I am just buttoning up my shirt when I hear a fierce knock at the door. Toyah woke up after I bathed to have her feed and a cry and now she is back to sleeping sweetly in her main crib in our bedroom. I pad down the stairs and open the front door and I am instantly cheered up by her sight. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I am disheartened by the fact that she looks thinner. She never needed to lose weight, she was the perfect size. Her face is sharper, showing off her cheekbones and the mark on her left one. I know where she got that from. Fucking bastard.
Her Auburn locks cascade around her shoulders and her cream blazer. I look into her eyes. She had the bluest eyes but now they almost seem grey. My god she is beautiful.
I am pulled out of my trance when she opens her mouth to start speaking and if I know her at all she will not speak quietly. I silence her by holding my finger to my lips to show her to be quiet as to not to wake Toyah. She does silence, but then I am stunned when all of a sudden she moves towards me and brushes my lips with hers. Did she think I was motioning for her to kiss me? Oh dear, this is not good. But she feels good.
She says hello and I can't even respond. I am consumed with desire from that one touch. I am a horrible person. She walks ahead and I call out to her quietly saying that I'm going to the bathroom and tell her where she can find Toyah.
I sit on the edge of the bath and put my head in my hands. She's never had this effect on me before.
That's because Suze was always here before.
Now she isn't here and you want her.
I stop listening. I think about Suze and Toyah and how it was 8 weeks ago until I have calmed myself down enough to join Amanda in the bedroom.
Oh sweet Jesus. This is going to be a fun few days.