Set Me Free - Chapter 15
Rated: T
Abeyance
Chapter Summary: Ash makes another major alteration to her life as she struggles to move forward…but will an unexpected phone call change it forever?
I can scarcely grasp the support I continue to receive for this story in the form of comments, faves, follows, kudos, and etc.! You all are simply amazing and I appreciate all of it more than you know! I hope you enjoy this latest installment! Xoxo
Another week slowly came and went. This one seemingly longer than the last and Ash was certain she was going to lose whatever remained of her sanity.
Fingers pressing firmly to the frets of her guitar; the smell of black spray paint giving her a slight headache that was getting very hard to ignore even after giving it, what she believed, more than enough time to air out. The chemical paint smell was cloying and burnt her nostrils whenever she inhaled but she chose to keep playing anyway…
The black surface greeting her rather than the red it was previously. Ash stared at the shiny black and white guitar she held; mind subconsciously recalling when the random decision came about soon after Johnny dropped her back off at her apartment last week.
The second Johnny's truck drove off with the roar of an engine, Ash hadn't felt right.
Buster's refusal to hear them out coupled with the fact her dream was dead and she'd never see these animals again made her more upset than she cared to admit. Stomach in knots and it wasn't even alleviated after she had stuffed her face with the rest of the cookies from Rosita's place. If anything, it just intensified the uneasy sensation in her gut and fervent pounding of her battered heart.
Hours later, she still found herself slumped on her couch; holding her queasy stomach and staring at the ceiling and the fine cracks adorning its dusty white surface for what seemed like years.
Questions as to what to do next and where to turn flitting around in her mind like a nest of pissed-off killer bees. Struggling to drum up the courage to either try and book another gig, get a lame ass retail job, or the final choice of calling her father to beg for college tuition money. Neither options were tempting and she dreaded the time she'd have to make one. Ash would much rather just lay here and sleep forever but that was sadly not an option.
When a nagging headache began forming, Ash grunted and pulled her eyes away from the ceiling and the hopeless spiral downfall her life was taking was when her eyes fell on her treasured Fender leaning up against a wall nearby. Mind inexplicably (and rather reluctantly) wandering to the last person she ever cared to think about again.
The red paint, green star sticker, and especially the messy script of "Lance' scrawled in black ink over its surface…all of it annoyed her to no end.
Every damn time she was tempted to pick it up, she ended up looking down at it in disdain, hatred, and the burn of betrayal resting like a molten stone in her gut. The first thought was to burn it, break it, shatter the instrument into a million pieces like the bastard had done to her heart - but she stopped herself. It was the only guitar she had and the only one she could afford right now considering she currently had no job and seemingly no future career before her now.
Yet over this past month, aside from writing her song on it, Ash had steadily been coming to hate it and all the memories associated with the shiny red paint...
Lance giving it to her for her 16th birthday (the only decent present he ever bothered to give her); teaching her notes, chords, and the barest hints of her first song before he got tired and impatient. Leaving her to figure out the rest in her own and she did. Recalled so many hours, days, weeks, and months she spent on YouTube and countless instructional sites watching tutorials and learning to play random songs she enjoyed before slowly learning the notes, chords, and finally figuring out how to read music.
A tireless effort that finally paid off…
Ash had learned to play the guitar; mostly accomplished the feat on her own but still, the thoughts of Lance tainted her beloved guitar…and lately, it had become too much to stomach. Every time she even glanced at the red paint, her gut would clench; painfully fill up with regret, anger, and the white-hot hatred she had for Lance and what he'd done to her. The red paint made her see anger, frustration, and blaming him for turning her world upside-down and inside-out.
How DARE he cheat on her with some dime-store slut while she worked her ass off providing for them both throughout the past five years with nary a complaint. All the times she worked her fingers to the bone just to make their next rent payment by working dead-end jobs she hated. Lance never once uttered a simple "thank you", didn't bother helping her with the everyday chores around the house, and kept her down by feeding her lies which she believed for too damn long…
It was time to put an end to all of the pain of her past…
With nothing else holding her back, Ash jumped off the couch and left her apartment with a slam of the front door.
