every second of every hour

by xPaige Turnerx

"Do you know what love is? Love is decimation. Love is knowing someone so well that you know exactly how to cut down to their core, what buttons to push and where to prod to drag up their vulnerability. Knowing just how to thoroughly and completely destroy a person… and then not. Of course I'm scared of love. You'd be a damn fool not to be."

6. I can't help but love you

I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to
When I'm lying close to someone else
You're stuck in my head and

I can't get you out of it
If I could do it all again
I know I'd go back to you

When Bella wakes up, she's not entirely sure where she is. A door clicks and that's what shoves her out of the Inbetween, where a dream and reality collide and melt into each other. But with that click, her eyebrow lifts, and consciousness crashes into her.

The bed beneath her hands in much softer than her own, she notices that almost immediately. It smells… clean and that's unusual enough that she's on guard, because the beds she usually crashes in smell like her or smoke from a bonfire. Her face is buried in a pillow that calls forth a faint memory too weak to latch, and she's left fumbling for answers.

She's forced to open her eyes and peer around, lifting up onto her elbows.

… It doesn't help much. Everything in the room is neat and organized, it has a place where it belongs and it nestles there in a tidy fashion. The room actually looks like it belongs in a magazine because there's no way someone actually lives in here. There aren't even any socks on the ground.

Bella has her answer when she wiggles her way to the edge of the bed and spots a picture on the nightstand. Esme and Carlisle Cullen grin back at her from the silver frame. "Well hello," she greets awkwardly and grimaces at how rough her voice sounds.

Fucking hell, did she Shift?

Images from the dance come shooting back, playing like a nightmare on the backs of her eyelids. The memory of Rosalie's lips on hers, an explosion of sunshine in her system, moonlight on her tongue.

Bella closes her eyes and buries her face back in the pillow to groan. She only lifts it enough to glare out the window at the sky and whatever god mocks her. "Why do you hate me? What could I have possibly done to you?"

The wooden floor is chilly against her feet and she stumbles forward into the wall against her shoulder. The tranq left her body a little more groggy than her mind, apparently. She yawns and stretches, opening the bedroom door to peek out into the hall and is immediately hit by the aroma of bacon.

She needs no other prompt to start her search for the kitchen.

Family pictures line the walls of the Cullen home and Bella feels warm walking down the hall. These smiling faces staring back at her through the ages, each one from a different location God only knows where in the world. Bella wants to know. She wants to hear the memories behind each one, the stories of that day. What each Cullen was like at that time. She wants to have been there, she wants to be in the picture with them.

She wants to belong.

But instead, she's a stranger with a dad who isn't banging door to door looking for her, and a mom who hasn't called her in almost two years. She's stuck. In a dreary little town, amongst dreary little people, caged in a dreary little pack that at best tries to tell her how to live her life.

She looks back at the picture beside her, sometime in the fifties if she had to guess by their clothing. She's not sure if it's a black and white picture or if someone drew it, even when she squints, but it's beautiful either way. Soft eyes and wide grins, and even Rosalie looks… happy to be there. Her face is aglow with affection as Alice hugs her from the side.

"This one is my favourite."

"Good-fuck!" Bella gasps and drops to her knees in surprise, popping back up a second later. She squeezes a handful of Edward's shirt in her fist, staring at his wide eyes as she pants. "Don't do that, Pale Face! You scared the hell outta me."

He nods until she lets go and steps back to give her space. "I would point out your semblance to an albino, if only to even the scores, so to speak."

"...wut?"

He smirks, crooked and charming. "You are also very pale."

"Oh. That." Bella scoffs and waves it off, leaning back against the wall. "You know pale isn't white, right? Jake isn't white but that dude got so sick on this roller coaster, we were calling him a Pale Face for months. Drove him crazy, he uh… well, he really doesn't like vampires. Ahem. Sorry."

He shrugs and also leans back against the wall, mirroring her. "I take no offence. How are you feeling?"

"Hungover but missing the fun memories," she replies with a wink. "I'm not really sure how to react to everything, you know?"

"Please clarify?"

She nods and brushes her knuckles against her jaw, looking down the hall and back to his patient eyes. "Right, so. You all brought me back here last night-"

"Two nights ago."

"- and I… two nights? What the hell did she give me?!" Bella stares down at the floor with wide eyes, hand in her hair. "Just because I kissed her? Damn. Okay. Well, that's another thing, Eddie. I kissed your sister. But she kissed me first. But it wasn't for me. I woke up in a nice bed, and you guys are really nice - I don't want to go back to the Res, my whole life feels tiny and insignificant in the face of a vampire who has been alive as long as you, I miss my mom but I'm not sure she even thinks of me these days, I can't tell my friends about my life because they're human but I need them, I feel like I'm drowning, my dad probably definitely knows what I am but is just too awkward to even broach the subject so we just pretend things are normal but I'm so sick of pretending, I just want to be me, and I can't breathe."

Esme is there just in time for the sob to wrench itself from Bella, and the wolf clings to her like her life depends on it. Face buried in her shoulder as she cries, Esme cooing softly and patting her back, Edward horrified and concerned. "Shhh, shhh… it's okay, honey, I have you," Esme hums. "You're okay."

