Authors Note: Due to sudden epiphany of inspiration, Alex and I have decided to update The Show, which will receive a new name to since the first one sucks. Enjoy! .

Background: -Audience claps-

Rose: WHY DO I KEEP HEARING PEOPLE CLAP? NO ONE IS CLAPPING DAMNIT!

Alex: Wow, one thing I never thought I'd see was Rose crack under pressure.

Itachi: True dat.

Rose: I AM NOT CRACKING UNDER PRESSURE! THERE IS NO PRESSURE TO CRACK UNDER!

Sasuke: Right, just keep telling yourself that dobe.

Alex: All right, listen up everybody, due to the new rules of this fic, no one has their own room anymore-

Rose: What? And why not?

Orochimaru: This is bull shit if I must say so myself.

Coconut: Good thing nobody cares what you say so yourself.

Orochimaru: -grits teeth- You little arrogant bitch.

Coconut: But enough about you, let's talk about me!

Orochimaru: Ho.

Box of Chocolates: FO SHO!

Alex: CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK ON TOPIC PEOPLE?

Itachi: Sure, no need to raise your voice though you un-experienced pessimistic virgin.

Alex: Hey! I'll let that one go since I really need to deliver this news. So, due to my creator, who shall not be named, we will all be sharing one bed.

Itachi: Sounds good to me!

Rose: Perv.

Itachi: But I'm such a sexy perv!

Rose: -sigh- too true.

Itachi: See?

Alex: AHEM! And, furthermore, no one is able to 'poof' in and out of this room anymore. You are MINE BITCHES!

Rose: Well, shit.

Orochimaru: So I guess this means I'm gonna have to cancel my 3:00 appointment then huh?

Alex: You guessed right.

Orochimaru: Damn it!

Sasuke: Even though we have to be in the same room, can I still file my restraining order against my brother?

Itachi: Is this about last night? I already told you I didn't mean to hurt you. Jeez, we're brothers, suck it up pussy.

Sasuke: This is not about you, okay? This is about me and my intense fear of my brother raping me!

Itachi: pussy. Never willing to try anything new.

Sasuke: IT'S INCEST!

Itachi: Exactly. Pussy.

Alex: -paces back and forth mumbling- We're never gonna make it, we're never gonna make it.

Box of Chocolates: Hey! What happened to Sakura and Nick?

Alex: My creator, who shall not be named, kicked their asses out. We didn't need anymore stalkers or pervs in here.

Box of Chocolates: Yeah, cuz we got all those in stock, -notions to Itachi and Orochimaru-

Alex: However, I have been informed by my creator, who shall still not be named, we will be receiving another guest within our prison.

Rose: Guest? Seems to me like he's the latest victim.

Alex: How do you know it's a 'he'?

Rose: I don't, just guessing. Why, is it a 'she'?

Alex: -mutters- He could pass as one in my opinion.

-huge present wrapped in shiny silver paper with a big red bow on top gets dropped through thin air-

Coconut: Well, that's weird. That's definitely something you don't see everyday.

Alex: Which is exactly why this is MY WORLD BITCHES!

Coconut: -steps back- yeah, o-kay.

Itachi: Ooh! I've seen one of these before! -uses 'You've got mail monotone'- WE'VE GOT A HO!

Box of Chocolates: FO SHO!!

Alex: -smacks head- No, it's our 'mystery' guest.

Rose: -coughs- VICTIM.

Alex: Whatever. So, who wants to open it?

Rose/Oro/Ita/Box/Coco: OOH OOH, PICK ME, PICK ME!!

Alex: Uh-huh, yea that's not happening. So, the way we're gonna do this is every one is going to whisper their guess of who our mystery guest is-

Rose: -cough- VICTIM.

Alex: -and whoever is closest will be the one who gets to open the present.

Orochimaru: Well that's a fucking waste of time, let's open it NOW. Who's with me?

Everyone except Alex: MEMEMEMEMEMEME!!

Alex: Of course, if you don't listen to me, which I had a feeling you wouldn't, my creator-

Everyone: WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED-

Alex: -will unleash her bad ass powers on all of you.

Itachi: Ooh, kinky.

Alex: -sigh- In short, you'll all be screwed.

Itachi: EVEN MORE KINKY!

