Chapter 4

Akaashi's hands were still shaking.

His legs threatened to collapse at any given moment.

The only thing keeping him from crumbling apart was the sturdy hand on his back.

He glanced over at the man walking close beside him, now able to get a good look at him. Bokuto's eyes seemed to glow and his smile was wide and bright. He seemed so confident as he walked next to him, his gait tall and firm with each footstep. His hair was stiff with gel, white streaks contrasting his natural black hair. Akaashi briefly wondered what it would look like if it were down, loose and free from hair products.

"Oh! There it is!" Bokuto said, glancing down at Akaashi. His free hand pointed to a small shop sandwiched in between two office buildings. "They stay open late, so luckily we still have time to catch them before they close."

Akaashi swallowed, nodding once. His body was so shaken that his stomach was in knots. He was certain that if he drank anything, it would come back up instantly.

They entered into the shop, Akaashi following Bokuto like a lost puppy. Bokuto let the door close softly and then he turned to the counter, lifting a hand in the air in greeting.

"Yo! I'm here to pick up some sweets!" Bokuto announced.

Akaashi raised a brow at him. "Sweets?"

Bokuto glanced down at him, giving him a wide grin. "They sell donuts, too. You should try one! They're really good."

Akaashi huffed out an amused breath of air.

"Is everything really good here?" Akaashi asked, remembering that Bokuto had praised the drinks at the shop just a few moments ago.

Bokuto nodded once, his movements confident. "Of course! C'mon."

He pointed out the menu to Akaashi, waiting patiently nearby for him to decide. The words blended together in a haze, Akaashi realizing his adrenaline was still flowing through his body. The cool night air had done nothing to calm his nerves.

He took a slow breath, releasing his air in one trembling puff. He glanced over at Bokuto, who was staring back at him encouragingly.

"Get whatever you'd like!" Bokuto said.

Akaashi could not resist his charm. He relented and stepped up to the counter, stuttering out his order for a latte. Bokuto smiled and added his own order of six donuts, one Long Black, and one hot chocolate.

Akaashi raised a brow at him curiously.

"Two drinks?" Akaashi asked him.

"Ah, yeah. My roommate likes this weird, bitter crap," Bokuto said, making a weird face.

Akaashi's lips twitched into a fragile smile, amused. He also liked the sweeter drinks, so he could relate to Bokuto's distaste in the stronger stuff.

They received their drinks in neat to-go cups, Bokuto balancing both drink orders in one hand as he shimmied the straps his donut bag up his arm.

"There we go!" Bokuto said, unstacking his drinks. He glanced at Akaashi and nodded towards the door. "Ready? I'll walk you back to your place."

Akaashi pinched his brows. "You really don't have to."

"Naw, I insist!" Bokuto said. "What if you freeze out here? I'd feel terrible if you ended up a popsicle. Tobio wouldn't be happy."

Akaashi winced and turned his head away.

I wouldn't be too sure about that, he thought.

He held his coffee with both of his hands, relishing in the pleasurable warmth that radiated from his cup. He blew over the hole and took a tentative sip, being cautious not to burn his tongue. The milky coffee filled his mouth and slid down to his belly, making his chest warm. He sighed softly and fondly once he took the cup away from his mouth. Bokuto was right. It was one of the tastiest coffees he had ever tried.

"So… a latte, huh?"

Akaashi snapped out of his daze and turned to look at Bokuto. He was gazing back at him with a softer smile.

"Oh," Akaashi said, looking down at his cup. "Yeah, uh… it's what I usually order whenever I get coffee."

Bokuto suddenly wrinkled his nose. "Isn't it kinda bitter?"

Akaashi tilted his head and glanced down at his cup.

"Not necessarily. It does have espresso in it, but it has a lot of milk in it, too," Akaashi said.

"You like milk?" Bokuto asked.

"Mmn," Akaashi hummed. "I suppose I do."

"Ahh, so that's where Tobio got it from!"

