A/N: I do not own Criminal Minds!
Chapter 9
A few days later…
She was awake. Like most nights. Emily tried her hardest to hide her insomnia from her girlfriend, but she also wished that some nights she could just get up and do something so she didn't have to lay in bed and pretend that she was asleep. She was thankful when her phone rang. She got up and answered the phone in the living room.
"Hello?" Emily asked the blonde who called her.
"Em? I'm sorry… I probably shouldn't have called. You were sleeping and I just woke you up and-"
"I wasn't asleep, JJ. Insomnia hitting hard today. What do you need?"
"Henry is crying non-stop and I have no idea what to do! I'm just… I can't…."
That's when Emily realized that JJ was crying and possibly hyperventilating. "JJ, I'll be right over. It'll be ten minutes, okay? I'll be there soon."
She hung up and walked to her bedroom.
"Is everything okay?" Remi murmured slowly.
Emily stared at the woman half-sleeping on her bed. "Everything's fine. There's a case," She lied as she grabbed her go-bag. "I'll see you later, Remi."
"M'kay," Remi whispered. "Love you."
The profiler froze. She took one last look at Remi. She left the room silently. She didn't know why she lied to her girlfriend. Sometimes things came out of her mouth before she had time to think about it. She stopped at Maia's bedroom and looked into the room. Maia was sleeping soundly. She mentally told the baby girl that she loved her.
She left her apartment and headed to JJ's.
Emily only had to knock once before JJ opened the door. The profiler heard the wailing from inside the apartment. She took one look at JJ and knew that she made the right decision coming.
JJ had dark circles under her eyes. Her skin looked pale. She looked disheveled like she hadn't showered in a while. Tears stained her clothes.
The brunette sighed and pulled her friend into a hug.
"I shouldn't have called you," JJ sobbed into her shoulder. "I just didn't know what to do. I'm so lost."
"Of course you should have called me! I told you before that you weren't going to go through this alone. Come on, let's go see your son." She took the blonde's hand and they walked into the apartment.
Emily walked to the crib and picked up the screaming baby. "Shhh…" Emily whispered as she bounced the baby gently. "It's okay, Henry. You've stressed your mommy out, haven't you? Awe, Henry. It's okay. You don't have to cry."
"I've tried feeding him, I've changed his diaper, I've tried swaddling and swinging him like the books said. Whatever the hell that means. Nothing seems to help."
Emily nodded and took a seat on the rocking chair. "Sometimes, babies match the emotions that their parents feel. You're overwhelmed, Jen. He feels that too. We just have to be calm. And here…" She reached over and turned the window fan on, creating a loud constant sound. Henry started calming down. Emily smiled, looking down at the little boy. "This little one's just tired, I think. Just like his mom." She looked up at JJ, who had tears running down her cheeks.
"How'd you do that so easily?" JJ asked her, with sadness in her voice.
"It took me a month to realize that it would help Maia," Emily admitted. "I realized she was calmer and fell asleep faster when Remi vacuumed the apartment. Some babies like constant sounds."
"I thought… I thought it would be natural, you know? Like I would just know what to do."
Emily nodded sympathetically. "If only it worked that way. But no parent is natural at being a parent. They learn. And they get better with experience. And now, you are going to go to sleep. I'll stay up with this little munchkin."
JJ shook her head. "You don't have to. I can stay up with him. I've already asked you too much."
"No, you haven't. I wasn't going to sleep tonight anyway. Please, go to bed. You need it more than I do."
"Thank you, Em. Seriously. I don't know how to make it up to you."
"Just promise me that you'll call me anytime you need help in the future. Day or night."
JJ smiled at the profiler. "I promise."
"A trip to your father's lake house?" Derek asked Emily on the way to DC from a long case.
The brunette nodded. "Yep. And I would really appreciate it if you could see if it was worth fixing it up or selling it and such. If it's not too much to ask."
Derek smirked at her. "Too much? Princess, this is all I do in my free time. You know, other than some other things…"
Emily rolled her eyes and then replied, "Other that TMI comment, thank you. Anybody else up for a trip? I can't promise it'll be any fun, but I thought we could bring some games and at least have alcohol."
"And this house…" Rossi started to say before he was interrupted by Emily who knew what he was going to ask.
"Is a mansion, Rossi. Don't worry, everyone will have their own separate rooms."
