'Welcome to the Friction Inhibition Gel test... Or 'The FIG Test', as some presumed clever scientists have called it.' GLaDOS introduced as soon as they left the room.
"Let me guess, lots of fruit puns came out of that, right?" Jack smirked.
"Too easy..." Cherry replied. "I mean, just look at my name. I guess you could say..." she then said before removing her glasses and taking out a random pair of sunglasses to wear. "Those jokes are low-hanging."
"YEEEEEAAAAH!" A random voice screeched.
"You watch CSI?" Jack asked.
"No, but I thought it'd be a good opportunity." Cherry chuckled.
'PerkyGoth14, I will be sure to make a note in your file.' GLaDOS replied.
"Ooh, are puns not allowed?" Cherry asked. "I guess Carlos Azuz from CNN Student News will be punished."
'Oh, you aren't in trouble,' GLaDOS told her. 'I was just going to note that you believed you were clever. It's honestly kind of charming whenever the test subjects assume they have the necessary wit to complete the tests, but we'll see how well that wit serves you here.'
"Have you heard of a guy named jacksmarteye?" Jack smirked. "That's me! I got brains comin' outta my ass."
Cherry rolled her eyes to that as she switched her glasses back.
'The cube you are pushing around is the Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube,' GLaDOS informed. 'This cube has been coated with the complementary FIG agent, hence why you two won't slide on the floor, and will accompany you on your journey through this puzzle... Serving as your beloved and faithful companion.'
"So that's where that Trope comes from." Cherry commented.
'See to it that you do not break its fragile cubed heart.' GLaDOS concluded.
"I... Wasn't planning to, but okay...?" Jack replied.
'By the way, I should inform you that due to emotional complications, the Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube cannot contact with the Glacier White testing surface squares,' GLaDOS informed. 'It has also updated its online status... And it says that you are now officially its best friends.'
"I feel so special," Cherry commented. "I guess I could be the best friend I can, but, seeing as Teller here, it must be platonically, as my heart belongs to him."
"Aww... Is he your boyfriend?" Jack asked.
"Well... That's kind of a strong word..." Cherry replied. "Though, Katie and I have some stories where she and Mark are married and I'm dating Teller, and we just have all sorts of misadventures together. I mean, that baby we saw earlier, Mei Qiu, is our daughter from one RP we adopted from China."
'Provided he hasn't overlooked her for another beautiful specimen,' GLaDOS suddenly spoke up. 'Then again, I'm honestly surprised that anyone would find either of you two... Liable candidates for coupleship.'
"Okay, okay..." Jack soon glared in offense. "Insulting my gameplay ability, that's fine. Insulting my intelligence? Ah, hurts, but deep down! But I can live with that! Insulting mine or Cherry's looks, how dare you?!" he then rolled his sleeve up to flex his arm. "Have you seen these +1 biceps?! I'm gonna punch you in the face!"
"Like a Boss?" Cherry asked sheepishly.
"Heh... Yeah..." Jack replied. "Don't let her get to you."
"I often don't feed a hungry troll." Cherry replied.
The two soon moved out and Cherry looked to a pole.
"That's a reset in case we mess it up." Jack told Cherry.
"Ah, okay." Cherry nodded.
'A reset? Well, just remember that in life, there are no such things as resets,' GLaDOS interrupted. 'We hare at Aperture Science are a little more forgiving.'
"Wait, didn't I hear that one employee got-" The not-narrator spoke up.
'We don't talk about Dave,' GLaDOS told him. 'He was a... Special case.'
"Oh... Well, I'm going to head off and see how the others are doing." The not-narrator replied.
"Hey, wait-!" Jack called out, but then sighed. "...And he's gone."
"I hope that Teller and Billy are all right." Cherry said.
"Ah, Teller, I hope for you, Billy? Well, I dunno..." Jack replied.
Cherry and Jack soon moved the cube like they were told to as they met the goal. It took a second try though, and GLaDOS said something, but Jack simply tuned her out, not wanting to hear it.
'Congratulations. It seems you have defied the odds and completed this puzzle,' GLaDOS spoke. 'Your audience of one was on the edge of his seat the entire time.'
"Not an audience of one, but an audience of lots!" Jack replied.
"Hm? What was that?" The not-narrator spoke up again.