Akaashi glanced at him with wide eyes. Bokuto must have noticed his puzzled look because he laughed and nodded his head.

"I bought him a milk the other day. He sucked up the whole carton in record speed. I've never seen a kid like milk as much as he does!" Bokuto said.

He barked out another fit of laughter, making Akaashi feel warm. Everything about this conversation felt so natural and peaceful.

He hadn't felt this warm in years.

"So," Bokuto started, grabbing Akaashi's attention once again. "What do you do? I tried asking Tobio but he didn't tell me."

An image of his father's angry face flashed in Akaashi's mind, fading just as quickly as it appeared.

It sent a shiver down Akaashi's spine.

"I am the orchestra librarian for the Tokyo Philharmonic," he finally answered as he glanced down at his cup. He waited for the question to come.

"Wait a minute. Are you related to Akaashi Kyosuke? The Akaashi Kyosuke?!"

It was what everyone asked him when he introduced himself. People were most likely shocked that Akaashi Kyosuke had a son. And after that, there were more questions about his father and nothing about himself.

Akaashi winced, his hands tightening on his cup.

He was so tired of living under his father's thumb.

He waited, knowing that voice would come back up any at minute and tell him to turn around and jump off that bridge—

"Whoa! I'm not quite sure what that means, but it sounds cool!"

Akaashi blinked and snapped his head back to look at Bokuto. Bokuto was smiling down at him, a peculiar look on his face.

"So, you work with the feel… the uh, the fill… harm… harmonic?" Bokuto asked.

It almost brought a smile to Akaashi's face. Bokuto was trying.

"Philharmonic," Akaashi answered.

"Ah, Philharmonic. Right, right," Bokuto said. "That's the uh… the orchestra thing, right?"

"Mmn," Akaashi hummed.

"So you're in that?!" Bokuto said, raising his voice.

Akaashi's face fell and he averted his gaze. He suddenly felt ashamed to answer. Would Bokuto judge him for not being good enough to be in the violin section?

"Not… not necessarily," Akaashi answered. "I don't play in the orchestra. I organize the music and make sure it's ready for the musicians."

"Ohh," Bokuto said.

Akaashi winced again, waiting for the disappointment to come. He could hear it, Bokuto telling him that it sounded like a boring job, and Akaashi had no place telling him any of this whatsoever and he should just run back home—

"That's important though, isn't it?"

Akaashi jumped at Bokuto's voice, peeking at him out of the corner of his eye. He looked genuinely curious, his gold eyes staring at him.

It was amazing. How did he do that?

"Um…" Akaashi stuttered, unsure how to answer.

"I mean, if the musicians don't get their music, then they won't be able to play at all, right?" Bokuto said. "So… you must have the most important job of all!"

Akaashi inhaled sharply, his stomach and chest fluttering wildly. He felt tears prick his eyes and he turned his head away, hunching his shoulders.

How could he say all that so easily?

"I… I've never thought of it that way," Akaashi said. He glanced down at the ground, clutching his latte close to his chest.

"Well, you should start thinking it that way!" Bokuto said, nudging Akaashi's shoulder with his own.

Akaashi looked at him, taking note of his soft expression. He looked like a giant puppy, wagging his tail and ready to please. It was amusing and almost charming.

They turned the corner, only a few blocks from Akaashi's apartment. Bokuto took another swig of his hot chocolate, smiling and sighing at the sweet taste. He licked his lips and then glanced back to Akaashi, a curious look on his face.

"How did you even get into the music stuff anyway? Do you play an instrument?"

Akaashi's chest tightened.

"Disgraceful."

He swallowed and bit his lip nervously, unsure of exactly how to answer. He felt his entire demeanor flush with anxiety once again as he opened his mouth to stutter out a pathetic answer.

"I… I used to play v-violin."

"Really?!" Bokuto asked. "That's amazing! Do you still play?"

Akaashi shook his head, unable to meet Bokuto's excited gaze. But out of the corner of his eye, he could still see Bokuto's face and shoulders fall.

"Huh? Why not?" Bokuto asked.