"I'm having a bad year," Bella cries into her shoulder and hugs her tighter.

Esme's heart threatens to break. "I'm here now. It's going to be okay."

They stay like that for a few minutes while Bella empties her soul of its pain and ache. Esme holds tight and offers what comfort she can, trying to keep up with the muttered explanations Bella tries to spit out. Things like I'm not usually so emotional, and he's a good guy he just doesn't know how to be a dad, and something about Sam that Esme can't make out for the life of her.

Eventually, Bella's sobbing calms down to sniffles and choppy breathing. The hallway is a quiet comfort around them, but Esme waits until Bella is ready to let go first.

"... have you seen my shoe?"

Edward snorts at the pitiful question that's mumbled into Esme's shoulder but one quick reprimand in her head, and he ducks back out of the hallway.

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Six pairs of eyes watch her as she chews on a piece of bacon, mostly excited. Bella reaches up to wipe at her cheek and sniffs. "Those were angry tears… before… if you heard me. I wasn't really crying."

Alice snorts but Jasper shoves her sideways before she can open her mouth, a smile hidden in the corner of his mouth. She glares playfully at him before tucking into his side again. "Well I, personally, didn't hear anything, Bella."

"Nope! Didn't hear anything and it wasn't super sad!" Emmett agrees earnestly with a nod. "Don't worry, bud."

Bella sighs, smooshing her cheek on her fist to lean on the table. "Kill me." They all just keep watching her and it's… weird. Like they've never had a guest before, but that can't be right. Not with how old they are. "Okay, seriously, blink or something. It's so creepy," she says and her eyes drift to the only one who doesn't stare. The only one who hasn't even looked at her yet.

Rosalie stands by the kitchen sink, leaning back against where the counters meet, hands braced on them. She stares down at her boots like they're the most interesting things in the world and Bella feels something in her chest fall.

Jasper leans more fully on his elbows, propped up on the kitchen island. "We've never entertained a Shifter before," he tells her and her eyes snap back to him. "This is an unusual situation for everyone involved."

"Yeah," she scoffs and pushes the eggs around her plate. A quick glance has Esme leaning in eagerly. "You never seen someone eat before or somethin', lady?"

"Forgive me," she says around a smile and looks away briefly. "I don't have much opportunity to use my kitchen, not since they… asked me not to partake in school baking."

"Banned, you mean?" Alice teases. She, once again, moves to hop up on the edge of the table next to Bella's plate, taking her hand to hold in her lap. "Esme has been forbidden after the sheer volume of the last bake sale. Manchester still refers to it as the Sugar Cookie Debacle. Esme, you caused a debacle!"

"Well honestly, the average person could eat five whole cookies in one sitting without blinking an eye. How was I to know they would grow sick of cookies so quickly?"

Alice catches Bella's eye and leans down to whisper. "Small school children were using them as baseballs. You could not walk two blocks without finding them in the street. We were forced to move early when it caught local news."

"Good god," Bella marvels at the matriarch of the family. "What are you?"

"Someone with a lot of time on her hands," Esme sighs and flicks a crumb from the toaster at Alice. "And mad little demon children."

"Just one!" Alice chimes brightly, batting her eyelashes. She turns back to the wolf with a rather serious look on her face and leans down close. "Bella, I need to sketch you."

"Why?"

Edward and Jasper snicker at the wary tone.

But Alice doesn't even blink. "You're beautiful and I have zero drawings of you, I don't even have a picture. It's an affront to me, to you, to my room."

"I… Jesus," she gasps softly at the righteous indignation on Alice's face. "Um, okay? Just relax, kitten. Now?"

Alice sits back and folds her hands on her lap, looking very pleased with herself and all too comfy. "No, not now. I have to prepare and you have to decide if you'd rather be clothed or not."

Bacon lodges itself in her throat and Esme is at Bella's side in a second, patting her back gently while she coughs it back up. In all the commotion of Alice and Emmett cackling, Esme asking if she's okay, and her own choking, Bella can see Rosalie shoulder her way out of the room and into the hall.

She pounds on her chest one last time, pointing an accusing finger at Alice, before she also ducks out of the room. She catches Rosalie outside the door connecting the garage and slides into her path. "Hey!"

"Move."

It says something that she doesn't deflate at Rosalie's tone even a little. "Are we back to the prickly flower routine?"

Golden eyes glare at her. "Get out of my way."

"I get it," the wolf shrugs and leans against the door, "we had an awkward moment the other night. You kissed me and I took it the wrong way. I didn't mean to react so severely, I was already… messed up."

Rosalie grinds her teeth together, arms crossed while her fingers dig in painfully. She scowls at the floor by Bella's feet, and sighs. "That wasn't… your fault. I should not have done that. I beg your pardon."

"I-forgive you? You don't have to apologize… if that's what that was. You're so old." Bella shakes her head as the realization dawns on her, and curiosity threatens to drown her point. "I know your kiss wasn't for me, that you were just trying to distract me."

Her fists clench and Rosalie reaches for the door handle, yanking it open and sending Bella tripping across the hall. "Go bother someone else, I have better things to do."

"Would you wait one damn second? I'm trying to tell you something." Bella follows her into the garage and whistles. "If you tell me you're a mechanic I'm gonna blow an O' right here in the middle of the room, holy shit. You were smokin' before but this just isn't fair."

