I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto.

italics indicate thought.

I do not think I am sane. do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. and Random. .

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Just Ludicrous

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Sakura shook her head. This was NOT going to be easy.

"Okay this store's excellent for these types of things. We'll deal with your stuff first, then I'll go get my stuff. "

Naruto and Sasuke nodded.

"Now, do your justsus here, or in an alley or something. I don't want someone spotting me taking two boys it there!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but stepped behind a light post and transformed into Sasayaki, while Naruto ducked down behind a barrel from the fish stall next door and henged into Neji. Sakura relaxed minutely. She felt nervous enough taking Sasuke and Naruto bra shopping. She didn't want others to know about this unless absolutely necessary.

They entered the establishment, and blushes developed on Sasayaki and Neji's faces. Lace was visible throughout the shop, yard after yard of it. Sasayaki tried to hide it by looking bored and spaced out, but that only made Neji's panicked babbling even more noticeable.

"Calm down!" Sakura hissed, and grabbed Neji's wrist. "Let's make this as quick and painless as possible." The back of Sakura's neck felt as though someone had lit it on fire, she was so nerved out. On the way past an aisle of particularly skimpy panties, Sakura seized a tape measure that was wound around the wrack's support pole. She then dragged Neji down to a row of respectable, not-too-lacy bras, and waited for Sasayaki to catch up. Then, blushing heartily, she began going over the basics of cups and sizes.

"First of all, you need to know your chest size. That's the perimeter of your rib cage just below your "-ahem-" chest. Like so." She whipped the tape measure around Neji so fast the blond had no time to react. Pulling it taunt, Sakura read off the tape.

"You're a 30. Okay, now Sasu- Sasayaki, you do it."

The dark-haired girl took the tape from Sakura and measured herself. "Same."

Sakura nodded. "Okay. Now, chest sizes only come in evens, so you'll be looking for 30's. Now about cups." Sakura paused. It had been bad enough when she first went bra shopping with her mother. Who knew that she would have to take her two MALE team mates? And as for talking about cup sizes in front of Sasuke? Enough to make any girl blush. "Okay. There come in letter sizes, A, B, C. 'A' is for the smallest, where as 'B' is bigger, and 'C' is bigger than B and so on." she contemplated the two girls. "Neji, you might be a 'C' cup. So go look for ones with tags saying 30,C. Sasayaki, go look for . . . 30,B." Her charges nodded, and walked off on their quest. Sakura sighed. Maybe this would be easier than she though. She watched Sasayaki. A dark look was all over her face that screamed 'I DONT WANT TO BE HERE'. Ah well. Neji was doing much better. She had already found six bras of varying colour and style, and was hurrying up to Sakura, grinning like a lunatic.

"Hey, Sakura, can I try these on?"

Sakura almost laughed. When she was nervous, and Naruto started to act like this, her anxiety always seemed to disappear.

"Sure, Nar- Neji. Let's go get Sasayaki and we can all go at the same time."

Neji wrinkled her nose. "Fine."

Sakura waved her hand. "Sasayaki! Have you found anything?"

The dark-haired girl looked up, nodded, and began walking toward them. When she was standing next to Neji, she murmered "Hyuuga's here."

Sakura nodded. "Makes sense. Hinata told me about this place originally."

"No," murmered Sasayaki.

Sakura and Neji, totally confused by this, looked around. Neji Hyuuga stood by the doorway. Considering Neji Uzumaki's face, she too was trying to suppress the rather disturbing mental images that instantaneously appeared in her mind's eye.

As Sakura and Neji's faces switched from shocked to just plain weirded, Hinata scuttled through the doorway. Sakura gave a sigh. Neji was obviously escorting Hinata around town. It was obvious from the 'I SO DONT WANT TO BE HERE' expression on his face.

"Okay, anyway," Sakura shook herself mentally. "Let's go try these on, and then we can get out of here."

"Ah-oh, Hi, Sakura-chan." 'MORE DELAYS?!? NO!' cried Sakura's brain.

"Wh-who are your friends?"

