I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to
When I'm lying close to someone else
You're stuck in my head and
I can't get you out of it
If I could do it all again
I know I'd go back to you
A storm shakes the house, loud and booming, echoing all down the street, but muted inside the walls. Bella sinks further into the couch, watching the rain pelt against the window, trying to squint to see outside in the dark. Charlie's game plays quietly in the background, his tranquil breathing like her own personal lullaby. The room glows softly in the light, the rest of the house dark, and she hugs her blanket tighter around herself.
Most of her memories of her father are like this. Sharing a moment, without any real words. Truly, she's not always confident he even realizes she's there, but it's… good enough. For them. It works.
Lightning cracks outside and the lights flicker. They both look up, waiting to see if the storm wins, if it knocks out the power…
The game continues and Charlie grunts.
Bella sighs.
Her phone buzzes.
Waifu: Of course I have. Poe is too popular not to have come across in all my time. Jasper despises his writing but even he has the complete collection.
She snorts. Well, excuse the damn out of me for wondering about you.
Despite knowing that the family is out playing baseball (yeah, like lunatics, in this weather), the reply comes relatively quickly. She doesn't even have a chance to drop her phone back on her chest.
Waifu: And how often do you wonder of me?
Bella stares at the words, her cheeks reddening. Across the room, Charlie sips at his can, and glances at his kid. "That, uh, that better be PG over there. I am Chief of Police, and all," he warns awkwardly.
"Sexting up a storm, pops," Bella doesn't miss a beat. "Dick pics coming out the wazoo. Pretty sure my phone has an STD now."
He sighs an echo of the ancients and thanks his god that he was gifted Bella. "I'm sure Cullen wouldn't appreciate you saying she's viral."
Bella lifts an eyebrow but still does not look away from her phone. Away from the question. Away from the challenge. It feels like a challenge. Rosalie always feels like a challenge, and Bella? Bella isn't one to back down easily. "I think I can take her," she mumbles.
Her father scoffs and goes back to his game. "My money is on the girl who isn't related to her family but somehow still has their eyes," he mutters.
"And who says Forks is oblivious?" Bella replies cheekily. "Willful ignorance is bliss, yeah?"
As often as my heart beats.
Charlie prickles, some young part of him shaking off the dust. The kid who used to wonder what his town held, who devoured its history in hopes of uncovering its secrets. The young man that sat around bonfires on the res, listening to tales too… emotional to be a myth. Too close to the heart of his best friend.
But the adult wins. The tired old cop who has had to sleep with the cold chill of fear entwined down his spine most of his life, forced to carry memories of mutilated bodies drained of their blood between here and Seattle. Ignorance isn't bliss, but it's safe. Knowledge can be a nightmare that haunts you for the rest of your life. God knows, it drove Renee away, to the point she trembles outside the sunlight.
"Yeah, whatever," he grunts and chugs the rest of his drink.
The phone in her hand creaks and Bella forces herself to loosen her grip. She glares at her father, at his weakness. His fear. Too scared to look too closely into her life. The way he clutches to lies and false safety. Unwilling to risk the plastic peace of his town, even for his own daughter.
She hates it. Hates that he has the luxury of being weak. Being scared. Sometimes she might even hate him for it, and that just makes her hate herself.
It's hard not to drown in the rage of the wolf.
"Just close your eyes, pop," she snarls and rips the blanket off of her. She angrily shoves her phone into her pocket. "Bury your head in the sand until it's over, like always. God knows those with a choice never use it."
He scowls fiercely, up on his feet. "Hey, pump the breaks. Where do you get off talking to your father like that?"
"I'm talking to a coward like that!" she booms back and squeezes her fists to keep from poking him.
He points at her. "Watch yourself. You want to be grounded?"
"Go ahead. Ground me. Lock me away in my room. Tell Sam no, when he comes banging on the door for me." She blinks against the sting in her eyes and watches her dad falter. "Tell him no. Dad. Tell him no. Don't let him take me."