"Bella…"

The oblivious wolf follows her farther into the room, running her fingers along smooth surfaces she shouldn't touch. "Not to reduce you to your looks, I don't wanna make you bleed. I still think you're lovely, too."

"Those are the same thing," Rosalie mutters and flips open her wrench case.

Bella pops up over her shoulder and hums. "Not really. One is skin deep and the other makes my heart pitter patter."

Golden eyes fade numerous shades and Rosalie turns in an annoyed huff. "Stop saying that abo-mm!"

Their lips lock for the third time in as many days, and Rosalie is stunned into inaction. Bella is soft and warm and inviting, rough fingertips featherlight against Rosalie's jaw as if to hold her there. Lips firm but pliable, as they move and glide against the vampire's. Solid hips beneath Rosalie's palms, fingers sliding under the hem of her shirt, splayed across the surface of the sun.

Scorched down to her very bones by everything that is Bella Swan.

The wolf pulls back to grin. "Mine is still for you. I thought you should know."

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Wet earth stains her jeans, knees digging into the ground. The rain pours down harder than usual, more weight added to her shoulders, and the air is thick enough to suffocate in. She used to wish it would just take her, that Forks would just get it over with already. That her small, bleak existence would wash away in the rain.

But that was before sunshine and moonlight strode into her life, before her happiness hit her with a car.

Now she submits in the hopes that Sam will grow bored and leave her alone, in the hopes that she can hide the fight that burns in her heart, the fury that courses through her veins and gathers in her fists. She submits in a way she hopes is how she always submitted but she truly can't tell, she was never really there before.

Rainwater drips from her jaw, in her eyes as she glares up at the alpha stalking around the yard. He looks almighty with the backdrop of a storm behind him, lightning cracking across the sky with his smile. She wonders what it would be like to strike a god, and squeezes her fists until her knuckles threaten to pop.

The others stand along the yard line, tall and dark and apathetic. At least on the outside. She knows some of them share her sentiments. Jacob, Seth, Leah, Quil. Embry is still on the fence, still just wants life to be easy, wants to be one of the wolves and not make waves. She can't judge him for that, even if it stings like betrayal. It's not easy saying no when with a snap of his fingers, your body bows to Sam. When half a dozen voices in your head scream at you to say yes.

"Do you see what happens when you play with the leeches, Bella?" Sam shouts to be heard over the rain. He points at Quil, bruised and bleeding, a lump on the grass a few feet away from her. The boy groans and flinches, shielding his face, and she drops her chin to look away. "Your brothers suffer for your curiosity, Bella. By your hand, they bleed."

Her knuckles are scraped and bruised, throbbing in pain. Her hand might actually be broken, but it's hard to feel past the pounding of her heart.

"If you're with them, you're against us," Sam tells the rest of the pack. He holds up his large arms, rain dripping from them, and lightning flashes again. "We are your family, we share destiny. Look nowhere else for your purpose, look nowhere else to belong. You are all my wolves, and you belong to me, alone. I am your Alpha!"

The wolves pound their fists over their hearts, while Bella and Leah dig their fingers into the earth, into the tree Leah leans back against. Their muscles twitch, bones aching, and Bella clenches her jaw until she tastes blood.

Sam's strong hand grips her chin painfully, wrenching her face up to meet his blazing eyes. "You are mine, Bella Swan."

"No," she chokes out.

He shoves her back and runs his hands through his hair, gathering the water. "Why do you insist on hurting us? How long must we suffer for your selfish desires? Hasn't Quil bled enough for you?"

"Wait!" she gasps.

He points over to Quil's huddled form. "You're breaking my heart, Bella…"

"Sam, please-"

"Finish him."

Jacob, Seth, and Leah jerk forwards until he holds up his hand to them. Leah snarls angrily and Seth ducks his head.

Bella grunts as she pushes herself up to her feet and rolls her shoulders. "Sam, please, don't do this. I'm begging you!"

Jacob whines and his fists tremble. "Sam, stop this! You've made your point!"

"I don't think I have," he insists. "Quil, does it feel like Bella is loyal to our family?"

The boy whimpers, cradling his bruised and swollen jaw.

Angry tears mix with the rain, rolling down Bella's cheeks. Her red fingers grab Quil's torn shirt and roll him over to face her. She swallows thickly, taking in the damage from her fists. "I'm sorry," she whispers in a broken voice. "I'm so sorry, Quil."

"I said finish him, Bella. That's what you want, isn't it?"

Her fist collides with his jaw again and she drops to a knee, winding up for another. "Sam, I'm sorry! Please, stop. Please. I'm begging you!" He covers his face and her knuckles crack across his. She looks up over her shoulder at her alpha beseechingly. "Please, forgive me!"

One of Sam's eyebrows twitch up with intrigue and Bella feels her muscles relax. Her fist loosens. "Excuse me?"

She blinks down at Quil again, the boy no longer even conscious. His face is already mending but… she squeezes her eyes shut and collapses to the ground beside him, palms digging into the mud. "Forgive me," she requests weakly. "I didn't mean to disobey. They're… interesting."