Alex: NO! Not in the sense that you will be SCREWED screwed, in the sense that you will be DOOMED screwed.

Coconut: Ahh, well, that's bad.

Box of Chocolates: Uh-huh.
Alex: Right, so we do this my way, or Oro's way, who's with me?

Everyone: Aww man, this is bull.

Alex: Suck it up. Now, one at a time, tell me your guesses.

Itachi: I THINK IT'S KIMIMARO!

Alex: -sigh- Why do you think it's Kimimaro?

Itachi: Cuz he is the most WILDEST ho-ish person I can think of.

Everyone else: -gapes-

Orochimaru: -chuckles- even wilder and more ho-ish than Sasuke?

Sasuke: HEY! I am not a ho! Or wild!

Itachi: No, he's actually just really difficult. -sigh- It's so wrong that his defiance turns me on. -smiles- ph well!

Sasuke: -goes to whimper and sulk in a corner-

Alex: ANYWAY, who do you choose Oro?

Orochimaru: Well, I'm gonna have to go with Deidara.

Alex: Huh? Why?

Orochimaru: I LOVE his hands. And he could pass as a girl, and you said the person could pass for a girl.

Alex: Wow, resourceful Oro. Whaddabout you Rose?

Rose: Well, I can only DREAM of one person being here, but that's not likely, the person I choose is Haku!

Alex: That's self explanatory.

Itachi and Oro: -palm smack- Why didn't I think of that!

Alex: Well, since I have heard all of the guesses-

Box of Chocolates: Hey! What about me!

Coconut: And me!

Alex: You two were too busy making out and being all 'passionate' with each other, so, being the spiteful bitch that I am, I disqualify you.

Box of chocolates: -whines- Aww man!

Coconut: That's okay, I've already got a ho.

Box of chocolates: FO SHO! BYOTCH!!

Alex: Did he just say, 'Byotch'?

Coconut: It's a bi thing.

Alex: Right. So, after listening to everyone's guesses, I have to conclude that the winner is-

Itachi: HEY! Sasuke didn't go!

Alex: That's because I disregarded the little chicken-ass headed emo child.

Sasuke: Just leave me alone assholes!

Alex: So the winner is-

Everyone else: -leaning towards Alex in anticipation-

Alex: -NO ONE!

Everyone else: Huh?

Alex: Yeah, you were all WAY off, so, I decided that since none of you stepped it up, I'LL OPEN IT.

Coconut: That is so biased.

Alex: ehh, that's life. You wanna go cry about it? Go in the corner with Sasuke.

Coconut: You're mean!

Alex: Tough. -goes to unwrap the present-

Orochimaru: -whips his tongue out and wraps it around Alex's leg, making her trip-

Alex: Ouch. That REALLY hurt. Can you let go of my leg now?

Orochimaru: Thohhy, I huld, buh, I don whan to.

Itachi: -kneels by Alex- Do you even know who is in the box?

Alex: -shifty eyes- Of course I know!

Rose: For some reason, I don't believe her.

Itachi: Me neither.

Box of Chocolates: -walks up with a rope- I say we tie her up and MAKE her tell.

Itachi: Good thinking Box.

Coconut: That's my ho!

Box of Chocolates: FO SHO!

Alex: Where'd you get the rope from?

Box of Chocolates: It's one of the ropes you tied everyone in at the beginning of this whole thing.

Alex: Ahh.

Itachi: -picks squirming Alex up-

Alex: LET GO OF ME ASSHOLE!

Itachi: What are you gonna do? Get your creator and sick her on me?

Alex: Good idea. Hey, A- I mean, creator? A little help?

Itachi: Nice. Grovel to your master.

Alex: Oh, that is so cruel.

Rose: What?

Alex: My creator is so goddamn lazy to brainstorm, she wants to see how this whole tie-Alex-up-in-a-chair-and-make-her-tell thing plays out. Bitch.

Itachi: -chuckles- even better. -ties Alex up-

Coconut: What would be the best way to torture her?

Box of Chocolates: Poke her repeatedly until she goes nuts?

Alex: -snorts-

Orochimaru: Pluck all of her leg hairs off one by one until she spills?

Alex: I shaved.

Orochimaru: Damn.

Sasuke: -excited glow in his eyes- How 'bout we pluck her thumbs off with pliers and then skin her arm?

