Author's note: Sorry for the late update, I have a new job, and I am trying to write while trying to work overtime. It is very hard to do, but I promise I will keep updating. Plus, Samuel is going to be a bigger part of the story after this chapter. I am also sorry for the short chapter!

I woke the next morning and you were not there, and I don't know whether or not I should be upset. I don't know if I could face you. After I had tried to force myself on you, after I had betrayed Samuel, I think. I am not sure what he and I are, It was never said we were officially courting. But that doesn't mean I have a free pass to do what I please. Guilt, shame, and disgust fills my chest, and it hurts. I sit up in my empty bed, rubbing my temples.

I have a headache. That doesn't make sense, I thought alcohol gave you headaches. I get up from bed and go to my bathroom. I stare into the mirror, I do not recognize the woman staring back at me. She looks haggard, and sickly. Although when I move, she moves too, I suppose she is me.

I sigh, and take off my clothes, staring into the mirror before I get into the shower. I feel my body, touching my hips, and my stomach. I then slip my fingers around my slit. I take it out, my finger was wet. I raise my eyebrow.

I am still wet.

I breath hard out of my nostrils. I wipe my wetness off on my thigh, and step into the shower. I scrub myself, making my skin red with irritation. As if that would wash away my sins. But no matter how hard I scrub and scrap, I can't get clean enough. I want the thoughts I have of you out, I can't stand it.

Because I want it.

I keep thinking of how tight your arms were around me while I asleep in your arms. How comfortable it all felt. How much I missed your hands on me. How my heart races, you could crush me with one hand, and I would love it.

I use to love the bruises you left on me. Bruises from lust and love. Bruises I asked for you to leave, but under the clothes, so Walter could not catch us. It was a wonderful feeling to have you control me, to handle me, to use me. I loved it when you would dominant. Your eyes looking down at me in a haze as I was helpless underneath you.

How you would make me squeal and squirm by your hands and tongue.

I touch myself at the thought. My fingers dancing between my legs, my imagination running wild, all the things we did, and did not do. I lean against the shower wall, tilting my head back, calling for your name.

I wonder if you can hear me…

My fingers move faster and faster until I become undone, I clench up, and slide down the shower wall until I lie on the shower floor. A tear rolls down my cheek as the beads of water hit me.

I finish cleaning myself, before getting out of the shower, trying to forget what just happened. I know I am going to have to face you sooner or later.

I dress myself and go to my office. Walter stood next to my desk.

"Good morning Sir Integra." He says with a pleasant smile. I look at him in a questionable manner. I was expecting a scolding from him for last night.

"Good morning Walter." I say, sitting at my desk, going through a folder full of reports.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"I feel fine." I answer him, flipping through the contents of the folder. My eyes have deceived me.

"100,000! I owe 100,000!" I exclaim. "Oh god damnit!" I hold my face in my hands. I rub my cheeks in frustration.

"May I give you a suggestion." Walter asks politely.

"I'll take anything." I say desperate.

"Maybe try talking to Alucard about his…" He trails off. "Methods. Maybe suggest he take a quicker and quieter execution."

I sigh heavily.

"I can try."

"I am just trying to help." He says stiff.

"I know, Walter, thank you." I look up at Walter, and give him a gentle smile. His face relaxes. "You are welcome, Sir."

I look down at the paper once more. "100,000…" I say slowly. "I don't even spend that much on travel."

"Integra," Walter says sternly. "If I may be so bold, you spend way more on feeding Alucard than you do for his damages."

I narrow my eyes at Walter. "And that's why I can't afford his damages." I say matter-of-factly. "And that Seras is in the picture, I definitely can't afford it."

"But she doesn't eat." He adds.

I sigh heavily once more.

"I know. She's killing herself." I rub my temples. "But she does eat regular food, I wonder how long that will last until she can't take it anymore." I say, taking out a cigar from my desk drawer, Walter eyes it, about to say something, but doesn't. I lite it, and inhale. Smooth, and warm, just how I like it.

