashtag sign like those social media lurkers.

"H-hello."

Sona bowed a tiny bit to the three of us. Now that I think about it she hasn't met either of my two pieces yet.

"I guess I should introduce these two first. The woman with cat haircut is Haineko, and the other one is Nozarashi."

Sona peeked out beside Sera's leg.

"Sona Sitri. Nice to be meet you."

"Hi, the name's Haineko."

That was a standard greeting. How boring.

"Say that to yourself, Fari-tan."

And there she goes reading my mind again. How wonderful. I looked towards the other member of my peerage.

"N-nozarashi."

Nozarashi spoke with shaky smile instead of the usual confident smirk she had.

...The hell? This is the first time I've seen her so nerveous. Is she actually weak against young kids? It's a great gap from her usual spiteful remarks.

"N-no I'm not. This is my how I usually am." I gave her the stink eyes. She rolled her eyes in response. "You're a jerk, so you get the hardcore treatment."

Huh. A sentence without a stutter for once. That was an improvement, I suppose.

"What kind of wrongdoings have I done?"

"Well, for once there's still your sin against John."

"I told you already, I don't know any fricking John!"

I had almost swore around the middle. Not that I particularly care but Sera would probably punish me if I were to swear, especially considering that Sona is also listening in to our conversation. I just don't want to risk it.

"John?" Sona tilted her head.

"Meh, it's an inside joke, don't mind it."

"Haha, that's new to me too, what's all that about?"

Haineko popped in too, but I don't really see the point of explaining it. Inside jokes should really just stay with involved personnel

"Forget it."

"Nah, w-why don't you explain it to them?"

And Nozarashi decided to poke in too. What's the hell up with her today. She's parroting way more than she usually does. Also she's still stuttering. Why the hell is she being a nervous wreck right now?

I didn't deign to explain it and merely glared at her. Said joke was related to me having experienced a normal life before getting reincarnated so I can't explain it to them without revealing my history that I intend to keep hidden for now.

Hell, not even Ajuka knew that I was reincarnated. He only know that I have the soul of a human while also having the body of a devil. Or maybe he did and just kept it a secret from me.

"Tch."

Nozarashi should get it as she can somehow read my mind, yet she merely looked away and clicked her tongue. Really, what's the problem with her today.

"By the way, Fari-tan, have you met Ravel-chan already?"

"You mean twin tornado hair over there? Nah, I've got no intention of doing so. I'm mostly here for the food."

I wasn't, but acting crass was my style and I'm pretty much a pathological liar. I can't help it you know, whenever I have a conversation I just lie before I even realize it at all.

"...I-I'm feeling unwell."

Saying so Nozarashi suddenly took off, leaving the ball with a hurried pace. Seriously, what's wrong with her. Is she on her period or something?

...No matter how bad we thought of each other we still are decent acquaintance, so I tried to follow her.

"Ah, wait, Fari-tan! You should visit Ravel-chan first. She is, after all, your fiance!"

Ah, right. I probably should do that first-Wait what!?

"She's who's fiance!?"

"Yours. We're still hammering down the details, but it's settled that she will be your fiance. So you should really go meet her right now."

Sera pointed at a certain direction. Following it I could see two drill shaped yellow existence stuck to a child.

"I suppose I could do so, but…"

I reimagined Nozarashi's eyes as she was leaving. It was full of something that I can't quite describe, yet I was long acquaintanced with. Those eyes were something I was familiar with, ones I saw whenever I looked towards the mirror during my hardest times.

"Sorry, I'll be leaving early."

I rushed out. Now if a was a sassy as hell gal that was depressed in a large mansion of sorts, where would I hide myself?

In a corner, near the stairs.

Easy peasy.

Aaand she's not there. Where else could she be?

Oh. The place that screams out 'melancholic' like no other place does.

It was a place with windows facing out, giving us a grandiose outdoor sight. There was a water fountain splendidly sprouting out waters, and the bushes and flowers were grown tidily, clearly showing the love and hard work that went to them.

"Heh, first try~~"

"No it wasn't. It's your second. But I get where you're coming from."

It was a reference to something I remembered from my past life. She can read my mind, so I expected that she would be able to catch it and look and behold, she caught it.

"So what are you doing here. Weren't you the one scolding me for moping around?"

"Jeez. Why can't you be nice for once. Oh wait, you can't."

Huh, she's back to being good old sassy chick. No stuttering or shaking around. Though I don't get what she's talking about. I get that it wasn't nice for me to say that to her, but it fit my personality and that's why I said it. It doesn't mean I can't be nice. I just doesn't want to.

"Ah, right. You still haven't realized it yet. Right."

She walked towards me and fell to her knee. She had the body of a teenager or maybe a young adult in her early twenty. And little old me was still eight and a half. By falling to her knee our eyes met on the same level, and I could see her deep eyes staring at me.

I stared back.

She hugged me.

"I am your guilt, dummy."

...What is…

Ah, I see.

Back when I visited my mother's grave, I had lost my guilt. After said event, I never felt any guilt whenever I met my father, Serafall or Sona. There was no guilt within me even when I met them without my tightrope that is Sonya.

I had lost my guilt. And borne out of said remose, was Nozarashi.

She was the manifestation of my sorrow.

"Do you know how I felt? Always drowning in all of your sorrow and pain. Being borne of all your regret. It sucks dicks."

She said the line with whims, but I could see through her eyes that she is suffering. Because I created her out of my sorrow, because she was created out of my self condemnation. Yet somehow I can't feel any guilt for her.

I had an inkling of it, but only now did I affirm it to the ground. I had lost my feeling of guilt.

Even then, there should be some form of compassion, a form of kindness left for her. But then I realized, I spent that too didn't I? On Haineko.

"Please, don't do this anymore. You've lost your sorrow with me, and now you lost your kindness with that cat. If you lost any more of your emotion, you might lose your personality as a human being."

"..."

I wonder if it's fate playing with me. In Bleach, Nozarashi was rusted, apparently because the owner used it too roughly without care. But right now I can only see them as a sign.

The rusted blade, lonely without being understood. Rotten because of being basked in all my sadness.

A sign of her self-loathing

I wanted to create a limit for myself. This is a self-insert, so I wanted to make myself an overpowered guy with a harem. And to limit myself from that, this was what I thought up of.

There had to be a cost for a miracle. A cost for this power I attain. A catalyst of sorts. And the answer a came up with was emotion. Emotion. If I want my self insert to gain more power he would have to lose his emotion, his personality.

Would it be worth it?

I hope not. Or else my SI would be to OP too fast.

Ah well, that's enough from me for now. Buh-bye!