I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto.

Italics indicate thought.

I do not think I am sane. Do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. Let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. And Random. .

REVIEWS WELCOME

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Just Ludicrous: Chapter 11

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"Well, all went well." sighed Ningyo, lounging back in an armchair. "Now it's time for us to trail the Akatsuki until we know what they are up to."

Sakusen grunted

"Sakusen? I want you to take the first watch. you can just follow them as far as the brothel."

he grunted again, then got up and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him just a little harder than necessary. Ningyo gazed after him, then turned to Sasayaki.

"Do you think maybe-"

"Yes. it's obvious to everyone in the village back home. they love each other."

"so my efforts-"

"have only caused it to be so obvious that they've finally realized it. But Sakura will definitely deny it once we all go back home. and you probably pushed them too fast."

"hmmm."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Sakusen only vaguely noticed the looks of pity he was receiving from everyone else he passes. he made his way to the brothel, inattentively gazing straight ahead of him. Because of this, he was in complete shock when someone came up behind him and said "I could swear I know you from somewhere."

"Jerai-j-j-j-just a coincidence, I'm sure!" yelped Sakusen, praying that he had covered that he had nearly said 'Jeraiya'. He had also reached for the katana in his belt, but had managed to disguise that as a reach to scratch an 'itch' on his other arm.

The old man rubbed his chin, contemplating the teenager. This didn't last long, because Sakusen began aimlessly wandering along again. Jeraiya hurried to catch up.

"Look, sorry about those insensitive questions. The thing is, I'm a well-known writer. You may have heard of me before." Here, the man produced a small, orange-covered book. Sakusen recognized it instantly.

"That! That's the pervy book my sensei's always reading! So you are the Pervy Sage!"

Jeraiya's face fell. "Oh, not you, too!"

"So whad'd'you want with us?"

"Just information. And maybe a closer look at that cutie girlfriend of yours."

Sakusen doubled his pace, his lips slightly pursed in disgust and his eyes narrowed to slits. He was beginning to see why Naruto-kun freaked out in Jeraiya's presence so much, and definitely why he called him "Ero-sennin." Disgusting old man.

Suddenly said disgusting old man was back at his elbow. "Hey, are you headed to the brothel? I don't blame you."

Sakusen began to sprint. 'Why the Hell is he following me?!?' Shouted inner Sakura. 'Gross!"

His wild dodging around people and carts left Jeraiya completely in the dust, and Sakusen finally managed to reach the brothel. He looked through the wooden bars that enclosed the front rooms, searching for the blond.

"She's not ready yet." said one of the girls.

"Huh?"

"She still doesn't know the skills needed, like tea pouring and singing. Mama-san is still teaching her. But I would bet she'll be ready by tomorrow."

"Really? That soon?"

The woman nodded. She was a pretty one herself, with brown hair held back with a blue scarf and she wore blue and green kimonos. She had a scar across the bridge of her nose.

"So you saw . . . "

"Kid, EVERYBODY saw that little spectacle. I'm surprised Suikazura's sisters weren't murdered for that."

Sakusen was stumped. "Suikasura?"

"Oh, we all get stage names. Your sweetheart, Neji's stage name is Suikazura because of the blond hair."

Sakusen nodded. "I get it . . . Blond hair, honey suckle."

"Hey there, Pinky."

Sakusen nearly leaped onto the brothel's roof out of shock. Once he regained the ability to breath, he spun around to find Jeraiya standing behind him.

"O-ho, and Hellll-oooooo there, sweetheart." Jeraiya winked at the brothel girl, who hid her face behind her sleeve, not being demure, but as Sakusen noticed, to conceal the fact that she was silently gagging. Sakusen agreed whole-heartedly with her sentiment.

"What do you want?" he snarled. Jeraiya shrugged.

"Just collecting data."

"Like hell you are."

"Oh come now, how am I going to collect data if you don't co-operate?"

"Here's an idea. Don't."

Jeraiya wrinkled it's nose in distaste at the idea of giving up.

"Can't I at least follow you and gather data on my own?"

"If you were going to do that originally, why did you tell me? Not much of a ninja, are you? So much for the Toad Sannin, eh? But I guess in the end, you really are nothing more than a pervy old man."

Jeraiya pouted. "Now that was way below the belt."

Sakusen shrugged. "It's only things you already know yourself."

Jeraiya pouted again and wandered away, probably to find the women's bathhouse, and Sakusen turned back to the girl.

"Wow. That was . . . harsh."

"Admittedly, I do feel kinda guilty, but this isn't the first time he's asked."

"In that case, I see your point."

"Well, I'd better go."

"How are you going to raise the money?"

"What?"

"For Suikazura's contract. How are you going to raise the money?"

" . . . I don't know."

"Well, bye, then."

Sakusen wandered away and down the main street, caught up in gloom, then, ahead of him were the black-haired man and his blue companion. That could only be Itachi and Kisame. He sped up, keeping the two in sight. They seemed to be entering a bakery. 'Why the Hell-' wondered Sakusen, then followed them. He knew for a fact that Sasuke hated sweets, but maybe Itachi was different.

Once he was inside, though, he realized that tracking the Akatsuki would be impossible, let alone eavesdropping. The little shop was so packed that there was hardly any standing room. And it was loud. Very loud.

There was no hope for it. Sakusen decided to report back to Ningyo and Sasayaki. He escaped the bakery, and walked back to the inn.

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REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS, . . . please.

well, I'm really sorry about the delay. I lost my writings, found them, had them misplaced by someone else, found them again, and then my computer died.

it wont be back in use for some time to come. So this is not my computer that I type this on.

So it may be some time until my next update.

Sigh. and this is a really funny story, too. .