"And now you have that… that child!"

"Goodbye, Akaashi."

"I hate you!"

Akaashi swallowed but found his throat dry. He took a quick swig of his latte, the hot liquid burning his tongue and the roof of his mouth.

"Um… I haven't have time since I've had to… take care of Tobio," he answered, a little awkwardly.

He refused to let Tobio be the reason he did not play anymore. He refused to blame his son for the decline in his skills. He will not let him live with that kind of guilt. He won't.

"Ohh, so… Tobio wasn't… planned?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi's eyebrows scrunched together and he shook his head, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground.

"I… I didn't even know he existed until he was six months old."

What the…?

Where did that come from?

Why in the world would he tell Bokuto this?

It was not like he was best friends with the guy. He only met him a few weeks before, and even then, they barely said a few words to each other. Why would he be spilling his life to this man?!

Keiji, you dumb idiot. What are you thinking?! Akaashi thought to himself. He doesn't care about any of that! Why are you opening your big mouth?!

"Oh, really?" Bokuto said, his voice much softer than before. He hummed in thought, looking at Akaashi tenderly. "And… his mother…?"

Akaashi breathed through his nose quietly, suppressing a sigh. He throat closed up and he would barely choke out a response.

"Not around," was his answer.

It was all he could say. The lump in his throat prevented any other words from escaping.

"Oh…" Bokuto's voice seemed far away, his brows scrunched together in a wince, unfitting for his face. It made Akaashi sick to his stomach, knowing that he was the reason that Bokuto made such a face. "I'm, um… I'm sorry."

Akaashi swallowed, trying to force the lump down, but it only grew, making it harder to breathe.

"No need to apologize. It's just how it is," Akaashi said.

They walked an entire block in a thick silence, their footsteps lightly tapping on the damp sidewalks. They were almost to Akaashi's apartment, just one more building to pass. He could just excuse himself and tell Bokuto he could walk home from here.

But Akaashi could feel Bokuto's eyes on him, antsy to say something.

"You know…"

Ah, he finally spoke.

Here it comes. The questions about Tobio's mother.

Where is she?

Who is she?

Why is she not here?

Is there something wrong with Tobio?

Is there something wrong with you?

Akaashi risked a glance at him, expecting that same disgusted look that he had always received in the past. But when he turned to him, his eyes widened, surprised when he saw how calm Bokuto's face looked. He was not wearing that downtrodden expression anymore, but instead, it was peaceful and thoughtful.

"Tobio seemed to enjoy volleyball," Bokuto said. Akaashi gazed at him curiously, surprised at the change in subject. "I mean, he didn't really do anything but he liked watching our practices. I tried to show him some things but he seemed kind of shy about the idea."

Akaashi stared at him, surprised yet again by his words and actions. He did not pry into Akaashi's situation at all. He just… wanted to play and talk about volleyball.

"I'd like to teach him! I mean, it could get him out of his shell some and he could make some friends. Maybe even have you play with him! Ah, but… it's probably a stupid idea," Bokuto said, looking suddenly frustrated at himself. "You're probably this high-quality musician and I'm talking about a sport you probably never played before."

Akaashi glanced at him. "Oh. No, I've played before."

Bokuto's head snapped back to look at him, his eyes wide and his brows creeping up his forehead.

"Really?" he asked.

Akaashi nodded once. "Yes. I played throughout middle school and high school."

"Eh?! Are you serious?" Bokuto said, raising his voice. Akaashi nodded and hummed in response, making Bokuto even more excited. "That's amazing! Maybe you could help Tobio to play."

Akaashi looked away shyly. He was appreciative of the offer but he felt out of his element. It had been nearly ten years since he had even touched a volleyball.

"I'm not so sure. It's been a while since I've played," Akaashi said.

"Aw, c'mon, Akaashi!"

Akaashi felt his chest flutter at hearing his name escape Bokuto's mouth. It sounded so harsh and rugged, yet passionate and genuine.

