Set Me Free - Chapter 12

Rated: T

Disclosure Part 1

Chapter Summary: Ash learns more about Johnny and the life she could have never fathomed he lived…

Sorry for not updating this sooner but it takes awhile for these to come together the way I want. Thanks again for your patience and constant support! It means more to me than you know! 3

Also, I apologize but I had to separate this chapter into two parts because of sheer length. It was either that or wait as much as two week until I finish the second part so I thought y'all would appreciate if I broke it up instead. ;-3

"...W-What do you mean that you lost any chance to speak to your dad again?" Ash knew she shouldn't have asked something of the sort but the words came out anyway.

It felt so unbearably personal and she was well aware that she hadn't given any thought to his life outside of the few interactions they had. Didn't even bother to know him more than the soulful, kind competitor, and good acquaintance (…friend?) he had been to her thus far. It felt so strange to now be asking him a part of his life that he'd hidden behind joyful smiles and gently spoken words for God knows how long. A part of himself he obviously hid for a good reason and it was only the desperation to get Moon to speak that he'd probably said it at all. Johnny spoke out about a part of his life he wanted no one to know about but he did so believing it would help Moon get back on his feet and agree to continue the competition the group had grown to rely on…sadly, to no avail.

Now, here he sat and she stood on this road neither of them belonged. Surrounded by opulent mansions, tall and astounding; worth more money than they could ever imagine making in a lifetime. Pondering a life both had envisioned for themselves now scattered to an unforgiving wind. Forced to live with their past decisions and accept a future neither expected they'd be forced to live with…Two people who didn't know each other existed a mere month ago…

It was all just so strange.

After a long silence, Ash felt tempted to retract her statement; brush it off like she was known to do. Say something poignantly laughable and ironic to break the mood but it didn't seem like the time nor the place…and that devastated look plaguing Johnny's normally cheerful demeanor was becoming rather difficult to ignore.

Nevertheless, Ash's mouth opened; ready to speak something, anything to get him to talk about a topic other than his problems…but something stopped her.

Ash wanted to know.

Sure, it felt useless to begin learning more about this soulful singer, this guy who'd been kinder to her than she frankly deserved. No amount of speaking now would change the fact whatever this was…was now over. Yet, she still felt as if she deserved some kind of clarification as to what he meant when he spoke out loud for all to hear, so he should have expected at least someone to question it. That someone just happened to be her.

It felt somewhat warranted to at least get some answers - or even just fill the deafening silence ringing in her ears.

Another, brasher side of her was tempted to simply brush off his somber mood and tell him to get over it and drive her home…but that didn't sound good either. Time was all she had now and Ash strongly doubted going home to a lonely apartment was better than this...at least here - she wasn't alone.

With that thought of accepting whatever fate was brought on by all of this shifting sands of circumstance - Ash plopped down on the curb next to him; skirt flitting about with the wind of shifting gravity before puddling on the gray cement. The ground pleasantly cool against her leggings, Ash found Johnny's silence rather fitting now. Allowing the sounds of wind and nature calming as her icy blue eyes flitted lethargically around the area as she awaited for Johnny to answer her question…or not. The silence here was better than what lay waiting back at home for her.

Yet it didn't take long for the silence to become almost deafening. It really hit hard that all the others were indeed gone; leaving without a single word (Meena's sad wail not counting) and Ash felt a sharp twinge of pain accompanying that thought. Doubt she'd never see them again weighed more heavily on her heart than she cared to admit.

Hated to accept the fact she would…kinda miss it all.

Heading to the Moon Theater those few times, hearing Buster doing morning announcements and the sound of his small feet frantically running back and forth. Miss Crawly's tail dragging slowly and gentle voice asking her if she wanted a muffin as she presented her a plate full of various kinds. Meena's awkward wave and quietly muttered words muffled behind her huge ears. Rosita's gentle, motherly demeanor and encouraging words (not to mention Gunter's interesting insults aimed at her slimy ex) that saved her a lot of heartache that morning after Lance cheated on her.

