Fran Goes on Jerry Springer
This chapter will get even more disturbing and raunchy than the last five! The Lisa thanks everybody for the reviews, and wants loads more. She wants to make this story fairly long.
"Vaan, we really do not want to hear any more about your extremely small ding-dong!" Fran yelled.
"Fran, it's not extremely small! And I'm sure Larsa's is smaller!" Vaan replied.
"I'm only twelve." Larsa reminded him.
"And like Balthier and Basch are much better."
"Yes, they sure are. Especially Balthier. You're just pathetic Vaan. Not even Penelo would be impressed with you." The Viera teased.
"I'm still not going gay!"
"You'd have to pay me five million gil to make me consider sleeping with you again. And I seriously doubt you're the father of my child… if I am having one. The test still hasn't come back yet."
"Can I borrow the mic again?" Vaan asked.
"Not after that valve comment." Jerry remarked.
"Okay!" Vaan snatched the microphone. "Price check on tampons!"
Fran was confused. "What are these tampons?"
"We're not talking about it. Let's just say you'd enjoy playing with them." Balthier told the Viera.
"Tell meeee!"
"Absolutely not!"
"I'll ask Ashe and Penelo then! They'd be glad to tell me!"
"Don't be so sure. Fine! I'll whisper it to you! But if you repeat it, I won't have sex with you more than once a month!"
Balthier whispered something in Fran's ear. Fran giggled, which was strange because she hardly ever laughs and then asked Balthier if he'd buy her some. Balthier told her they were for another reason, absolutely not for her personal amusement. If she wanted to shove something up her pussy, she'd have to use other objects. Like carrots.
"Now that we've recovered from that comment Mr. Vaan…" Jerry began, glaring at Vaan, who was being tied to a chair by security so he couldn't grab the mic or do anything that ended up not being bleeped by accident. "Let's get on with the show! So Frances, about how many times a week do you make love?"
"About twice a day, and if you call me Frances one more time, I'll use you for target practice once I find out where your security bastards hid my bow! How do you call it 'making love' anyhow? Love has nothing to do with it, except when Balthier wants it, and then it might have a little to do with love on his part! I don't understand love all that well. Love is not something Viera get. We feel it for our families, but not usually for our mates. We just mate to have little Viera. I once caught my sister having sex with this one male Viera jerk… I was blinded for three days after that."
"You don't need to constantly shock us with obscene comments!"
"Yes I do! One time I shoved a giant cigarette up my pussy it a Malboro brand cigarette." Fran yelled.
"How big?" Jerry asked.
"It was huge and believe me I had a really hard time putting that in!"
"No, tell me the actual size of it!" Jerry exclaimed.
"Well, it was the size of a tree branch—a full sized tree branch—and as wide as a roll of film."
"It wasn't a real cigarette Jerry. It was a novelty toy I bought for her in Balfonheim! You know, something she could slide up her pussy all day so she would stop asking me for continual sex or using the food. I'm tired of everything tasting like Viera." Balthier explained.
"Do you have a problem with how I taste?" Fran asked, looking offended.
"It's not okay that every piece of food on the Strahl tastes like it's been up a Viera's snizz."
"It tastes like that because it has been up my snizz!"
"I'm not eating anything you fix for me again. No more carrot juice, none of your 'homemade' pickles, and no banana splits!"
"I'll eat the pickles and the bananas, and I'll have a glass of carrot juice to drink!" Vaan yelled.
"Yes you will, because you've got the hots for me and will do whatever I ask!" Fran exclaimed happily.
"Fran, you're an idiot. You belong with stupid Vaan here!" Balthier yelled.
"I most certainly am not an idiot! I'm smarter than you!"
"Fran, your test came back." Jerry said. Fran's ears twitched. Jerry was about to reveal the test results. Then they'd figure out if there was a problem or not.