Set Me Free - Chapter 2
Rated: T
Therapy
Chapter Summary: Ash tries to ignore these strange feelings as she delves deeper into her ex-boyfriend's betrayal and lies she begins to believe. But perhaps some encouragement and therapy is all she needs.
First off I just want to say - THANK YOU!
I could have never even imagined how much positive feedback I would have received on just a single chapter! O_o I am in complete shock y'all and I hope this next one does not disappoint. It's also nice to know there are so many fellow AshxJohnny (Jash? Joash? Ashnny? lol…idk) shippers out there. xoxo
Also, as tempted as I am to add song lyrics to these scenes, I find it better to just listen to the song as you read certain parts. These were canon in the movie, and I'll typically let you know what song it is if you care to give it a listen during the read. I feel it adds extra depth (I did while writing) but is not necessary at all. ;-P
Thank you again for all the comments, faves, favorites, follows, kudos, and bookmarks! I hope you enjoy.
Ash thought she may throw up.
The sugary bubble gum she was chewing suddenly tasted of ashes in her mouth the very instant this strange feeling befell over her. Nothing she could have anticipated or expected just tidal waved through her delicate body and she was having none of it. Using the last shred of control Ash had, she utilized it to ignore them. Pretended she didn't hear those kind words, and she did not, I repeat, did NOT appreciate his gentle and somehow compassionate smile.
Pushed away any sort of indication of anything other than indifference; blaming these indiscretions on her own faltering emotional state. She hardly trusted anything right now; especially a nice smile and some encouraging words from an attractive guy (did she really just think that?). Besides - what did it matter? She'd already learned her lesson the hard way, thank you very much.
Ash dared not return his kind statement nor didn't bother looking at him anymore. She instead decided to turn her face away and valiantly try to ignore Johnny even as he made a rather amusing display of pushing the piano onto the stage; the egregious squeak accompanying made her fur and quills prickle and stand up on end.
Feeling more than a little annoyed at this point, she took a deep breath to try and calm her nerves. Reaching back into Rosita's bag to grab another small handful of butterscotch candies, she began unwrapping one when Johnny's playing and singing filtered through the bitter clouds of her crippling depression.
The song was "All of Me". She reluctantly admitted that the choice fit him perfectly. Soulful tones befitting of the ballad and she had to acknowledge that it was pleasant even if a sappy love song was the last thing she wanted to hear right now.
Halfway listening, she reluctantly appreciated those strong vocals, its deep raspy quality and his impressive vibrato yet as soulful and annoyingly pure as his voice was - his piano playing desperately needed work. (For all she knew, he could be doing great considering he was learning piano from a thousand year old lizard.) Ash listened and slightly flinched as he'd missed note after note on the ivory keys and his voice faltered with it at times in what had to be embarrassment or nerves. It was almost painful to listen to and whatever embarrassment she may have felt about her own performance were dulled but it didn't make it feel good to hear someone else screwing up…
Before she could even fathom that strange musing, Rosita reappeared through the thick burgundy curtains. Gunter was close behind; wearing a rather inappropriate, not to mention skintight, costume as he sauntered after her.
Ash's brows furrowed slightly; one ear subconsciously listening to Johnny and the other trying to figure just exactly what was wrong with Rosita. The two pigs were speaking back and forth and Rosita was rubbing at her reddened nose and seemed in distress. The side of Ash that wasn't mourning her own emotional status or trying to rationalize her strange thoughts was desperate to rise to her feet and return some of that comfort Rosita had provided earlier. Only problem was that her tongue wouldn't exactly work because frankly, what could she say?
"Rosita, you don't need za papers or learn da steps! Ya need to feel it! Feel zha fire un desire!" Gunter explained in a thick accent; sauntering his hips sensually and Ash's nausea returned with a vengeance.
"The fire went out a long time ago…" Rosita replied; a dejected sigh exiting her lips as she reached for the yellow tote that leaned on Ash's side. The female pig gave her a sad smile while pushing the straps up her shoulder.
Ash was more confused about what exactly happened; feeling suddenly terrible that she didn't even bother paying attention to Rosita's performance… Guilt was not a welcome emotion now but it plagued her regardless.
"I'm sorry. I-I gotta go." Rosita breathed and before Ash could squeak out a single word, the kind woman had disappeared around the corner.