Rossi gave her a thumbs up and Emily turned to the rest of the team.
"Is Remi going to be there?" Spencer asked with hope in his voice. He had become quite good friends with the professor and always enjoyed her company and her never-ending knowledge of Battlestar Galactica.
Emily smiled at him, glad that he wanted to hang out with her girlfriend. "Yes, she will be there. Maia will be joining us as well. She's out of her crying through the night stage, but Henry probably won't be. Since he and JJ are coming, too. Oh, and I already asked Garcia. She already told me she will handle the games." The team groaned at her statement about the games and Emily added, "I know. I tried to tell her that they were handled, but she told me that she was going to bring them either way. So we will have to deal with Adult Clue again."
"Maybe I shouldn't come," Hotch muttered. "Last time we played, I had to catch the UnSub who had a murder weapon of a-"
"Blah! Don't remind me!" Emily yelled out. "But maybe she will be so invested in either the babies or my relationship with Remi so she'll forget all about it."
Jordan cleared her throat, talking for the first time. "Is everyone invited?"
"Of course!" Emily told her cheerfully. "It would be awesome if you could come, Jordan. We can get to know you better. Ooh, and you can meet Remi. I bet you'd really hit it off."
JJ's current replacement grinned at the profiler. "Thanks. I'd be happy to come. Besides, I've been meaning to ask JJ how she got through this job."
"You're doing great, Jordan," Emily comforted her. "You'll get used to it. It gets easier."
"Did you tell your mother that you were going to the lake house?" Remi asked her girlfriend as they pulled out of the parking garage, on the way to the lake.
"Nope," Emily answered simply. "She would never approve of me taking a vacation, god forbid anyone has fun!"
Remi snorted, chuckling lightly. "I'm glad I get to meet Jordan for the first time. She sounds awesome. From what you said about when you had to go undercover to get information out of that creepy guy, she sounds rad."
"Ugh, don't remind me of the Viper. I still have nightmares of that creep. But yeah, she was a real asset with that."
"Tell me again how you are able to easily convince a guy who specializes in picking up chicks that you are straight?" Remi asked her curiously.
Emily shrugged. "Easy. Just stand there. Guys tend to think that all the girls love them. It just reminded me how lucky I am that I am not attracted to those bozos. And that I have you."
"That isn't saying much," Remi told her. "I think a piece of cardboard would be a better catch than a guy like that. Or any guy for that matter."
The profiler laughed. "Yeah, maybe you're right. All the guys I dated were assholes."
"Guys that you dated?" Remi questioned slowly. "What guys? When?"
Emily inwardly groaned. She slipped up. She kept her guard down and she got slammed. "I dated guys when I was young. I would sleep with practically anyone who would piss off my mom. And that wasn't difficult."
"Wow," Remi stated, her eyebrows raised. "I didn't know you were like that."
Emily frowned. She knew she said too much. "Like what? A slut? It's not like I'm proud of my past."
"No, Em. Not a slut. I didn't mean it like that. That was rude of me. You were a sexually active teen. That's cool." Remi started tapping her foot, a sign that she was becoming anxious.
"Relax, Rem. I'm not offended. It was who I was. I'm very different than the ignorant teen that I was."
Remi felt like she had to open up as well, knowing that it was never easy for Emily to admit something about herself. "I didn't lose my virginity until I was twenty-one. I waited until I loved somebody. Call me a prude-"
"I wouldn't call you that," Emily said strongly. "What you did was smart. You did what you felt comfortable with. And I'm jealous of that. I wish I waited until I was ready."
"No one else saw it that way. In my freshman year of college, I told my roommate. She got drunk and told everyone. The rest of the year, the people in my dorm called me 'Adult Virgin.' It was a bad year. And, I still had my braces."
"That sucks," Emily told her. "They sound like assholes. I'm sorry you had to go through that."
"Yeah, well, now I get to teach arseholes like them and I have the ability to fail 'em," Remi joked lightly. "Besides, I'm dating a hot girl. My life is complete. What was your freshman year like at Yale? It must've been something."
Emily didn't want to tell her the truth. She didn't want to tell her that she spent her late teen years alone. "It was normal, I guess. Frat parties, studying, and prestigious know-it-alls."
Remi knew her girlfriend well enough that she knew when Emily closed up. She sighed and accepted defeat.