"Don't sell yourself short! I'm sure you could still play," Bokuto said. "I bet you were a captain by your third year! You seem like captain material."

Akaashi winced, clutching his cup. "I didn't play my third year."

Bokuto's smile fell just as quickly as it had appeared.

"Huh? Why not?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi's brows furrowed even further.

"Huh? Volleyball? No. Quit the club. Focus on your studies and on violin. You need to get into that music school."

"My…" Akaashi's chest tightened, the butterflies dissolving into uncomfortable, hot embers. "My parents made me quit."

Bokuto's brows suddenly upturned, his forlorn look back on his face. Akaashi cursed himself for making this happy person look this way. It felt wrong.

"Oh." It seemed to be Bokuto's go-to response. It made sense, knowing Akaashi was not all of an interesting person. "That really sucks."

Akaashi sighed and then hummed, nodding once to confirm that yes, it really did suck.

He loved playing volleyball in high school. It was a safe environment that made him feel loved for once in his life. But once he was forced to quit, he spent hours upon hours in solitude, practicing his instrument. And while he loved playing in orchestra, it never did feel quite like a team.

They finally arrived at the correct apartment complex, Akaashi leading him up the one flight of stairs and to the right door.

"Well, this is me," Akaashi said, turning to Bokuto. He bowed his head a little, almost in shame. "Um, thank you. For the drink. And for walking me home."

Bokuto brightened, despite the heavy conversation, and grinned from ear to ear. He seemed happy enough just to receive a thank you.

"No problem, Akaashi!" Bokuto said. "Tell Tobio I said hi."

Akaashi felt his face pale at the mention of his son.

He wondered if he still hated him?

"Right," Akaashi answered after a moment. "I will."

Bokuto nodded and then turned to leave, but stopped short, jostling his bag of donuts. He waved with his elbow, his hands still full of the two drinks. It brought a small smile to Akaashi's face, despite his stomach being in knots.

"Later, Akaashi!"

"Have a good evening, Bokuto-san."

Akaashi watched Bokuto leave his complex and then he turned to his door. He took a deep breath before turning the knob, only slightly thankful that he had not locked himself out. He stepped inside and saw that it was exactly how he had left it. There was no sign of Tobio, so he must have still been asleep in his room.

Akaashi shuffled out of his shoes and then walked to the couch, setting down his latte and then plopping himself down. He sat for a moment, his hands on his thighs as he stared at the wall in front of him in heavy silence.

He thought about all of the events that led him to this point. How did he even get here? How did he meet up with Bokuto again?

Then, all at once, it hit him like a ton of bricks.

What… what was I about to do? Akaashi thought, his mind drifting back to the bridge. Was I… really going to kill myself?

His body began to tremble violently and his hands curled into fists. He tried to control it but the panic had set in like a virus, grabbing Akaashi by the throat and not letting go.

Tears pricked his eyes and he choked on a sob, his hand covering his mouth to muffle the noises. He inhaled sharply and hiccupped, his shoulders shaking with sobs.

He hunched over, watching the tears hit the ground in between his feet. He felt miserable and out of control, unable to breathe. And it was suddenly so stuffy in the room and it was hot and tight.

And he could not breathe.

"Daddy?"

Akaashi gasped, sitting up and whirling around to the hallway.

There stood Tobio, his fish plushie under his arm and his other hand rubbing his eye.

"Tobio…" Akaashi whispered, the tears frozen on his cheeks.

Tobio looked at him strangely, his head cocking to the side. His brows were pinched together, an almost worried look on his face.

"Why are you crying?" Tobio asked. "Did you fall?"

Akaashi sucked in a breath and held it in his chest, willing the tears to stop falling down his cheeks. His lips wobbled, threatening to let out another sob.

He stood up from the couch and wiped his eyes, releasing his breath slowly. Then, he turned to Tobio and walked over to him, his chest still slightly jumping. He wrapped his arms around Tobio and hoisted him up.

"No, I didn't fall," Akaashi said, his voice cracking slightly. "But I almost did."