A quick trip to the local hardware store and she had returned home with a bag containing a can of black spray paint, small anti-dust mask, and a roll of blue masking tape before setting to work. Finding a bare spot in her house with wooden floors, she spread out an old comforter from her closet as to not make too much of a mess. Removing her guitar strings before using masking tape to seal off the white portions which was a meticulous and frustrating endeavor but paid off when she shook that can and sprayed over the scratched off sticker and sticky residue; the bright red that once mocked her was now a gorgeous shiny black.
The most satisfying was still yet to come...
Glaring at that sprawl from her former asshole ex, Ash stopped for a moment to recall when he did it.
The smug smirk on his face as he pressed the permanent felt-tip black marker to her guitar and wrote his name in messy script.
Ash bewilderingly stared at him when he did it; thought perhaps he did it so she could return the favor and write her name on his (Yet another one of her naive, ridiculous thoughts of them being together forever type of shit…) but instead of handing over his guitar and the pen like she expected, he just laughed.
Refusing for her to get near his precious guitar and "degrading the value" as he coined it with a cruel chuckle.
It hurt at the time and it hurt even worse now as she remembered how flippantly he disregarded the situation - his lame-ass excuses afterward and kissing and touching her to get her mind off of his harsh words…
Now all the memory did was fill her stomach with molten coals of anger and burning betrayal. Coming to the terms with just how little Lance ever cared about her was a hard pill to swallow - but now, she was changing that for good. With a forceful press of her index upon the button of the spray paint, the black inky substance cascaded out and effectively covered his signature until it was no more than a bad memory.
Looking down at her changed guitar now, it was as if a physical weight had been lifted. Throughout the day, she added a few more layers and finally a top coat before finally allowing it to dry for a full day near an open window. Once completed, Ash gently peeled off the tape and what was revealed underneath made her feel as if she was looking at a brand new guitar.
The shiny black and white face beckoned to her to play it and Ash heeded that silent call; reattached the strings and re-tuned it as she'd done countless times before... Without even needing to look at the written music or lyrics, Ash played and sang the song she wrote on this new guitar; voice powerful and strong as she ran through the verses and choruses without even thinking.
It was akin to her lifesong - her anthem - it was hers and hers alone…and now her guitar was too...
...That was a week ago.
The smell of spray pain sticking a bit in her nostrils but slowly and steadily dissipating with the passage of time. Much like her frayed beating heart; the pain that was once so intense and earth-shattering by Lance's betrayal was already waning. Mainly a dull bitterness now that lay like a heavy rock in her gut. Ash tried her hardest to try and put it behind her now for what good did drumming up the past have for anyone?
While that chapter of her life was over, Ash knew she'd be dealing with the repercussions for quite some time.
The last five years of her life felt so pointless now. Feeling more like a fool than anything for she was the one who believed it - all of Lance's lies and letdowns. How she let him walk all over her since the first date they ever had; the naivety she displayed throughout it all was what bothered her the most. To think of how she labeled herself as determined and independent and yet was under his thumb like his little slave the whole damn time. These past years were nothing but a waste…
All Ash wanted now was to put it behind her; to one day move on from all of this and just hope to learn something from it. Whatever lesson that was - whether it was to not be so easily trusting, to see the signs she ignored so easily before, or to finally put herself first - whatever it was, she planned to find out sooner rather than later.
Allowing a soft sigh to leave her throat, she played a few familiar chords before her tired hands stilled over the frets and strings. Icy blue eyes flitting to her laptop nearby and it appeared as if time itself seemingly stopped; dragging at a snail's pace since the confrontation with Buster and everything that happened since. Longest damn week of her life. Placing her guitar to the side, Ash picked up her laptop and went about a few errands online; paying bills and whatnot - doing so to waste time more than anything.
Overall, it had been a quiet week of much needed reflection.
A past she was ready to be rid of except for a few things that kept beckoning her back to this past month. Having to face a present and future Ash never would believed she'd have. Throughout her time with Lance, it was always trying to find their big break - open a recording studio to make songs and of course getting rich and famous - all that wishful thinking shit. Really believing it would happen for them one day; getting a recording contract and be this well-known band touring the world…just him and her.
How damn stupid it all sounded now…
A very different future (an unsure one at that) was what Ash was currently facing.
Lance wasn't much a subject weighing on her heart and mind much anymore (aside from those few bitter moments of betrayal that haunted her before she fell into a troubled sleep) - but others were. Thoughts inevitably flitting back to Moon Theater and the place she almost had her big break and well as met these animals she was having a hard time forgetting.