Sam's hand rests on her shoulder as he crouches down. She looks up and he is paper thin compassion, all show but nothing underneath. His eyes are empty and she looks away to the trees in defeat. "I understand. I'm not the bad guy here, Bella. I understand your plight. You have to live there with them, among the whispers of their otherworldly beauty. How many legends do we have of them? Your curiosity is your weakness and I would never fault you for it. You're not strong enough to fight it, but together we are. We'll get through this. I will speak to the council on your behalf and come up with a solution."

He lingers there until his fingers dig into her shoulder, bruises staining her skin. She grinds her teeth together and sinks lower. "Thank… you…"

"Of course." Sam stands back up to his full height and looks around the pack. "Don't blame your sister, boys. Her blood is weak, she isn't like us. Her wolf is… weak, faint. It's our job to protect her and we will. Even from herself. That's what families do, we build each other up… even if we have to tear them down first."

Bella feels all the eyes on her and sighs. She can feel each poke and prod as one by one, the boys Shift, and tear off through the trees. She waits until long after she can't feel the ground tremble, and looks up to see Jacob, Seth, and Leah still there. Still watching through the trees.

The second Leah nods, Bella is scrambling over to Quil's body, wiping the mud and blood and water from his face. "Oh my god, oh my god, Quil. Quil! I'm so sorry, oh my god, I'm so sorry. Quil, wake up! Please! I'm so sorry. You're okay. Please be okay."

Jacob drops to his knees beside them, yanking off his shirt to wipe at Quil's face. "It's not your fault, Bella."

"My hand still aches from smashing his face, Jake! Don't try to tell me this isn't my fault." She hauls the boy into her lap, holding him close. "I hate him. I hate him! How could he do this? How could I let him do this?"

Leah sinks to her knees between her brother and Jacob. Her face is hard and severe, a judgment in her eyes that never truly fades. The world may judge her but Bella knows there isn't a force on this earth that Leah won't retaliate against, in some way. "Stop playing house with the vampires, and Sam won't have anything to take out on the rest of us."

Jacob frowns at her. "Leah…"

"What if it's Seth next time? What if it's your dad? My mom? There's a simple solution here and she's not taking it."

"I won't hurt Seth!" Bella snarls. Her face softens and she catches the younger boy's eye, reaching out for his knee. "I will never hurt you, Seth. I promise."

Leah jolts up to her feet and snatches up Seth's hand, pulling him along. "Think about that as you carry Quil home, and realize nobody on this side of the border has a choice."

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Alice looks ridiculously cute in an apron, Bella discovers. The fact that she begs Bella to come over and make cookies with her? Adorable. It's all too much for one person to resist, and so Bella finds herself in the Cullen kitchen, half a dozen mixing bowls full of cookie dough lining the counters. The island is… full of flour and sugar, egg drips from the edge, and she honestly doesn't know how it got so messy, but she's pulling eggshell from Alice's chaotic spikes.

The pixie stands on her stool, bowl in her arm, wooden spoon pointing at Bella. "So you're saying that you can turn into a big dog at will."

"Wolf," Bella rolls her eyes with a grin, "and yes. I'm also in a much better mood if I choose it, and mostly me."

"But if it's forced…?"

Bella shrugs. "I blackout and can't remember what happened when I wake up."

"So mostly wolf and not much of you. Got it, good to know," she hums. She reaches for the bag of M&M's, flashing Bella a grateful smile when they're handed to her. "Edward says that the wolves can read each other's mind?"

"Yeah. Well." Bella wobbles her hand and makes a face, leaning against the warm oven. "In your wolf form, you just… have access? You can hear what they're thinking, feel what they're feeling, see the most recent memories."

"That must be unpleasant, sharing your mind with a dozen boys?"

"That's what Leah says. I wouldn't know, they can't… hear me. I'm silent on all fronts, which I think causes some of the divide between me and them." She shakes her head and scoops some dough into her mouth. "Whatever, I wouldn't want them in here anyway."

"They would discover your not-so-secret crush on me!" Alice gasps dramatically.

"Pretty sure that's obvious even without the mind reading," Bella teases and boops the flour on Alice's nose. "You're a mess."

"Yes, but I'm cute so it's okay."

Bella rolls her eyes and takes the bowl she's handed, stirring in the chocolate chips. "If you say so."

"What do you want to do with your life?" Alice asks her after a moment of consideration. A moment of standing on that stool, looking at her with thoughtful eyes and curiosity. With something akin to hope.

Bella looks away and shrugs. "Live it. Maybe." She sets the bowl down, popping a few chocolate chips into her mouth, and glances back up at the attentive vampire. "That must sound dull to someone who has seen and experienced so much."

"Do you want to know what I've discovered, through all of my many years?" Alice leans in to whisper conspiratorially. Bella nods and also leans in. "Nobody's life is ever dull. It's just not possible. Waking up is an adventure, a dare to face the unknown! Bella, the future is full of chaos and surprises, the likes of which you cannot anticipate!"

"That's… fair…" Bella agrees reluctantly. "Things just tend to fall into a very anticipatory routine around here."

Alice taps her finger to her chin with furrowed brows as she considers this. "Then move!"

"Hah, right. I'm broke as hell," Bella scoffs.