'Listen, you can even hear his voice trembling from the adrenaline.' GLaDOS told them.
"Oh, no, I was just running," The not-narrator replied. "Had to check up on the others since you're over here."
'He's delirious with happiness for you.' GLaDOS continued.
"Okay, now what?" Jack asked.
'Push the button nearest the door and you may leave,' GLaDOS informed. 'Though leaving comes at the price of sacrificing one of your party members.'
"Say what?!" Cherry asked.
"She means push the button and drop the cube in the incubator." The not-narrator clarified.
'I would say that terseness and elegance were never delicately woven together as in your statement just now, but they weren't,' GLaDOS replied. 'And it's not nice to lie.'
"Hey..." The not-narrator pouted.
'But he is right,' GLaDOS continued. 'In order to continue, you will need to sacrifice the Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube.'
"Done and done!" Jack replied. "Ready, Cherry?"
"I suppose so..." Cherry nodded. "I mean, it's just a cube, right?"
They soon pushed the button and destroyed the cube instantly.
"We still finished your puzzle." Jack firmly told GLaDOS.
'Irrefutably so, well then, proceed to the next room,' GLaDOS replied. 'I'll be with you shortly, seeing as the other team may be about to finish their puzzle.'
"What happens after that?" Cherry asked. "Teller's a smart man, he used to teach Latin in a very private and esteemed school!"
'More testing,' GLaDOS informed. 'Try not to let the newness and excitement wear off just yet; it makes the years more bearable.'
"Years?" Cherry asked.
"Try not to worry about it too much, Cherry, just come on," Jack said. "She's just trying to emotionally manipulate you."
Cherry looked at him and soon followed him out the door.
"And awaaaay, we go!" Jack told her on the way, quoting Rick Sanchez.
"Aw, I love Rick & Morty!" Cherry beamed.
They soon came through the door and ended up in the office room that they were in before just as Billy and Teller came over.
"Cherry... Darling..." Teller smiled patiently.
"You guys are okay?" Jack smiled back.
"Oh, Teller, thank goodness, you're okay!" Cherry replied before smirking bashfully. "Then again, I guess you're safe with anyone who isn't Penn."
"Tell me about it..." Teller rolled his eyes. "I sometimes wonder why I even put up with him. Just glad you're okay though, our puzzle was so dangerous!"
"You can say that again." Billy scoffed.
"Dangerous?" Jack replied. "Ours wasn't. We had to slide a cube around."
"And then it died." Cherry added.
"That's all?" Teller replied. "They gave us turrets!"
"Turrets?" Jack glared. "Billy, you should've been a young gentleman and protected him by being a bullet sponge!"
"Boy, does that remind me of an early 80's magic trick I was apart of." Teller smirked.
"I like the ones where you hurt Penn instead," Cherry smirked back. "That always felt satisfying after what he does to you."
"Come on, guys, I wasn't gonna do anything to him!" Billy defended. "I'm not heartless!"
"I guess he can visit the world of Kingdom Hearts then." Cherry said.
"It's alright anyway, the turrets were older models," Teller reassured. "Much easier to deal with."
"Anyway, what're we gonna do now?" Cherry asked.
"We rebel." The not-narrator said.
"Rebel? Against GLaDOS?" Teller asked.
"Yes, rebel against GLaDOS," The not-narrator replied. "She's had me wrapped around her... Digital fingers since the day she found me. We're putting a stop to it, right here, right now."
"Right here?" Jack asked.
"Okay, well, maybe not RIGHT here," The not-narrator stated. "We'll have to get to where she actually is. Now, I've done a little digging, and I found something useful in the files. It's a path for you guys to follow, and it should take you right out of here. You all get going, I'll deal with GLaDOS myself."
"Are you sure about that?" Teller asked out of concern. "Be careful out there!"
"Yeah, she's tricky, ah, she's tricky!" Cherry added.
"Did you know I was in the music video for that song?" Teller asked.
"What? No way!" Cherry replied.
Teller soon pulled out his phone to show her the video. Cherry soon did a double take and laughed.
"It was a long time ago." Teller told her.
"What is on Penn's head?!" Cherry asked through laughter. "It looks like something crawled up there and died!"
Teller rolled his eyes, but he had an amused smirk to that.
