Bea was squirming in her chair in a shallow attempt to find a more comfortable spot. The probability that she will succeed is slim as her current feel of discomfort comes from the situation she is in and not from the chair. Only one good thing is in doctor Westfall´s office - the window. But Bea tried not to look outside too much because she was worried the blonde sitting in front of her could take it as some sort of effort to mentally escape or such. She could take it as a sign of something and Bea was all about not giving Bridget any clues, signs or indicators. Of course, this made her visits really uncomfortable lately.
Bridget let out a frustrated sigh. She was finally starting to get to Bea when she suddenly put her walls back up, that was an unexpected fallback. Bridget stretched her legs, she won´t take it as a defeat, she knows about the threat involving Allie it must be the reason why Bea is so worked up again and tense.
- Are you still feel guilty Bea? – she asked.
- Yes, - Bea looked at her. – I always do when I fail to protect them.
- We were over this Bea. You didn´t fail. They were not hurt.
- Maybe not this time, but they have tried and I don´t like it. I like it better when nobody even dares coming close to them. – Bea rubbed her face nervously. - I just can´t shake off the thought that if I have listened to her the first time when she was asking for help none of this would have happened.
- It is not your fault. Bea, seriously, stop blaming yourself for everything. Is this some type of coping mechanism?
- What? – Bea glared at her.
- Being a top dog keeps you occupied I get it. It is understandable as well as the need to protect the women. That is all good. But it is not healthy if you keep blaming yourself. You can´t control everyone and everything. Focus just on things that you can control.
- Like what?
- Allie.
- What do you mean?
- Do you think she could relapse?
- What?
- She is under a lot of pressure. Being in prison is good enough reason for someone to relapse and being under constant threat like this is a lot to take in. I want to help her staying clean but she is saying she is alright. So, I wonder if you haven´t noticed anything.
Bea shook her head, she never even thought about this.
- No, I have never noticed anything like that. As far as I know, she is coping alright.
- That is good, just make sure that she knows you are there for her as well as the other women.
Bea nodded but she barely noticed what Bridget said. She was in some sort of shock or at least she was stunned. It never occurred her that Allie could battle with some inner demons.
- What are you thinking about? – Bridget asked, obviously the redhead in front of her was lost in thoughts.
- Just that I´m not exactly the sentimental type. I'm sure that you have noticed. I'm not good with emotions.
Bridget laughed. She actually full out laughed and Bea followed. It took them few minutes to stop but it felt good. They both needed it, it was nice to feel this kind of relief.
X
Bea and Maxine are walking down the corridor towards the medical. During their shift, they got news that Tina is in medical after they have found her down in the basement near the storage room badly beaten up. Now one hour later they were walking to the medical to see the Asian. Bea wanted to have a word with her. First of all, she was curious what exactly happened. Second, of all, she might have big issues with Tina but if she was beaten up it is her duty as the top dog to find out what happened and deal with it.
They turned left and continued walking with comfortable pace down to the medical. Maxine looked at Bea.
- Do you think that she will talk to us?
- She will talk to us but I´m not sure if she will tell us anything useful.
- Probably not.
- Yeah, probably not. I´m really curious what happened.
- Well, we didn´t do it so just her dealer left.
- Or one of her friends. Maybe one of the girls who needed gear, you know that they are capable of everything. – Bea said as she turned the final corner to the medical. The nurse was doing some paperwork just looked up for a second when she heard the door open but she turned back to her work as soon as she saw Bea. She knew that Bea always visited women who were attacked.
Someone did a good number on the young Asian. The whole left side of her face was swollen. It was black and bloody, she couldn´t open her eye. Her both hands were bandaged and the left one was in a splinter. They stepped closer, walking close enough so she could see them.
- What are you doing here? – Tina asked slowly obviously in pain.
- What happened? – The tall brunette stepped closer to the bed.
- Look at me. I think it is pretty obvious. – she got out through her teeth.
- Who did it? – Maxine asked hoping that Tina realizes it would be better for her to answer.
- I hope you don´t expect an answer for that.
- You don´t want to give out your dealer, right?
- I don´t lag.