"You were incredibly poor, yes," she agrees simply.

But Bella spots it all the same. "What does that mean? Alice? Hey, what does that mean?"

"I-" For once, the pixie is at a loss for words. Her wide eyes blink slowly, and she brushes her hands on her apron. "I have… done something that I hadn't considered overstepping until this very moment. Bella, as your best friend, I need you to promise to forgive me."

"Forgive you for what?" Bella demands. She moves to try and catch Alice's eye, sighing deeply when the vampire lifts her chin to stare at the roof. "Alice, I promise to forgive you if you tell me what you did."

She nods but still doesn't meet Bella's eye. Instead, she wrings the dish towel in her hands. "Well I… I may have made a few investments in your name…"

Bella pinches the bridge of her nose. "Alice. What does that mean?"

"I opened a few accounts in your name; banking, savings, stocks, etc… and made educated investments."

"You."

Alice watches her earnestly, waiting for more of a reaction other than the blank stare aimed her way. She shuffles her feet on the stool, leaning side to side, but Bella's gaze doesn't follow her. It's like watching a computer reboot, waiting for the loading screen. "I'm very good at the stock game," Alice tells her when still Bella says and does nothing. "I cheat. I'm a cheater. Bella, can you hear me? You made seventy-two thousand dollars last week. Are you mad? I don't do it a lot, just a little bit. Enough to stay off the radar but live comfortably."

The timer on the oven goes off.

"Well, maybe a little more than comfortably. Poshly? Somewhere between I don't really think of money and I laugh at money."

Slowly, Bella sinks to the floor to lean against the cupboard door, staring across the kitchen to the big window. "Why would you do that?"

"I truly didn't consider how invasive or - or rude it could be, I forget money is a touchy subject. I'm very sorry, Bella. You can donate it? I work with a number of reliable charities who do very good work, I can contact them for you. I'm sorry, please forgive me, I won't do it agai-"

A warm hand covers Alice's, the pixie kneeling on the floor beside her friend. "I'm not mad, Alice," Bella says firmly. "That was… sweet? I'm just, I'm uncomfortable and confused. Why did you do it? I'm not… family, so why would you worry about me financially?"

Alice stares at her for an awkward length of time. There is no trouble-making twinkle in her eye, no playful smirk on her face. It's possibly the most serious Bella has ever seen her and she just looks for a long time.

Their fingers lace together and slowly, genuinely, softly, a smile slides onto Alice's face. "You could be."

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Bella is noticeably… absent at school.

And that's not to say she isn't there, because she is. Every class, every day, like clockwork, but the Cullens begin to notice her lack of presence in their lives at school. She doesn't walk Edward to class anymore, nor does she sit with Alice at lunch. She doesn't linger by Rosalie's locker (a brief stop to catch her eye and murmur "Morning, Hale," with a grin caught between her teeth). Emmett's study-buddy hides in the shelves at the library rather than sit with him, and she's the last one out of the school before she finally ventures over to the parking spots.

By the end of the week, Emmett's had enough. His hands are on his hips, a disapproving frown on his face, while he waits for her to approach.

She does so hesitantly, dragging her feet the entire way. "What, uh, what's up, big guy?"

"Why are you ashamed of us?" he fires off and Edward winces. It's not the gentle questioning they agreed on, but Emmett's never been good with impulse control. "Huh?!"

"I'm not?" Bella replies. She's thoroughly confused and kinda glad this isn't about her breaking his Nintendo Switch on Tuesday.

But Emmett scoffs and motions to himself, to his siblings. "We haven't seen you all week!"

"I come over literally every other day."

"After school!"

Alice grabs his hand and nods with a huff. "Eight hours a day, you're a ghost."

A memory tickles the back of Rosalie's mind and she shifts, leaning on the Volvo in a new position. "Have… we done something wrong?" The words stumble from her lips gracelessly. "Have they upset you?"

"No, I'm." Bella steps forward, a weak smile on her face and a rosy colour rising in her cheeks. She glances at Rosalie shyly. "You remember that?"

Rosalie lifts her chin with a light scoff. "Vampiric memory, of course I do. I'm incapable of forgetting."

The wolf nods and scratches the back of her neck. "Yeah, well, I'm not. Ashamed of you. Avoiding you? Little bit."

"Why?" Edward inquires curiously.

And Bella sighs. She leans back against the fence and looks off in the distance, to the group of kids hanging out on the track field. "Sam can't see into my head, but Forkians love to gossip. He sees me through the grapevine."

"Are you getting in trouble for interacting with us?" Jasper asks after a moment. "You were…" He hesitates. It's… difficult, trying to explain that he can recognize a look in her eye. The same one he used to have when Maria got him to deal with the hopeless newborns that couldn't be trained. It's difficult to explain that pulling into yourself is the wrong move, and that the Cullens, of all people, know best how to help. Are experienced in helping that. Helping him. Helping her.

It's not a conversation for the school parking lot, and definitely not to have in front of an audience. But Bella and Jasper are the least close of them all, and he wonders why. Wonders if she suspects he can read her better than the others, wonders if that's why she avoids his eye the most. Why she looks so guilty around him.

Reaching out won't be easy, but it couldn't have been easy for Alice reaching out to him, either. But she still did. It was still the right thing to do, and Jasper will spend the rest of his days earning that kindness.