Tobio looked up at him, his eyes a little wide.

"Were you scared?" he asked.

Akaashi remembered how it felt to be on the railing, his life in the balance.

The water had been rushing below, high because of all the rain.

And his thumb was ready to press down to send his suicide note.

He glanced down at his son and pulled him to his chest, resting his cheek on the top of Tobio's head. More tears spilled from his eyes as he nuzzled his son, his arms and legs shaking.

"I had never been more scared in my life."

Bokuto glanced down at his shoes as he walked back to his apartment in complete silence. His heart was thudding wildly against his chest and it had not slowed one beat. He felt almost sick to his stomach, the hot chocolate tasting like chalk in his mouth.

His legs carried him to the elevator of their apartment complex and he pressed the number for the fourth floor. He usually would take the stairs, his energy still pumped after a night of volleyball and stuffing his face with donuts.

But tonight…

A figure in the distance, standing on the railing.

Alone, a phone in their hand.

Their body trembling so badly…

Bokuto shook his head, flinging the thoughts away. He took a deep breath as the elevator dinged for the right floor and he dragged himself down the hall and to the right apartment. He balanced the cups in one hand and pulled out his keys to unlock the door. Upon entering, he could see the dim light in the living room was still on and he headed that direction.

On the couch was his roommate, his hair a mess from a fresh shower and dorky, thick-rimmed glasses on his face. But, of course, the glasses only seemed to add to his charm.

"Oh, Bo. Finally," Kuroo said as Bokuto moved into the room. "You took forever to get our drinks."

Bokuto pushed his lip out in a pout as he handed Kuroo his coffee.

"You could always come with me to get it, you know. And I don't see how you can drink coffee this late at night," Bokuto said.

Kuroo took the coffee and gave Bokuto a sleepy smile. He tapped the stack of papers in front of him with a red pen.

"I've got papers to grade. And didn't you get the same thing?" Kuroo said, pointing to Bokuto's cup. Bokuto lifted it tried to give a smile that did not look strained.

"Hot chocolate!" Bokuto said.

Kuroo rolled his eyes and glanced back down at the stack of papers in front of him, taking a sip of his steaming coffee.

"You're such a kid," Kuroo said harmlessly. "That place is a coffee shop, you know. You should try something different. Like a latte, or something."

Bokuto glanced down at the logo on the side of his cup. Now that he thought about it, he remembered that Akaashi had ordered a latte.

His hand squeezed his cup, the plastic crinkling.

Bokuto remembered the terrified look on Akaashi's face as he turned around, his body trembling on the railing.

Akaashi had looked so frightened and shaken. Even when they had ordered the drinks and Akaashi's trembling had stopped, he looked defeated and worn.

Bokuto swallowed.

What would have happened if Bokuto had gotten to that bridge a minute too late?

"Bo?"

Bokuto jolted back to reality and snapped his head up to look at Kuroo. Kuroo was looking back with a frown on his face.

"Huh?" Bokuto asked.

"You okay? You… look upset," Kuroo said. He sat up on the couch and peered at Bokuto's face when he did not answer. "Did something happen?"

Bokuto blinked at him, not answering. He thought of Akaashi's terrified face, his body leaning towards the edge of the bridge, his wobbling legs as he got down on the ground…

"Bokuto?"

Bokuto jumped and glanced at Kuroo. He briefly pushed Akaashi's terrified face from his mind to give Kuroo a wide smile.

"Nah, I'm good!" Bokuto answered, and he walked around the coffee table to plop down on the other couch in the room, sitting stiffly.

Kuroo's brow rose in question but he did not push it, which Bokuto was thankful for. He turned back to his papers and took another sip of his coffee.

"If you say so," Kuroo said, flipping a page. "Come to think of it… We left volleyball at the same time. What took you so long?"

Bokuto tried to smile but he knew that his face looked strange.

"I… ran into someone," Bokuto explained.

Kuroo looked up from his students' papers, his eyes squinting at Bokuto through his glasses.

