Author's Note: Yeah. I know. Bad. I can't help it. School is making me insane. But here's a nice long chapter full of silliness and villains and cute animal companions. You'l like it. Josak has a new dress and there's a fork-stabbing. Anyway, Christmas is coming and with break comes free time, so there'll be chapters then.

Yuuri sipped his tea as Candide finished his breakfast. For the last three days, Yuuri had been taking his meals with his prisoner. He wasn't sure if it was doing any good. Candide was, at least, eating again. That was undoubtedly something. But he was reluctant to talk, and when he did, it was usually incoherent accusations. When he could think of nothing else he would repeatedly call Yuuri a liar and badmouth the Mazoku in general terms. Other times, he voiced elaborate conspiracy theories or demanded to be executed and have it over with (and he came up with some very peculiar ways he might be murdered). Today he had become utterly convinced that Yuuri had arrested the girl and her baby once they were found, and that was why Candide hadn't been allowed to see them.

Conrad's man had been unable to find her, and inquiries in nearby towns had come up with nothing. Yuuri was quite worried about the poor thing and her child, and had said so with such profuse sentiment Candide had determined he was faking.

"You've got her in a dungeon somewhere!"

"This is the only dungeon, you know. There's another floor below us, but it's just storage." He was running out of reason. And tea. Both their lunches were nearly gone. Usually he stayed only as long as the food lasted. He couldn't take much more.

"Then you killed her and sent the half-breed brat somewhere to be raised as a Mazoku!"

"Hey!" Yuuri objected on Conrad and Josak's behalf to the term half-breed. "We wouldn't do that. And if her baby is half Mazoku—which it might or might not be—then it's her business. A lot of times people aren't very nice to people with mixed parentage, in Shin Makoku any more than in human nations."

"Oh, so human blood is plenty of reason to ostracize a poor, innocent infant?"

"But you just said…" Yuuri slapped his forehead into his palm and the smack echoed around the dungeon a bit. It wasn't fair to switch arguments in the middle like that. Logic wouldn't work if Candide would just change his opinions every time Yuuri made a point, just so he could keep hating the Mazoku.

Yuuri didn't even think that he might have been trained to do just that, to wriggle and vault around reason as long as it kept the Mazoku the utmost villains in his eyes. His tutors' skill in logical acrobatics had been pressed more and more as tales of Yuuri's philanthropy spread, and Candide had been taught by the best of the worst.

He piled his plates up and stuck his hand through the bars to get Candide's. One thing that suggested he might be making progress was that the boy sat essentially next to him, on the other side of the door.

Conrad had looked annoyed when Yuuri had started this practice, and continued to do so, but he was trying not to run the Maou's life for him. He needed to learn. He simply advised Yuuri to just give the boy his meals on a wooden dish that slid neatly into the cell. But Yuuri didn't want to feed him on bread and water. That was just mean, when the castle was full of delicious food. And today Lazana had made fish for lunch, delicate and tender enough to fall apart on the spork and best when piping hot. Making Candide eat that with his fingers would be nasty.

So Yuuri hadn't followed Conrad's advice, and when his hand went for Candide's dish, he had no right to be surprised at the fork suddenly embedded in his hand.

Of course, he still was. Quite shocked, and a bit dazed. It hurt more than reason suggested three little spikes would. For all his gentle and pacifistic principles, his temper's tendency not to flare in his own defense but only for others, and his deep sympathy for the warping and abuse that Candide's poor little mind had gone through to make him such a vessel of blind hate, Yuuri's immediate urge was to slug the little bastard for that. He tried to calm down, but Candide didn't make it any easier.

"There! Now I won't die in vain, if I managed to spill a drop of your blood!"

"There's a lot more than a drop. And I have the same blood as everyone else." He sounded almost whiny, cradling his hand. How very unpleasant. He'd need to spend half the day trying to defend Candide if he went and got this bandaged. Maybe Giesela could be persuaded to stay quiet. She was usually sympathetic. And he really didn't want to have to convince everyone that Candide was an innocent victim of circumstance. The evidence was piling up to the contrary.