"I keep trying to tell her, sir, but she insists on not drinking." He finally says.

"Just keep setting out blood for her. She will drink, eventually." I breath hard out my nose. I worry for her, the poor thing, refuses to drink, but she is a good girl. Does what she is told when told. Very compliant.

I take another puff of my cigar, then place the folder to the side.

"Write a check." I say to Walter. He nods, and takes the folder, leaving my office. I relax, and finish my cigar. I decompress, before I have to engage in work.

I look up at my ceiling, I see a brown spot. Great, That is more money I have spend on damages. I grab a piece of paper, and began to write a note for my housemen.

But when I look up from my note I see you standing before me. I gasp, startled.

"Alucard!" I scold you. "Don't scare me like that!" My cheeks feel hot.

"I'm sorry." You apologize. "I just wanted to check up on you."

My chest feels hot too. My face red from embarrassment. Remembering again what had transpired between us last night. I never wish for you to see me like that again. I hang my head, looking at my lap. "Oh god.." I groan. "Look Don't mention that to anyone, I deeply regret my actions. And I apologize you had to see me like that."

I see your eyes soften.

"Master." You pause. "It's ok-"

I feel anger shoot through me. "No!" I yell at you, my eyes wide. "It's not okay!" I continue. "I am your master and it's my duty-"

You cut me off.

"I don't give a shit Integra!" You shout back at me. My blood boils. I clench my teeth. But you continue. "I am your servant! You're well being is my duty!" You hiss at me.

How dare you hiss at me!

"Stop putting up this wall!" Your eyes glowing red. I gasp.

You walk up to my desk and lean in. I feel tense, and my heart races.

What are you going to do to me, Alucard?

"You can't keep doing this to me!" Your voice booms. My eyes dart room the room, I am in a panic, trying to find the words to say. But there are none. I have put up this wall, I have blocked you out. But as I panic, I become angrier. I grit my teeth.

"To you? Oh of course! It's all about you isn't it! It's never about how I feel!"

Of course it's always been about me. You've always been about me.

I lean in a grit my teeth at you, our faces close.

I see the devil behind your eyes. A reminder of why I left.

"You left!" You shout at my face. "You left me without any explanation How dare you! You put this wall up! You're afraid to love me! But I know you do! And you hate yourself for it!"

I smack you hard across the face. It was true, and I know you know I know it's true. We stare at each other, our eyes unmoving from each other. Your eyes begin to soften, and so do mine. I feel you grab my shoulders yet I do not see it. Your lips meet mine first, My eyes widen at your action, but I do no pull away. I collapse into your arms, letting you take me. Your lips are smooth and firm. I let your tongue into my mouth. I let you take control. I feel your hands travel down my pants. My mind in a haze as I feel you fingers touch me once again. It had been two years since then. I moan and whimper, crying in pleasure. I pull my lips away. Everything was hazy. But I feel myself becoming close.

"Alucard, I think i'm-" I breath heavily in your ear. But something hits me and I yell, "St-stop!" I push you off of me. You feel me and confused and desperate look.

"Master! What's wrong!" You ask, your eyes full of worry.

"Get- get out of my office!" I yell at you. I pick up a paper weight at your head.

"I'm sorry!" You exclaim. I see your eyes widen in want and desperation.

I try to hold back tears.

"Just leave me alone!" I turn my head away from you. My voice is small. "I can't… We can't do that anymore, Alucard, you must accept it…"

"But you want it master!" You beg. My heart shatters as I hear your voice. But I snap at you.

"Get out of my office!" I scream, my voice echos. You finally listen. As you leave, I feel my cheeks become wet with my tears, I sink back into my chair. Holding myself. I can't let you do this to me. I can't keep letting you in. You can have me whenever and you know it. But I can't let you do that anymore.

To be continued….