It's hard being queen. Having to make the hard decisions was really taxing on the nerves. At least I had warm blood on the way and a comfortable place to sit. Even a guy to sit and jam at my feet. Sure, I was ruling over Hell and I still had Lucifer in my head. Did I hear my name? No. Go back to...Actually, Lucifer, you've been oddly quiet lately. What's the occasion? No reason. It's never no reason with you. What have you been up to? Coloring. Seriously? You expect me to believe that? You know how your dreams have looked like acid trips lately? Yeah. They were supposed to be in black and white. You're welcome. Ok. Neat.
Despite my bright, colorful dreams, a lot had been weighing heavy on my mind lately. Like the fact I had to knock Crowley on his ass in my throne room. Did he completely betray my trust and have it coming? Oh, hell yeah. Big time. He sold me out without a thought. Although, at a time when I pushed everyone I once knew and loved away, he was there. I didn't ask for him. God knows I didn't want him at first. Even later, that's questionable. But after bonding over booze and Twinkies...I don't know. We had a really weird connection. Damn, it killed me inside to admit this, but he almost gave me the same feeling Uncle Bobby gave me. Sometimes, through our travels, Crowley really did feel like the dad I never had. I'd never tell him that, but it's true.
Regardless, I still needed to maintain the upper hand here. I just got a super badass demon army and an entire empire. To be completely honest, I had no intentions of taking over Hell. I was starting to grow accustomed to a certain lifestyle of nonstop fun, but the same one who promised it to me was the same one who handed my ass over with no remorse.
So, what do we do? We take his toys and turn them against him. As a result, I still get to do whatever I damn well please whenever I saw fit. If ruling Hell comes along with that, then so be it. That's my girl. I thought you were busy coloring. You were going off on a tangent, Lena. I wouldn't miss that. Well, go back to your coloring. You're a lot easier to deal with when you're quiet.
The doors of the throne room flung open unexpectedly, waking me from my nap. Two incredibly huge demons came in. It's alright, Lena. No need to panic. What are the odds they're here to kick my ass? Granted, I haven't had any blood in a while and I could stand a hit. Hopefully, they're not looking for a fight. Instead of putting up their fists, the duo dropped to their knees at my feet.
"Uh..." I wasn't quite sure how to feel about this here, "Can I help you lovely gentlemen?"
"Just as you requested, my queen," the left one spoke, "Crowley is up on meat hooks next to your personal chambers."
"Uh..." What the hell was happening? I mean, this was great, but I'm confused, "Cool. Thanks, guys."
"Anything for you," the right one pledged. They...weren't leaving.
"You guys can go now," I sent them off. It's weird. Ever since I got to Hell, this was the first time I truly felt like royalty. It feels good, doesn't it, princess? Oh yeah. I leaned over to Xander standing diligently on my right, "Who were they?"
"That's Azza and Orias," Xander explained, "Two of Hell's most merciless. You asked them to take Crowley out of here."
"Oh!" I squeaked, "I'm sorry. I just woke up from a nap. Still not all there yet."
"I know, Lena," he pulled me off the throne, taking my place. Then, Xander brought me back into his lap and wrapped his arms around me, "I know. You don't operate so well after a nap. But that's ok. You're still the best queen Hell has ever had."
"Thank you," I laid my head in my shoulder, "And the suck part is I'm still tired. As much as I hate to say this, I think I need a hunter."
"What?" Xander froze, "Why?"
"Because of reasons," I grumbled. Normal human doctors wouldn't do for whatever's ailing me. They find abnormalities in my blood, they freak, and I don't have the energy to deal with that, "You dare question your queen, Xander?"
"No, ma'am," he dug nervously through his pockets, pulling out his knife. Without hesitation or me asking, Xander tapped his vein for me. This was like going back to a can of warm PBR after having the world's finest champagne. Xander has filled the hole since I left Crowley, but something about Crowley's blood felt better. More refined.
"Thank you, Xander," I took his wrist out of my mouth. I didn't want to fill up on bread, so to speak. Not when I had prime rib waiting for me. Not enough to leave me satisfied, but just enough to make me up. Like a supernatural cup of coffee.
"You're welcome," Xander gave me a look, "Are you feeling ok, Lena? Usually, you'll almost drink my veins dry."
"I'm fine," I pushed myself off his lap, "I have a naughty little demon to take care of. Xander, I like you. Don't ever make me put you in this position."