And she watches. Watches the pain crackle through his eyes. Watches his shoulders droop, and the fight leave him. Watches him give in. The shame clutches at him and he allows it. He can't even meet her eyes. "If it's important, uh, I can… It's probably important if Sam needs you. He's big in the community, Bells. Does a lot of good. Really keeps this place, you know, running and safe," his voice breaks on the last word and he drops to sit on the arm of his chair.
Hot tears spill down her cheeks and she shoves him backwards into his seat. "Coward."
Her bedroom door cracks with the slam.
.
.
.
Sam sends Leah banging on their door in the morning, but Bella's long gone on her way to the Cullens. Charlie tells Leah that Angela beat her to the punch and the girls are babysitting her brothers today.
.
.
.
"For a wolf, you almost look unnatural in the woods," Rosalie tells her.
Bella holds her arms up while she walks along the log over the creek. She waits until she's across and hops down, holding out her hand for Rosalie to take. "I spent 99% of my life being unable to walk across flat surfaces without slipping or tripping. Old habits die hard."
"I'm-"
"And then die hard with a vengeance. And then live free or die hard. And then a good-"
Rosalie takes her hand and steps down, and Bella's words melt away at the look on Rosalie's face. How close she is, her scent and pheromones mingling in the air, sunshine invading her senses. Rosalie's touch is featherlight on her jaw, and this is something they've taken to doing. Being close and touching, always touching, Rosalie never denies her anymore. These silent actions that scream things neither can understand from the other. But they never address it. They never talk about it.
Not since there is nothing but heartbreak for you here.
And Bella is prepared to back off. Really, she is. She's super ready to try, at least. To give the whole platonic friends thing a good effort. But it's hard when Rosalie is so inviting during these small, quiet moments. Moments where Bella swears they feel the same. And then she forgets to try, forgets that she's not crazy about the vampire.
Sometimes she's convinced Rosalie knows. That she can see it, or sense it. Those golden eyes smoulder just a little more, they burn just a little brighter. And she leans in until her lips brush against Bella's ear. "You forgot Die Hard Two."
"I'm obsessed with you."
The vampire's grin is predatory as she walks away from the heart-eyes aimed her way. "Well, really," she says over her shoulder. "It's maybe the easiest sequel to remember."
"It's not as fun a title," Bella whines and follows her… friend. Deeper and deeper into the woods they go, until she's not really sure where she is. Rosalie could be bringing her out here to murder her. They're far enough no one could hear her scream. She was totally bluffing when she told Charlie she could take Rosalie. She'd get her ass kicked.
They keep walking down a faintly trodden path for a few minutes while Rosalie glances back now and then. "Stop thinking so loud. I'm not going to murder you."
"How'd-!"
She scoffs and rolls her eyes. "You look entirely too buggy. You're either anticipating an attack or about to propose." Bella doesn't have the chance to even try getting down on one knee. Rosalie grabs her backpack and keeps her up, fury and panic in her face. Enough that Bella doesn't know if she should be flinching away from the vampire or protecting her. "Don't! Not even pretend," Rosalie snarls.
Bella holds up her hands. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I was just joking."
"No, I... " She shakes her head softly and steps back. A shadow falls over her face and she clears her throat. "It's fine… I just don't like having a fiance. Even a pretend one." Rosalie breathes out a shaky breath and smooths her hands down her shirt. "I don't want to think of you like that."
Bella deflates. Like she was given a lethal prognosis. Like she found out the world is a lie. Like the sky came tumbling down. "Oh."
It's jarring and horrifying and brutal but it's clear. The clearest Rosalie has been since meeting her. A firm, solid answer to Bella's question. And that's nice. Having an answer. Not wondering anymore. It's nice.
Super nice.
"Hey, um, ahem," she clears her throat and forces a grin, but doesn't actually look up. "You know, uh, ahem. Something in the air up here, kinda scratchy. So. I'm, you know, uh, I actually remembered something. About-about my day, that I need to do, ahem. Fucking air, it's almost choking me, haha. Lucky you can't breathe." Bella runs her hand through her hair and nods back towards the path. "I should probably get going."