"You ran into someone? Who?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto fidgeted in his seat, his thumbs caressing his cup as he stared down at the black lid. The hot chocolate was probably cold by now.

"Just… someone I know," Bokuto answered.

Kuroo frowned, his face contorting into something resembling a grimace.

"Geez, Bo. What's with all the mystery? You run into an old girlfriend or something?"

"Wha— No!" Bokuto said, reeling. "It's just…"

His mind drifted back to Akaashi's face, his trembling hands, his glassy eyes. His words were often self-deprecating, and his body language was small, seeming to hide from Bokuto's gaze.

Bokuto sighed. He could not keep it in any longer.

Curse his big mouth and inability to cope by himself.

"Kuroo, can I… can I ask you something?"

The words were out of his mouth before he could help it. He glanced to Kuroo, watching as he sat up straight on the couch and crossed his legs.

"Yeah, sure. What's up?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto fiddled with his cup more and took a deep breath, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

"Have you… have you ever talked to someone who… wanted to kill themselves?" Bokuto asked, peeking up at Kuroo.

Kuroo's eyes widened and he unfolded his legs. He put down his pen and took off his glasses, hunching forward on his knees and suddenly giving Bokuto a solemn expression.

"Bokuto, I need you to tell me what's going on," Kuroo said. He winced but still locked his eyes on Bokuto. "You're not… you're not thinking of… of…"

Bokuto shook his head wildly, his hand frantically waving in the air.

"No, no, no! I'm not thinking that way at all!" Bokuto said.

Kuroo's brows lowered in concern, still unconvinced. "Are you sure?"

"One-hundred-ten percent sure!" Bokuto said.

Kuroo stared at him, and then leaned back, more relaxed. He folded his arms across his chest and stared at Bokuto carefully.

"Okay. Then… this person you ran into. They… they think about killing themselves?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto looked down at his cup sadly, his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip.

"I… I think so," Bokuto said. He swallowed thickly, not wanting to discuss the intimate details of what happened. If anything, he wanted to forget the horrifying look on Akaashi's face and make sure that he never felt that way ever again. "I just want to help them."

Kuroo sat back against the couch cushions and rubbed his chin, taking in deep breaths.

"Well, I guess just be encouraging. Do you know them very well?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto shrunk in on himself. "No. I met them a few weeks ago."

"And did you know they were going through something?"

"No. Not until…"

Not until tonight.

When he was standing on a railing, ready to end it all.

"Hm. Well, that'd be the first thing. Get to know them better," Kuroo said. He shrugged his shoulders softly. "Be their friend."

Bokuto blinked at him and then reached up his hand to rub his chin.

"Be… their friend, huh?"

Akaashi could barely keep his eyes open as he meandered through the kitchen to make lunches. After a long night of sobs and tears, he woke to find that his eyes were swollen and his throat tender.

Tobio was sitting at the table, quietly munching on his breakfast. He had looked completely confused and maybe even a little frightened at seeing his father fall apart the night before. He went back to bed without picking a fight, his little eyebrows pinched and his eyes locked onto Akaashi's face.

If Akaashi had not been so tired, he would have considered the silent morning awkward.

And the whole thing with Bokuto…

"I bet you were a captain by your third year! You seem like captain material."

"That's amazing! Do you still play?"

"So… you must have the most important job of all!"

Bokuto had spouted those things so easily. His smile was bright and for the first time in years, Akaashi felt like he belonged. Like he was welcomed into his inner circle.

And the best part was that the voice was completely silent when he was in Bokuto's presence. He felt fresh and free, those thoughts no longer plaguing him.

It would have put a large smile on his face this morning.

If it weren't for one problem.

You missed your chance.

If you had just done what I said, then you wouldn't be bothering anyone anymore.

The voice was back in full force.

Akaashi's heart was heavy in his chest at every insult, his hands shaking as he tried to tie up Tobio's bento. He took a slow breath and placed the bento in Tobio's backpack.