Yuuri glared at him once more and slunk upstairs in search of Giesela and found her in her room, chatting with Arianwyn. She ditched him immediately on Yuuri's entrance, ducking around the boy so smoothly he seemed not to realize for a moment and kept babbling for a few seconds after she was gone.

"Your Majesty, how on earth did you get stabbed with a fork?"

Yuuri just blinked. How did she know how to recognize a fork-related injury from several feet back? "I… Candide."

"Ah, I see. Father won't take this well. Neither will most of the castle." She waited patiently.

"Could you please not tell them?"

"Certainly, Your Majesty, but I leave it up to you to explain why your hand won't work well for a day or two." She smiled winningly and pulled out a roll of gauze.

"Wow, what a nasty little human." Arianwyn had been nearly murdered by humans, and was particularly ill-disposed toward the one who had done such damage to beautiful Wolfram. And he liked Yuuri just fine, in all capacities but Wolfram's fiancé. "Hmm, I bet there's a way to execute someone with a fork. Turn it back on him. Forking to death. Ooh… That'd be too good for him…"

Yuuri had stopped listening to them. "I could say I got in a fight with a bad omen bird…"

"They're not at all aggressive, Your Majesty."

"Morgif fell on me?"

"And bounced three times?"

"Wolfram got irritated and decided to poke me with a fork?"

"That's likely, but good luck getting him to play along."

"Giesela, is there any idea you can't kill?" He tried not to sulk, but sulking was getting easier as the healer's skill eased the sting.

"I merely try to contribute common sense."

Before Yuuri could answer that, he heard a lot of jumbled commotion from outside the window and ran over to look. He heard horses, trumpeted fanfare, and a lot of shouting back and forth as the gates creaked open. Giesela's room was on the fourth floor, so his view was a little fuzzy, but he definitely saw two tall, redheaded riders at the front of a rather large and gaudy procession of guards and the Bielefeld crest flying proudly. Yuuri cursed. Where was Wolfram? He forgot their quarrel and Arianwyn, despite having the prettily posed boy hanging out the window next to him, and ran down the stairs, wanting to meet them before Wolfram did.

He completely failed. Lady Celi at least was there before him, but she had only caught Maddox. Yuuri was surprised at the evasion, but he supposed the twins must have a lot of practice trying to escape her. One did not mess with her beautiful Wolfram.

By the time Yuuri got there, Wolfram had been cornered by Mael. He really did look exactly like Maddox. There wasn't so much as a freckle's difference, not a scuff on their boots or a hair out of place that might differentiate. Had it not been for the pretty crest clasping his cloak, there would have been no telling which he faced.

Wolfram was trying not to cringe. Yuuri stopped behind an impassive Josak. He listened for a moment, wanting a measure of the situation. He couldn't afford to lose his temper with Wolfram's brothers however intolerable they were, so he had to be sneaky.

He sucked at sneaky.

"I keep expecting to find you've grown, Rammy." Mael's face was gentle and a bit teasing. He looked quite sweet. "I suppose you'll hit your height sometime. You're still young. But how've you been? I heard about your trouble with that little human…"

Wolfram's eye twitched a bit, but he held his ground. "Well, fortunately my fiancé's been looking after me very well."

"I'd been meaning to ask you about that. The rumors I heard were a little confused. The way I heard it, it seemed like he didn't even know what he was doing when he proposed? I'd do something about the story if I were you. You wouldn't want it to seem like the only way you could earn yourself a fiancé is dumb luck and trickery."

"Rumors don't do any harm… when…" He didn't have an answer and was reaching. There was an angry flush growing in his cheeks. Yuuri opted to step in, stepping around the redhead and trying to look regal.

"Wolfram, are you going to introduce me to your brother?" Mael was the one he hadn't met before. He was pretty sure. Wolfram had said something about switching the crest back and forth… Yuuri resolutely put an arm around Wolfram's shoulders and squeezed a little. He felt Wolfram relax. A bit.

"Oh, yes." Wolfram managed a slight smile. "Mael, this is Shibuya Yuuri, Twenty-Seventh Maou of Shin Makoku."