The vampire is watching her with furrowed brows when Bella finally looks up and away. Unable to bear the weight of that gaze any longer, Bella makes for the path. An exit. Escape. Freedom. She just really, really needs to not be here right now.
But Rosalie is there when she turns. All up close and personal again, fingers at her wrist, hair blowing into Bella's face, golden eyes bright and angry but concerned. "I was engaged long before you were born. It ended with my death."
"I'm sorry," Bella murmurs. Her hands slide up Rosalie's forearms, under her elbows, closer. Always closer. The vampire just stands there, eyes a million miles away, and Bella's dissociated enough to recognize what it looks like. But she's selfish and she wants to keep Rosalie here with her. "Do you miss them?"
At first, there is no reaction.
Rosalie continues to stare at nothing, and Bella's convinced that she's gone. That she will be gone for a while, and to get comfy. She'd seen Rosalie not twitch a muscle for an entire class before, so she settles against the vampire for the long haul. Patience is her strong suit, after all.
But then Rosalie's brows slowly pinch together and her stone body becomes stiff. Violently rigid and unmoving. Her lips tug down in a faint frown and the fury in her eyes grow until they blaze. Rosalie blinks and looks at Bella and Bella tries not to flinch.
"I killed him, so no."
They stare and Bella nods. "Sure."
"I did."
"I know."
"Why aren't you pulling away?"
"Do you want me to?"
The rage in Rosalie's eyes dims with curiosity and intrigue. The anger is still there, it's always there. It will always be there. She is angry and she fears she'll never separate herself from it, sometimes. But her curiosity outweighs all else this time. "You truly have no issue d… being with a killer."
"I told you I had a fucked up circle of life morality." Bella shrugs. She hums and searches those amber eyes. "Does it bother you?"
"That you're not horrified with me? No, absolutely not."
"No, that I…" Bella shakes her head and sighs, stepping back to stuff her hands in her pockets. "Okay, you are somehow even more stubborn than me and then we get stuck in these patterns of does she like me? And I can't keep doing it. I don't have the emotional constitution."
Rosalie sighs and rubs her forehead. "Bella-"
"I get it!" she insists earnestly and holds up her hands. "I do. My life is… nothing compared to yours. I don't really bring anything to the table, my whopping nineteen years to all of yours. And I'm kind of an asshole, and not nearly as smart as you. But sometimes I'm funny and, like, super supportive, I have my own bike, and I'll work really, really hard to be worthy of you."
Something in Rosalie's head misfires and doesn't click. She stares at her mate blankly. "What?"
Bella hops forward, shaking the nervous jitters from her hands. "I-I have a lot of baggage. My mom, my dad, the pack. Fuck. The pack. That's a lot of baggage. But I can carry it myself and I think if you gave me a chance-mmf!"
For the second time in their relationship, Rosalie steals a kiss.
Of course, Bella is prepared this time, damn it. The moment she feels lip on hers, she grabs the vampire and surges forward. They bump awkwardly and Bella can feel Rosalie's smile, but she's too focused to be embarrassed. She follows Rosalie when she pulls back but only a little, only enough to pout at her. "Please tell me that one was for me," Bella whispers.
Rosalie hooks her fingers in Bella's belt loops and shakes her head. "They were all for you. Do you truly believe I would kiss anyone just to spare obnoxious teenagers?" Her eyes soften and she tugs Bella closer. "Do you truly believe you are not worthy of me?"
"Well." Bella bites her lips and shrugs bashfully. "You must have seen everything by now, experienced so much, and I'm just… me. I don't really have anything to give you…"
It's not a lesson she can soak in. Not immediately. She's aware of the irony that she is telling Bella, since the thought has haunted her all her life, but. "I want you. Only you. Without anything to offer, Bella, I have always just wanted you."
.
.
.
"How do you express yourself, Bella?" Esme asks one morning, as she fries more sausages at the stove.
