A/N: *still feels bad about Cas from last week…*
It was going to be a long bus ride to Wyoming. Something about bus rides in torrential downpours, though…They're weirdly soothing. Maybe I could use a little something to settle my nerves. There was no maybe about it. I'm a damn wreck. I've fallen down a rabbit hole and I don't think there's a way out for me. Although, I will admit. Hanging out in Wonderland isn't too terribly bad.
I'm sorry, boys. I feel like I let you down. You both probably had high hopes for me. I bet you're regretting saving me from that bum under the overpass in Hartford right about now. I'm not the girl you thought I was. You say that I was an ass kicking hunter. But you should've left me die in the gutter. I'm…I'm just not that girl anymore. I'm just the family disappointment, the little blood junkie.
"Hey, now…" Lucifer wrapped an arm around me, "Don't sell yourself so short."
"I appreciate the pep talk," I kept my voice down, "But I'm not really in the mood."
"Come on," he gave me a little pop to the jaw, "Cheer up, kiddo. Look at what you got. You're one of the most powerful beings in existence right now. You have full control over Hell. All of the demons would grab their ankles for you. They wouldn't do that for just anyone. Not to mention, you're currently draining the usurper King of Hell of his blood to give you your power. Crowley might have been a pain in the ass, but he was one of the most powerful in Hell. Then, you came along and rendered him to a puddle. I'm proud of you, Lena."
I leaned up against the window, resting my warm face on the cool glass, "Thanks, Lucifer. I needed that."
"And you said you weren't in the mood for a pep talk," Lucifer teased, "You'll be ok, princess. We'll get you back to Hell, get you juiced up again, and you'll be back in fighting shape. How's that sound?"
"Not too bad," I managed to get a little smile on my face. But still, I couldn't help but worry about my boys. Sam and Dean are pissed. Dean more so than Sam. At least Sam could still face me. I'm sure that if Dean had his way, he'd be taking me out behind the woodshed and putting a bullet in my ass. Whether or not Sam would let that happen was still up in the air. I really should've taken the boneless wings with me, though. I'm starving. I feel like I haven't had…
THOSE SONS OF BITCHES STILL HAD MY DEEP DISH! If Lucifer wasn't in my head, I'd have him go get it for me. I sit my ass on a bus from Cheyenne to Chicago where I'm pretty sure there was pee on the floor and something unidentifiably sticky on the back of the seat in front of me, dreaming of a good deep-dish pizza only for Sam and Dean to keep it?! I got them the whiskey. That was for them. That pizza was mine. Dammit. Maybe I could get one of the lower level demons to do it? No. Dean's kind of trigger happy these days. I don't think that'd be a very good idea. Well, damn. I wanted some pizza. It'd be less of a risk to go back to Chicago than what it would be to get it from them.
"Excuse me, young lady," an older woman pointed to the open spot next to me, "Is this seat taken?"
"No," I grabbed my bag. She called you young lady. Shut up, Lucifer, "Go ahead."
"Thank you," she sat down, "It's hard on my old bones to stand for very long."
"I can't imagine." Ok. What's this chick's angle? Lucifer? You know anything? I got nothing on her. From where I'm standing, she's just an old lady. Alright.
"Can I ask you something, dear?" the old lady looked me over.
"Uh, sure," I allowed with great skepticism, "Shoot."
"Have you thought about where you'll be when Judgment Day happens?" Oh, fantastic. This is exactly what I needed. I bet she's an old nun and trying to convert me. Going by the rosary hanging on her purse, I'd say that's pretty accurate.
"Judgment Day came and went already," I scoffed, rolling my eyes, "I hate to break it to you. Most people don't even realize it, but it did."
It is rather ironic, though. She's trying to convert me while I got Lucifer riding shotgun in my head and I'm on my way back to Hell. Come on, Lena. You could use a little religion. Seriously? Are we really having that conversation? That was a joke. And a kind of dark one on my part. What am I going to do with you, Lucifer? That's entirely up to you, but remember how I think of you. That's not a kink of mine. I can think really hard on my sixth birthday. The nuns thought I was a Disney princess. It was nauseating. Was that the birthday with the pony? Yes. Ok. I'll stop. I'll just be over here.
I think I might have caught the old lady off guard. Then again, my giving a crap filter was obliterated at this point. She slowly reached for her rosary, "Have you ever thought what you'd say to God if you ever got the chance to meet Him?"
"I don't need to think about it," I explained, "I can tell you exactly what I said. I asked him which councilor of mine he was replacing. Could've sworn he was stalking me. He probably still is. Wouldn't surprise me. Given my current problem, I guarantee he's on my ass right now. Don't meet your heroes. I'll say that much."