Everyone: -gapes-

Orochimaru: Holy shit Itachi, he really is your brother.

Coconut: Or just severely un-loved

Orochimaru: Yeah, that's probably it.

Alex: -gulps- You know, Sasuke, that might not be a very good idea

Rose: She's right, we need something better.

Alex: -wide eyed- WHAT?

Rose: Something that will for sure scar her for life.

Alex: Oh my god, you wouldn't.

Rose: I would. I propose that Itachi make out with her.

Alex: -screams- EWWWW!!

Rose: Wow, that had better results than I expected.

Alex: -whimpering- ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Rose: If I know Alex's creator like I think I do, then I'm pretty sure we hit the money with the make-out session thing.

Alex: Damn you creator for being such a weird person!

Voice: Better you than me.

Coconut: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

Alex: That was just the creator, she is STILL getting amusement out of this.

Box of Chocolates: Haha, that's funny.

Alex: All this just for information on who's inside the box?

Itachi: Yup.

Alex: You're all a bunch of assholes.

Rose: Aww, we feel the exact same way about you! Now, if you don't want to comply with the make-out session, I could always give you a make-over.

Alex: -goes pale- NO, NO, NO! I'd rather get my thumbs plucked off.

Rose: Not a chance. Who agrees with make-out?

Everyone: -chants- MAKE-OUT! MAKE-OUT! MAKE-OUT!

Itachi: We better give the people what they want.

Alex: We are going to un-tie Alex so she can un-lock the box.

Itachi: Unlock?

Alex: Yeah, you didn't think it would be THAT easy did you? I have the key safely tucked away somewhere.

Itachi: Oh yea? Well I guess that means I'm gonna have to search you.

Sasuke: DON'T LET HIM DO IT! GIVE HIM THE KEY, JUST GIVE HIM THE KEY!!

Alex: Whoa. What the fuck is wrong with you Sasuke?

Sasuke: Let's just say while on a family vacation, Itachi took me to the bathroom to make sure I wasn't packing any weapons. He checks EVERYWHERE. And I have never been the same since.

Alex: Oh. My. God. GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME PEDOPHILE!!

Itachi: Oh, come on, I'm not that much older than you, you're what, ten? Eleven?

Rose: -chuckles-

Alex: -grits teeth- I'm fifteen.

Itachi: -looks up and down- Wow, you are severely un-developed for a fifteen year old teenager!

Alex: Gee, thanks? -turns head away-

Itachi: Severely un-developed in the bust-section especially.

Orochimaru: Hmm, you're right!

Alex: OH MY GOD. Are you staring at my-

Orochimaru: Boobs? Definitely. Or lack-there-of.

Alex: Asshole.

Itachi: So, I'm gonna have to search you now...unless you give us the key!

Alex: I'll give it to you when you un-tie me dick face.

Itachi: Ooh. Touchy. I don't think so. Just tell me where it is and I'll get it with as least touching as possible.

Alex: You liar.

Itachi: Can't blame a guy for trying, right? Now where is it?

Alex: -turns red- I can't tell you where it is...Trust me, you won't find it unless I tell you, so there's no need for searching.

Itachi: Oh my god. You hid the key in your-

Coconut: SHOE?

Itachi: -slaps Coconut upside the head- No, she hid it in her lack-there-of-breasts.

Alex: I'll get it for you if you untie me.

Itachi: No way! Now who's lying?

Alex: You really think I would rather lie to you and get felt up ANYWAY as opposed to just handing over the key--?

Orochimaru: with minor feeling up?

Alex: -glares- Just un-tie me asshole.

Itachi: Fiiiine.

Alex: -stands up- Now, in order for me to get the key, I need all of you to turn around.

Itachi: YEAH RIGHT. So you can run?

Alex: No, so I can get it with as least eyes staring as possible.

Itachi: Well, everyone will turn around but me. -smirks-Somebody's got to make sure you don't run away.

Alex: Fine, but I'm turning around so you'll only see my back.

Itachi: Life is so cruel.

Box of Chocolates: -chuckles-

All that can be heard is a series of odd sounds, something being un-raveled, and Itachi's jaw dropping.