"Delighted to meet you." He bowed deeply, hair sliding forward over his shoulders and cloak catching the breeze as he bent. Yuuri decided that Mael reminded him of Arianwyn. He was always posed and flawless. But it seemed a lot more… stilted with him. Airhead was just poised. Mael Von Bielefeld was actively elegant.

"Yes, well, the feeling is mutual. Any brother of my fiancé is a welcome guest of mine." Yuuri smiled for a moment. Just to be able to say he had. It was more grimace than smile. "Um, how long are you going to stay?"

"Oh, however long father sees fit." Mael waved his hand dismissively.

"Father's here?" Wolfram made a face like he'd bitten into a lime when expecting an apple.

"Oh, of course not. You'd be meeting with him first." Mael tried to exchange fondly tolerant, condescending glances with Yuuri. Grimace. "He'll be arriving later today, with full retinue and formal announcement. We had a bit of trouble on the road, and Maddie and I decided to ride ahead and see how our dear baby brother was doing."

"I'm fine." Wolfram was looking at the ground now.

"Oh, well, that's nice." Yuuri smiled some more, and seeing Doria pass, called her over.

"Your Majesty, do you have a stomach ache?" She'd missed that he was supposed to be smiling. "I can make you some tea."

"Um, I'm fine. Could you arrange for a room for the Bielefeld twins?" Preferably one in the bear bees' house. Certain people would benefit from falling through rotting floors.

"Um, it's short notice, but I can arrange something." She looked dubious. Yuuri liked that.

"And if you've got the time, could you manage something for their father?"

"Maybe. I might have to double someone up, though."

Ha. Let them deal with each other. Yuuri nodded regally. Sort of regally. Regal like a disheveled flamingo. "As long as they're somewhere. And I guess we'll take that tea when Lord Bielefeld gets here." He smiled as she walked off, muttering. He'd have to do something nice to make up for giving her the extra work.

"Yuuri, what happened to your hand?" It was only a matter of time before Wolfram noticed. If he hadn't been so flustered, it would have been sooner.

"I fell on a spork." He managed to say it with a straight face as convincing as his cordial smile had been. "Well, Mael and Maddox, you should probably wait in a parlor or something until rooms are ready."

"I'm sure Wolfram can show us the way. Lead on." Mael smiled and beckoned Maddox, who looked a little frazzled and ready to get away. Lady Celi followed, and there was a certain trepidation in his face.

"Oh, but we're still travel stained." Mael pulled off his cloak, which Yuuri couldn't see was the least bit dusty. He carefully reaffixed the crest to his shirt and tossed his satiny mass of cloath at Josak, who caught it but looked as confused as Yuuri was by the gesture. Mael ignored or maybe didn't see the odd looks he got from everyone. "Oh, take that to the laundry, will you? Make sure it's washed properly."

"Um, why?" Josak wasn't all that impressed by the nobility, and as he could tell Yuuri was equally uninterested in their status, he didn't try to hide it.

"Do you always keep such insubordinate servants at Covenant Castle? I'd heard you were an unusual ruler, Your Majesty, but—"

Yuuri didn't let him continue. "Josak's not a servant! You're talking to one of the heroes of Rütenberg. He's commander of the castle guard, a trusted advisor, and a very good friend."

"Oh. My mistake." He sent Josak a simpering smile. "It's just that you look part human. But I shouldn't insult you or the Maou."

There was a pause. A pause a moment too long. Josak's eye flashed dangerously and for a moment Yuuri was afraid Mael might find himself in multiple pieces on the grounds. Then he just turned and walked away.

"I have a policy of judging people by worth, not birth," Yuuri said quietly. He was able to take this sort of nonsense most of the time. People had stupid ideas. Prejudices abounded in Mazoku and human circles, and people knew what they were taught. Candide was a prime example, as Wolfram had once been. But even when people said absolutely vile things, he'd never seen such a comment so precisely, poisonously intended to hurt.

"How very singular. But you're a liberal soul indeed, Your Majesty, if you're looking for worth in mongrels."