"Yes, ma'am."
Now...To go deal with that naughty little demon. It wouldn't be the first time you've tortured Crowley. You did so well then. You made Daddy proud, Lena. Lucifer, we've had that talk. You're not my dad. Down the hall, sixth door on the right. Thank you! I followed Lucifer's directions and peeked through the little window on the door. He's still breathing, so I guess that's a good thing. Even if he wasn't, blood is blood.
Dammit. Crowley's still unconscious. I guess I could let him sleep for now. He is about to go through more Hell than he's used to. Kind of sad to see him up on the hooks like that. It's like when I was in middle school and we got the honor and pleasure of going to a cattle farm. It took me a while before I could eat beef again. Yet I still get a craving for a cheeseburger once in a while. It was a noble sacrifice made by a noble creature. The unfortunate downside of the food chain.
"What the hell…?" I heard the chains rattling. If that wasn't music to my ears.
"Well," I beamed, "Good morning, sunshine. Enjoying your stay?"
"You're…" Crowley's breathing sounded horribly labored, "A bloody sadist…"
"Coming from you," I awed, "I'll take that as a compliment."
"Lena," he sighed out, "You know you're better than this. You're…Losing your grip."
"What do you mean?" I wondered, "My grip has never been tighter. Now, what brings you to my chambers?"
"Your chambers?" Crowley squirmed, "I came down here to check on my kingdom!"
"Ooh," Lucifer rested his chin on top of my head, "Are you really going to let him get away with that? You know there are a few things you can do, right? You don't have to take that."
"Oh, I know," I focused all my energy into my hands and shot it straight into Crowley's stomach, making him writhe even more. Awesome, "What was that you were saying?"
"This…" Crowley could hardly talk. Did I feel bad? Yeah. A little. But what can I say? He has it coming, "Isn't…You."
"Excuse me?" I scoffed, holding back the most uproarious belly laugh, "That's freakin' rich."
"Why's that?"
"Because," I laughed, "You're the one who made me this way. It's very Frankenstein meeting his monster. I got stronger because of you. Once I got strong, I took over Hell. In a way, you brought this on yourself. I told you I didn't want to start doing demon blood. If this isn't karma biting you in the ass, I don't know what is."
"This wasn't what I wanted," Crowley coughed out, "We could've ruled together, Lena. There's no way either one of your brothers would, but you…You were a bundle of angst, anger, fear, self-loathing. All the fun of a Winchester but without the moral compass. I thought it would've been great."
"Well," I turned the crank on the chains, coaxing out another scream, "This is what you got. Like it or not."
"What are you going to do with me?" he worried as I circled him like a lioness on her prey.
"Well," I took a quick slit out of his arm, "I am a bit thirsty. And it's not like you're going anywhere. I wonder if you're as good as I remember."
"Make me proud, kiddo," Lucifer coached me from the sidelines. With a dirty smirk on my face, I bit down into the open wound and started going to town. I didn't want to take too much, though. The two big guys were going to finish draining him and bag it up for me all nice and neat and Crowley only had so much. They should probably keep him on iron, too. I'm sure there's a way of hooking him into an IV of it.
At this point, I didn't care. I was getting my fill. A warm sensation rushed through my veins like a hug. My head did a few spins. Damn, I missed this. Now, I remembered why I liked Crowley's blood so much. It was like a cup of tea for my soul. And when I was all done and wiped the last of it from my lips, Crowley was passed out again. And pale. Very, very pale. I guess I took a little more than my fill. I stuck my head out the door of his cell.
"Hey, Azza!" I called down the hall to the massive demon standing around, looking bored, "You are Azza, right?"
"Yes, my queen," he responded quickly, "What do you need?"
"Does Hell have doctors or healers or something like that?" I wondered.
"It does," Azza confirmed, "Why? Are you alright?"
"Yeah," I brushed him off, "I feel fantastic. My whole body's buzzing. But our pal in there isn't looking too hot. He's going to need to be kept in top condition for me. All the time. Every single moment of every single day. And he'll need one right about now."
"Yes, your highness," he bowed to me, "Right away."
"Thank you," I smiled sweetly, sending him on his merry way.
Ring, ring.
