Fran Goes on Jerry Springer
It's called a crackfic for a reason. And this chapter is especially rated M for Mjrn.
Fran, being her typical bad Viera self, had stolen a credit card and was trying to force it into herself. It seemed to hurt her a little. She was making upset grunts.
"Fran, get rid of the card. It's hurting you, I can tell!" Balthier yelled.
"No! I'm going to join the grenade game, so I need to pay!" Fran cried angrily.
"Fran, that game has no membership option. Anybody can play it for free, but the laptop died again. No more dirty game for me or you." Vaan explained.
"Do all Viera act like this at a certain age or something?" Basch asked.
"It's usually only when we're in very strong heat or if we're pregnant. It's hormonal, and I don't mind. It's actually very unpleasant sometimes. We get these wildly intense sexual urges, almost irresistible." Fran said, sounding almost like her old self for a minute. Then she managed to get the card in and slumped happily.
Vaan got out some bright pink nail polish and began painting his fingernails. Fran began laughing hysterically.
"Vaan! That is for girls!" Balthier yelled.
"Really? Penelo and I paint our nails all the time! Fran, do Viera ever paint their nails?"
"Jote does sometimes. Mjrn just makes a mess when she tries."
"Funny you should mention Mjrn again." Jerry said.
"Oh no. Please don't tell me you dragged my sister here too!" Fran yelled.
"Yeah. Let's bring her out."
Mjrn was not used to a lot of lights and crowds. She completely freaked out. And security had a hard time calming her down. She started running around, yelling a bunch of nonsense. At least it was nonsense to everyone but Fran or somebody who understood Vieran language. The Viera acted almost as though she was high on the Mist, just not nearly as violent. Just… terrified at everything. And it didn't help when Vaan tackled her and began kissing her. And tickling her, and yelling "DO YOU WANT A CARROT?!" terrifying the Viera further.
"Vaan! Don't do that!" Balthier screamed. Security pulled Vaan off of the Viera and tied him to a chair again. Mjrn was lying on the ground, panting.
"Please… Vaan… I appreciate your affection… but not here." Mjrn managed to say. She seemed to be done throwing a fit. She got back up on her feet and went and sat next to her sister.
"Mjrn, are you okay?" Fran asked.
"Yeah. I was scared more than anything. I think we're fine."
"What do you mean 'we'?" Vaan asked.
"I mean me, and my eight kits. That's why I left the Wood and sought out my sister. I want to live with Fran. I need somebody to help me take care of my kits."
"How much of that is true?" Fran wondered.
"The part about the eight kits and that last part are true. Jote kicked me out. Me and her latest boyfriend. Constantly. He cheated on her and knocked me up. I wanted it, but Jote got very angry. I don't know where that male Viera went. He was really mad at me for getting him kicked out of the village. He said I should've made up some story about another male Viera being the father of my kits, but nobody can lie to Jote.
"Psst… Mjrn." Vaan whispered. Mjrn got interested and went over to him.
"What is it?" The young Viera asked.
"If you untie me, I'll do something really funny."
"I don't think that's such a good idea."
"Do it and I'll give you some runes."
"OKAY!"
Mjrn slashed the ropes with her claws and Vaan instantly went and snagged the microphone again. He began belching out obscene comments. And nonsense. Mjrn pulled on her ears. Security grabbed Vaan and tied him up with stronger ropes. And told Mjrn not to let Vaan go again.
"Vaan, you're tied up because what you did to Mjrn was not only cruel, it could've caused her to miscarry her kits!" Balthier yelled.
"So you're going to have kits too?" Basch asked. Mjrn nodded happily. But she didn't understand that last word.
"Too?" The Viera looked confused.
"I've got twelve babies in me." Fran clarified.
"Mine are pure Viera, so that automatically means I'm not a slut, I'm a good Viera."
"How does making your sister's boyfriend hump you repeatedly qualify you as a good Viera?" Balthier asked.
"Because we made more pure Viera, not a bunch of half-breeds like Fran made with all of you."
Fran got out a cue stick from nowhere. Even she didn't know where she got all this stuff. She violated herself with it and asked Mjrn if she wanted to join her.
"HELL NO! GET THAT DAMN THING AWAY FROM ME!!" Mjrn screamed.
Fran pulled a coconut out of her shirt. "Who's up for smoothies?"
"Fran, where the fuck did that come from?"
"In between my huge breasts, like everything else."
"Can I please slap my bitchy sister across the face?"
"Mjrn, if I hear one more swear word, I'm gonna shove this cue stick up your rear! Who taught you these words?" Fran screeched.
"It was Jote! And if you put that anywhere other than my cunt, that's animal abuse! Mr. Balthier, can you protect me?"
Fran got really mad and hit Mjrn several times with the cue stick. "YOU DON'T GET TO TALK LIKE THAT, YOU IDIOT!"
"FRAN! STOP! YOU'RE GONNA KILL MY BABIES LIKE THAT! THEY'RE PURE VIERA, WHICH ARE BETTER THAN YOUR LITTLE HALF-BREED FREAKS, SO THEY NEED TO SURVIVE!!"
"Good gods! Mjrn is hard-core!" Penelo yelled happily, holding up a bottle of glue.
"That had better be hormonal, Mjrn I mean. She isn't like that at all. She's always been so polite, and here she is swearing like hell. I'm allowed to swear, but that Viera isn't. Sheesh, those hormones made Fran a dumbass and Mjrn the Bitch Queen." Ashe commented. Penelo squirted glue all over Ashe's hair.