Legs finally working, she bounded off the tall box and took a few steps toward the direction she left, but Rosita was already long gone.
"Rosita, wait." Ash breathed out fruitlessly when Meena made her presence known.
"I-Is she alright?" the soft-spoken elephant asked Gunter whom let out a dramatic sigh while zipping up his golden jacket.
"Yah," the pig said with a dismissive flourishing hand, "Jus needs ta feel da rhythm is all! Do not worry! She'll ze back." with those words, Gunter suddenly disappeared the way Rosita came but neither Ash nor Meena felt compelled to stop or follow him.
Ash stared after the pigs for a few seconds and when she turned her attention back to where Meena was once standing, the elephant was gone as well. Now with literally nothing left to hold her attention, Ash relocated back to her seat upon the music equipment box.
Truthfully, she wasn't even sure why she was still here. Her only chance of the day already exploded in her face and there was really no reason to prolong her suffering. Letting a sigh inch its way from her throat, she stared down at her lap. Hands cradling a few remaining candies and the guilt began eating away at her stomach. Wishing she'd said more to comfort Rosita in whatever occurred but at this point, what did it matter? What did any of this?
Chewing at her gum again to ignore how her stomach flip-flopped in her stomach, she popped a bubble and a voice she thought she'd blocked out began echoing into the now silent backstage. Ash was just as surprised as anyone that Johnny was indeed still singing. It'd felt a lifetime since he disappeared behind the mahogany curtains and it had been less than three minutes. Starting the final bridge of the song, his voice remained strong and powerful; Ash reluctantly had to hand it to him - as amateurish of a pianist he was, he still wasn't giving up. Vocals stronger as he tried to overpower the off-key notes or at some points went almost completely acapella; at some points it worked…kinda…not really.
But hell, at least he was trying. It beat blubbering and sobbing like she'd done.
A sudden tidal wave of embarrassment washed over and filtered through her body; own lingering doubts began their hostile takeover. What if it happened again? She could hardly trust herself to keep it together for a single damn song and her own emotional status was deteriorating by the second… There were so much uncertainty and inklings as to everything that could and probably would go wrong the next time around. Figuring out how to get over this breakup and write a new song?! It all seemed far too impossible; too great a hurdle to overcome in her delicate state…
Maybe Lance was right…maybe she couldn't do this…
Continence falling, she felt her eyes getting blurry again but she quickly wiped the moisture away. She'd cried enough for one day. Perhaps she should be truthful with Buster. Perhaps he was wrong to even pick her let alone let her get this far. She's already did a hell of a job proving how unfit she could be; allowing her emotions to ruin her performance and Lance's harsh words to control her. Perhaps she didn't deserve another chance let alone at $100,000…perhaps she should just…
Suddenly, like a bat outta hell, Johnny barreled through the curtains. At a full sprint, he passed her and almost tripped up the stairs as he burst through the backstage entrance. As the door slowly had yet to close behind the gorilla, she heard the primal roar of an engine and the harsh squeal of tires before a deafening silence befell the entire area. Before she even could breathe yet alone figure out what happened or had gotten into Johnny, Buster's frustrated voice broke out.
"Johnny? Johnny?! …ugh... Where did that boy go now?"
The slight confusion on her part faltered when Buster continued a second later.
"Oh well. Anyway, is that all, Ms. Crawley? Did those raccoon's ever leave?"
"I believe they're still practicing in the backrooms. I'll remove them now, Mr. Moon." she replied in that slow stuttering tone and you could hear her tail dragging as she moved slowly toward that direction.
"No, no, no, I just…" Buster dramatically sighed out his obvious frustration and Ash figured there was no time like the present.
Smoothing out the wrinkles on the silver dress and spitting her gum in an extra candy wrapper, she jumped from the box, pushed through the curtains, and exited to the stage. The bright lights were not at all appreciated; hating how it distorted her vision as she made her way to the orchestra pit.
There in his normal seat was busy-body Buster Moon; the koala distracted, organizing his many sheets of paper work to notice her appearance.
"Mr. Moon?" Ash asked respectfully, loathing how her voice was so nasally and cracked; she harshly cleared her throat to remedy the problem.
