Okay so if you haven't watched Garth Marenghi's Darkplace even once this is going to confuse the hell out of you!
I've stuck to the way they filmed Darkplace including the little interviews randomly in the middle of scenes and I've kept in Dagless' own thoughts.

My main hope is that the characters are okay. Oh and I finally own the Darkplace DeanVD ;D Yay
Oh and I hope the lame attempt at writing an extract from Garth's 'books' is ok XD
Can you tell I'm worried about this chapter? 8-) Oh and this isn't set in the 1980s because that would be a bit impossible!

Greeting's friend

He stared at his hands and reached up to his perfect cheeks with his finger tips. His flesh was burning…Burning. Burning. Burning. Burning. Burning. Burning…And felt rather itchy and irritating. He scratched at the flaming skin only to come away with a handful of sticky, stinking, scorching flesh.

Greeting's traveller, I'm Garth Marenghi. Author, visionary, dream-weaver plus actor. Many of you will remember me from my television series, Darkplace, where I played a Vietnam and Falklands War Veteran and former warlock known as Dr. Rick Dagless, MD back in the 1980s.
Now I bring you this episode of the mighty collaboration of four or five different shows, which I was asked personally by the producer's to write. So pull up a chair, sofa, deck-chair or stool, whatever's handy, get some pop-corn, draw the curtains, maybe nip for a toilet break, come back and pop the kettle on then sit back and enjoy tonight's instalment.

Xxx

"Nathan! Will you forget about slapping those posters and leaflets everywhere?" Claire yelled as she dragged Vince through the sliding automatic doors of the hospital "Hurry up!" She tried again; soon he caught up but still passed out leaflets and stickers.

Claire gripped Nathan's arm and pulled both men up to the reception in the Accident and Emergency department.
"Excuse me." She called to a tall man who had his back to her standing completely still "Excuse me." She tried again and the man turned round giving her a blank stare "Hello, my friend here…I think his ear drums might have burst."
"What?" Vince yelled pressing a finger to his ear trying to stop the ringing sensation.
"I see. I'll page Dr. Sanchez for you. He will be here in a second, take a seat."

Xxx

Garth Marenghi: Dean approached me with a proposition, he wanted to bring Darkplace back to life, as did I. I agreed to write and star in an episode or two of this…Huge collaboration of programmes. I was thrilled. Obviously.

Dean Learner: Now I'd never worked with Mr Vince…What was his last name again? What was it? (Looks behind the camera) Noir. Yes, I've never worked with a Vince Noir before, thank you, and don't get me wrong he was a lovely guy to work with but he couldn't pretend that he was deaf.

Marenghi: Yes, I remember it being extremely hard to actually get him to pretend he couldn't hear anything.

Learner: I remember walking to the nearest Tesco just to buy a pair of earplugs. I stormed straight up to him, clearly you could tell I was fed up of it already, he wasn't doing as he was being asked and after the hundredth or so take everyone was getting a little bit frustrated, so I stormed right up to him and forced these little yellow plugs into his hand instructing him to stick them in his ears.

Marenghi: They worked perfectly. He was brilliant after that.

Learner: A completely transformed actor thanks to those earplugs.

Xxx

"Thank you." Claire smiled at the man on reception while pulling Vince over to some chairs beckoning Nathan to follow "I swear its like babysitting. And where's Jones? This is as much his fault as yours!" She practically yelled at Nathan earning a few unimpressed looks from staff and patients.
"Trashbat.cock yeah? Check it out!" Claire sighed heavily and crossed her arms finding herself watching the clock opposite.

Xxx

My name's Dr. Rick Dagless. MD. I've just been informed someone is constantly screaming over and over again in reception it's disrupting the other patients and basically giving the staff a headache. The nurses informed me they're all at their wits end, I'm on my way down there to calm the situation down but first there's something I need to introduce to a special friend.

"Hey there, sport." Dr Dagless smiled as he opened the door to a side room on the children's ward, he sat on the bed quickly smiling at a brown haired young boy.
"Hello Dr. Dagless." The child smiled back.
"How are we feeling today?" His voice was slightly hushed, gentle and a little bit patronising but the child didn't mind.
"I'm ok. Bit bored."
"That's why I brought you this." Dagless pulled a cuddly toy from his white doctor's coat, he passed it to the boy who grinned widely and hugged the toy rabbit "I thought you'd like it."
"Thank you doctor Dagless!"
"Don't mention it. Look, I've got to go see to someone in reception but I'll swing by later to check up on you, okay champ?" The child nodded.
"Thank you, doctor!"
"Don't mention it." He repeated while getting up and heading toward the door, before leaving he turned to salute the child who saluted back.

I was on my way to reception. I could hear someone shouting 'what' over and over again, someone was obviously deaf. When I reached the A&E waiting area I saw Dr. Sanchez had already approached the situation and was trying to shut the patient up, a woman with black hair sat with another woman, maybe her lover. I couldn't be sure.

"What's all the commotion?" Dr. Dagless asked as he approached Vince, Claire and Dr. Sanchez.
"He can't hear anything." Sanchez informed him while pointing at Vince who shouted a loud and clear 'what' again.

So it was a man and not a woman. I was wrong. But as a professional I kept the embarrassment to myself and didn't let it distract my work.

"Okay then, do you want to come this way over to a cubicle?" Claire pulled Vince to his feet dragging Nathan behind as they followed the two doctors; they headed straight down the corridor then turned sharply into one of the curtained cubicles throwing back the flowery patterned curtain "Here will do. Pop yourself down on the bed." He reached inside his white coat and brought out a tool that resembled a small hand-held microscope.

"What's that for?" Vince screamed as he was pushed onto the bed by a frustrated looking Claire.
"This is an Otoscope." Dagless informed him "I'm going to use it to look into your ears.
"No point telling that to him, he can't hear you." Sanchez pointed out before Vince had a chance to utter the word 'what'. Dagless placed the tool to Vince's ear and peered through then journeyed round the bed to check the other ear, eventually he straightened up and slipped the tool away.
"The inner ear on both sides look agitated, has he been subjected to loud noise?"
"Yes. Unfortunately we live with a DJ." Claire informed them "He slipped the headphones over Vince's ears and played his god awful music to him. Now all he can hear is ringing."

"Mmm yes, so it would seem." Dagless turned to the other doctor "What do you suggest?"
"Aspirin for the pain. If there is any pain."
"Yes, the ringing should cease soon. If you don't mind waiting I'll get the aspirin for you."
"Thanks, that would be great."

Xxx

Marenghi: Now I just thought I'd point out that Madeleine Wool, the actress who plays Dr. Liz Asher doesn't actually appear in this…Collaboration, if you will. And that is because…She is still missing, presumed dead even.

Learner: Yes it is a great shame she couldn't join us on set for a reunion, sort of, of the Darkplace cast. It is a great shame. And I distinctly remember Vince coming up to me that day begging for a break from shouting.

Marenghi: Yes I think we might have damaged his vocal chords that day.

Learner: We got some great footage though, didn't we?

Marenghi: Oh yes, brilliant footage.

Xxx

As I left the strangely dressed man, the frustrated girl who looked as though someone had pissed in her cornflakes and the guy who was sticking these little yellow circles everywhere, I caught sight of a patient out of bed that wasn't supposed to be. But upon closer inspection this patient was no ordinary patient.
This patient had six more arms.

"What in hell's fire has happened to you?" Dagless stood with his feet slightly apart and his fists clenched starring at the oddly shaped patient in front of him, Sanchez appeared behind him with one eyebrow slightly higher than the other.
"What on god's earth?"
"I don't know what that is…But it's definitely half human half spider."