Bella shrugs and grins, happy smile on her face. Light and breezy, and she is so good at reducing her emotions to micro-reactions so easily overlooked. "They bitch and moan a little, it's more annoying than anything, and stresses me out some. I'd rather avoid that, if I can. Which means pulling a little Phantom Of The Opera during the school day. Sorry."

Her eyes lift to Rosalie at the end, and the vampire rolls her own. "Do what you want, we don't need you holding our hands all day."

"But do you want me to?" Bella wiggles her eyebrows and shuffles closer. "Because fuck the Forkians, I'll hold your hand until mine falls off, if you ask."

"Unnecessary and disturbing," Rosalie scoffs even as her lips twitch up in an amused smile.

Emmett's hand is on her shoulder and Bella looks up at him. "Are you okay, though?"

She blinks and nods, punching him in the shoulder. "Ow, yeah, I'm fine," she says and shakes her sore hand. "Seriously, don't worry, it's not a big deal. I'm sorry for ghosting you guys."

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Sometimes. Sometimes Bella thinks that, yeah, maybe all the bad shit is worth the good stuff. Because the good stuff? It's so… good. There is no price too high to pay for days like these, days she's never known before. How… good it is to lounge by a beach with the Cullens, waiting for the sun to depart from the clouds.

Bella lifts her head to peek over her shades at the others, checking for the diamond statues she was promised. So far there's, well, maybe a dusting of glow if she looks hard enough.

Her heart does that full thing that happens whenever she stops to appreciate the moment. Esme and Carlisle walk along the edge of the water, collecting rocks because apparently, that's something they do. Emmett and Jasper build what can only be classified as a Sand Empire because the castle is bigger than she is and as tall as her knees. Edward sits under a tree in the grass a ways back, writing in his notebook, while Alice floats on a big plastic turtle in the water.

Rosalie sits beside Bella in her lounge chair, giant sun hat looking like an enormous UFO, eyes hidden behind sunglasses. She reads her book silently, creamy pale skin exposed in a bikini as per her deal with Bella, but by god the sun still isn't peeking through yet.

"Alice, how sure are you?" Bella hollers from the sand.

The pixie waits for the floaty to turn so she can peer over her sunglasses. "I'm offended you even asked that."

"If Alice says it will happen, it will happen," Rosalie murmurs as she turns a page.

"Even if I'm here?"

There's a moment of consideration where the vampire tilts her head very slightly. "She seems especially confident, so my bet remains with her."

"Fair," Bella sighs. She flips over onto her butt and brushes the sand from her stomach. As always, her gaze wanders back over to Rosalie, and she reaches up to tap the back cover of the book. "Whatcha reading?"

"Open your eyes."

They both blink and look at each other, and golden eyebrows climb up over the tops of Rosalie's sunglasses.

She closes the book to look at the front cover. "Sorry. Habit. Dark of the Moon, by August Derleth." At Bella's blank stare, Rosalie finally breaks and smiles softly. "It's a collection of poetry."

"Dark fantasy?" Bella questions as she reads the back cover. "Wait, poetry? Rosalie Hale reads poetry. Dark, macabre poetry. Oh my god, you're an emo?!"

The book is held up threateningly but the vampire can't actually bring herself to throw it, so she scoffs and lifts her chin. "I am how I've always been, I don't care what name they refer to it as these days."

"Oh, but it fits," Bella mumbles to herself. "The sweats and overalls hide it well, like a Sexy Mechanic mask, but my girl is deep."

The arm of the chair cracks under Rosalie's fingers as she repeats the last part over and over in her head. "Most people are."

"Sexy mechanics?"

She snorts and shakes her head. "No, deep. Most people have substance, even if they hide it, if they ignore it. Life is too severe, we are incapable of not becoming cavernous canyons to hold the experiences of it all."

"Wh…"

"The shallow have not truly lived," she finishes simply. As if she's not spitting straight philosophy. "Are you nervous?"

"I - what? Hold on, I'm, okay. Just let me lock away that take on life for later," Bella chuckles and shakes her head. "I feel like I need to take notes during our conversations. Alright, so am I nervous? Of what?"

Rosalie nods in the direction of her family. "Our little agreement. We show you our glitter and you show us your wolf."

"You make it sound so tawdry," Bella mutters and wraps the towel around her shoulders. "Why would I be nervous, are you going to judge me?"

A moment passes and Rosalie turns to look at her again, to lock eyes even through the reflective surfaces of their shades. "Do you think I would?"

"How should I know?"

"You should know." She sighs and hugs the book to her chest. "If you don't know, I apologize. I have not been a good enough friend, if you have any doubt."

Bella deflates and leans up to rest her fingertips on Rosalie's arm. "Hey," she says softly and waits for that gaze to circle back around. "I'm… it's not about you. I mean, it is. You asked, specifically, I wouldn't have agreed otherwise. I just don't do this, you know. It's,"

"Painful?"