"I thought I heard Mael," said Conrad's voice, behind Yuuri. His tone was completely measured, quiet, polite… He was furious. Yuuri was a bit surprised. He'd thought Conrad just let things like that roll off like water on a duck's back. "Should I send someone for a whore and a few fifths of vodka to be sent up to your room?"

"How polite of you, Lord Weller. As long as you're careful not to hire a half breed." Mael smiled. Conrad smiled. Yuuri was once against sure there was about to be blood spilt. The moment passed, but not cleanly. There was still tension in the air as Conrad walked on to whatever he'd been doing.

"Well, congratulations, Mael, you've managed to turn half the castle against us already. Even for you, that was fast." Maddox rolled his eyes. The words were whispered, but not that inconspicuously. Yuuri was struck suddenly by how tolerable Maddox seemed in comparison.

"Somewhere to rest, Wolfram?" Mael gave no sign that he'd heard, noticed, or cared what a mess he'd just made. Yuuri wondered how he hoped to ingratiate himself with the monarchy. Maybe he'd make his father look like a nice guy? Yuuri stepped in.

"I'll take you. Wolfram should go and rest."

"I'm fine. You're the one who's hurt your hand, and—"

"You're the one who jumped three stories."

Wolfram was about to protest, as perhaps was Mael, when Arianwyn appeared. He'd previously been watching from a distance, but he took his chances when he saw them. "I'll escort you upstairs if you like."

"Go away." Wolfram barely seemed to notice him, too busy scolding Yuuri. Whatever the reason, Yuuri was glad for it. "You may be cute, Yuuri, but we've been over what that does and does not entitle you to. It just so happens that I'm completely fine. You shouldn't try to push your fiancé around."

"I can order you as a subject."

Wolfram paused, looked at the ground a moment, and spun on his heel, leaving in a huff. Yuuri was afraid he'd just gotten himself in trouble again, but as Wolfram turned, he flashed Yuuri a very small smile. He was thankful for the escape. He just couldn't admit it. Good.

"Whoever's going to show us, I've been sitting on a horse all day and I could use something a little more forgiving." Yuuri didn't see who'd spoken, but he guessed Maddox. It seemed a little crass for the world's most polite bastard.

"Maddie, really, you're almost as uncouth as little Wolfram." Yep. Maddox. "And you don't have the excuse of rather ill-breeding."

Yuuri hummed to himself to drown them out the rest of the way to the first sitting room he could find in the castle. He couldn't take anymore nastiness. He ran off to find Wolfram as soon as he left the twins and found him sitting in the Maou's office, now (as usual) occupied by Gwendal. They weren't saying anything or even sitting together, but Yuuri got the impression being with his preferred big brother was comforting.

"Sorry I was so abrupt."

"It's alright. I recognized your altruistic intentions." Wolfram smiled and Yuuri smiled and there wasn't the least chance of bloodshed. Though there would have been a high chance of kissing if Gwendal hadn't been sitting there ignoring them.

Yuuri spent two pleasant hours. He left Wolfram with Gwendal and played baseball with Greta. He looked for Conrad but didn't see him, so the game was a little dull until Anissina also happened by. Gunter eventually caught him having fun and dragged Yuuri inside to go over documents, but they weren't bad. And, like walking over salted glass shards, talking to Mael Von Bielefeld made a lot of things seem like fun.

Halfway through an authorization to form a committee to discuss the election of a board of directors who could report back on the advisability of sending a delegation to investigate the governance of a border town (Yuuri despaired of ever having the Maou thing down to a science), Gunter's explanation was interrupted by trumpets, and Dorcas let himself in a moment later.

"Announcing the arrival of Lord Evert Von Bielefeld." He sounded about as enthusiastic as Yuuri felt. He got up and was halfway down the stairs when he heard trumpets again. That was… odd. He couldn't remember anyone else getting two fanfares. Did they have another guest? He didn't need another guest.

Since Dorcas was already upstairs, Sangria had to come up to do the announcing. She wasn't as used to it, though. She rocked back and forth on her heels a bit. "Um, Your Majesty? Announcing the arrival of Lord Stoffel Von Spitzberg."

"What? Oh, no." Yuuri covered his face in his hands. Oh no. No. He was going to run away and join the circus.

