Authors note: Hello! This is a sort of sequel to "My master's Lover." It is Integra's side of the story, and I have decided to make it into chapters rather than making it a one shot. Hope you enjoy!
My New Lover
I have betrayed you.
I know you can smell him. I know you watch me when I return home, as I stumble drunkenly through the halls at 2am. I could never hide from you. You always have ways of finding out my secrets. No matter how well I hide, or lie. I am just biding time until you confront me about it.
But honestly. I want you to find out. I want you to know I have found someone else. Maybe then you'll get over me and move on. I want to move on too, I so desperately want to forget all the times we spent together. Not because I hate those memories, But because I must forget. For the sake of my humanity, and my organization. We can never be together. You and I are too different. I love you, and it's wrong. My love for you is wrong and sick, and I am disgusted with myself for ever letting you near my body. But not because I didn't want it, it's because I do want it. I want a monster to touch my body, to please me, to make me feel vulnerable.
How disgusting.
I am a disgusting woman. I still think of you, in a sexaul way. I sometimes imagine your hands exploring my body like you use too. I feel myself getting excited at the mere thought of you. But I must stop myself. My hands cramp, and my heart aches. But I know I mustn't give into you.
Dog.
But, sometimes the thought of him wins over you. His soft blue eyes, and his black wavy hair invade my mind late at night when I try to sleep. I can't help myself. His voice saying my name over and over. His big, rough, calloused hands running over my hands on accident. I wonder how his hands would feel over other parts of my body.
I shake my head of the thought. Both of you give me temptations to sin. I fall asleep in peace for once. But the next morning, as I wake, your image invades my mind. My breath shakes as I stand up from my bed. I don't want you in my head.
I walk into my bathroom and get ready for my day. As I finish, Walter knocks on my door.
"Come in." I say, quickly wrapping myself in a towel. He enters, averting his eyes from me.
"Is this a bad time?" He asks me.
"No." I say. He nods at me.
"Well, are you still planning to leave the manor this afternoon?" he ask.
"Yes."
"Is it that nice gentlemen you met at Sir Penwood's ball?" He says, handing me a towel for my hair.
"Yes it is." I say.
"Ooh," Walter smiled. "You two have really hit it off, haven't you?"
I smile, and give him an awkward chuckle. "Ha ha, well, you could say that." I hide my face from Walter. He notices, and changes the subject.
"Shall I lay out your clothes for today?" he asks.
"Yes, it would be much appreciated." I say. He bows to me and leaves to set out my clothes. Funny, how I am a grown woman yet I do not set out my own clothing. I don't do much of anything on my own anymore. Everyone does everything for me, all I have do is command, and my will is fulfilled.
I remember you use to tell me you were an extension of my will. And that everything you did was because me. It honestly made me feel strange hearing that, at the time I didn't know what to do with power of the devil at my exposal.
I get ready for the rest of my day, then head to my office. Paper work.
I remember when you would come to my office and kept me entrained. You are still the only person to make me laugh so hard I wheeze. Make me laugh so hard I take off my clothes. I was under your spell then. You're charm getting me to undo the first half of my shirt, unwrapping the package without much effort.
As I do my paperwork. You come into my office, and stand in the corner. Watching me. I start to get nervous. He was supposed to call me, and set up a time. And there you are, watching me, watching my every move. I start to shake. After awhile of silence, you speak.
"Master." You start to approach me. I panic. Not knowing what to do. I stay calm at first.
"Go away." I calmly state.
"Master, you look tense." You say, kneeling down by my side. I want scream, why don't you ever listen? I grit my teeth.
"I said leave! You damn dog!" I yell, banging my fist on my desk. That gets you to leave finally. You seem hurt by my tone, but I don't care. Learn to listen.
I shake my head, and tremble. Shaking off any negativity you have caused me. I relax back into my chair before the phone rings. It was him.
"Hello, Samuel." I greet him in a pleasant tone.
"Good evening Ms. Hellsing." I hear him chuckle softly. "So are you ready for this evening?" He asks me.