"Oh." wide blue eyes lifted to meet hers, "Yes. Ash? Um…M-May I help you? I thought I sent you home. You are dismissed."
"Yeah, Um, listen, I don't think I can do this. I really screwed up today and -" Ash started; the confidence she once prided herself in was almost completely vanquished.
"Mr. Moon, Judith from the bank is on line two again!" Ms. Crawley interrupted from another room and it was hard not to notice how his fur prickled at the voice. Whether it was from the voice itself or its contents, she wasn't sure. Perhaps it was both. All she knew was it must have bothered him enough to rush up to the stage and stand next to her.
"Thank you, Ms. Crawley, just tell her I'm with a client and I'll call her back later…tomorrow!" Buster called back.
"But you said -"
"Thank you, Ms. Crawley!" he shouted this time between gritted teeth, his hands shook and if Ash wasn't uncomfortable before, she was a flat-out awkward duck now.
"Look, if this is a bad time -" Ash started.
"No, no, no! Listen, Ash. We all have bad days. Believe me." he emphasized by folding his hands and lifting himself higher on his toes for a moment. Eyes majority staying on her but tended to flick toward other areas as if planning an escape. If she wasn't so lost in her own problems, perhaps it would have been a bit more suspicious.
"I-I don't -"
"Ash, it's okay." his voice was quick and movements even more so as he placed a small hand on her shoulder, "Everyone struggled today. It happens! Oh, Lord knows it does, but hey, that's show business for you! The point is - there's bound to be a bad performance here and there. What's important is you come back to prove yourself!"
Ash desperately wanted to refute his confident nature but he spoke it so genuinely that it couldn't be ignored. Her tongue remained silent.
"I know you have a ton of potential and it's about time you put it to work! Alright? Is that all you needed?"
"...uh…Y-Yeah…" she sighed.
"Great! You're excused. Now, run along. I'll see you on Friday morning. Alright? Perhaps with a different song, m'kay?" Buster's words were quickly spoken with dismissive hand gestures, but they hit home. Icy blue eyes and mouth hanging wide open as the koala smiled nervously and waved her off before he quickly escaped with short quick steps into the backstage area. A very nervous Meena, who apparently had been standing there the entire time, gave her a small wave before following after him.
Ash just stood there as if frozen in time. Her heart more or less battered and weak as it beat against her pained rib-cage. The hurt was hard to ignore; a constant ache she was certain wouldn't dissipate felt…lighter somehow.
For someone else to speak those words seemed to make it more graspable reality. It wasn't over even if her heart pitter-pattered painfully in her chest; the bleeding organ screaming and flopping pathetically in her chest. While Lance's betrayal was just so fresh leaving her little time to think of anything else, there was some truth to it.
This wasn't over.
Buster didn't throw her out or reject her even though frankly, she kinda deserved to be. As small as a chance there was of her picking herself up and performing for him again - there was still a chance!
A flicker; a light she was afraid had went out permanently sparked inside her chest. There was a sudden underlining anger to her grief; a desperate desire to prove Lance wrong. And it sure wouldn't be found in any of those lame songs Buster kept choosing for her. Ash needed more sustenance; more fuel for the fire that came to life and began to rage deep inside her gut. Before she realized what happened, she felt more alive; more determined than ever to prove Lance wrong. To prove she didn't need him and never did.
…and she was more determined than ever to make sure he KNEW it…
With trembling fists, Ash smirked and ran backstage to change and head back home.
As confidence steadily leaked back, it still wasn't easy to be back in thei-her apartment.
A strange feeling fell over her just to enter the space. It was so obvious now just how utterly loud Lance had been. The television, radio, or his amps always blaring and to come home to it dark and empty was almost soul-crushing.
Silence.
Nothing but utter silence enveloped her much like the inky darkness surrounding.
Flicking on the light switch, she was greeted with his belongings. His CD's, DVD's, and sheet music all scattered around the floor, band posters littering the walls, mike and guitar stands propped up in the corners. Further looking upon it as if for the first time, she took in the tattered remains of what used to be their life. Picture frames littered around on their coffee table and walls; some of the frames old and hung crooked, but neither cared at the time.
Ash placed down her guitar gently as she tried to ignore the bile that rose to her throat.
