Epilogue II: Godfather - Reboot

The Konstantyn contingent had just stepped through the portal from the Potions Classroom to the Great Hall entrance, as Draco gathered up his things to head to luncheon.

"Mr. Malfoy? Would you please join me for lunch here? I'd like to have a talk," Professor Snape invited. So saying, he summoned a house elf requesting plates and beverages for himself and Draco. He led Draco into his laboratory, turning left to take seats in the conversation area, surrounded by books, and a fireplace, with comfortable seating, a low coffee table, and end tables among the armchairs. He took a large comfortable chair, and gestured for Draco to take another just to his right, as their lunches appeared before them on serving trays.

Draco kept silent throughout, unsure of the agenda for this meeting. Only recently had Snape offered to take a direct parental role in his life as godfather, and it was only days ago that Draco had decided to accept the offer. They had begun to spend time together, getting to know one another better, sharing the small talk of day to day life, reorienting their relationship. This event today... to be found with the Potions Answer Key in his bag without his knowledge... to try to explain and be given no opportunity for protest or inquiry... and then to be given a hard six of the best, without the slightest gesture of comfort or even forgiveness after the punishment, had shaken his confidence in Snape and his resolve to trust the man, clear down to his core.

Draco could see that Snape regretted the entire situation, but he still felt betrayed. Draco had almost been willing to trust this man. When he was accused of cheating, then Snape kept him back at the end of class, he thought he could explain his innocence and rely on his godfather to champion his cause and advocate for him. Together, he thought, they would investigate these false charges and bring the true culprit to justice. He'd thought that together they'd clear his name and restore his tarnished honor. Instead, he felt utterly betrayed as his godfather not only failed to be his champion and advocate, but would not even entertain the notion of his innocence and executed summary justice upon his person.

Draco was still angry. Draco was still hurt. And Draco was still totally undecided as to whether he could ever come to trust Severus Snape. So, not knowing what to say... Not knowing how or whether to say any of this at all... Draco said nothing.

"I know I apologized already," Snape began, pinching the bridge of his nose to discourage a ripping headache that was just rising on his mental horizon. "But you deserve more than a simple 'I'm sorry' from me for what happened.

"I make no excuses for what I did. It was unconscionable. Not that you were punished, for I know that proper discipline is an appropriate part of a parent's role. But rather, that you were punished unjustly, excessively, without a fair hearing, and without processing the event into a learning experience. What I did was not proper parental discipline, but self-serving abuse... and that is what was unconscionable, for which I make no excuses."

Draco was a bit confused by these words. He'd suffered far more severe punishment from his own father and never considered that abusive. The Six he had taken from Snape had been expertly delivered, without wound or welt, and he knew if he'd truly earned them, he'd have no complaint whatever. "Professor, I don't think..."

Severus interrupted him with an upraised hand and a gentle response, "Wait, Draco. Let me get this said before you respond."

The boy silently nodded, reaching for his goblet of pumpkin juice.

"What did I do that was so wrong? One, I disciplined you in anger, without allowing time to cool my reaction to what I considered your offense. Two, the degree of your punishment was not determined by either the degree of your alleged offense, or even by any measured judgment of what correction would bring you to sincere remorse. Instead, your pain was determined by the offense I felt... the interior pain I felt... at what I considered your betrayal of my trust and regard, and exploitation of our new relationship. I felt betrayed by you, Draco. I exacted retribution for that betrayal."

Seeing the look of utter shock on Draco's face, Severus laughed a mirthless chuckle. "Yes, ironic isn't it? I felt betrayed by you, and thus I managed to betray you? Or at least, I should think that would be a feeling you have in the circumstances. That is what makes this so difficult for me.

"I am not a 'nice' man. I'm not even certain I am a 'good' man, though I'm beginning to suspect the possibility. I am capable of being a 'cruel' man, but not out of selfishness. I do not open myself... my feelings... my concern... to many people. I do not trust easily. I have never developed affection, easily... Egads!" Snape slammed his hand down on the arm of his chair as he leapt up and began to pace, restlessly... "I am talking such drivel! What's WRONG with me?" he mused.

"Draco? Let's make this simple. If you want to have done with this whole thing, this idea of my raising you as your godfather, I would completely understand. I've never been a father, I was barely even a son, and I have no idea how a functional family works except insofar as I'm currently able to observe one..."

Draco's brows knit in inquiry, wanting to explore this statement...

"Hold your questions for the moment, We'll get there..." he interrupted, determined to go on. "I am a very flawed human, and this morning you saw me with all those flaws. I was angry, I was vindictive, and I abused my authority and status to exact 'revenge'. Those are ugly parts of me that I deeply regret. For those things, I apologize and offer no excuse.