…and Johnny…

Ash's body tensed a bit as she looked over at said gorilla; his profile hadn't changed as he continually lost himself inside his head. A blank stare remaining stagnant on his face as her own mind flitted about with every instance she had with him thus far. From the briefest recollection of exchanging glances with him as he sat on the stairs reading the paper to when he moved in front of her to block her (effectively protecting her by putting himself at risk) when the Moon Theater fell in a heap of dust and rubble…

It only hit now that whatever this was…was truly over.

Buster refusing to answer them, to accept their offers of forgiveness and a chance to move beyond all this, but he didn't listen. A career, a life she hoped for, was now dashed like dust into the wind and a part of her wondered why she even bothered to ask Johnny such a personal question - especially now of all times. Questioning why the hell she was trying to learn more about Johnny when it would end up being in vain - after today, she would never see him again. Only sink herself deeper into this hole she'd dug for herself. Allowing this guy to have credence over some part of her life and mind; essentially letting him in and learning more about him would only make forgetting him (and the rest of the group) harder as time went on.

Yet, since the others left, Buster was in no mood to face them, and she really didn't care to head back to sulk in her empty apartment, Ash thought she'd take her chances. Resolute in the decision to leave her statement in the air, Ash glanced over to Johnny and she didn't like what she saw. The question still remaining up in the air for more than five minutes, Johnny's face suddenly tensed up; an expression that didn't happen often on his face. He was either wearing a look of nervousness, shock, or that casual, kind smile...

This look simply didn't fit.

Johnny seemed…broken somehow; like a part of that loving and caring personality was partially snuffed out - perhaps never to be regained. It bothered her more than she cared to admit. He'd been partially an enigma to her, one she would prefer to leave at an arm's length but it didn't seem to be working out that way. Circumstance and speculation, perhaps even fate seemed to be changing the tides of whatever was happening between them. Pushing them together and forcing her to learn more, to get to know him more by simple association and time spent in his calming presence.

Ash was starting to not fight it anymore even if she kept her walls up.

Terrified of these strange feelings welling up inside of her ever since she met him. An inkling of curiosity transforming into something she dared not ponder. Kindness he bestowed on her when she received precious little in her life. Ash felt herself drawn to his positivity; to rely on his never ending optimism even if it was something that drove her to the brink of insanity. Ash learned to never rely on anything for it will eventually let her down but it was so damn hard not to just cling to Johnny's gentle, kind words and ever-present smile…

Eventually, a resolute sigh left Johnny's mouth; large hands folding and unfolding in his lap as he continually stared at the cement between his feet.

Ash, surprised at the sudden movement, glanced down. Gazing at his hands and inwardly marveled at just how large they were, the look of his gray skin and recalling the few times she took his hand and felt the texture of his smooth, thick skin underneath her paw. Just how different it felt and looked than fur…before catching herself and looking away to her own lap. That was much less interesting and kept her mind on track.

After today, she would never see Johnny again so why the hell as she ogling his hands for fuck's sake?! Just what the hell had gotten into her!?

Taking a few scattered seconds to calm her heart and mind, she reasoned was just exhausted. It'd been a very few stressful days…week, month - that's all it was. Feeling a bit better with that lame excuse Ash let out a sigh and it was only now Johnny decided to answer her question.

"M-My dad…" Johnny muttered thickly after a long, terse silence; voice cutting through the silence as if physically sliced with a knife, "…he's in jail…and he hates me because I'm the reason he's there at all..."

At first, Ash was merely surprised he spoke whatsoever but it was was so minuscule to the impact of the words he spoke. No reply even being fathomed as she openly peered at him; thin brows creased heavily at his words. If she was expecting anything, that sure wasn't it. She expected them to be fighting over money, career choices, or just stupid stuff kids argue with their parents about on a daily basis…but jail?!

…and to blame your own son for being there?

There were so many questions she had resting on the tip of her tongue. 'What's he doing there?', 'Why the hell would he blame you?', 'Did you do something wrong?' 'What happened?'. Yet none ever came out before Johnny abruptly continued.

"I guess I feel partially responsible even thought I know what he was doing was wrong… but I…I didn't mean to get him caught…I really didn't intend for that to happen at all..."