The large house remained next to the lake. Emily stared at it in awe. It looked old and rustic, but not damaged. She didn't know what she hoped for. She thought it would be easier if the house was in rough shape. She thought then, she wouldn't love it. But the house reminded her of her father. The little she remembered about him.
Remi joined her at her side, holding little Maia. She raised her eyebrows, taking a long glance at the fancy mansion. "Bloody hell. You never told me that your father was a millionaire."
"I'm definitely not poor," Emily admitted as she walked to the front door. She brushed her fingers along the wooden door. There was something familiar about this place. She just didn't know how.
"Em? Darling? Are you okay? Do you want to go inside?" Remi asked, concerned for her girlfriend who was just staring at the door.
"Oh, uh, yes." She unlocked the door and entered the house. The foyer was large, with a fake bird hanging from the tall ceiling. Something about it made Emily feel calm.
"Holy shit," Remi breathed out. "This is something from my dreams. Ooh, I'm going to find the master bedroom!"
As Remi went upstairs, Emily glided through the house, feeling odd comfort.
The team started trickling into the house, in awe of its beauty. Derek was first to arrive and marveled at all the complex details of the house. He spent the next hour just walking around the house while other guests arrived. Penelope was second to arrive. Remi and Emily knew the minute she arrived, for they heard her excited squeals from inside the house. She has spent most of the time playing with Maia. Rossi was next, giving Emily another thumbs up as he entered. He didn't look around. He took a seat in the living area and poured himself a glass of scotch. He was already home. Hotch arrived next. He greeted the team but then went to find his room and started to unpack. Relaxing would have to wait. Spencer came next with a bag of books in his hand. He took a seat next to Rossi and started reading some Russian Lit, getting ready to have intellectual conversations with Remi later.
When Jordan knocked on the door, Emily approached her happily. "Jordan! I'm so glad you made it!"
"Hey, Emily!" She said, hugging the profiler. "This place is wicked cool. Thank you for inviting me again."
"You're part of the team, now, Jordan. Come inside! I have to introduce you to my girlfriend. She's excited to meet you." Emily led her new friend through the foyer and into the living room.
Remi walked up to the liaison. She put out her hand out and said, "I'm Remi Ramirez. It's so good to finally meet you. Emily has told me so much about you."
"Hi, Remi!" Jordan said and shook the professor's hand. "Jordan Todd. This place is fucking amazing, Emily. Oh, shit. My language. The baby."
Emily snickered. "It's fine, Jordan. Maia's first words were, 'ass' and 'gun.' So, you know what it's like at our house now."
The brunette profiler's attention was interrupted when she heard a knock and the door opened. JJ entered the house, holding Henry. Emily quickly approached her and took Henry so that JJ could pull her bags in.
"Thank you, Em," JJ murmured. Taking a deep breath when she entered. "Wow. This place is crazy beautiful."
"Well come inside! Everyone is in the living room. I think Maia is going to be glad that Henry is here so that Garcia puts some of her attention on someone else." Emily told her as she led the blonde to the living room.
JJ grinned at the sight of her team just sitting around, looking calm. It was a fresh sight after they normally spend all their time with dark cases.
Emily watched the team talk interact in the middle of dinner. She couldn't help but feel happy. She watched her girlfriend geek out about Dostoevsky animatedly with Reid. She watched Garcia and Derek chat about how they would change the house and make it the ultimate party house. She watched Hotch talk to Rossi about what he was planning on getting his son for Christmas. She watched Jordan and JJ talk about their experiences being liaisons for the BAU. She felt pride inside, bringing all these people together.
JJ saw her grin and she whispered in Emily's ear, "You've done good today."
"The babies are asleep," Emily said as she sat down with the rest of the team as they roasted marshmallows at the fire pit outside of the house. "We can now relax."
"I remember when Jack had problems sleeping through the night. I'm surprised that they fell asleep in the same room," Hotch mentioned to his subordinate.
Remi asked him, "How old is Jack again?"
"He's almost four," Hotch informed the professor. "It has gone by so fast."
"So, Emily, are you going to keep the house or are you going to sell it?" Morgan asked her curiously. "Because I can take it off your hands if you need me to." He smirked at her playfully.