Mornings at the Cullens' is the most peaceful part of Bella's life. She wakes up curled around Rosalie (her girlfriend, her girlfriend. They're girlfriends now and Bella spent twenty minutes bouncing with Alice after she said yes) while the vampire reads her books. Then she blearily ventures downstairs to the kitchen where Esme is buzzing around, making enough breakfast to feed a small army. The house is always soft and quiet and she wonders if it's always like that or if the others are being considerate to a potentially sleepy, grouchy wolf.
But she loves it. She loves sitting at the table, picking at her food, watching Esme make more. Having these little chats that open up her eyes to the family more and more.
Bella pops another piece of bacon in her mouth, cheek against her fist, elbow on the table. "We mostly just kiss right now."
Esme pauses, spatula in the pan, and smiles softly. She shakes her head. "I meant artistically. Do you draw or paint? Or are you more analytical and less creative?"
"Oh," she burns with a blush. Well fuck. Off in the house somewhere, she swears she can hear snickering. "Uh, not… maybe? I don't know. I do metal work with Quill. We make stuff together, like knives and swords. That's for fun. But also mailboxes and those things people hang on their houses that say their names? Big house number decorations for yards. We're working on pieces for cosplayers online right now. I, uh," she adjusts to fish around in her pocket and drops something on the table. "I made that for, you know, Hale. I didn't think it was a big deal-" Esme is over at the table in a flash. "-but then I got nervous and just didn't give it to her and it's been in my pocket since."
It's a simple ring, as far as rings go. Smooth and polished silver, and that in itself was the trickiest part of it all. Actually getting her hands on good quality silver. Etching the phases of the moon was even easier, and it felt poetic at the time.
But now it all feels silly.
Now it just sits in her pocket.
Esme's face is impossibly soft, her eyes infinitely gentle as she looks down at Bella. "It's beautiful," she says quietly and gingerly hands it back to Bella. She tucks a lock of hair behind the wolf's ear and sighs softly. "I wish…"
Eventually, Bella puts the ring back in her pocket and tilts her head. "Yeah?"
"I'm not sure." She studies Bella for a moment. "I am so very thankful to have met you both, the way you are. I love this version of you two. But I ache from the hurt that defines you."
"Well that's," Bella coughs and looks away, "I'm fine. You don't even have to feel bad, I'm okay."
A cold hand covers her own but she can't look away from her plate and why does she feel guilty about it? "Then why is the ring still in your pocket?"
"What ring? Bella, are you proposing to me?" Alice chimes brightly and stops dead as realization dawns. "Oh my god, are you proposing to Rosalie?!"
Bella launches out of her seat. "Shhh! No! Shush! I'm not!" She swings the pixie over her shoulder. "And you're gonna freak her out if she thinks I am, so stuff a sock in it."
"Oh my god, it's really happening!"
She drops Alice on her feet to cover her mouth with her palm. "Holy shit, shush! You are unbelievably loud, kitten. I'm not proposing, okay? I don't have any intention of - did you just lick me?"
Alice wipes her lips when Bella pulls her hand away. "Yes," she winks, "you taste delicious."
"Can we just drop the whole… alright," she murmurs with an amused edge and points at the grinning pixie. "I'm watching you."
Esme goes back to the stove with a sigh and Alice's face sets into something more serious. "Bella, as your Friend Wife-"
"That's not a thing."
"- Yes, it is, it's like a Work Wife but with your friend," she explains without missing a beat. "As your Friend Wife, I think you should pop the question."
The sigh that releases itself from Bella's chest is impressive, even to Esme. She runs a hand down her face. "Can you please close your mouth so the words stop coming out."
"Relax, she's in the garage." Alice waves the concern off.
Bella's hands launch into the air with her voice. "So?!"
"So she blasts music in her earbuds that she might ignore us and the rest of the world. She can't hear us."
"Okay, can we spare me from this conversation?"
"But I've seen her in a wedding dress!" Alice exclaims on her tippy-toes.
