Recently I read a comic in a newspaper which titled "Women Waiting For The Perfect Men". It was a picture of a few skeletons sitting around a dining table. The message it was trying to convey was a woman waiting for the perfect man would grow old alone and die in loneliness. The comic kept wandering into my mind in the last few days and it was very annoying.
I browsed through my computer files and reread the article by Angleblush "Learn To Let Go Completely". It was a nice piece of work.
"Learn to let go completely. Until then can you only love AND be loved again..."
The sentences stood out clearly telling me what I should be doing. Yet it was easier said than done.
The initial period before I could let go completely is difficult but I'm trying my very best. I believe that true love exists in this world and one day I will find my soulmate.
My CD player was playing the song "Without you" by Air Supply the other day. I switched to another song without hesitation. I loved the song but the lyrics just brought back too many painful memories. I just did not want the song to remind me of him.
x x x
I don't know why and how I have gathered the courage to ask him about the topic on soulmate. It was an impulsive act, an act without serious consideration and thought. It just happened. The email was as follow:
Hi, Damon
I have decided to do a course in Psychology and I need some help for my assignment. Can you do me a favour and answer the questionnaire for me?
1. How do you define soulmate?
2. As a highly qualified profession, does it matter to you that your future spouse must be your soulmate too? Please state reasons.
3. Have you found your soulmate?
Yours sincerely,
Elena
After I had clicked on the send button, I started to regret. It was an email full of lies. How could I even come up with such a silly idea? No matter what happens, he is still a friend. How could I lie to my friend?
Maybe he would ignore my email. I was trying very hard to reassure myself. But I got an instant reply from him.
Dear Elena,
I will reply your questionnaire later after I have finished my project. No hurry right?
Damon
I was stunned. I would never think that Damon would reply such a silly email. Yet there was still no answer from him. It was a promise from him but I was afraid. Afraid of the answers.
Sometimes I wish that I have never asked him the questions. But I can't change the situation now, can I? Right now I can only wait to see how he responds to my questionnaires. I can only have faith. No matter what the answers are at least it gives me the opportunity to know him better by evaluating his views and ideas. I should not feel sad even if he told me that he had found his soulmate, shouldn't I? I always wish upon the stars, wishing him happiness. If he were happy and his life were complete with his soulmate, I should be happy and glad too. Easier said than done, again.
This is his promise. A promise that keeps me waiting and wondering. A promise that hurts too.