"This could turn very ugly very quickly," Gunter said with a sigh that almost matched Yuuri's.

Yuuri nodded miserably. "You can say that again."

"Well, Your Majesty…" He swallowed. "During the period before the war, when Lord Stoffel was serving as regent, the only nobleman in a reasonable position to contest him was Lord Von Bielefeld, as the maou's consort. The two of them often had heated discussions of contrasting ideas. I was not at court at the time, but the whole of Shin Makoku was aware of the opposing powers within the castle."

"So they hate each other?" Yuuri wondered if, maybe, he could just put them in a room and they'd kill each other.

"I wouldn't use such terms, Your Majesty, but there was never love lost between the two, and it was only after Lord Von Bielefeld left the court that Stoffel's plans really took effect. Which led to the war. His decisions were unwise and prejudiced, but at least they were less self-interested than those Evert Von Bielefeld pursued."

Yuuri tried not to snicker at Gunter's attempts to stay appropriately formal while describing what sounded like a schoolboy rivalry. This might be useful information. Or disastrous. If there was anything he needed less than the two most troublesome lords in his blasted kingdom, it was the two of them starting a war. Or even an argument. His nerves couldn't take an argument.

"Should I see them at different times?"

"Perhaps unwise, Your Majesty." Gunter frowned. "Whichever you chose to see first, the other will be offended."

"Darn." Yuuri trudged reluctantly down the stairs, dragging his feet as much as Gunter would let him. He bumped into Josak as he stepped into the hall, headed for his throne room.

"Afternoon, Your Majesty." He was back to his usual, smiley self.

"Hi. Um, I'm sorry about what happened."

"I'm used to it." He held up one hand dismissively. Perched on one finger was a large, sinuous rat with black and white fur, but only a stub for a tail. It was wearing a green collar and looked at Yuuri quizzically, as though requesting a proper introduction so they could get on with this acquaintance.

"Um, do you have a new friend, Josak?" Yuuri had never seen one too close. His mother always wanted one for a pet, but Shoma had convinced her not to, claiming Shori was allergic. Yuuri's father did not care for rodents. He claimed they made him feel sort of squirmy.

"This is Friend Rat. I find that rats make rather good messengers over short distances. Often faster than birds, and much less noticeable. So I'm socializing them."

"Oh." Yuuri blinked. Well, alright. It was a pretty cute rat. Little wiggly nose and everything. Gwendal would probably want to knit one. "Well, that sounds like a good idea. We've got visitors, so I have to go and be the royal maou."

"I'll come along. If we've got the guests I've heard about, this will be an amusing carriage wreck." He grinned beatifically. "Should I dress up? I just got this lovely blue satin gown. It's even got a crinoline petticoat and sets off my eyes wonderfully."

"Um, it's come as you are." Josak wore a skirt better than any man Yuuri knew, but that wasn't saying much. He smiled weakly and headed into the throne room. Lord Stoffel was standing in the corner opposite the door with Raven and four liveried soldiers. A taller, older version of the twins with green eyes the precise shade of Wolfram's stood as far from him as possible, right where Yuuri entered, with Maddox and Mael behind him alongside two guards. So he was outnumbered. Yuuri was shocked that under any circumstances he'd root for Stoffel.

Yuuri tried to ignore them. Conrad was already standing behind the throne, looking supportive. Yuuri knew he'd need it. Appreciatively, with Gunter and Josak behind him, he headed for the overblown chair that legitimized his authority over two older, wiser men.

Quite unexpectedly, there was a shrill scream. A terrified, harsh one, not a Lady Celi extended squeak or an Anissina squeal of triumph or even that screechy noise Gunter made when overly agitated. Yuuri whirled around, reaching for Morgiff (who he wasn't even wearing).

Mael Von Bielefeld was staring, white-faced and wide-eyed, even whimpering a little, at the rat perched on Josak's shoulder, half toppled over against his brother. Maddox was smirking a bit with a hand sort of over his mouth.

"Josak, shame on you, didn't you remember Mael Von Bielefeld is mortally afraid of rodents?" Yuuri had never quite seen Conrad smile like that.