Emily snorted. "I bet you would. I heard all of your plans with Garcia about changing the house. You know, I think I'm going to continue renting it out and keep it as a vacation home. I think it would be a mistake losing this place."
"So you didn't come here as a kid?" Rossi asked his fellow agent.
The brunette profiler shook her head. "I think I would have remembered coming to America as a kid. And it was always too painful coming here after my dad died."
"And now his namesake is here in his house," Garcia commented happily. "That's crazy symbolic. It's like full circle here!"
Emily's face fell. She did not tell Remi about Henry's middle name. She watched the team nod thoughtfully. It was only Remi who had no clue what the tech analyst was referring to.
Remi furrowed her eyebrows and muttered under her breath near Emily, so she could hear. "What does she mean by namesake? You're named after your mother."
JJ, who was on the other side of Remi, also heard what she said and understood what it meant. "Oh, uh, Henry's middle name is Elijah, after Emily's dad. I figured that my son should be named after two men who truly loved their family."
The professor turned to Emily and looked her directly in the eye. She cleared her throat as if she was about to yell at her girlfriend. But instead of screaming, she lowered her voice and told her, "That's special. I think I'm going to go check on Maia." She got up suddenly, worrying the rest of the guests.
"I'll go with you," Emily said as she followed her girlfriend into the house. Once the door closed behind them, the profiler murmured, "Remi, I was going to tell you, but I didn't think it was important."
"Naşa," Remi stated harshly.
"What?"
"I know what it means, Em. I'm not an idiot. I know as many languages as you, remember? I know all the Romance languages. I know that you were there for JJ the whole time. Before and after Henry's birth. So being his parent figure didn't surprise me. But he's named after you? A child, not your own, is named after you?" Remi asked her, tears bubbling up in her eyes.
Emily shook her head, not believing that this was really happening. Especially after the almost perfect day she has had today. "JJ just appreciated all that I did for her. Nothing more than that."
"I didn't even know your father's name was Elijah."
"Neither did JJ! She had to get Garcia to look it up!" Emily admitted, her voice raised, not knowing what to say to her at this point.
Remi stared at her, trying to contain her hurt. She stood in front of the woman she loved and hoped that their love could be enough. She took a deep breath and sighed. "Okay. Alright. Sorry for acting like a paranoid git."
"No…" Emily said, walking up to her girlfriend and pressed her hand to the professor's cheek, caressing it delicately. "Don't apologize. I haven't been there enough for you. I- I've been neglecting you and that's my fault. I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"
She didn't even hesitate to nod and hugged her girlfriend. "Of course I can, Em. But I'm still tired. I'm going to go to bed, but you stay up, okay?"
"Okay," Emily told her with a nod. She watched her girlfriend go up the stairs and leave her all alone in such a big house. She jumped when she heard the door closed. She turned around to find Hotch walking up to her.
"Everything okay with you and Remi?" He asked her as he took a seat close to her.
"Yeah, yeah, we're fine," Emily lied easily. She found Hotch glaring at her, and she realized that he knew the truth. She groaned, annoyed that he knew how not okay everything was. "I don't know, okay? She said that she's fine…"
"You're a profiler, Prentiss," Hotch reminded her. "You know her better than most. If you think that she really isn't okay, then you are probably right."
Emily shook her head. "I don't profile her."
"Why?"
She furrowed her eyebrows. "Excuse me?"
"Why don't you profile her? I mean, profiling a significant other is what every person in a relationship does. They just don't call it profiling. As a person in a relationship, you try to notice their tone, posture, and behavior, so that you know if you have done something wrong. So why aren't you profiling her?"
Emily never saw it in that way. "I don't know."
"When Haley and I were in the beginning stages of our relationship, we did everything we could to learn everything about each other. We studied each other. We knew everything about each other. We were so honest that trust came easy for us. We profiled each other so closely that we fell in love. But it was when I became an actual profiler, when I studied other people, that I stopped profiling her. Now I realize that I knew that if I profiled her, I would have noticed she was unhappy with me. And I couldn't handle that," Hotch confessed to her wisely.
"So, are you saying that I don't want to know how she really feels?" Emily asked him, trying to read between the lines.
The Unit Chief shrugged. "Maybe. Or maybe not. Our relationships aren't the same, Emily. I was married to Haley for years. We had the time to create perfect trust. Maybe you just don't trust yourself enough to let yourself profile her and let her profile you."