A familiar pain greeted her much like an old friend; this withered sensation washed over every fiber of her being as she walked through her house. The rooms filled with stuff they'd bought during their time together. Mismatched plates, bowls, and cups in the cabinets and some piled in the sink. Junk food and soda well-stocked in the cabinets and fridge. It was as if it had been a fragment of time; wall cracks scattered throughout; peeling paint in neglected areas, and perhaps one too many stains in the carpeting. Lance always had a bad habit of spilling food or drink and when she wasn't home, it would leave it time to set. He never even bothered to try cleaning it up himself…Shaking her head subconsciously as a few of those fights flashed through her mind as she made her way to the bedroom.
Light pouring in from the flick of a switch, she quietly took it in. The sheets and comforter of the bed wrinkled and unmade from her previous night alone in it. Clean laundry haphazardly folded at the foot of thei-her bed. Her books on her night table and Lance's wrinkled and rolled-up magazines littered his side. Always recalled how she had to clean up after him; pick up his food scraps, dirty laundry, balled-up sheet music, and random trash scattered everywhere. At the time, it seemed almost normal but now it had her stomach sinking when she recalled the very few, if any, times he said "thank you" for all her hard work.
Scarcely could remember the last time he said a kind word; not dismissive or borderline cruel - just anything encouraging! …and she couldn't…
A sudden anger flared to life in her chest.
This - their life had really meant nothing to him! Sure, it wasn't perfect in any sense of the word, but it had been their life. A life he threw away as if it meant nothing to him; as if she were worthless to him.
Five years in which she believed in his many lies. Fallen so deeply in love with a deceiver; one that would toss her aside like a dirty tissue without another thought. How meaningless this all felt. To think just days ago he was here and she couldn't be more content with life. Those mornings before the audition where they were so utterly excited for the chance to become superstars and win a bunch of money. The world had felt so vast and full of opportunity; she had her boyfriend of five years beside her, holding her hand in a tight grasp. Together, they were going to make it happen…
It took just days to bring the ship crashing down in an epic explosion.
Ash didn't even bother fathom that night again; didn't care to remember tossing and turning in the sheets that still smelt like him as she tried fruitlessly to fall asleep. A hellish night filled with crying and weeping with scarcely stopping for breath. She felt like she was dying inside; as if her other half was physically ripped out through her still beating heart…
To think she'd really loved him…when he likely didn't even know what that word meant…
Paws shaking precariously, her eyes met the picture she kept on her nightstand. The one of many 'selfies' they'd taken over the years. How innocent the world seemed to that girl in the photo; the one never knowing what he'd do later on…
If only she'd knew then what she knew now…
Yet instead of crying like she desperately wanted to; Ash grabbed the frame. Moved throughout the house to collect every single picture of them she could find and loaded them into a pile in front of the couch. Careful not to destroy the frames, she took out every single photograph and tossed them to one side of the room while she placed the now empty frames back where they belonged.
Feet dragging slightly on the rough carpet as she returned to the living room. Staring down at the evidence of their five years together; picture after picture of them through various dates and locations. If she was a stranger looking in, she would say they looked like a happy couple. The cute boy wearing his normal lazy smirk and this pretty girl looking so damn naive and stupid to ever believe a single word he said…
"You can't write your own songs…" his taunting voice invaded her subconscious.
Yet, instead of allowing it to damage her further like he intended, more voices spoke up on her behalf.
"It sounds to me like you're better off without him. That -that -." Rosita's kind voice echoed through her head.
"-that total super jerk dinkle-shplat!" Gunter's voice came in and she couldn't stop that half-smile that rose on her face.
"I know you have a ton of potential and it's about time you put it to work!" Buster weighed in.
"Good luck, Ash. I know you'll do great next time." Johnny's voice suddenly filtered into her subconscious and her heart skipped a beat.
Swallowing thickly and pushing those notions aside, she stared at the picture in her hand. That one time she believed she would be with Lance forever, that he was everything she needed and wanted and just how foolish that sounded now. Lance wasn't worth this pain; wasn't worth this torment he caused her battered heart. She didn't need his approval and never did…She was going to write her own song, dammit, and she was going to do it all without him!
With a agile flick of her wrist, Ash ripped the picture in half with a satisfying tearing noise - in that very moment, she'd never felt so free…