When it was all finished, the gang turned around to find Alex with her arms crossed, the key hanging off of her baby finger, and a heap of ace bandages on the ground.

Orochimaru: What, your boobs are so small all you need is an ace bandage?

Alex: -grits teeth- You're hysterical.

Itachi: Come on Alex, give me the key.

Alex: -walks up next to him- take it.

Itachi: -smirks- No, I want you to give it to me.

Alex: You are truly a perverted dick wad. -puts her arms by her side and gives Itachi the key-

Orochimaru: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WILL YOU LOOK AT THE SIGHT OF THOSE!

Rose: -smacks head- Oro, you're starting to sound like Jiraiya.

Itachi: So, Alex. Why would you cover up those babies?

Alex: -goes red- Shut the fuck up.

Itachi: -innocently- What? I'm just curious.

Alex: So I wouldn't be treated like a piece of meat okay?

Orochimaru: Damn, that has to be one of the nicest racks I've EVER seen. No doubt.

Alex: I thought you guys were gay, and therefore, not turned on by boobs?

Orochimaru: Oh, we are, but all gay people have their indulgences and pleasures, right Itachi?

Itachi: -smirks- Uh huh.

Alex: Yeah, nice. Now if you'll excuse me assholes. -bends down to pick up the ace bandages-

Itachi: No way are you covering those up again! -snatches them before Alex and tears them into shreds-

Alex: -kneels down- NOOOOOOOO!!

Rose: It's okay. -pats shoulder-

Alex: -whimpers- Just go open you're fucking present already you dick wads!

Itachi: -unlocks present- Ooh, what a pretty box!

When the box was opened, a curtain appeared. Stitched on the curtain was the word 'Kabuto'

Itachi: See? I knew all we were getting was a ho.

Orochimaru: Hey Rose! We can have our bitch now!

Rose: Yay for mindless bitches!

Coconut: So pull the curtain already!!

Itachi: Okay, Okay. -pulls drawstring-

After the curtain was pulled away, there was Kiba, Naruto, and Hinata, all tied up to chairs with pieces of tape over their mouths. On each piece of tape, there was one word. The words spelled out 'Nice Try Fuckers!'

Coconut: I don't get it.

Rose: SQUEE!! KIBA!! -unties Kiba and hugs him.-

Kiba: mmphmmhmmhphmm.

Rose: What was that?

Kiba: MMMPHHMMHMMPHMMM!

Rose: What?

Box of Chocolates: -smacks head- You need to pull of the tape first Rose.

Rose: Oh! Okay! -yanks tape off-

Kiba: OUCH!

Rose: Oopsies! Sorry.

Kiba: Who the hell are you and where am I? Most importantly, WHERE IS AKAMARU?

Coconut: Hey, there's a note on your back, it says, 'Kiba, I couldn't subject to Animal Cruelty so I gave Akamaru to your sister until you get out of that hell-hole. -Kabuto'

Kiba: Oh, well as long as he's safe.

Coconut: I still don't get it.

Box of Chocolates: -palm smack- Coco, it means that Kabuto tricked these three into getting in the box so he would be off the hook. It's quite genius actually.

Kiba: Damn right! I'm gonna kill that dobe Naruto!

Naruto: -starting to wake- Ano...Where's the Ramen I ordered Ojiichan?

Kiba: Naruto! Baka! Look what you've got us into?

Naruto: Huh?

Kiba: Yea, when we were training, Naruto saw that Kabuto go inside this present thing, so, me and Hinata came to back him up. We thought there was nowhere for Kabuto to go in the box, and that we had him cornered. But it was a clone, and the real Kabuto came out from behind a tree and threw sleeping gas in the box. I guess that's when he tied us up and now we're here...

Naruto: Oh yea! Hey, hey, Kiba! Did we get him, huh? Ohh, Tsunade is going to be so happy!

Rose: Shouldn't you tell him?

Kiba: Nah, we'll let him freak out for a while.

Rose: Genius!

Orochimaru: -yawns- Hey, guys, I'm getting tired, so I'm going to sleep.

Itachi: I call the spot on the right!

Orochimaru: You got it!

And so, the gang went to sleep on the big, comfortable bed. And all was well until Itachi was taking advantage of his brother.

Authors Note: Okay, So I don't own Naruto blah blah blah, and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASSEEE review!