Emily thought that through and found it to be true. "And what do you think that I should do about that?"
"You can't help how you feel, Prentiss. You can love someone all you want. But that isn't what makes a relationship a good and strong one. I wish I had realized that before it was too late," He nodded curtly before getting up and heading back outside.
"Wait, Hotch!" When he turned around to look at her, she asked, "Can you tell everyone that I went to bed? And tell them that we are okay?"
"Of course. See you in the morning, Prentiss."
"You, too, sir."
Emily walked upstairs to find Remi snuggling with the sheets in the huge bed. Emily took off her shoes and coat and crawled into bed. She wrapped her arms around the professor and realized that the woman was asleep. She was left alone with her thoughts to keep her company. She thought about everything Hotch had told her.
She knew that she had been making so many mistakes with Remi. She didn't know if it was because she didn't know how to do relationships in general or she didn't know how to do a relationship with Remi. All she knew was that she loved the professor and didn't want to hurt her. She just didn't know if that was enough for Remi. She didn't know what else she could give her. And that's what scared her. Remi was the first person not in the team to understand her in so long. They were so similar in so many ways. But Emily still couldn't let her in. And she didn't know if that was because she has so many walls that she didn't know if she could let anyone in or if she just couldn't let Remi in.
"Emily, do you see the birds on the water?" He asked as the young girl snuggled closer to him on his lap. "They are heavy but they can float on the water."
The little brunette girl wasn't interested in the birds like he was. "Big boats can float on water, too, daddy."
The older man chuckled and held his daughter tight. His smile creating lines on his face that were rarely used. "I guess you're right, Emmy. People can float on the water, too."
"But don't they sink, daddy?" Emily asked her father curiously.
"Yeah," Elijah agreed, his smile forming into a frown as he stared at the murky water. His frown showed the age to his face. He was still so young, but he looked so old. "Yeah. People sink."
"Elijah!" A voice called out from behind them. Both father and daughter turned around to find a stern woman with hands on her hips, glaring at them. "Elijah, Emily, come here right now."
Emily glanced up at her father and whispered, "I don't want to go. I want to stay with you, daddy."
"I know," He told her as he kissed her forehead. "But we don't want your mother to be angry with us, do we? Come on, Em." He helped his little girl get up. He held his daughter's hand tightly as they walked to the lake house where Elizabeth Prentiss was waiting.
Once they reached the ambassador, she commanded, "Emily, go to the car. I need to speak to your father."
"But we just got here!" Emily complained, stomping her foot dramatically. "I don't want to go to the car! I want to stay with daddy."
"Emily Elizabeth!" The cold woman yelled. "Do what I told you and go to the car. If you don't go to the car in the next five seconds I will ground you."
"NO!" Emily screamed, wrapping her little hands around her father, trying her hardest not to let go. "I love daddy! I want to stay with daddy!"
Elizabeth snarled and replied darkly, "If you don't go to the car, missy, I am going to call Jimmy so that he can grab you and take you to the car. Do you want him to do that?"
Emily's eyes darkened with fear. She shrunk back, afraid of the big man who was in charge of her mom's protection service. She shook her head.
Her dad pulled Emily's hands away from him and crouched down to look at her. "It's okay, Emily. Go to the car. You don't need Jimmy, do you?" When Emily shook her head, he continued. "I love you, Emmy. Go to the car. I'll see you soon."
With one last hug, she walked to the house. She left the door slightly open so that she could hear their conversation.
"What the hell, Elijah. I thought something bad happened to you both. You just disappeared like that. No note, nothing? You take your daughter to a different country and just don't say anything?" She heard her mom say in the angriest voice the young girl had ever heard.
"Liz… I needed to see my daughter. You've kept me away from her for so long…"
"Because you won't stop drinking!" Elizabeth yelled at him. "You gamble and cheat and snort and drink. I can't trust you with her."
"She's my daughter, too," He argued, his voice becoming deeper.
"You lost your right to say that when Emily found her father in severe withdrawal from the coke and you forgot who she was."
"That was a mistake…"
"A mistake? Elijah, what if you hurt her? I told her you were sick, but she's nine. She's not an idiot," She paused before continuing. "I know you love Emily. I have never doubted that. You love that little girl more than you love anything. And that's why she only sees you at your best. I know you're struggling, but I can't let her see you until you get some help. Just get some help, Elijah."