Oh, son of a bitch…That's not my phone. Crowley's passed out anyway. He's not dead, but he's definitely clocked out. I nabbed his phone out of his inside jacket pocket and looked at the screen. Gee. I wonder who Not Moose could possibly be. It'd be rude to answer someone else's phone. Then again, it'd be even worse to let it go to voicemail. I'm sure Crowley wouldn't mind, "Hi, Dean."
"Lena?!" It appears I've caught my brother off guard, "Where are you?"
"Guess," I started heading back to the throne room, "I bet I could give you a million of them and you'd never get it right."
"I don't have time for this," Dean brushed me off, "Where are you?"
"I'm in Hell, Dean," I cut to the chase, "Alive and well and hanging out in Hell. Tee hee. Rhyming's fun."
"What's your ass doing in Hell?!" he freaked.
"I got bored on Earth," I shrugged, "Crowley wasn't here, so I casually took over Hell. It was real simple. And all the demons down here that hated Crowley with a passion? They ADORE me. You know, we should hang out some time."
"Absolutely," Dean agreed, still pissed at me, "Tell me the time and the place."
"How about…" I thought it over for a minute or two, "Chicago. Tonight. Nine o'clock local time. There's a pizza place there that I've heard nothing but good things about and pizza would hit the spot."
"It's a date," his voice broke, "We'll be there."
"Awesome!" I chirped, "See you soon!"
Click.
Sure, I know it's likely a trap. Sam and Dean are going to try and convince me to come back to Earth and give Hell back to Crowley and restore balance to the universe. Honestly? I just want a nice dinner with my brothers. It's been so long since we've had that. A few years at least. I missed them. Even though I was still jacked on demon blood (and we're going to leave that little tidbit out. We'll call it my own personal insurance on the off chance that things go sideways.), I missed my brothers. Thanks to the demon blood, I was so strong that I wouldn't be their burden anymore, so I guess I could come home again.
Now…Who's going to stick around and babysit Crowley while I'm gone? I'm sure it'd be considered a very prestigious job, guarding the former king of Hell while the queen was up mingling with the commonwealth. I knew exactly who I'd get. Not Xander. I have a more special interest job for Xander. He had better things to do while I was gone. Shouldn't Azza be back by now?
"Orias!" I yelled into the hall, waiting for someone to come running.
"Yes, my queen?" another big dude appeared by my side.
"I'm going to be stepping out for a bit," I explained, "When Azza comes back with a doctor, let him in and tell him to take care of Crowley. I'm sure I'll need him when I come back. But I want you two to play nice while I'm gone. Got it?"
"Is torture off the table?"
"No," I assured, "Of course not. It's just that he's my blood bag and if he flatlines, one of you are going to be on the chopping block. Do we understand each other?"
"Yes, your highness," Orias nodded, a little glint of fear in his eye. Fun.
"Wonderful," I beamed, "You kids have fun. Don't forget to play nice. He's delicate right now."
I left Orias to play with Crowley and I made it back to the throne room. Xander and Seth were busy screwing around in the corner with a Rubik's cube. Bless those two. They're finally getting along. I heard them bicker when they thought I was asleep. Mostly their arguments were over who I loved more, but honestly, a relationship was not in the cards for me right now.
"Hey, Xander," I took him by the hand, "Take me back to the surface."
"Ok," he stumbled a few steps, "Lena, where are you wanting to go?"
"Chicago," I dragged him behind me, "Do we have a direct gate to Chicago I should know about?"
"No."
"Awesome," he brought me to the gate to Cheyenne, "Hey…Do you think you could do me a favor while I'm gone?"
"Sure," Xander got nervous, "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah," I settled him, "Just…Keep an eye on Seth, ok? He's kind of a fragile boy. God only knows what other demons would do to him. If anyone asks, he's your bitch and yours alone."
"Can do," he promised, "Be careful while you're on Earth, ok?"
"I will," I kissed his cheek, "Relax, Xander. It's Sam and Dean. What's the worst that could happen?"
A/N: Oh, plenty could happen. A nuclear apocalypse. Get bit by a dog with rabies. Get hit by a train. Get jumped by a dolphin. I don't think I need to go on. Or, possibly the worst of all, you could be in Crowley's position. That poor baby. I didn't want to put him through that, but here we are. And next week, we'll be in Chicago! The one city in the world saved because Death liked the pizza. I like the pizza, too. I'm going to go to bed now. See you next chapter! xx