She looks at Bella like the wolf is missing something obvious and Bella shrugs violently. "So?"
"What are you, a quilt maker?" The sass is very real and Esme snorts. "So I don't have visions of the past, do I? And Rosalie's not the type to try out wedding dresses for fun, is she?"
"Oh, that's clever."
Alice grins mischievously. "Thanks, mom."
Bella stares hard and tries to decide if Alice is messing with her or not. "Are you telling me to marry your sister?"
"I'm telling you that you will marry my very most favourite sister," she replies matter-of-factly. Like it's a certainty, like she's explaining three plus three is six.
"Okay, ouch."
The sympathy on her face is endearing and ridiculous but Alice still leans up to cradle Bella's cheek. "I'm sorry, Bella, that's nothing against you. I just can never truly think of you as a sister."
She staggers back and clutches at her chest, looking over to see if Esme witnessed that murder. "Wow, ouch, man."
"Again, it's nothing against you," Alice reassures in alarm. Her big golden eyes sweep over Bella and she steps forward. "I just have impure thoughts about you sometimes that prevent a sisterly connection."
"Wh-..."
"..."
"..."
"Jasper knows, don't worry. Does that make you uncomfortable?" she asks curiously. Genuinely. Like, actually for real.
Bella sinks in on herself again and shuffles towards the table. "I need a drink. Or sleep."
Alice pouts. "You just woke up."
"Did I though?"
Over at the stove, Esme finally intervenes. She looks a little too amused but she points the spatula at Alice. "Let's maybe give her some air, yeah? Go think about the conversation and come back to it."
"Fine!" Alice huffs and spins on her heel. "Forgive me for having good taste. It's not like I'm jumping her."
"You licked me!"
"I'm affectionate!" she shouts down the hall.
Bella shakes her head with a grin. "You're cute as a damn button!"
Eventually, Bella wanders off to leave Esme in the kitchen. No matter how many times she offers to help clean up, the matriarch shoos her away. And, frankly, if Bella's being honest, she's really okay with that. Dishes are the worst.
Renee used to make her do the dishes every night, without fail, to the point that acid churns in her stomach at the mere sight of her fingers pruning. But, to be fair, that's safe to say about anything that reminds her of Renee.
Whatever, it's best just not to think of her.
Not like she's thinking of Bella.
The wolf grunts and shoves through the door to the garage, stopping short as the anger in her veins fizzles out to nothing. Absolutely nothing. The acoustics in the garage are impressive, they probably help, but she's convinced Rosalie could sing into a paper bag and still sound angelic. Midnight Siren was closer to the mark than Bella realized.
Her voice carries throughout the garage, hitting the walls and echoing back. Throaty but smooth, and deep with power, despite the low volume she carries. Bella swallows roughly and follows Rosalie's voice, entranced as she passes each car, looking for her vampire.
It's a pop song, she's pretty sure, but Rosalie sings slow and quiet, to the point it's tinged with sorrow and Bella can't actually place which song it is. Something on the radio, or maybe something Edward sent her. She's tempted to pull Rosalie out from under the Mercedes and ask, but instead lays back along the hood.
The clicking noise of whatever Rosalie was doing beneath pauses for a moment before continuing, but her singing does not. Bella can just make out the noise of her headphones and figures they were pulled out.
"Good morning, Bella."
"Morning, Hale," she replies with a scratchy voice. God. How can Rosalie be true perfection and still stand to be near Bella, never mind date her? Bella clenches her jaw and covers her watering eyes, swallowing down the pain that won't stop coming up today.
Rosalie's tinkering never falters but still, she waits to say anything.
"How old are you?" Bella asks once she's confident she won't sob or scream.
Rosalie's tone is mildly confused, mostly flat, and holds the barest hint of concern. "Very."
"Seriously."
She sighs. "One hundred and three. I was turned in nineteen thirty-three."