The wolf chuckles and shakes her head, leaning against the chair and looking out at the trees. "Like a motherfucker, but not for long. That's not an issue." She sighs heavily and scowls, scrounging up her courage. "Okay, here's the thing. I like you. Like, a lot. Which I think is pretty clear by now, but hey, maybe it isn't, so now you know. But you're a vampire and I mean, I don't have any issue with that. I don't even care that you drink blood, I have this morbid view on the circle of life, that's what my mom used to say, anyway. There's too many people, you know? And badguys deserve to be eaten, but whatever. What was I saying? Oh, yeah. I just… imagine that there might be biases on your side of the border, too? I, uh, heard you complaining that first night we re-established the treaty. Which is reasonable, mostly, you know, but maybe it's easy to forget I'm a wolf when I'm human, and if you see it, you won't ever… not see it? I'm worried that - I'm worried about losing you," she whispers in the end, staring at the sand of the beach.

Time drags by painfully slow and Bella doesn't hear the others. They're exceptionally quiet, pretending to mind their own business, but she's more preoccupied with Rosalie.

Rosalie who hasn't said anything, who lounges back in her chair silently. A marble goddess untouched by the world. Bella wonders what that must be like; that cold certainty in everything you do. Such control over oneself.

She doesn't know if she's jealous or thankful. Her shaky control gets her in trouble but being calm is… scary, to her. Apathy is a pool she could easily drown in.

Pale fingers tap at the back of her hand and she jumps slightly, looking back up at Rosalie. The vampire stares out ahead of them, still holding the book to her chest. "I'm aware of you, Bella. Always."

Which is great but does nothing to ease her worries. Well. Not really. It makes her feel special and giddy and warm because if Rosalie turned around and told Edward she had no clue who he was, Bella wouldn't even blink. Rosalie is either very good at hiding how important people are to her, or very difficult to become important to.

Honestly, Bella could die happy knowing that she's important to Rosalie.

"The sun is coming," Rosalie sighs out and sets her book down on the towel Bella's partially sitting on. "Last chance to back out of our deal."

The wolf shakes her head and shoots up to her feet, bouncing with excitement. She's tempted to look out at the others but Rosalie is the first one she wants to see. "Are you kidding? How many people get to say they looked upon the heavens?"

"And ran away howling? You are a Wild Child, daughter of the moon. Don't think me so above you," Rosalie almost reprimands. It sounds like a reprimand, at least. There's a scowl there, faint as it is, but it kind of feels like she's talking more to herself.

But Bella shrugs, all the same. "Okay, Glittering Sun Goddess," she scoffs because two can play at the weird nickname game.

There's no time for a rebuttal, though knowing the vampire it would have been devastating and Bella's a little sad she has to miss it. The clouds part and beams of light cascade down to the beach, hitting the sand and hitting pale skin.

What the light touches, lights up like diamonds and Bella can't swallow her gasp of surprise. Rosalie crosses her arms over her chest and looks away, jaw visibly clenched and Bella wants to say something, wants to reassure her, but she's speechless. She is enthralled, enraptured. She can't even blink.

Rosalie's skin glitters with divine lights, like something out of a dream. She lights up in a way that has poems sprouting in Bella's heart, and the wolf staggers forward. She can't not, she has to be closer, she has to touch.

Alarmed, Rosalie takes half a step back and holds up her hand. "What are you…?"

Bella's rough fingertips brush against a sparkling abdomen that she can feel shiver under her touch. "Tell me to stop," she whispers and continues to marvel at the vampire before her. Her palm lays flat against Rosalie's skin, her eyes dragging along her body and leaving burning trails behind. "You are exquisite."

"I know."

"Do you?" Bella echoes genuinely. Her other hand is smooth against Rosalie's glittering neck, sliding higher into her hairline. "Do you see yourself the way I see you? Does it take your breath away? Does it make you want to live?" Rosalie's breath hitches and Bella's thumb brushes her cheekbone before lifting the sunglasses.

Golden pools watch her with equal parts caution and disbelief. "Bella."

"You make me want to live," Bella tells her in a gentle voice that hides a dark edge. "How come the others don't glow, too?"

Rosalie has to blink a few times and tear herself out of the moment. She shakes her head and focuses on Bella, who looks over her shoulder at the others. "What do you mean?"

"They sparkle but don't glow. Why do you glow? Are you like Alice and Edward and Jasper? Wait, are you really a fucking sun vampire, for real?" Bella asks with a chuckle.

But Rosalie is at a loss, because she's never heard of glowing vampires, and it would so be Bella to have a stroke and get out of her end of the deal. She scrutinizes the girl, looking for dizzy eyes or twitching face muscles, and deduces that she might just be the biggest, hopeless romantic Rosalie has ever met.

She's watching the others sparkle in the light as they play in the water, Emmett trying to dunk Alice off her floaty, but Bella's hand remains on Rosalie's hip. Heat seeps out around it, rolling across her skin, and she feels so warm that she doesn't need a mirror to know her eyes are going black, she can feel a purr building up in her chest and no.

No.

She swore long ago that she would never fucking purr for anyone like some damn house cat in the sun. Not like Alice, who bristles and makes that infuriatingly cute noise when you touch her.

Whatever god decided that vampires would be this similar to felines was an asshole.

"Your turn," Rosalie says and steps back. She crosses her arms again and clears her throat, nodding at the confusion on Bella's face. "Time to Shift, dog."

