"Alucard."
My voice calls for your company, in the darkness of my office, the only thing illuminating light is the moon behind my window. I have a plan, I want to see if it actually works, if I am just being paranoid, and there is something legitimately wrong with me. Or it is you keeping me from enjoying the pleasures of my soon to be married life. Oddly enough, I much rather have nerve damage than it be something that you concocted.
I hear your footsteps come near, before you slink into my office. You're face somber, and for a moment I wonder what is wrong. You come up to my desk.
"Yes, my master?" You ask. I clasp my hands together, I know what I am about to suggest is out of bonds for our current relationship, but I must know if it is you.
"I need to ask a favor my servant." I look up at you, your eyes, they seem curious, yet filled with dread, and this sets off my suspicion. I raise my brow, you look guilty somehow.
"What is your favor?" You ask, leaning down slightly, carefully. I get up from my chair, read my thoughts Alucard, read them so I do not have to explain. I do not want the words to leave my lips.
"I am quite embarrassed to say, but I need you to." I pause, geastiring with my hands the words I need to say but can't. "Need you to to to,-"
"To what master? What's wrong?" You ask, your brows quirked upward, and crease between them.
"Here." I say, moving you out of the way, I sit on the edge of my desk, my legs slightly open. I see you stiffen.
"Master," You say curiously, your eyes lower on my frame. "What are you doing?" You speak, your voice sounds disappointed some how. I thought you would jump up for enjoy at the sight of the prospect of my affections.
"I need you to test something." I say. "Just trust me."
"I didn't do it." You say, abruptly. I gasp.
"But- but-" I struggle to find words. All I could come with is, "You saw?" I ask. You give me a confused look.
"Saw what?" You ask. Relief washes over me, okay, so you didn't see.
"Nevermind, it's not important. I mean it is, but-" I pause. "Nothing, nevermind, just listen to me." I command, you straighten up.
"All right."
"I need you to touch me." I blink, flushing.
"Touch you?" You say, curiously. My breath shakes. I take your hands, and put them on my knees. I hear you gasp.
"Master!" you exclaim. "Here? Now? Won't we be caught?" You ask.
"No, we won't." I say, my hands still on yours, I guide them slowly upward, closer to my narrow wake. I feel you tremble, I am trembling myself. I get your fingertips incredibly close.
"Master," you murmur. "Master, please don't tease me." You quietly plead. But I wasn't trying to, I am trying to see if you are as big as a dog as you say you are.
"I'm not," I whisper. "I need to see something." I say.
"See what? My pain, my sorrow, my neverlasting longing? You are being wicked." You tell me, pitfullily.
"I just, need to know," I say, trying to justify myself.
"Need to know what?" You ask.
"If I'm crazy." I say, your hands caressing the inside of my thighs, and I feel the blood, rushing, rushing to my most intimate area.
"Master, if anyone is crazy it's me." Your eyes flutter with the scent of my arousal. "You are going to kill me, my master, you are going to be my death." Your hands squeeze my tender flesh, and I sent in a heat. I look at you, my eyes full of lust. And in that moment I knew, it wasn't you, it wasn't Sam, it is me. I am the one to blame. I am the trollope. I am one that wants her vampire to lay her in bed. I am nothing but a woman who is trying to replace my love with someone else. Samuel is safe, Samuel is the life I can have, Samuel represents the sanity I need. But I did not want it. I want my vampire, I want my servant. But that didn't mean I didn't love my human partner, I do love him, I love him deeply. But I cannot deny that I also, want you. My body is now telling me it needs a break from it's human counterpart. It wants the vampire it was use to, what it craved. But I must deny, deny, deny, deny, deny it all!
I remove your hands from my thighs. Looking away from your longing eyes.
"Master?" You say, your voice in a panic.
"I need, I need to think over somethings." I quietly.
"What's wrong?" You ask, your hands on my shoulders. I tremble, wondering if I should tell you, but it's not like it matters much now anyway.
"Samuel." I state, still looking away from you. "Samuel and I were in bed last night, and I couldn't," I pause, thinking if I should continue. "Couldn't become aroused." I say, finally looking you. Your eyes soften.
"Master, i'm sorry." You murmur. You pull me into your arms.
"So, it wasn't you?" I ask. You pull me away to look down upon me.
"What do you mean?" You blink.
"You didn't interfere?" I ask.
You shake your head. "No, as much as I am saddened at your decision to choose him, I do not pry into your intimate life."
"So, it is me. What is wrong with me." I ask myself. I shake my head.
"Nothing is wrong with you." You say, your voice deadly quiet. "You just need to think things over." You caress my hair, putting your chin on my head.
"Should I marry him? Alucard, should I marry him, should I promise myself to a man to whom I cannot satisfy?"
"That is up to you, I cannot say if you should or not, if you love him, then I don't see why not." You say, "But if you still have feelings for me. Then, let him down easy."
My mouth goes dry, can I really do that? Could I really let him down? Let Connie down? Let myself down? No, I may be wicked, but I am not completely cruel. I love Sam, despite my actions, I would just have to keep practicing. I wonder if he and I could go further, maybe even making love, maybe then my feelings for you will disappear.
"I am not going to let him down." I say, sternly, pulling out of your arms. "I refuse."
"Then let me go." You say, "Let me go, and then you can."
"You know I can't go that." I speak, lowly. Funny, now you are the one trying to keep us separated.
"Then, the choice is you're my master. I will be waiting, always."
"You'll be waiting forever."
"I know."