"Cool." Bella nods and stares up at the ceiling, at a light that's just a little dimmer than the others. Faulty wiring maybe. Still doing its job, just not as well. Just not as bright. "I'm nineteen. I kinda flunked last year, whenever I did go to class, so I was held back. That's when all the wolf stuff happened."
"That's not unreasonable, Bella. Nobody expects you to manage chaos and a perfect GPA."
"You do. You're a vampire and you still-"
Rosalie is out from under the car and pulling Bella up to look at her. "Don't do that. Don't assume to know someone and then compare yourself to them. Don't judge yourself until you love yourself, Bella. It's… it does more damage than you realize in the moment. Please."
The wolf slumps forward, shoulders drooped. It's an answer she expects, really. It's something people say to other people. It's really the only decent response.
But Rosalie sees through her. Always. She lifts Bella's face by the chin, touch always gentle. "Do you want to know how many tries it took for me to graduate? Four," she says firmly and settles between Bella's knees. "Four tries before I could focus past my hunger. Four tries before I could move past how stupid it felt to sit in a classroom, like I was just another kid. Like I wasn't… this."
They stay like that for three thunderous heartbeats. Rosalie can feel the tautness of Bella's body seep out of her as she straightens up some. Those dark eyes find their way to Rosalie's again and the vampire can breathe. "Four tries," Bella murmurs with a wry twist to her lips. "Even I'm graduating this year. That's only two."
"Oh, shut up," Rosalie huffs and rolls her eyes. Her hands slide around Bella's waist to pull her closer. "Do you feel better now, knowing my own shortcomings?"
Bella scoffs. "Oh, please, that is hardly anything. It's not even a blip on the radar, I heard you singing in here. You are enchanting, by the way."
"I know."
"It's a good thing I'm not with you for your modesty."
A smirk. "If I have to walk this Godforsaken planet, I might as well be the best at it." She hums and scrutinizes Bella, drags her gaze along a face that brings nothing but comfort and warmth. "Why are you with me?"
"Head trauma, I think."
"Okay."
Bella grabs her shoulders and laughs, pulling her back when Rosalie tries to leave. "No, no, no! I'm joking, come back." The scowl aimed her way makes her heart stutter but not with fear. It's full, it's never been this full before. She's never felt like this before. "You improve my quality of life," she says thoughtfully. Rosalie watches her, watches the gears turn. "I know that's hardly romantic, no you light my soul on fire, which you do. But yeah, you just… bring colour into my life. You bring pain and confusion, joy and wonderment, ecstasy and hope. You make me feel things, and I… don't. On my own. So it's selfish, why I'm with you. I just feel alive when you're around. I want to do more, see more, be more than I am. You make me wanna live."
Black eyes regard her with an intensity that catches her breath in her throat. A rumbling comes from Rosalie's chest, and stone fingers dig gently into warm thighs. "Don't you want to know why I am with you?"
"Oh, I know why," Bella breathes and sucks in air sharply when Rosalie lifts up onto the hood. A knee on either side of Bella's thighs, forward more and more until she's forced to lay back against the hood. "I'm the only one who laughs at your lame jokes."
The vampire's body slides against her own until she feels the cool, smooth curves of her stomach against her own fiery skin. Rosalie settles on her and it's almost like pinning, Bella can't move, though she's not sure she would if she could. She reaches up to tuck pale blonde hair behind Rosalie's ear to see her face, and marvels at the beauty staring down at her.
Rosalie is beautiful and people say it often enough. But it's… painful almost, how beautiful she is, to the point that you don't focus on the details. Bella has spent so long getting lost in her eyes, or looking at her out the corner of her own, that she is struck by the angel looking back at her.
She wonders if people actually see Rosalie or just her beauty, anymore. She wonders if that's why Rosalie doesn't like mirrors. It has to be hard to see yourself when nobody else can.
A chilly thumb swipes under Bella's eye to catch a tear and Rosalie frowns. The heavens frown, and God, Rosalie needs to stop reading poetry while she's falling asleep because she's never been touched by beauty before. She's never been brought to fucking tears over a pretty face.