Ouch. A little hard on her, don't you think, Lena? Someone had to tell her. I have firsthand experience. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm the last one to be defending the old man, but really? You'd go as far as to tell her not to meet her heroes? Chuck smothered me. He followed me everywhere. It wouldn't shock me if he sniffed my pillowcase a time or two. And why? Because he didn't think I could manage on my own. That seems to be the reoccurring theme here. Lucifer…You don't think like that about me…Do you? Of course not. I can't just read your thoughts. That's a two-way street. Try and read mine. Ok…EWW! Lucifer! I don't deserve you in a thong! Teehee.
We're getting off at the next stop. I don't think I'll be able to put up with the religious old lady anymore. If I don't watch what I say, I'm going to end up telling her I'm drying out from demon blood, buzzing on angel grace, and looking for my next fix. I'd probably give the poor thing a heart attack. I might be ruling Hell these days, but even I have a moral compass. I'm not that sadistic.
Denver. Oh, Denver. How I missed you so. Alright. While we're here, I needed a drink, a deep-dish pizza (that won't be as good as the one in Chicago, but food is food at this point), and to make a phone call. What kind of phone call? You know damn well what kind of phone call. I don't think Hell has its own cell tower. No. But you'd be amazed at the kind of service you can get there. Extender? I think so. I don't know. I'd have to talk to my IT guys. Hell has its own IT team? Yeah. You sound surprised. I shouldn't be. I really shouldn't. Let's start with that drink first, yeah? Sounds like a plan.
There was a bar I had gone to when I came through here with Xander the first time around that wasn't too bad. It felt like home. Kind of like the bar down the road from the orphanage. Somewhere with good people and possibly hepatitis in the bathrooms. Yep. Home sweet home. Especially for a little gutter rat like myself. I took a seat at the bar and ordered a glass of whiskey. What can I say? Old habits die hard.
Across the way, a man had a kung-fu grip on the back of his girlfriend's dress. Poor thing looked swollen. Hey, Lucifer? Yes, Lena? You thinking what I'm thinking? You're calling collect? Because in this day and age, there's a phone booth somewhere? No, dumbass. Not doing that. The man let the girl go and started hitting on another one. So, that's not his girlfriend. Or it is and he's just a trash human being. Let's sit back and watch for a minute, shall we? The guy started yelling at the first woman. I'm pretty sure he's called her everything but her name. And then, he gives the other one a swat on the ass. Yeah, no, thanks.
"Hi." And would you look at that? Dick has the audacity to come talk to me, "I don't think I've ever seen you around here before. You new in town?"
Looks like we have a volunteer. Might as well turn up the charm. I put on the fake smile I knew he wanted out of me, "Yeah. I'm just passing through. I'll probably be gone by tomorrow."
"Well then," he put his hand on my shoulder, "Maybe we should go make the most of tonight."
"Maybe we should." I need a shower. A hot one. A very hot one.
"Awesome." Can I hit him? Not yet. Oh, come on, Lucifer. Please? Not yet. You're no fun, "I got some things to go take care of real quick. Meet me out front?"
"Ok." Now, can I hit him? Patience, Lena. Remember what you need him for.
Douchebag sent me outside and I kept a close watch on him. He didn't even realize it. How dumb did he have to be? Regardless, I heard his footsteps go into the alley. And he wasn't alone. Hey, Lucifer? Yes, dear? How long is this angel grace in me going to hold out? Not much longer. How do you feel? Not too bad. It's not burning like last time. You have a tolerance with the demon blood. You'll be fine. So, theoretically, I have those pretty angel powers back, right? And then some. Neat. I slinked back to the alley where my "gentleman" suitor had just bitch slapped the poor girl from the bar.
"What did I tell you?" he snapped at her, "I'm the only one for you. I told you not to see anyone else!"
"I'm not!" she bawled, hardly able to speak, "I swear!"
"My brother says otherwise, you little slut!"
"Um…" I spoke softly, breaking them up, "Should I come back?"
"Oh," he went back to being the "nice" guy from the bar, "Hang on, sweetheart. I thought I said to meet me up front."
"I don't listen too well," I admitted, "Are you going to hit me, too?"
"What?" Now, he's playing dumb? Please, Lucifer. Just once. Don't give him that kind of mercy, "What would I do that to you for?"
"Look, man," I rolled my eyes, "You can drop the act. I'm not blind. If you don't mind, I'd like to talk to her."
"You don't need to talk to her," he shot me down, "She's nothing."
"I don't have time for this," I let out a heavy sigh, throwing him to the ground. Do you see anything I can use for an altar? There's an empty whipped cream bowl in the dumpster. That'll do.
"You did not strike me as the kinky type, sweetheart," he grinned, "But you seem to have the dynamic all wrong."
"Stop talking," I shut him up, feeling around my pockets for my knife, "I really don't have time for you, so if you could hold still. I don't want to make a mess."