Maxine looked at Bea. The top dog just stood there intently watching the young woman. Tina is not a lager indeed. She never listens and she keeps bringing drugs in but she is not a lager.
- Looks like you are in trouble Tina. – Bea said. – Are you sure that this is the right thing to do? You are loyal to the wrong people Tina. It will backfire and you know it.
There was a moment of silence. Bea was thinking if there is anything she can say to change the Asians mind. No, probably there is nothing at the moment, so she said.
- If you change your mind you know where to find me. Come on Maxine, let's go.
Bea turned on her wheels and with Maxine, in tow, they walked out of the medical. They turned right going out to the yard where the rest of the crew went after their shift ended.
- I don´t know if this waiting is a good strategy. – Bea said.
- They have no idea we know something is up, that is our only advantage now. – Maxine answered. - What could we possibly do? If we go after one of them that will just make them angry.
- Yeah and that could lead to some mistake from their part.
- Or they will get her.
- Maybe we could get to Stewart.
- What do you mean?
- We know that he is bringing in drugs. We could set him up.
- How? He knows us and the girls close to us. He won't agree on a deal.
Bea growled, Maxine is right but she had really enough of waiting. It would be much better if there was something she could do. This waiting is nerve wrecking.
X
The whole H1 crew was gathered around their designated table in the yard. Getting some fresh air in and relaxing. Boomer, Liz, Maxine, and Sonia were playing cards while Allie was just watching them. After losing the fifth time in a row she gave up. Currently, she was doing her favorite thing. Watching the top dog and trying to be not too obvious. Bea was in the line to the concession stand. Her hair is down and she is wearing the whole teal set – sweatpants and hoodie too. Allie smiled, she saw how the women around wanted to let Bea go first but she declined and rather was waiting and making small talk with them. The women surely appreciated it. Bea laughed at something and Allie licked her lips. Bea´s voice was her soft spot. Alright, the softest of them all as she had tons of soft spots for the redhead. But Bea Smith´s raspy voice did things to her and her laughter even more.
Suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her left shin. "Ouch, what the hell!" – Allie thought and looked around. Someone kicked her under the table and because everyone was focused on their cards except Liz who was looking at her with raised eyebrows it was obvious what just happened. Allie blushed and shifted in her seat turning more to her left. She better listen to Liz and stops staring.
- Be careful Boomer, I´m watching you! I´m sure you are cheating. – she said smoothly.
- I don´t cheat blondie! I´m just this good! – Boomer answered taking one more cookie and stuffing it whole into her mouth. – But I think that Sonia is cheating.
- No, Susan, I don´t. I don´t need it as I´m better than any of you.
Before Boomer could have answered and get into some silly argument a bag of chips landed on the table and that got her attention instead.
- Thanks, Bea! – she said and grabbed it. She took out a handful after opening the bag and placed the rest for the others. Allie felt a hand softly running along her back as Bea walked past her. She lifted her head to see Bea bobbing her head towards the bench at the wall. She smiled and quickly stood up and walked to the older woman sitting down next to her. Bea smiled at her and handed her one chocolate bar.
- Thanks. – Allie smiled and made sure to brush her fingers against Bea´s as she took it. They both ripped them open and took a bite. – Did you found the clothes? I had no idea where to put them so I just laid them on the bed.
- Yes, I did. –Bea said after swallowing a bite of the sweet treat. – Thank you, it was nice of you. I promise not to make it a habit.
Allie smiled this woman has no idea how happy she is doing her laundry.
- Anytime. You are busy keeping me alive so helping you out with the laundry is the least I can do. Especially since you forbid me to leave H1 except for the yard.
Bea swallowed another bite and looked at the young blonde.
- How are you dealing with all of this?
- I´m good.
- Are you sure? – Bea asked after swallowing her last bite.
- Yes. Why?
- I just wonder if you thought about getting gear to ease the stress.
- What? You are joking, right? – Allie couldn´t believe her ears. This is not happening. She felt her cheeks redden as her anger boiled. - Once a junkie always a junkie, right Bea?
- That is not what I meant. I just want to help you.