"Quite, what will we be doing?" I ask, eagerly. A slight smile on my face.
"Well, I haven't figured that out yet." he says. I roll my eyes. He is not like you, he is a free spirit, and with that, he does not plan, he just does. That is one thing I could never do. Being a free spirit isn't something I can afford, and seeing someone being free and unhinged, is alluring to me.
"You really don't plan, do you?" I accuse, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, is this for business? Or for pleasure?" He asks me. My mouth opens slightly. Not sure what to say. He continues, "Because if it is for business I surely can call back, and give you a time and a place." He says. I swallow, anxious.
Why am I so anxious…
"It's for pleasure." I admit.
He laughs, his voice piercing my ears in a pleasant hum. My breath shakes, as I sigh.
"I am so glad we are on the same page Ms. Hellsing." I want to huff, but I don't. I don't want to give away I was just flustered. Oh, How I can just his picture his face about now, His smile, with his bright teeth, and his squinted eyes.
"So," I pause, clicking my tongue. "Am I supposed to come to you?" I ask.
"If you want too." He teases. I almost snap, but I hold it in.
"Well, isn't you're manor getting refurbished?"
"Yeah, so?" He chuckles.
"You're funny." I say flatly.
"There is always the garden." he tells me softly.
"Aren't you getting new plants?"
"Yeah, so?" he repeats himself.
"You aren't making this easy." I tease. "But I guess i'll come." I say nonchalantly.
He laughs again. "I am so glad, Ms. Hellsing!" I hear him light a cigar, "So, how does three sound to you?" He asks.
"That sounds fine." I tell him, looking at the clock on my wall. 11: 30am.
"All right, I look forward to our rendezvous."
I fluster. "Good bye, Samuel." I say, hanging up before he could say goodbye. My lips tremble, and my hands shake. He has such confidence, like you did. But, he has no ties to my blood, he does not have to listen to me, which makes him more dangerous, and exciting. Oh god...
I sigh, thoughts of you leave me despondent.
When the time comes, Walter and I leave to the manor of Samuel L. Damere.
Damere…
Damere…
Damere…
Such a strange last name for a German American, I wonder the origins of the name as Walter drives me to Samuel's mansion. Maybe I should have Walter do some research. As we approach we are stopped by guards. I get out of they car and bid Walter goodbye. I tell him not to worry about picking me up. He nods, and drives away.
Two armed guards escort me inside, and start to pat me down. But I hear his voice.
"Stop." he says. I turn to see his face. I feel my face stretch upward. He smiles back at me.
"That is enough." He tells the guards, he waves his hands, dismissing them. They nod, and leave us to ourselves.
"Hello Samuel." I greet him.
"Hello, Ms. Hellsing." he says.
I wonder for a moment why he addresses me by my last name only. I am quick to correct him.
"Please, Samuel, call me Integra. We have been friends long enough for you to address me as such." I say, crossing my arms.
He chuckles. "My apologies, Integra." Then he gives me a small, subtle wink. His wink sent a small, pleasurable shiver down my spine. Just like you use too.
"Apology accepted." I say, and I give him a wink back. He steps beside me, putting his arm around me. Letting close to me. My brow starts to sweat. I advert my eyes downward.
"Let's go to my study." he nudges his head in its direction. He starts to direct me to his office. We take a shortcut through the dining hall to avoid the workers that were redecorating his mansion. But something catches me eye in as we pass through, I break free from his grasp, and stop in my tracks. There was a picture. Horizontal, of a family. A baby, a woman, and Samuel.
I slowly walk up to the picture. "You never told me you had a family." I say. I would have never guessed he was a family man. Although I feel my heart sink.
Why does my heart sink?
"Oh, well, most of our conversations have been about business. A I tend to keep my personal life out of my business life." he explains.
"Well we are getting quite personal now, don't you think?" I say. I don't know why, but I feel betrayed in a way. Like he was hiding this from me. My eyes peer at him.