"Thanks, 207, let's get going!" Jack decided. "Teller, are you coming along?"
"I might as well, I have nothing else to do." Teller smiled.
They soon all lined up together.
"Now that we're together again, let's get out of here!" Jack suggested as he led the way as usual.
They came into another room which was the Stanley Parable line and they followed it like a maze. Luckily, there was a portal that led out, but they came into a different game world.
"This must be Night in the Woods." Cherry commented.
"You should watch me play that game, I think you'd love it." Jack smiled.
They soon went through another portal and ended up in another office room as they followed the line. There was then the Portal game world and a creepy black and white forest background which was that of Limbo. Yet another office room, and then Happy Wheels. Of course, on the way, they saw different versions of Katie.
"Hey, it's home!" Billy smiled to the Happy Wheels world.
"Are we going to let William survive?" Teller smirked.
"I've fought against that for years." Jack replied.
"You have about a hundred videos' worth of proof, Jack, we get it." Billy pouted.
They soon came through the portal, going into another office, and they appeared to be in the room with buttons again which had letters with them. They came to the end and saw GLaDOS up close.
'Oh, it's the peanut gallery. Come to watch the demise of Employee 207?' GLaDOS greeted mockingly. 'Well, not that you could actually see it, given he's an invisible entity.'
"Guys! I'm glad you're here!" 207 called out.
"207? You don't sound good." Jack frowned.
"She was tougher than I expected it," 207 replied. "Turns out I can't do this alone."
"Wait a minute, why did your line out of this place lead us here?" Billy asked.
"I could've sworn I told it to take you guys to safety." 207 replied.
"Wait... Oh, no..." Jack said as he had a bad feeling. "207, that was a Stanley Parable Adventure Line™!"
"Oh, man, he's right, that just takes you to adventure!" Cherry added. "...Wherever that might be."
"It must be here..." Teller firmly pouted in determination. "We have to help in any way that we can."
"Teller, are you sure?" Cherry asked.
"I've put up with nonsense for the past 40 years of my life, and I turned out just fine," Teller told her. "If I didn't know what I was doing, I'd probably be dead for 30 years by now."
'You must be fooling yourselves,' GLaDOS scoffed. 'You can't possibly reach me, and even if you could, how are you going to stop me? You don't have any weapons.'
"They don't NEED weapons," 207 retorted. "Guys, get to the other room!"
'What are you doing?' GLaDOS replied. 'Get back here.'
They soon dashed off into the next room.
"Now what do we do?" Cherry wondered.
"There's a lot of buttons here." Jack replied.
"We probably need to do something with them." Teller suggested.
"Well, it's probably a good idea not to touch any of them until we know what to do." Billy warned.
"Exactly! You're going to need to press those in a certain order I've programmed to initiate what I'm calling The ENDGAME Protocol." 207 informed.
'You wrote a program behind my back? Clever,' GLaDOS replied. 'Maybe a little too clever... If I unleash you, or any of them, upon the world, who knows what could happen?'
"That sounds a little too ominous." Billy said.
'He's a clever one,' GLaDOS replied. 'I may be a killer Aperture Science facilitator, but I'm a fair killer Aperture Science facilitator. You have two minutes to meet your demise, and don't worry; I'll write nice things about you in your records. 'Tried Hard'. 'Did their best'. 'Showed promising signs of near-intelligence'. Something like that.'
"You're going to blow this place up?!" Jack's eyes widened.
'Yes, but oh, don't worry about me,' GLaDOS replied. 'I can transfer myself to a safer location, so Aperture Science will live on with me... In the other parts of the facility. This part will be, without a doubt, out of commission for good.'
"Okay, so! See those buttons?" 207 soon spoke to them again as they wandered around. "You need to press them in the order of a specific word or name that has significance. Take a look at the letters and think!"
"Okay, uh, totally no pressure..." Cherry smiled nervously as they wandered around.
"Okay, it starts with an S..." Jack said as they started with that.
"I see an E, A, and an N... Is it 'Sean'?" Cherry guessed, but when she pressed the E, the buttons reset. "No, I guess that's too obvious."
"Good guess though." Jack comforted.
"Okay, no need to panic, but we're running out of time!" 207 warned them as they seemed puzzled by the puzzle. "Please try to think, and hit the buttons in the correct order."