"...What happened?" Ash found herself asking.

Johnny's mouth opened as if to answer but before any words could escape, it closed. Instead, he looked around for a moment as if scouting out for potential eavesdroppers but all that he saw was rustling tree branches and empty streets.

Once he was seemingly satisfied no one but her could hear, Ash couldn't help but flinch when the gorilla's chestnut brown eyes suddenly met hers. Peering into her as he'd never done before and for the first time she could recall, she felt positively vulnerable; as if he could see directly inside her tattered soul. Ash didn't care for that feeling but didn't detest it either. They flitted about her face for a bit as if reading her or her intentions and doing so must have calmed him immensely because before she knew it, his eyes left hers. Johnny's shoulders had slumped forward and he began speaking out the answers she'd asked for.

"My dad planned a heist - not unusual for he did many times before; stealing gold, jewels, and other valuables from various shipments or businesses. He'd been doing it almost immediately since we moved here to America." Johnny admitted with a nervous shrug; large hand scratching the back of his head as she noticed the flush to his cheeks as he struggled to meet her gaze.

A question on the tip of her tongue was silenced when Johnny again continued.

"I-I knew it was wrong ever since I was a kid but he asked things of me that I had to do! He's my dad and a son is supposed to honor his father and I did it in hopes that maybe - just maybe, he'd stop… Perhaps he'd finally steal himself enough money to keep himself happy for the rest of his life and to quit getting himself into this dangerous situations! ...Just like the one at the docks..." Johnny explained and for Ash, it was as if a light went off in her head.

Recalling that moment she walked past Johnny reading that paper all those weeks ago. Catching the smallest glimpse of the headline news: "Gang Leader Arrested!". Below was a picture of a gorilla (who looked remarkably like Johnny when she thought about it) wearing an orange jumpsuit, and now, it all began to make sense…Yet that was right around their second audition…he'd been living with it this whole time and never said a single word?

"Wait...The gang leader that was arrested, right?" Ash spoke for clarification.

Johnny froze for a bit, eyes widening in realization of the paper she must have seen before a resolute sigh left his lips.

"Yeah. That was him…" he softly admitted.

"B-But wait! That doesn't explain why he blames you for him being there! It sounds like it was his decision to go rob the joint - not yours!" Ash stated matter-of-factly and Johnny flinched at her brutal honesty.

"... I know…but he-he had this idea that I should join his gang, go on heists with him and my uncles - and I did. I was a lookout mainly just to warn them of any police or witnesses, but that night my father insisted I play a bigger role! So during the heist at the docks, I was supposed to be the getaway driver…" Johnny shrugged, face falling as he basically blurted out his involvement but to Ash that didn't mean anything. He saw she didn't even seem to care he admitted a criminal involvement, just waited patiently for him to continue.

So he did.

"But…I never wanted that. All my life, I wanted to be a singer but I knew he never would allow it, so I did it behind his back. I went to the auditions and once accepted, I-I came back to perform when I was supposed to be there for my dad - a-and now he's in jail because of it!" Johnny loudly muttered out the last part, shoulders trembling a bit as he collapsed on himself.

Ash wasn't sure what to think when she witnessed tears building in his brown eyes; a sadness that did not belong on his face and frankly, looked damn out of place. Johnny was far too bright and positive for such sadness to have any part in his life…and to think he'd been living with it all this time…

"I wasn't there when I should have been. I screwed up and now he's in jail." Johnny reiterated as if punishing himself with the words. Really believing he was at fault when to Ash it sounded as if Johnny did nothing wrong.

"How was that your fault?"

"I should have been there…yet here I wanted to do this for me…maybe I was just selfish showing him I could be a singer even if he never wanted me to be. Heh. And now, we both have nothing…" Johnny chuckled mirthlessly; eyes welling with tears that had Ash's heart and chest trembling at the sight of them. Pushing those thoughts away, Ash quickly changed the subject.

"What's wrong with doing something for yourself though?" Ash asked and she wished she could have asked her past self that same question a long time ago. For so long it was all about her and Lance when all this time, she should have been more selfish and perhaps she wouldn't have been stuck under his oppressing thumb for five damn years. The thought of it had familiar pain welling up that she tried to push down but it wasn't working anymore.