"We can make a mess together." He's still hitting on me?
I drove my fist into this guy's mouth, effectively silencing him once and for all. I think I might have killed him. Oh, well. He was going to die anyway. I must admit, that punch was satisfying. It looked like it felt good. I looked over to his lady friend, shaking behind the dumpster. I needed to go that way anyway. I offered my hand to her, "Are you alright?"
She hesitated for a minute or two, debating whether or not to get up, "Are…Is he…?"
"It's ok," I assured, "He's just knocked out. What about you? Are you ok?"
"Yeah," she did a quick assessment, "Thank you."
"No problem," I helped her back onto her feet. Wait a sec. What am I doing? Asking rhetorical questions. Thanks, smartass. I took the girl's hands and focused my energy through my fingertips, healing her injuries.
The girl just stared at me in awe, "Did you do that?"
"Let's keep this between us," I suggested, "Ok? Now, I want you to get out of here. Go home. He won't bother you anymore."
"Just one more question," she stopped me, "Are you an angel?"
"Me?" I giggled a little, "No. I'm no angel."
"She's kind of a hybrid," Lucifer clarified, digging through the dumpster, "Oh, darn…I keep forgetting she can't hear me. Hey, Lena. Just a little FYI. You might want to settle the purple eyes down. My, oh, my. Aren't those pretty…"
Purple…? The hell? How can I not tell when my eyes are glowing? That's the grace and the blood making sweet love in you. Say that a little creepier next time, Lucifer. Can do! I sent the girl off. She kept looking back, not sure what to make of what just happened. She wouldn't stop thanking me, though. I guess I did a good thing. Once she was out of eyeshot, I got that whipped cream container out of the dumpster and slit his throat, draining his blood into the bowl. Here goes nothing…
"Lena?" I heard a voice in my head. I knew that voice, though.
"Hi, Xander," I smiled.
"I haven't heard from you in ages!" he freaked, "Where have you been? Are you ok?"
"Minor setback," I settled him, "But I'm fine. I need you to meet me in Denver toot sweet. And bring me a blood pouch. I'm having to get by on a scrap of angel grace and it's starting to wear off."
"On my way," Xander promised.
"Thank you, sweetie!" I beamed, cutting off our connection. Now, what to do with the corpse…Salting and burning it would probably be the best, but where am I going to do that this time of night and on such short notice without a vehicle? I could just do that right here, but I feel like that'd bring unnecessary attention.
Are we just going to avoid the elephant in the room? What elephant? The you and Xander elephant. What about us? That's not an elephant. Right now, he's kind of my right-hand man. Lena…Do we need to have a talk? What? How high are you? You're avoiding the subject. What the hell are you talking about? Well…When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much…Dammit, Lucifer! No! We do not need to have the sex talk. I'm not sleeping with Xander. Are you sure? He's a cutie. And an incubus demon. Yeah. That wouldn't be a middle finger to not only my brothers, but to all of Heaven. Lose my virginity to an incubus demon. Right now, Xander runs my errands. Nothing more. That's not happening. If you say so…
I lit a match on the dead body in front of me and walked away. Now, if I were Xander, a demon built solely on the sin of lust, let loose in Denver when I haven't gotten any in a while, where would I be? Strip club? Cathouse? Crappy motel? Suggestions would be appreciated…Any time now…Any second now…Oh, was that for me? Yes, Lucifer. That's for you. How the hell should I know? I didn't mingle with the incubus demons. The occasional succubus, yes. But I don't know where Xander would be. Did you think to try a bar? Not all of them are skeevy like that.
"There you are, Lena!" Ask and ye shall receive, I guess. Xander ran toward me through the alley, hugging me tight, "I'm so glad to see you."
"Good to see you, too, Xander," I choked out, hoping he didn't break me, "Did you bring me a little present?"
"Just as you asked," Xander gave me the best brand of applesauce Hell had to offer. Without further hesitation, I started drinking it down like it was going out of style, "So, where are we off to? Back to Hell?"
"Yeah," I caught my breath, "Just for a little bit. Then, we need to head for the border."
And so, the three of us got on the next bus to Cheyenne. As long as I don't have any more preachy old ladies next to me, I think we'll be fine. Besides, it's a little cold up here. I'm looking to go somewhere just a tad warmer.
A/N: So, Lena still has a bit of a moral compass. That's good to know. She's left the boys. She's about to head back to Hell. And then, it's a trip to Mexico! Good. We could all stand a little vacation. Mexico sounds like a good idea. Speaking of good ideas, I'm thinking about when this is all over. Would you guys be cool with a kind of cheeky Destiel fic? I'm pretty sure some of you would be? I had a good idea for one a couple months ago when I couldn't sleep one night and I really, really like it. I don't know. Just something to rattle around the noggins. See you next chapter! xx