Fran Goes on Jerry Springer
Thank you for the reviews. Fear not, more madness to come!
Fran did not seem upset about having destroyed the test results. She was just happy her magic still worked, even though she had twelve little half-Viera draining her mana. Viera did need a certain amount of Mist, even before they were born.
"So you aren't mad about the Viera and the tree roots?" Jerry asked Balthier.
"No. It isn't hurting anybody and it isn't like she can get diseases or get pregnant from that. It makes her feel good. I've done some things like that before. Once, when I was seventeen, I drilled a hole in a chair and humped it. Now I just hump Fran. Almost every night, even though she doesn't seem to get enough, which is why she's having 12 babies to different fathers. If she wasn't so horny all the babies would be mine."
"But she was horny, and now she's having at least two of my kids." Vaan added.
"Don't remind me." Fran hissed. She pulled a whole bottle of pills out of her pocket.
"Fran! Don't eat those! You'll kill the babies!" Balthier yelled.
"Viera are immune to this. This is Prozac." Fran said. She ate a few dozen of the pills. Everybody hoped Fran was right, or she and her babies would all die. "Basch? Did you bring the summer sausage like I asked?"
Basch gave Fran the sausage. The Viera took her clothes off again, and was immediately restrained. She got angry, attacked security, and managed to jam that sausage up her vagina, even though it looked very painful.
"One time I asked Fran about baby Viera, but she didn't bother to tell me that Viera reproduce in litters. Or that they come out with lop ears." Balthier said.
"I want to watch Fran have baby Vieras. I don't imagine she'd be too thrilled though." Penelo said. She was yanking up roots of one of her plants.
"What are you doing with those?" Ashe asked, narrowing her eyes.
"Making real root beer. With alcohol." Penelo said happily.
"That isn't the kind of plant you use in root beer! You were trying to copy Fran and put those up your vagina, weren't you? I knew this show was too mature for you!"
"Can I find a male Viera and bring him here and have sex with him? I want to have little Viera just like Fran."
"Penelo, this is your house!!! You can do whatever the fuck you want here when I'm not visiting! I'm just using your TV because you and that stupid bastard Vaan broke mine last week watching—and acting out might I add—that stupid show Jackass and I haven't gotten a new one yet!" Ashe screamed, VERY angry.
"I'm gonna force Vaan to change his last name to Jackass. I don't like that name at all but that's okay because I'm gonna marry Larsa and have wild affairs with male Viera until I get pregnant and have half-Viera like Fran. Only I won't have a huge litter of them because I'm not a female Viera."
"Gods, I hate you."
Fran was very pleased when she managed to get that whole sausage up her pussy. Mot everybody else was just revolted. Male audience members were delighted to see parts of Viera female anatomy very few Humes (and a few other races such as Moogles here and there) ever saw.
"Good Wood, that hurt, but it was worth it. Gods, reminds me of Montblanc's penis." Fran moaned.
"FRAN! That MOOGLE could not have possibly had a penis as wide as that summer sausage! Nono is his brother! And Nono certainly isn't like that! We do have threesomes, remember?" Balthier yelled.
"My brother takes after my grandfather on my mother's side. I take after my father, kupo." Montblanc said.
"He sure does." Krjn purred.
"I'm sure you'll eventually be blessed with a litter of little half-Viera half-Moogle kits of your own Krjn! Maybe a dozen of them! Then we can both be mommies!" Fran said happily. She pulled the sausage out and secretly put it in Balthier's pocket.
"This gets better and better. Fran? This had better be a different sausage than the one you just violated yourself with!" Balthier yelled.
"Oh, of course not! Basch gave me two sausages. One to put up my pussy, and one for you because you're tired of everything tasting like my snizz."
Balthier ate the sausage and Fran started giggling like a maniac. "Ha! Fooled you! Look! There's no sausage up my snatch anymore! You just ate another Viera-flavoured treat!"
"You are the meanest bunny I've ever met. And the horniest. Behave yourself or I won't have sex with you every night anymore!"
"I need a drink. And it has to be something that's good for me and my twelve babies." Fran said. She pulled a bottle of Fuze out of her top and drank the whole thing in seconds.
"Fran, I said no more of your weird behaviours or I am not going to sleep with you every night. And I know you'd hate that. You want to have about ten litters, don't you?"
"Hey, I've only been pregnant a short time, but it's been nice to have all this attention and everything. And I haven't been the slightest bit sick. You need to knock me up again after I have the 12 kits. I'm now officially the Viera you can hump just because you're the last remaining member of your family and want to pass the bloodline on."
Tidus came out of nowhere and walked up on stage. Vaan got interested.
"Hey! You look like me! Maybe we're cousins!" Vaan said happily.
"Trees is your cousins chico." Fran said in a profoundly stupid (and grammatically challenged) way.
"Does that mean Viera are our cousins too?"
"Of course it does!" Fran yelled. She cast Holy, vapourizing Tidus and singeing Vaan.
"Aww… I liked him. Did you have to kill him?"
"He was ticking me off. Balthier? Get over here and have sex with me NOW!"
"No. Not until later." Balthier said.
"We've been on this show a few times within the past week. I just want to go home and put anything I want up my snatch, and then we can have wild sex."
"Fran, no. We are gonna have sex, but I'm gonna have to be gentle. You're pregnant with twelve babies, and I'm not gonna do anything that could hurt them. Some of them are mine after all."
Vaan waltzed over to Fran and slid a deck of Yu-Gi-Oh cards right in between her impressive breasts. Fran slapped him across the face.
"Don't touch me unless I say so!" The Viera roared.
"Mr. Vaan, that was unnecessary." Jerry remarked.
"Can I touch you?" Balthier asked.
"Wait until tonight." Fran said slyly.