"What are you thinking?" Rosalie whispers.
Bella blinks and feels the tears streak back into her hair. She laughs, self consciously, weakly. "You look like heaven," she repeats her thoughts aloud.
"You look like freedom," Rosalie tells her. Dark amber eyes trail over her face. "You can't see the wild air around you, the dare that lingers deep within your eyes. Your smile is untouchable, and your laugh echoes the wind through the trees."
Bella laughs more, her chuckling building up and up, stronger and stronger, as she tries to wrestle it down. "Oh God," she sighs deeply and the smile is haunted. "That's painfully ironic."
But Rosalie is less amused. She leans on one elbow, reaching up to tuck her hair back again, staring at her mate. "Tell me about Sam, Bella."
"Tell me about your fiance."
It's maybe a little more aggressive than either girl was expecting but Rosalie doesn't even blink. She breathes deeply and closes her eyes to concentrate on the warmth seeping into her body. "He took from me things he could never return," she says slowly. "So I took his life." She opens her eyes to catch Bella's. "And even that is more words than he deserves. I won't speak of him again."
Bella nods and folds her arms back under her head. "I'm sorry," she says. "For asking, I mean. Not that I regret knowing more about you. I just didn't mean to bring up… stuff." And Rosalie does that thing where she merely waits. Where she is nothing but receptive, even when she's reserved, and Bella finds nothing but patience in her eyes. Which is annoying because it makes refusal very difficult, when she's being so understanding. Damn it. "He doesn't take. He just… he makes you give and there's something very wrong about that. There's something very wrong with people who think they deserve more than they do and will get it, no matter who they hurt."
"I'm sorry, Bella," Rosalie murmurs and rests her cheek over the wolf's heart. It beats like a drum that fuels the world another rotation around the sun. "Say the word and I will tear his heart from his chest."
She chuckles again and it shakes the vampire. "Don't make me swoon. I… that would make things worse, I suspect. And start a war between the groups. I would be forced to… to hurt you." She squeezes her eyes shut against the acid in her veins, the repulsion at the very thought of hurting Rosalie. "No, no, I can't do that."
"I'm well aware of that, you can barely tie your shoes, let alone fight," Rosalie says so casually that Bella almost misses it.
Almost.
She frowns. "Hey, um, what the fuck? I could kick your ass."
"You literally could not."
"I-" Bella wiggles until she's leaning up on her elbows and Rosalie rolls back onto the windshield and props her cheek against her fist. "I will physically fight you, Hale."
The vampire sighs and relaxes against the glass. "If you're looking for lessons, I can teach you."
"Oh my God, that's it. I'm gonna-"
"Fall." There's just enough time for Bella to look confused before Rosalie's foot is on her hip and shoving her off, down the hood. She waits for the thunk and smiles. "If you were truly a fighter, you would have anticipated that."
"Fuck me for assuming my girlfriend was on my side," Bella mutters from the floor. "Please tell me we can at least makeout in that old stingray over there."
There's a second before Rosalie summersaults backwards off the hood and strides to the car. Bella scrambles up to her feet moments after, and nobody sees the girls for the rest of the day.
.
.
.
It's a relatively nice day in Forks when he teaches her how to drive. And not that she doesn't know how to drive, she just… never has. Nothing besides her dirt bike and Edward says it's very different from a car. He also makes her swear to never let Rosalie know he taught her but she enjoys the thrill of the risk.
Rosalie would kill them both if she knew.
He seems to know this, there's some kind of vengeance in his reasoning. She's not sure what, exactly, but he's excited and eager to teach her. Or he was, until she grinds the gears a third time.
His grimace is painful and his wincing is dramatic. Her skin itches and she glares at him. "It's your own damn fault for teaching me in the world's nicest car!"
"I didn't say anything!" he fires back and jerks his hand forward to hover over the gear shift. "Easy! Smooth motions, Bella."
"Oh my God, Edward, I know how to drive!"