Johnny didn't answer. Appeared as if there was a million and one things he was tempted to say in retaliation of her accusing question but he said none of them.

"I'll tell you then - there's nothing wrong with going out and doing something you want. You shouldn't let anyone hold you back from that - not even your parents. Heh. Believe me." Ash chuckled, silently recalling her own discussion with her overbearing mother and how many times they argued over Ash's chosen profession. Causing a rift and disagreement that had her moving in with Lance by the time she was only 16.

"B-But...My dad's all I have." Johnny explained, leaving so many questions about his mother unanswered when he suddenly continued, "I-I went to the jail. I tried to tell him how I felt…Tried my hardest to explain my absence and the fact of how truly sorry I was that it happened that way. I-I tried, Ash. I really did. I even explained how I never wanted to be a part of his gang - how I wanted to be a singer…"

"...You did?" Ash asked, amazed at how he was willing to confront his father after all of this. He was a lot braver than her who just moved out in the middle of the night and refused to talk to her mother for months afterward.

"Yeah…and he said, 'how did I end up with a son like you?'…" Johnny softly admitted, a single tear slipping down his cheek and Ash watched it disappear into the fur lining his face. "…and ever since then, I go to the jail every day…but he refuses to see me…Every. Single. Day… I go to see him; sometimes waiting for hours in line, setting up appointments just to get a turn to talk to him - but he never shows up." Johnny whispered and Ash barely heard it.

Ash's mouth fell open slightly. Couldn't fathom the pain of utter rejection he must feel. How alone he must be in all of this; his echoing of his father being all he had haunted her now.

"I-I needed that money from winning the competition to get him out or hire a lawyer or something," he whimpered before catching himself and clearing his throat before continuing, "…but…that's not going to happen now. There's no way he's ever going to want to speak to me again. Rightly so I s'ppose..."

All this time…she never knew.

…No one did.

Icy blue eyes filling with unshed tears as she recalled all the prior weeks. Never once did Johnny complain; only working harder, playing piano all hours of the night, and being his normal sweet self. To realize that all that time, his father was in jail and Johnny had been in turmoil over it all. Those weeks as in which she was less than cordial to him; ignoring him and being short with him when he'd speak with her. Sometimes being her inadvertent shoulder to lean on… All his kind gestures he'd done for her; saving her life, helping her up, patching up her ankle, bringing her guitar, driving her places without nary a complaint or asking for anything in return. Lack of money he never complained about; hiding behind smiles and kind words throughout it all…

While behind closed doors, his life was in utter shambles.

To come to realize that Johnny was not in it for the money, nor to make himself famous or buy fancy material possessions…it was to save his father…

Johnny's desires for the prize were so selfless and caring; so unlike her own selfish desires to have the chance to rub it in Lance's face. As hard as she believed she had it, she had a mom and dad (while not together) were still only a phone call or short bus ride away. This sweet guy had his father and uncles thrown in prison probably never to be released considering their crimes. No mother as far as she knew, no other family there for him. Just him living alone without any source of steady income. Recalling the generic cheap food in those paper bags, unable to buy petrol for his truck…All while her own apartment was nice and warm; a bank account that could cover rent, bills, and food a for decent amount of time.

All her little emotional ex-boyfriend troubles were virtually nothing in comparison…

Yet, Johnny never complained, openly cried, threw a hissy fit, or even got angry or frustrated like she had done multiple times this past month. Instead, he'd been a constant source of support and positiveness that often rubbed her the wrong way because how could anyone be this way?! She assumed his life was perfect and he had no problems and was only an obstacle for her own prize.

…and to think that all this time…

"Ash! Don't cry!" Johnny exclaimed suddenly and that was the only time when she realized tears were indeed trickling down her face. "Please. Really, it's alright. I'm alright. I-I shouldn't have said anything! T-They're my problems - I really shouldn't have -"

Ignoring the wall she built and cold demeanor she attempted to keep up, she found it crumbling to the floor in a heap and before she was even fully aware of what she was doing - she hugged him.