"Oh, curses. I guess I wasn't thinking. Your forgiveness for causing a scene, Your Majesty." Josak bowed so low his nose poked the floor.

"Oh, that's quite alright, Josak. Your training of your new messengers is of paramount importance to the kingdom." Yuuri could play along if need be. He nodded regally and sort of wriggled his hand, gesturing vaguely for Josak to stand back up.

"How merciful. But Friend Rat and I ought to get going." Josak smiled as he turned. "Wouldn't want to frighten our guest any more."

Yuuri glanced over at their guest, who was shuddering and muttering "Filthy, nasty, crawly little beast… sharp little needle teeth… ugly lizard tail…" Maddox was patting him on the shoulder.

He felt much better. Yuuri ascended to his throne. "Well, um, hello. Glad to see you both. How are things in Spitzberg, Lord Stoffel?"

"We're having an excellent year, Your Majesty. I'm sure the richness of our crops and the length of the growing season may be attributed directly to your gracious, wise rulership of—"

"That's nice. And pleased to make your acquaintance, Lord Evert."

"Your Majesty." He bowed. Not very much. "I am delighted to finally meet you. I was kept in the provinces by affairs along my borders for months and unable to make it to the capital."

"Borders?" Yuuri thought he should probably have heard about that.

"Merely some troublesome bandits, and some trouble among the elves."

Elves. Yes, Wolfram had told him there were elves. Yuuri pictured little green creatures in Santa hats and was quite confused. Did they need governing? "Oh. Well, I'm glad to finally meet you, since I'm engaged to your son and everything."

"Ah, yes…" He looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Your Majesty, I must inquire as to your planned punishment for your impudent liegeman following that vulgar display?"

"Huh?" Oh. Josak. Did they have to keep thinking he was a servant? "I don't see any reason to punish him. He's a very good spy, and he's just coming up with a new way to send messages, right? I don't think there's anything wrong with it. He can just try and remember not to send any messages to Mael with rats. Or maybe he could use a squirrel."

"You seem very loath to punish anyone, Your Majesty." Mael had regained his composure, and was actually flattening his hair as he spoke. Apparently moving unexpectedly threw it all out of whack. "If rumors are to be believed you're sheltering some human who attacked your fiancé right in front of you."

"He's been brainwashed. He's really a sweet person. I'm getting him to come around." Yuuri awkwardly slid his bandaged hand back in an unfortunately conspicuous fashion. "Even Wolfram agrees that it's worthwhile to try and teach him the Mazoku aren't all evil."

"It still shows weakness. There is a point where mercy isn't—"

Just as it happened, Stoffel was very fond of the maou's merciful streak, and had even gotten fond of him, in a sort of awkward way. "Is it your place to question the maou's decisions?"

Evert coughed regally. "A wise monarch listens to all his ranking advisors."

"I listen. I just don't…" Yuuri realized they weren't paying him any attention. Uh-oh.

"Listening to you would drive the country to ruin!" Raven was subtly holding him back by standing on the hem of his cloak.

"Oh, what an advantage over driving Shin Makoku to war!" He was a bit more agitated, but Evert seemed to be still almost as poised as his oldest.

"Making a mistake in the pursuit of honor is hardly comparable to looting the treasury to finance personal excesses!"

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions!"

"And bricks of gold!"

Yuuri groaned and hid his face in his hands. "Conrad, can I have them all arrested."

"Well, you could…" He looked like he was seriously considering it. Meanwhile, Evert whipped a dagger from his belt and tossed it at the floor by Stoffel's feet. It was immediately snapped up when Raven wasn't quite quick enough to restrain his master.

"I think maybe I should have myself arrested. Then I could hang out in the dungeon and just have to talk with the raving, fork-wielding lunatic. He's easier."

Yuuri went to hide until the duel was supposed to be held. He couldn't avoid it. The stupid, stubborn, arrogant blowhards. He let Conrad schedule them and ran away.

"Wolfram, do you want to come?" He was staring out the window come five of clock, watching a crowd of gawkers assemble.