Instead of being offended (Rosalie can see she did something wrong as Esme squawks in the distance and gives her a look), Bella laughs - startled and delighted. "Ouch!"

"No, with… with affection. Like Alice."

"Okay, Alice calls me puppy because it's cute and sweet," Bella tells the adorably gruff vampire who looks confused and concerned and affronted. "Calling me a dog is like… it's the difference between radiant beauty and a hot piece of ass. Both are technically correct but one is nice and the other is barbaric."

"Oh. That's… I don't like this," Rosalie says with distaste.

And Bella chuckles again, shaking her head. "Doesn't offend me anyway, coming from you. Call me whatever you want, Hale."

"Not in polite company."

The teasing grin is flashed so quickly Bella almost misses it and she's reeling from the playful look Rosalie has. She hums and drums her fingers on a stone hip, tilting her head at the vampire. "And just what do you want to call me?"

"You'll know when I call you," Rosalie replies ambiguously and it's possibly the longest Bella has ever seen her smile. She nods her chin and steps back out of reach. "And don't think I'm unaware of the stall tactic."

A ragged sigh and she drops her shoulders. "Fine. God. Okay. I, uh, I need to do it in the trees and come out." Rosalie lifts an eyebrow and Bella kicks at the sand gently. "It's not, uh, pretty? Not like yours. Bones break, and grow, and morph… happens quick but with your eyes, you'll probably see everything."

Her touch is featherlight, Rosalie's fingers looped loosely around her wrist. The concern is touching and Bella chews painfully on her lip. "No one will judge you here, Bella. I will never… I wish you were more comfortable around me."

The last part drifts away to more of a bitter mumble and Rosalie looks away to the trees. It's a thing Bella is starting to recognize, how she recoils every time she reaches out. As if she expects to be burned, to be punished for making a connection. Honestly, Bella wishes Rosalie was more comfortable around her.

But even that is… kind of comforting? It gives her a reason to ignore her own nerves if only to make things easier for the vampire. So she rolls her shoulders and digs down, searches for the wolf to pull up and out. "You should," her voice is rough again, more than before, like it was dragged down the back road, "you should stand back."

Rosalie blinks and looks up in mild surprise. "My intention was not to guilt your cooperation from you."

Either way, it's too late. You can't unbreak an egg, you can't put the cat back in the bag. Bella grinds her teeth together, heart pounding in her chest like a jackhammer, and shakes her head. She tries not to glare, not to grimace while she looks at her… whatever she is to Rosalie. Whatever they are. Friends, maybe. Definitely something more. "N-Not guilt. Trust - fuck!" she gasps and doubles over as her ribs crack and slide.

Carlisle is at her side in a moment, hands like dry ice against her blazing skin. "Bella, that doesn't sound-"

"Don't touch!" she snarls and blindly shoves him back. Her shoulder muscles rip, bright glowing yellow eyes looking up at them. "Back!"

They both skid back half a heartbeat before there's an agonizing grinding noise and a sort of… pop, mingled in with a whimper and snarl.

Bella is gone and the wolf is there, panting in her place.

She looks… different from the other wolves. Sam is large, he's easily bigger than a horse while the others are roughly that size, maybe smaller. Rosalie suspected Bella would be much the same, especially considering she's a girl, but Bella is mighty. Smaller than Sam, but the wolf's shoulders are broad and strong, her body is lean but sturdy. It carries power over grace, with enormous paws that dig into the sand. Her fur is mostly grey, with patches of red and white, and black ears. It's not as shaggy as the boys, but Rosalie desperately wants to call her a fuzzball.

Those eyes still glow a bright yellow, big and wide and anxious. She lets her butt drop with a thud that kicks up sand, and tilts her head.

The rest of the beach jolts back into animation again, and Emmett whistles from the water. "Maybe warn a dude, next time. Usually exploding wolves is a bad thing for us."

She whines lowly and huffs.

Rosalie's fingers play with the ends of her fur when she finally ventures close enough. Her face is hard, guarded, but her eyes are soft and kind and… affectionate? Maybe? Bella lowers her head and stone fingers find her ear.

Alice snorts when Bella's tail thumps as she fights the urge to wag. She prances over to them, burying her face in Bella's fur and hugging her the best she can. "Hello, puppy."

The resulting bark! is like thunder and cuts through the air. Everybody jumps and Esme clutches her chest. "My word!"

The wolf snickers and it's endearing enough for Rosalie to smile and rest her forehead against Bella's snout. "You absolute ass," she whispers.

A ball of sand pelts her right behind her ear and she shakes it out of her fur, glaring over at Emmett. He holds his arms up and pounds his chest. "Let's see what you got, kid!"

Those glowing yellow eyes return to Rosalie long enough for her to nod, and then Bella crouches down. Her ears pin back and she swishes her tail once before launching herself over the vampires to land right before Emmett.

Sand rains down on them all and her landing is loud, heavy, kicking up more sand. She is a beast that commands fear and respect, but playfully bounces once Emmett cracks his eyes open again. "Not bad!" He grins and ducks under to hoist her onto his shoulders and throw her into the water.

"Emmett!" Esme chastises but has to fight her coo when Bella's big wolf head pops back up. "Okay, who has my camera?"

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I love them all so fucking much.