"Oh, those two? They're Sasayaki and Neji. They're stopping by the town during a journey, and they lost all of their supplies, so they need stuff, yeah. "

Neji rolled his eyes. Just listening to Haruno, he could tell she was lying. But then who were the girls? He activated his Byakuugan, thinking that maybe he could find some small detail that would reveal who these people were. What he did not expect to find was to see, under heavy layers of jutsus, was Naruto and Sasuke. Quickly, he de-activated the Byakuugan, turned to Hinata, and whispered the truth into her ear.

Sakura, Neji, and Sasayaki looked worried as a deep blush spread across Hinata's face.

"O-oh, um, sorry, Sakura, I-I've got to g-go." Instead of seeing a cute blond girl, all Hinata could think of was that Naruto was standing in front of her, holding a mountain of bras with no shame at all. "G-good bye, Sakura!"

Hinata fled out of the store, followed by a silent Neji.

"Oooooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaay," muttered Neji Uzumaki, "That was random."

"Okay," said Sakura, "Let's get this over with."

They had just entered the dressing rooms when they spotted a tall, white haired woman wearing a long blue dress. From behind, the three could only think 'How Elegant!'

As soon as she turned around, though, all three became rooted as though they had just been turned to stone.

"Oh, hi, you three!"

"K-K-Ka- . . ." Neji and Sakura stammered. Sasayaki just stared.

"Oh, please, call me Ningyo!"

"Sensei?!?"

"What do you think of the dress? Honest, now."

Sasayaki recovered her cool look of disinterest, while Neji and Sakura continued to gape. Kakashi- no- Ningyo's hair was long, but scruffy, and she still wore her mask. her bangs fell to cover her sharingan eye. The dress was perfect, with a long slit up each side to the hip, where underneath showed white shorts. a pouch, strapped across the waist, rode on her hip from behind, and she had bindings on her ankles, fore-arms, upper arms, and neck. There was a red tattoo on her left shoulder.

"Amazing," stuttered Neji.

"Stunning," gasped Sakura.

'Too noticeable.' thought Sasayaki.

"Kaka- Ningyo-sensei, this is Neji (here, Sakura pointed to the blond) and this is Sasayaki (here, Sakura pointed to the black haired girl). Then she henged. "And I'm Sakusen."

"Ah, makes sense. But why are you here?"

The three gave her a strange stare. "Uhh," said Neji, "This is a women's clothing store. Sakura brought us here."

"So have you gotten everything yet?"

"Noooooo . . ." was it just them, or did Ningyo seem . . . slow? "We still need to finish with underwear, and then we need clothing."

"Allright then. I'll meet you guys tomorrow, outside the main village gate."

The three nodded, and Sakusen lead them to some free booths. "Allright, go in, and if you need any help, call for me."

Within minutes, Neji called out. "I don't get it!"

Sakusen rolled his eyes. "Naruto, I would have expected you to be the first to get it!" He slipped around the curtain to Neji's booth.

The girl was standing with nothing on from the waist up, and was attempting to put on the bra from behind. Sakusen felt a little embarrassed at the girl's nudity, but then again, Neji had been more naked in much more public places.

"Alright, Na-Neji. The first thing is that you dont try to clip it from behind you. You bring it around to the front, clip it, and then turn it around."

" . . . Oh."

"Alright, now that one fits pretty well. I'd say keep that, and try on the others."

Neji was looking in the mirror as Sakusen finished adjusting the straps. "This looks kinda weird."

"Huh? No, the colour's fine, and it fits well."

"I meant us in the mirror."

Sakusen looked up. "WHAaa? Ah- oh." He had spotted the image of a half- dressed girl and a pink-haired boy playing with her bra straps, and blushed deeply. "Um, I think I'll be waiting outside." He slipped out from the both, and leant against a wall. He didn't know quite how to react to that scenario. This mission might end up being kinda weird.

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Can you imagine? A female Kakashi?!? Hehe, but just you wait, all you SakuxNaru fans out there, this is gonna get good. I shudder in anticipation, And I already know what happens! YAY!

I just wish that I could post Illistrations of the story. I have some character designs, and I also have a couple of scenes sketched out. I'll make a Devart site to post them, 'kay?