"No one can help me, Lizzie."
"Yes, they can. Do it for Emily. She needs a father."
Emily heard a sound so soft, she almost would have missed it. But she didn't. She knew her father was crying.
"She doesn't need me. She shouldn't love me."
Emily didn't hear what came after that. She ran to the car. The second the door closed, she put what she heard into a little box inside her head. She closed the box and pushed it away. She put her headphones on and drowned out any thoughts she could possibly have.
Emily woke up shivering and nauseous. She ran to the bathroom and threw up. She washed her hands for minutes, trying to scrub away the dirtiness she felt. She checked the clock before leaving the bedroom. It was perfect. No one should be awake. She walked outside, feeling the brisk chill. She sat down in the same spot she had years ago.
Repressed memories. Just another thing that Emily could add to her endless list of problems. She started to cry, feeling what she had felt when she was nine years old. She had pushed away what she felt for so long. She felt like it just happened. She felt pain for her father. She just wanted him there, holding her. She just wanted to talk to him one last time.
Her catatonic state was interrupted when she felt a warm blanket wrap around her. She looked up to find a familiar blonde stare back at her. Emily felt like she didn't deserve the blanket, but she held it close to her.
"Do you want to talk about it?" JJ asked her gently, not pushing the brunette in any way whatsoever.
Emily didn't know words were falling out of her mouth until it was too late. "I have been here before. I pushed the memory away so far, but I've been here. I know why my mom wanted me to sell it now."
JJ sat down next to her friend. "What happened?"
"I was nine. Dad picked me up from my house in Russia in the middle of the night. I hadn't seen him in so long. He took me to the airport and we flew to America. He took me to this house. We just watched the water together. He held me close and reminded me he loved me. My mother came and took me away. My mother kept me away from him all my childhood. He was messed up. He drank, did drugs, everything. My mom tried to hide it from me. The last thing I heard my father say was that I shouldn't love him. He OD'ed a few days later. My mom couldn't hide that from me. But we were able to hide it from everyone else. To the public, Elijah Asher Prentiss died from a car accident."
JJ took the brunette's hand, holding it tight. She watched the woman break in front of her. The strongest woman she had ever known was falling apart. "I was eleven when my parents found my sister in a pool of her own blood. They tried holding me back, but I was stubborn. Rosaline was seventeen and my best friend. The previous day she gave me her necklace and told me she loved me. It took me a long time to realize that she really did love me. That her suicide had nothing to do with me. She wasn't well, mentally. And neither was your father. But that doesn't mean they didn't love us and we didn't love them. Because we did. I like to think they are happy now. That they found peace."
Emily sobbed and put her head on JJ's lap. Much like Emily had once done for JJ, the blonde brushed her fingers through the brunette's hair.
"Sometimes I- I feel like I'm hanging by a thread and I think that there is nothing really here tethering me down," Emily admitted to her in a quaking whisper. "I want to tell Remi. I want to tell her everything. I just can't."
"That's okay. You're the first person I have told about Rose. You'll get there with Remi. But in the meantime, you can talk to me. Just keep talking to me. And if you ever feel like you are hanging by a thread, come to me. I'll remind what will keep you tethered down here. Like Henry. And Remi. The team. And me."
Emily nodded, feeling better about everything. She felt comfortable in JJ's arms. She felt reassured and relaxed. She felt like she could just be herself.
Hey, lovelies! What a depressing chapter, am I right? But actually, it's a very important one! And unfortunately, I think it will be the last one for at least a couple of days. I'm going on a trip where I don't have access to my laptop, so I won't be able to update. But do not fear! I will be back and I will finish this story!
So Emily repressed some memories. But that isn't a surprise, is it? It breaks my heart how much Emily wanted to tell Remi about how she felt. But Emily being Emily closed herself off. At least JJ was able to comfort her. I loved writing that flashback. It hurt to write, but I love kid Emily and her dad.
I know some people still think that JJ is using her or that Emily is using Remi, but once again, let me reassure you that that is not the case. JJ is being a shoulder to lean on, knowing Emily better than anyone. She is NOT using Emily or trying to get her to break up with Remi. I know it seems like Emily is using Remi in some ways, but she isn't trying to, no matter how it looks. Emily does love Remi. She just doesn't know how to trust her.