"As much as I'd like to watch my father be sliced into quarters, I doubt it'll happen. He's in better shape than Stoffel." Wolfram was lying on the bed, staring intently up at the ceiling. "This is a disaster, you wimp. Whichever of them wins, the other side will throw a fit. We could end up in a civil war."

"I know." Well, sort of. He'd known it was bad, but Wolfram had just elucidated how bad. "But how do I stop them? They obviously hate each other. The duel was declared and accepted within the bounds of all that etiquette." He'd checked carefully with Gunter while he was hiding.

Wolfram got up and hugged Yuuri, standing by the window next to him. "I love you."

"Thanks. That's good to hear right now."

"You're still an incompetent wimp."

"I know." He hugged back for a moment and then walked outside. He dragged his feet a bit and considered briefly going to hide in the dungeon with Candide. Getting raved at would be preferable to watching two of the most horribly self-important and potentially violent lords in the kingdom take cheap shots at each other.

The two combatants were preparing with ridiculous regality. Stoffel was having his sword shined. Evert was yelling at Dorcas, who seemed to have been conscripted to brush his horse. Because everyone knew a scruffy horse could never win a duel. Since where did horses have duels? Yuuri liked to think of them as reasonable peaceful, perhaps resolving their differences with a grass-eating contest of some sort.

"Is there anything we can do to stop this?" he asked the general crowd as he came up behind Conrad and Josak.

"I keep releasing Friend rat to go and nibble on Mael's boots, but so far it's done nothing but keep me entertained." So maybe Josak was a little more bitter than he'd let on.

He briefly considered appealing to either man's better feelings, sense of honor, or political conscience, but frankly, he knew better, however naïve he was.

"So which of you am I rooting for?" came a wavery, purred whisper from the stairs behind Yuuri. He turned to see Lady Celi looking her most stunning. Not the Yuuri was good at judging, but she seemed to have re-stolen the jewel from the demon king's crown for an elaborate necklace and indeed to have removed Morgiff's stone for an earring. He made a note to talk to her about that later. Conducting raids on the treasury, even in the short term, was to be discouraged.

"Sister, I'm sure you recognize your loyalty to family above your proven false and selfish one-time consort."

"Hello, Lady Celi." Raven waved, looking just a little more put-upon than usual.

Evert bowed with a smarmy smile. "Celi, there's never been any bad blood."

Yuuri wondered why they were so interested in Celi's immediate presence. Surely they were both used to her being around. Then he caught a whiff of her special orchid perfume. What was she up to?

"I hope you two favorites of mine aren't going to grievously injure yourselves." She smiled at both of them without looking at either. Somehow.

"I'll be happy to accept an honorable surrender." Evert leered at Stoffel.

"I suppose I'll have to be happy with a sniveling one," Stoffel countered lamely. Celi burst out in bell-like laughter.

"Boys, boys. Do behave yourselves." Celi smiled winningly. "You'll find yourselves losing your tempers soon."

Lost tempers? Yuuri snorted. He noticed Gwendal walking across the field rather purposefully, and Anissina coming from the opposite direction. Curiouser and curiouser.

"That'd lead to high blood pressure and fatigue. Why, you could drive yourselves right into a faint." And she nodded. And Gwendal and Anissina (the former glowering and the latter snickering) tapped each of them in the back of the head with something small and black. Both men crumpled.

"That's one way." That was the sort of thing Yuuri wished he had the guts to do.

"Your Majesty! Impressed with Mr. Go to Sleep Right Away?" Anissina smiled brightly at him. Gwendal was fleeing the indignity, and Dorcas had opted to haul the unconscious lords off the field.

"Isn't that just a sap?" Josak asked politely.

"It is a technologically advanced and highly magical and otherwise amazing sap. … I filled it with ball bearings."

"Ouch."

"It's only a temporary fix, but it's a good one. My compliments, Mother." Conrad smiled at her, though he looked a little uncomfortable. Even for Lady Celi, that had been outrageous.

"They'll be back at it as soon as they wake up." Yuuri sighed, but he managed a small smile. "But it's some time to breathe."

And then there was a scream. Friend Rat had gone exploring.