I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto.
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Just Ludicrous: Chapter 18
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Sakusen and Neji were walking out to the front of the brothel, Neji inside the front display room, Sakusen outside, when they looked forward and saw Kisame and Itachi strolling by. The only thing truly out of place was the large chocolate backed good Kisame carried; a brownie.
From the front room, Iruka called, "Hey there, blue boy, I heard you like brunettes!"
Neji and Sakusen gagged. Ningyo, Sasayaki, and Kakashi were strolling from the opposite direction, and were close enough to see Itachi erupt.
"GRAAAHHHH! That's why I told you, it's BROWNIES, not brunettes! What can't you get that they're called Brownies?!"
Jiraiya managed to arrive to hear the next part.
"Fine, they I'll just switch to blonds."
"That Too! They're called BlondIES, not blonds! A blond brownie!"
Kakashi, Neji, Sakusen, Sasayaki, Iruka, and Jiraiya's jaws dropped in disbelief.
Neji was speechless. 'this entire thing was for nothing?!" Sakusen was thinking the same thing.
Jiraiya and Sasayaki were just amazed to see Itachi act so completely out of character.
Kakashi, Ningyo, well, they were the same person. Anyway, they couldn't believe that this was what they had been depending on.
Iruka, well, it was a shock for her, too, apparently.
"And besides, I'm gay!"
Itachi choked, and stared at Kisame. "Since when?!"
Kisame just shrugged. Sasayaki snerked. Jiraiya started taking notes again.
"But chill," Reassured Kisame, waving a hand at Itachi, "I'm not interested in you. You look way too much like a girl for-"
Itachi suddenly became very cold. "If you finish that sentence," he snarled, activating his Sharingan, "You will sorely regret it."
Kisame shut up. Itachi turned stiffly and strode down the street, Kisame following quietly.
As soon as they were out of sight, everybody dropped what little restraint they had been practicing and burst into a cacophony of noise. Sasayaki cackled manically, Jiraiya roared with laughter, Ningyo and Kakashi beat the flats of their hands against their foreheads, Iruka began beating her head against the bars of the front room, and Sakusen and Neji began ranting at the pointlessness the entire mission.
Once Sasayaki's mirth had finally dwindled to a chuckle, Ningyo raised a hand to silence everyone. "Well," she said, "I guess we go home now. Kakashi?"
Kakashi nodded. "certainly." He strolled up to the brothel's doorway. Sakusen dodged out of the way so that he could pass. The door slid closed behind the man, and all stood silent, waiting for what would happen next. A girl appeared in the front room, and beckoned for Iruka and Neji to follow her. Hours seemed to pass as the others stood and waited. Then, finally, Kakashi strolled out again, hands in pockets, followed by Neji and Iruka. Neji ran over to Sakusen and they kissed, hugging fiercely.
Iruka patted Kakashi warmly on the shoulder, smiling. "Thanks for that. I'll have to pay you back some time."
Kakashi nodded, then raised a hand and addressed the group. "You know, I think It'd be a good idea to pack up and head home as soon as possible. Okay?"
Sakusen and Neji cheered.
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Neji danced a little as they trouped across the Great Naruto Bridge. Jiraiya had mysteriously procured a guitar from somewhere, and was attempting to play it. Kakashi and Ningyo were reading, their noses buried in two different books. Sakusen was laughing at Neji's antics, and Iruka was laughing at everyone in general. It took them a while to notice what happened next.
Sasayaki had been silent, irritated that she had not had a chance to confront her brother, and had therefore been slightly distancing herself from the merry group. Because of this, she had been the one that the duo had bumped into. She turned to glare at the two, and faltered slightly.
Itachi blinked twice, staring at the girl who seemed to carry so much noble air about her, then blushed slightly. He bowed, smiling confidently his eyes never leaving Sasayaki's scowling face.
"Hello there. I am Itachi, one of the few of the Noble Uchihas left. How'd you like to help me restore my clan?"
Horror spread across Sasayaki's face "A-are you . . . HITTING on me?!" she nearly shrieked. Neji guffawed.
"I am from one of the most sacred blood-lines, if you catch my drift." Itachi winked.
Ningyo and Kakashi stared in open disbelief. Jiraiya looked grossed out. Iruka and Sakusen just looked bemused, though they understood by the other's reactions that something monumentally weird must be going on.
Sasayaki seemed incapable of breathing; she was in so much shock. Her brain seemed incapable of understanding what was going on. She managed to stutter, "I-I can't, I - h-have to go - my own clan – bye." She backed away, and strayed very near to Ningyo, whom she hid behind.
Itachi shrugged, and smiled. "Maybe later, then." He reached out, and poked Sasayaki in the forehead, causing her to sway back a little. "At least have this." He reached out, and placed his straw hat on Sasayaki's head. Then he straightened, and kept walking. Kisame trailed behind, and glanced back. In that instant, he could have sworn that he had seen the silver haired man and woman using the Sharingan with their left eyes, which the man revealed from under a Konoha leaf head band, and the woman revealed from under her bangs, and that the chick that Itachi had just failed with was watching them retreat with two perfectly red Sharingan eyes. Kisame realized that he may be, indeed, in the presence of four Uchihas, all at the same time. He sped up to talk to Itachi, calling out, "Itachi, dude, I swear you will never believe what I just saw!"
Kakashi and Ningyo sighed, and Ningyo patted Sasayaki slightly on the shoulder as the girl shivered violently. Sakusen leaned over to Neji. "Who was that man?" Iruka leaned over to hear, too.
Whispering, Neji answered, "Sasuke's brother, Itachi." Sakusen choked. Iruka's eyebrows flew upward.
Jiraiya coughed. "Don't you think we should get going?"
Kakashi nodded. "let's go." He suddenly jumped up into a tree in the edge of the forest, and waved a hand. The rest of the group nodded, and followed him.
As Neji alighted on the branch, she looked over surprisedly at Iruka. "Hey, Iruka-chan, how come you can do this? Are you a ninja, too?"
Iruka smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, you could say that."
Sakusen came up beside them. "Really? What village?"
Kakashi called back. "Hey, stop pestering Iruka, okay?"
"Fine," mumbled Sakusen and Neji. They sped on towards Konoha.
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HUMOR!! YAY!
I so do love writing humor, irony, and idiocy
A/N snerk is my phonetic way of saying that the person snorted in amusement.
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REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS . . . please. Graduation looms . . .
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Next chapter? Ahaha, it'll be great, I guarantee it!
And if you think this story is drawing to a close, just wait, my dear friends. The fun has only just begun!