- It is exactly what you meant! – Allie stood up and walked towards the gate without looking back. Bea was stunned, what the hell have just happened? She was looking after the quickly disappearing blonde. Well, this went down totally differently than she expected. The girls were still playing. It meant that thankfully Allie didn´t talk too loudly. The last thing they need right now is a rumor that they are fighting. Bea felt her throat tighten at the thought of Allie Novak being pissed at her or even worse upset because of her.
She was just sitting on the bench and thought about what actually happened. Allie totally misunderstood her. She will give her time to cool off and then she will talk to her. "Oh fuck!" Then it hit her. Allie is alone. She went inside but nobody followed her. She was too stunned and the girls were playing cards, they didn´t notice that they young blonde left. Bea jumped off the bench and ran towards H1. She ran as fast as she could without getting slotted.
Finally, she ran into H1 and looked through the window on Allie´s cell. The blonde was lying on the bed her face hidden under her arms. Bea knocked on the cell door but opened it without waiting for an invitation. She knows that the blonde probably doesn't want visitors now, especially not her. She was right. When Allie saw her walk in she jumped up from the bed where she was sitting.
- Fuck sake Bea! I really don´t want to see you now! – she said her voice raw from crying.
- Just let me…
- I think that you should move me from H1.
Bea´s heart clenched at the sight of the apparently upset Allie Novak with tear stained eyes.
- What? Why?
- Because the girls think that I´m a spy and you think that I´m a junkie. I would rather be somewhere else.
Allie wasn´t just upset she was angry. Her eyes were red and shining from tears. Bea, evidently she pushed the young woman over the limit. She shouldn´t have listened to Westfall.
- Is that really what you want? – she asked.
- Yes. - Allie breathed out with resignation.
- Well, then it sucks to be you because I want you here so you will stay here.
Bea said without thinking.
- Why, why do you want me here? – Allie quickly wiped the tears from her cheeks. – I brought this mess here, girls are in danger. I might be a spy. I´m just a junkie.
- Come here! – Bea said and walked closer. She grabbed the young blonde pulling her into a tight hug. - You misunderstood me. I didn´t mean to upset you and I most definitely don´t think about you that way. I just wanted to make sure that in case the pressure is too much you will talk to me or to one of the girls or to Westfall. – Bea felt how Allie sobbed and rubbed few soothing circles on her back. Her hand slid over the soft white shirt and the redhead whispered. - That is all, I swear Allie, I never wanted to upset you. I´m just worried.
Bea stepped back from the hug and grabbed Allie´s face with both hands.
- The girls don´t think that you are a spy. Don´t let stupid Doreen get into your head. The girls love you. You fit in and I´m sure you know it.
Bea smiled at her and hugged her close squeezing her tightly.
- You are my right hand, I´m not letting you go.
- Maxine is your right hand. – Allie sniffed.
- Alright, then you are my left.
Allie chuckled.
- I don´t want to go. – she said quietly.
Bea kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the bed. She laid down and reached for Allie.
- Come here. – she said. Allie took the offered hand and Bea pulled her down in front of her. Allie was emotionally too exhausted to realize what is happening. She just curled up with her head resting on the pillow next to Bea´s and let the redhead spoon her. Bea had no idea what happened either. She came to her senses just when her arm was wrapped around the blonde and she pulled her closer. It was pure instinct and it felt good. Bea let out a relieved sigh. This woman is driving her crazy. At the beginning she wanted to help her, then they were fighting, after that, she was worried to death that someone could have attacked her while she was alone and now they are here. Fuck sake, it all happened within thirty minutes. For someone who tries to suppress and hide her emotions surely, Allie Novak can make her tick and flip.
They had two hours until the dinner and so Bea Smith didn´t over think once in her life what she was doing and pressed herself closer to the young blonde. Allie was already asleep or at least half way there. Obviously, she went through a bunch of emotions in the past thirty minutes as well making her tired. She fell asleep as soon as she felt secure with a warm body behind her and a strong protective hand around her waist. Bea drifted soon after with last thought on her mind being that when it comes to Allie Novak nothing seems to work out as it should.