"I would say so." he smiles at me, not taking my harsh look seriously. He stands next to me. "That woman, in the picture, is my late wife, Victoria." He says.
I suddenly feel guilty. "Oh…" I say, empty. I examine the woman in the picture. Her skin was as dark as mine, and her eyes were of an emerald green. Her hair was made of tiny ringlets, and the color of dark sand. Her face was in the shape of an oval. Like mine. "She's beautiful." I compliment.
"Thank you." He says.
"How did she…" My voice trails off.
He clears his throat, and speaks in a quiet tone. "In her sleep, peacefully. She had a brain tumor that went undetected, and we didn't find it in time." he says, looking away from me.
"I am sorry, I know what is it like to lose someone important to you." I say.
"I think we all do, Ms. Hellsing." He says, looking back towards me. "It's just how we deal with it." he smiles at me. Something inside of my heated in my chest. It tingled, and made me tremble. I look into his eyes, Oh his eyes were so soft, and kind. Not like yours. Your eyes were as red as the sun, and they burned with the fiery passion of deepest depths of hell. I remember, those eyes of yours looking down on me in the throes of passion. I gently shake my head trying to get you out of my head.
His eyes are better. Dog.
"You're right." I give Samuel a small smile before turning back to the picture. "Who is the little one?" I ask. His face immediately got brighter, brighter than I have ever seen it. My eyes widened.
"Her name is Constance." he says. "And she is my pride and joy."
"She has the most green eyes I have ever seen." I compliment.
"Just like her mother." he chuckles. "It's a shame you cannot meet her sooner."
"Hm? Why is she not here?" I ask.
He clicks his tongue. "Well, she is finishing up her schooling in the states. Then when it's officially summer she'll be coming to her new home."
"Oh, well, where is she now?" I ask.
"My old home, in colorado."
"I see." I nod intently. "How old is she?"
"She's four." He says.
I nod again. "You have a beautiful family."
He laughs. "Thank you." He then puts his arm around my shoulder. "You are too kind." he tells me. "Now, where were we?"
"Your study?" I give him a cheeky grin.
"Right!" He snaps his fingers. Then he quickly takes me through his mansion, to his study. I take a seat next to his big wooden desk, as he sits behind it. He takes out a cigar as he gets comfortable in his big leather chair. He leans back, taking a long drag, his lungs exhale slowly, his lips purse as he blows out the smoke. I am caught staring.
"I am terribly sorry Ms. Hellsing! Where are my manners" he sits forward, taking another cigar out of the box in front of him. He hands one me, I take it.
"It's Integra." I correct him.
He smiles. "My apologies. Integra. I seems I am not a good house guest." He leans in close to me. His knees close to my knees, They tingle. Every part of my body tingles when it's close to him. And his accent when he says my name. It makes me feel strange, it feels good.
"Well. Do you mind giving me a lite?" I say, putting the cigar in my mouth, leaning in. Our knees touching. I swallow. I wonder why I am so flustered when we barely make any contact. It is not like I am pure. My servant, might not have taken my innocence, but you certainly have tainted me. I have let you do things to my body that would make a prostitute blush.
So,
Why does he make me so nervous?
He extends his arm, lighter in hand, I put the end of the cigar on the burning flame. It ignites, I let the smoke fill my lungs, leaning back, I relax.
"What brand are these?" I ask
"Cohiba esplendidos." He says.
My eyes widened, but I nod impressed. They were a rich and creamy cigar. "I like them." I say.
"I am happy to hear it." he says, as he continues to smoke.
This is the first time I have been in his study. It is small, and dark. It almost has a cozy feel. His desk that he sat behind, was big, and made of dark wood. It was also cluttered, with papers and office supplies. I wonder for a moment, if I was small enough to lay on it. It was about the size of a full size bed. I wonder if I layed on it, if he would touch me ever so slightly like he would the items on his desk. I wonder if I strip naked would he touch my body, if I asked.
I shake my head.
What am I thinking? Disgusting woman.
I scold myself, I suppress the fantasy.
To be continued...