The Moon Theater crumbling to the ground had a profound effect on all involved - more so than she ever thought it would. Now she was left to brave the choppy waves in this sea of doubt and let-downs; trying her damnedest to keep her head above water and resist the temptation of letting go and being pulled under its icy depths. The only salvation and comfort she felt in these moments was that she really wasn't alone…
Buster, Miss Crawly, Rosita, Gunter, Meena…
Each of their smiling faces appearing in her head from time to time without her consent but still remaining regardless. Reminiscing about the animated Moon running around the theater in his excited voice as he tried coercing her to sing the nauseating teeny-bop song, "Call Me Maybe" or Miss Crawly and her strangely soothing droning voice and eyes facing two different directions. The sympathetic words of Rosita and Gunter always encouraging even as her world was falling apart underneath her feet. Meena with her quiet voice and meek demeanor but the kindest soul you could hope to meet.
…and Johnny…
Ash's eyes lowered to the phone that lay nearby - remembering the few texts he'd sent sporadically this past week; all differently worded but basically ended with him simply asking her how she was doing and hoping she was well. A partial smirk flitted over her mouth at how strangely…sweet it all was. How something so simple as asking about her well-being showcased perfectly what kind of animal he was. Gentle and giving soul she had no business to have the pleasure of knowing. He was far too pure for this world that seemed far too cruel for a bright a soul as he; probably just as naive as she had once been…but with him, it was much more genuine if that made sense.
Yet, Johnny perhaps was not as naive as she believed for he knew well of the cruelness that exited in this world. Experienced it with the imprisonment of his father and what no doubt was a stifling loneliness and crumbling sense of hopelessness about the entire situation he had little control over…but Johnny didn't show it. Instead the gorilla was rarely seen without a smile or an encouraging word; not allowing these harsh realities bring him down…
Perhaps that's one of the many reasons Ash believed it was so difficult for her to put the memories of Moon Theater fade. All of them had the dream to sing - to make something of themselves even if it was in slightly different capacities. Dream they all shared and lost on the same day - it was a familiarity she shared with all of them and it made moving on more of a possibility. They all had to move on and if they could make it happen - she knew she could as well.
Life went on - the world was still spinning even if hers had come to a brutal stop. It wasn't fair and she didn't want to face an unsure future that lied straight ahead of her - but like all those she met at the theater - she no other choice.
Small furry finger flitting about the touch-pad of her laptop, Ash flitted the blinking arrow over to a tab she had left open for the past two weeks. Going back to it to either just take in a glance or have this strong desire to close and just forget its existence. How easy it would be to ignore her problems but she just couldn't do it anymore.
The slightest bit of hesitation later, she opened the web-page was for the Institute of Music and Theater - a college right here on the outskirts of the city.
A college she used to dream of attending way back when in middle school; the times she dreamed of attending and graduating as a qualified Broadway singer or recording artist. A time before she wore mostly black clothes or ever picked up a guitar and had aspirations of becoming a world-renowned rockstar.
A life that seemed nothing more than a strange dream at times.
Yet this was cold, harsh reality - bills and rent incoming without anything to stop them and without a job to support herself, all Ash knew was she needed to do something before her house of cards fell. Moon Theater wasn't magically going to re-appear and her dream fulfilled - no music producer was going to attend a sleazy bar where she could possibly book a gig, and she'd be damned before going back to retail-hell.
It took a week of research and soul-searching before Ash had come to the conclusion that thought perhaps college was a good start.
College would at least give her time to know what she wanted to do with her life because even with a freshened guitar and all the amount of confidence in the world couldn't promise gigs or pay her bills. It was one place she could go and perhaps learn a skill where she could at least do more than retail or lame-ass gigs. Perhaps become a respected guitarist for a successful recording artist, a producer of some kind - a spot to get her foot in the door at least; to network and get to know people in the industry. Attending college would open more doors and now that Lance was out of her life for good, her dad would be more than willing to foot the bill…
Mind made up, Ash stared at her phone and prepared herself to call her dad.
Little did she know what would happen as she moved her hand over the screen - her father's number just a brush of her thumb away. About to touch the small green icon to contact her father, her phone suddenly buzzed and rang loudly. Ash shook at the jolt but her heart hammered for a totally different reason when she saw the name of the one who was calling her…