"Thanks, 207, I totally wanted more anxiety left over from my college days!" Cherry replied.
"Come on, come on, come on, THINK, guys!" 207 told them as they seemed to panic. "You can do this! I KNOW you can! What game did we first meet in?"
"Ohh!" Cherry and Jack said once they had an idea.
Suddenly, they went to the various buttons to spell out 'STANLEY'.
"What-Why did the timer stop?" GLaDOS complained.
"NOW! Head to that pedestal and throw something in!" 207 cried out.
"'In'? Don't you mean 'on'? And what do we use?" Jack asked.
"I don't know, but whatever it is, it has to be small." Teller said as he observed.
"Isn't that potato?" Cherry then asked as she found something.
"Now's not the time to be hungry!" Billy told her.
"Wait..." Jack said before thinking about it. "That'll fit on top perfectly!"
'A potato? Ha, ha, very funny,' GLaDOS replied. 'Is that a reference?'
"...Somehow that worked out better than expected," 207 commented. "I guess it is now. Have fun with the nostalgia, GLaDOS!"
'Wait... No... NO! This can't be happening!' GLaDOS suddenly panicked. 'Not again! NOOOO!'
Suddenly, the machine disappeared in a bright light right in front of them.
'I suppose you find this terribly funny,' GLaDOS stated. 'Leave me. Because as soon as I get out of this form, I'm going to terminate your sorry [static] and send them to whatever afterlife you all may care to believe in.'
"You... You all really did it..." 207 then said. "Haha, whoo, man! That was pretty touch-and-go, but wow... You all really came through and saved our hides. Just... Thank you. Really. Thank you so much."
"Hey, happy to still be alive." Jack smiled.
"Man, my heart hasn't pounded that crazy since Penn put me into a piranha tank and one of them bit my foot." Teller chuckled.
"Billy, you don't seem very relieved, you all right?" Jack asked.
"It's not that. I am relieved," Billy explained. "I guess I'm just feeling kind of numb right now after going through all of this shit."
"Children shouldn't curse." Teller scolded.
"Wait... Did Billy just curse without a censor?!" Cherry asked.
"Y-Yeah..." Jack said in shock. "Why didn't he get censored?!"
"Oh, about that... Evie's censoring was primarily for my benefit," Billy clarified. "But just because everyone's censored around me doesn't mean I know the words already. It's pretty simple... Dumbass."
"Fructose you, Billy." Jack groaned.
"That's so sweet of you, Jack!" Billy smirked.
207 cleared his throat, breaking the moment for right now. "Yes, well... As charming as all of this is, we should probably get you guys out of here. Thanks so much again for everything. You've... You've really opened my eyes as to what I need to do."
"What are you going to do?" Jack asked.
"I think I'll head back to Party Hard," 207 suggested. "It's been a while, and... Well, having a near-death experience outside of your own game really makes you think long and hard about your life. So, thank you. I'll make sure you guys get out of here safely."
"You're welcome," Jack smiled. "And thanks; be seeing you around, 207!"
They then left the Mind Control Facility and were soon back into Jack's apartment.
"Hey, it's the hydrospersion key!" Jack noticed on their way inside. "It must have fallen outside the game."
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Billy glared. "WE WENT THROUGH ALL OF THAT, AND IT'S JUST HERE?!"
"Well, we did suddenly end up in Stanley's office, so we might've missed it..." Cherry guessed. "Right, Teller?"
There was no answer.
"Aw, Teller, it's okay, you can talk to-" Cherry said before seeing that the magician was gone and then frowned. "Me...? H-He's gone!"
"Is he apart of Portal or Stanley Parable?" Billy asked.
"No, he's a magician from Las Vegas..." Cherry frowned. "I figured he'd come here since 75% of my saved documents on my laptop are pictures of him from Twitter or Pinterest."
"Oh, Cherry, don't cry..." Jack frowned back. "I'm sure you'll see him again."
"If you say so, Jack..." Cherry pouted.
"Well, get over it, okay?" Billy rolled his eyes. "It's not like he was your boyfriend or anything."
"Like you are to Fran Bow?" Cherry smirked.
"I see you're feeling better." Billy glared.
"Well, it all doesn't matter, we have the last key!" Jack said before they went inside.