Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
What the fuck am I going to do?
Amanda Jones is on her way here. The place is a shit hole.
Thankfully Toyah has tired herself out and is sleeping soundly in a crib in the lounge. This gives me time to run around like a lunatic scrubbing bits of vomit, picking up takeaway boxes, scattered video cases, babygrows and the mountain of washing up. I'll avoid that. Why didn't she let me get that fucking dishwasher?
I don't know why I am stressing. Before Toyah was born and she got back together with that douche she was always round here and the place was probably as bad as it is now, just without the smell of milk lingering. It's not like she is the tidiest person in the world. Well, she wasn't before she got together with Hardy again.
Who am I kidding?
I know why I'm nervous. I'm nervous because this is the only time I've ever had to spend an evening with Amanda on my own. We've been alone before, but Suze was always not far behind us. And also, Suze doesn't know she is coming round. And I do not think for one moment that she would like it.
Do you like it? I swat the thought away with a shake of the head and continue tidying. She must only be about an hour away now. I look at Toyah. Sweet, gorgeous, innocent Toyah whose life I think is about to get turned upside down before she's even had a moment to enjoy the blissfulness.
Can I risk a shower? Will she wake up demanding attention? What if I don't hear her because of the shower?
No. Of course I can't. I finish tidying up and I put my masterplan into effect. push the Moses from the hall into the bathroom and lay a still dreaming Toyah into it. There! Now I can have a bath.