He flinches and holds his breath as they turn in the corner of the parking lot. "You know how to ride," he corrects. "A car and a motorcycle are very different - slow! Slow!"
"Dirt bike," she growls and pushes harder on the gas.
Edward closes his eyes. "It takes truly coming face to face with one's own mortality to appreciate what a gift life is. Never will I ever think of running off to Italy again."
"I don't know what that means but I don't fucking like it!"
"Keep your eyes on the road, Bella!"
"We're in a parking lot, there is no road!"
"Sweet Jesus, forgive me, Lord!"
The car slams on its breaks before crushing Lauren Mallory and her boytoy of the month, and the most alarming thing about the whole situation is Edward's screech of despair that cracks the rearview mirror.
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.
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"I feel like we should know each other better," she tells him after the silence stretches on just a little too long to be comfortable.
They sit before an enormous portrait done by some famous painter whose name she couldn't even dream of pronouncing. It's nice, in a dark and macabre sort of way. A black and white with vivid red, a look back at history. Some bloody battle that Jasper examines wistfully.
Bella turns on the bench when he says nothing, to find him watching her curiously. "Alice is my best friend and you're her husband, so I feel like we should be buddies, you know?"
"I agree."
"So why aren't we?"
His lips press into a firm line, thoughtful eyes flicking away. "I'm not sure. You don't talk to me, really."
"Well yeah, you're intimidating."
This seems to surprise him, or maybe hurt him. He shrinks in on himself some more. "I apologize for the scars, I know they're unsettling."
Bella looks down at his arms, watches him tug at his cuffs. She shakes her head with a scoff. "Um, your scars actually help? I don't know if you don't own a mirror, but you're like damn pretty. And quiet. Like it easily goes Hale, Alice, you. And Alice is a ball of sunshine and easy to talk to."
"I'm not sure I follow anymore," he replies and scoots forward. As if the distance between them is the cause of his misunderstanding. "You don't talk to me because I'm pretty?"
"Yeah, exactly."
"Why?"
She shrugs unhelpfully. "I don't know, dude, I think it's a vampire thing, you're all beautiful. You were probably decent before though, that's why it's so enhanced now."
"No, I. Thank you." Jasper sighs and tries to find the words that will express what he's feeling. "Why does my… attractiveness deter you from speaking to me?"
A light bulb goes off and she grins shyly. "Oh! Uh, not sure? I got self-esteem issues, I think. Fuck."
"I'm sorry," he says sincerely.
Bella shrugs. "Why don't you ever talk to me?"
Jasper's answer is a lot more simple but much less flattering and much less tactful. Still, he figures Bella deserves honesty, especially after how honest she's been. "I was afraid of you."
"Oh," she echoes herself and deflates a little.
"I still am, Bella, and I'm sorry about the position that puts you in. I do like you, I think you're wonderful. I think you're funny, and genuine, and kind, but…" he motions to her helplessly, sheepishly and with no small amount of shame. "I think you're dangerous, too."
"Because of my lack of control," she finishes.
He nods once. "I say this as a dangerous man, myself. My own control is not nearly that of my family's, and I would not trust myself around humans alone. I don't think we can be blamed for what is beyond our control, personally," he muses thoughtfully. "But I also do not think it should be overlooked simply because we are decent people."
"That makes sense," Bella agrees quietly, staring down at the bench between her thighs.
And Jasper remembers he's not talking to another vampire. That while Bella appears to be a teenage girl, she also is one. There is no deceptive surface that hides an old soul who has been around long enough to recognize the things he does.
Nobody has ever told her that she's dangerous before.
She's never been dangerous before.
"I'm sorry, Bella." Jasper hesitates before placing his hand on her shoulder and ducks to try and catch her eye. "Carrying the weight of what if can be unbearable but you are not alone. I am… I am here for you, always."
Their eyes meet and the bond is formed, Jasper no longer agrees with his previous sentiment of Alice first, no matter what.
Bella cannot fall under no matter what.
Bella is his friend.
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