Fran goes on Jerry Springer
We have almost 150 hits! The Lisa is working very hard and she'd love some more feedback. In this chapter, Fran tells Basch and Vaan what she did, and does more revolting things. We know we're making the characters wildly OOC, but that is half the fun.
Fran had finished her carrot and threw the end at Jerry. She had decided it was amusing to throw things.
"Hey Balthier, want some carrot juice?" Fran asked with a sly look.
"Fran, the last time you made carrot juice, one of the carrots you ground up had spent the last two hours shoved up your pussy!" Balthier yelled.
"I will have to bleep that again!" Jerry said.
"What? Didn't you like Viera-flavoured carrot juice?" Fran asked, looking hurt.
"NO. I DID NOT LIKE 'VIERA-FLAVOURED' CARROT JUICE! IF I WANTED TO TASTE YOU, I WOULD'VE LICKED YOU AGAIN!"
"Call it a snizz anyhow."
"Fran, you're the one who said it the first time!"
"You want some pickles?"
"YOU SICK LITTLE VIERA BITCH! CAN YOU STOP BEING HIDEOUSLY DISGUSTING AND BE SERIOUS FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE?!"
"Another word I have to bleep. The ratings ought to skyrocket." Jerry remarked.
Penelo was extremely high on crack. She was happily running around completely naked and throwing things. Ashe was furious and trying to restrain the hyper teenager before she ran outside like that. All of Rabanastre did not need to see Penelo run across town without her clothes on.
"Penelo! You do not go outside!" Ashe yelled.
"Feeeeeeeeel the wiiiind!" Penelo cried happily.
"Penelo, get your clothes back on if you want to run around like a moron! I mean, this is your house, but it's MY country and I say no teenage morons get to run across this town naked!"
"Me Penelo. Me tell Fran me like Viera-flavoured carrot juice. Me smoke lots of craaack!" Penelo said stupidly.
"Where the hell did you get crack?"
"The drug-dealing Moogle outside the Sandsea! KUPO!"
"Penelo, no kupoing. Only Moogles get to do that!"
Fran was still being stupid. It seemed she had taken some of that crack Penelo had smoked too. She was hyper, seemed rather disoriented, and had to be bleeped about a hundred times because she thought the word "vagina" was hilarious. She had thought the technical name for her favourite part was "snizz". She had also gotten ahold of a microphone and Balthier and two security guards were restraining her so she couldn't take her clothes off.
"We're going to bring Mr. Vaan and Mr. Basch out, if Fran doesn't decide to strip. Would she like another carrot?"
"Let me go! I want to play with the magic microphone!" Fran was yelling. It was obvious what she really intended to do with it.
"Fran, you're making a scene!"
Vaan and Basch were brought out. Vaan immediately lost control and leapt on Fran and began kissing her. If another of the security guards hadn't pried him off, the two of them probably would've started having sex, right on camera. Vaan had tried to help Fran get her clothes off, but he was stopped.
"Vaan! None of your hormones!" Balthier yelled.
"Hey! She likes me better! I gave her the ride of her life, didn't I, my lovely Viera?" Vaan asked, stroking Fran's soft rabbit ears. Fran began making contented noises, almost like purrs. "See? Franny should be my partner. Penelo just gets drunk and is no fun anymore. You can have her. I deserve the Viera. I'll give her what she needs."
"You aren't the only one who has sex with Fran whenever she wants it, which is constantly!"
"You sick bastard! You're going to knock Fran up! I want her to have my cute little bunny-eared babies!" Basch yelled.
"I might already be pregnant." Fran said. She was hanging from a light, holding a carrot. "Hey Vaaaaaan! Look what I have! Guess where I got this carrot! Want a Viera-flavoured carrot?"
"She put another carrot up there. Sheesh. She loves being vulgar, doesn't she?" Jerry asked Balthier.
"I want to eat the carrot!" Vaan yelled.
"Vaan, you don't want to eat that carrot, considering where that has been!" Basch cried.
"It's been up my vagina!" Fran yelled happily. The audience got very sick of course; some of the younger men started snickering. The word got bleeped.
"Look at that bunny lady Mommy! She has a carrot!" A little boy said.
"We're leaving!" The boy's mother said.
"Fran, I hope you do have a child. I've always wanted to be a dad." Vaan said.
"Who said it was yours? Fran has slept with many men!" Balthier yelled.
"And Fran would like to have my child! She wouldn't want a little rabbit-eared child from anybody else!"
"Vaan, shut the hell up!"