"Yet, what offers me a sense of light at the end of a tunnel, is the fact that I DO regret them. I abhor what I did to you and how unjust it was. I do NOT want to abandon our covenant of care, even though today I violated it so badly. But that decision needs to be yours alone. Last week I made you an offer, to raise you as my son. I made that offer in ignorance of my own frailties and limitations. I was arrogant enough to think I knew how to do that, as if I would make no mistakes. You accepted that offer on those same false premises. Should you recant that acceptance, I for one could not fault you for such a decision.

"However, if you are willing, I would sooner we start again, on this more realistic footing. There are some conditions I would place in our relationship. I have learned from today's disaster, both from my own flaws in parenting, and from seeing it expertly done. If you are willing to give this another go, I assure you that never again will I punish or penalize without hearing you out fully, exploring the truth of a matter, and letting emotions settle enough that I know any discipline is being measured by what will grow and develop YOU, not what would satisfy me.

"As was so pointedly demonstrated just now, nothing so promotes remorse as the unjust punishment of the innocent. Draco, you were utterly innocent this morning, and I cannot possibly regret more that I punished you, rather than listening and defending you. If you are willing, I would start over on this entire project. No matter what you decide, I will simply say I was deeply out of order this morning. I apologize, and I ask that you forgive me. Now, the floor is yours." Snape again seated himself in his chair, determined not to interrupt, correct, or adulterate whatever response he received from Draco.

Oddly enough, Draco did not seem in any great hurry to speak. Instead, it seemed he sat musing over all Snape had said. After a few moments, moisture welled in his eyes, confusing Snape utterly, making him feel even more wretched than he already did.

"No, you misunderstand, Godfather," Draco began. "It's true, when I sat down here just now, I felt just as angry and resentful as you thought I'd feel. But just now you did something... You don't understand... Nobody's ever..." and two quiet tears spilled, one from each eye, as quickly he brushed them away and coughed to clear his throat. "No adult has ever apologized to me, or asked for forgiveness... not ever. Do you know how many times I've been blamed for things I didn't do? Do you know how often I've been punished for things I didn't do? I can't count. But no one ever, even after the truth was known, no one ever apologized to me. I'm just a child, I don't count. Not like a 'real' person. Not like an adult.

"So that decided me. Yes, I want to start again. Not because you're perfect. Not even because you're 'good', and certainly not because you're 'nice'. But I'll start again because you're honest. What you just said to me was hard, because you're a proud man, just as I am proud. But you try very hard to back that up. You try to be that good, worthy of that pride. You do your best always, and you require the same of others. I can live with that. So, apparently, today you discovered that in this 'parenting' thing, you've got more to learn. OK, I can go with that. Frankly, as to this 'respectful, honorable son' thing, I've got a bit to learn, too.

"I'd like to think that if I'd pranked Potter like he pranked me, and he wrongly took the six... Well, I'd like to think I'd have spoken up like he did. To be honest, I'm not at all sure I would have. Certainly not knowing my guardian would put my fate into his hands once I did. Potter knew that, I think. I suspect that's just how Professor Konstantyn is. He's a strict old coot. But between them... Potter and Konstantyn, and even Master Constantine with them... they had something going on, something happening with them... something I want. Whatever that was, it made me wish I had that with you. And if that's what you're talking about... If that's what you want to build between us, then... Yes. Yes, I want that, too.

"So I forgive you. You're human, you made a mistake because you were angry. You know more now, and I believe you when you say that won't happen again. So yeah, I'm willing to start over." Draco paused to reflect a moment and started to chuckle. "And if it's any comfort to you, I could tell you about six things you rightly could have given me that whipping for, that you know nothing about... so don't feel TOO bad about it. Maybe I can just keep that for a 'raincheck credit'? Use it as a wild card, the next time I earn one?"

This suggestion made even the dour Bat of the Dungeons chuckle. "We shall see, Mr. Malfoy! I would like to think we will progress from such behaviors and sanctions, to ones requiring considerably less severity. In fact, I should like to set one singular anchor in place between us, if I may..."

"What's that, sir?" Draco looked curious.

"Let us always be honest with one another. No lies. No unaskable questions, but not all questions may be answered. Nonetheless, what we DO say, whatever answers either of us DO give, let it be the truth and nothing else. Agreed?"

Draco nodded, "Agreed."

"Very well, then. We shall begin anew and see how this goes. And for now... let's eat." Severus concluded.

"Yes, sir. This looks wonderful," Draco responded, and both knew it was not just the food he was thinking of.

A/N Draco is likely to realign his loyalties over time, changing the path of his life. This was fun to write, as it exposes a bit more of the backstory of the Konstantyn's, along with foreshadowing where the main story arc will head. Reviews are both welcome and encouraging. Please let me know what you think! Grace - Mort