"Okay, Tobio," Akaashi said, looking towards his son. "Ready for school?"

Tobio finished off his glass of milk and nodded, a white mustache coating his upper lip. Akaashi smiled, walking over to his son and wiping the milk away with a napkin.

"Okay. Here's your backpack," Akaashi said, handing his son his small backpack.

Tobio eyed him as he put on his backpack. Akaashi knew his face probably looked horrible but he tried for a smile anyway, regardless of how scary he looked.

Akaashi dragged his tired body out of their apartment, leading Tobio down the street and towards the school.

What was it your father said? Oh, yeah. Disgraceful.

You're a disgraceful piece of trash.

No one wants you.

Just disappear.

Disappear.

Disappear!

Akaashi sucked in a harsh breath, his heart seizing in his chest. He glanced down at Tobio, trying to focus on his son.

"So… Tobio," Akaashi called.

His son glanced up at him, eyes curious and wide. It made Akaashi's stomach clench when he remembered the harsh words that came out of that tiny body just the other day. Those words of hatred echoed in Akaashi's brain, and the voice mocked him.

"Um," Akaashi stuttered, his voice quivering slightly. "I heard Bokuto-san is showing you volleyball moves."

Tobio's brows lifted, the sunlight highlighting and brightening the dark blue in his eyes. He nodded excitedly.

"Did you try to play at all?" Akaashi asked.

Tobio's face fell and he looked away, his brows lowering into a scowl. Akaashi grimaced, realizing what was coming. He was patient, though, and waited for Tobio to find the right words on his own.

Soon enough, Tobio's lip twitched and then trembled. He sucked in a quivering breath and opened his mouth to speak.

"I…" Tobio said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I was too s-scared."

Akaashi frowned, his brows upturning. "Scared? What are you scared of?"

Tobio's eyes shined and his hands were in fists, but his strong willpower was enough to keep the tears at bay.

"I was scared that no one would p-play with me," Tobio said. He reached up to clutch onto the straps of his backpack. "S-So I didn't play."

Akaashi swallowed, understanding his son's dilemma. He took a deep breath and reached out his hand slowly. He touched Tobio's head, thankful that his son did not pull away.

"Well, Bokuto-san would play with you," Akaashi said.

Tobio looked up at him, his face tender and curious. "Really?"

"Really," Akaashi said, and he smiled tiredly at Tobio. "Maybe you can ask him today. What do you say?"

Tobio paused, pouting his lips. His face fell back into his usual scowl and he looked down at the sidewalk.

Akaashi winced and retracted his hand from Tobio's head. Had he gone too far? Had he pushed him too much?

He hates you. Remember?

Akaashi grit his teeth, his back and shoulders tensing with sudden anger that flashed hot. He was desperate to prove that voice wrong and shut it up for good.

But how could he do it without Bokuto by his side?

"I… I'll ask Bokuto-san for you today," Akaashi said.

Tobio whipped his head up to look at him, his eyes wide and the scowl gone.

"You will?" Tobio asked.

Akaashi smiled and nodded. "I will. And he won't say no."

Tobio paused, blinking up at his father nervously. "Promise?"

Akaashi extended his pinky finger to Tobio, managing to keep the voice at bay just for the moment.

"I promise."

Oh? Making a promise are we?

Let's hope you can keep it.

Tobio hesitated, but then lifted his hand to hook his pinky with his father's. Akaashi squeezed his finger with his own before releasing and straightening his back. He could count on Bokuto. He knew he could.

After a few more blocks, they made it to Fukudoroni High. They managed to avoid all of the taller students that ran past them as they walked down the hallway. They made it to the kindergarten classroom where Suga stood, his smile pleasant on his face as he greeted the other kindergarteners. When Akaashi and Tobio walked up, a concerned frown replaced Suga's smile, his brows pinching together in worry.

"Oh, Akaashi-san. Are you okay?" Suga asked, his eyes roving over Akaashi's face.

Akaashi nodded and waved his hand. "Yes. I just didn't get enough sleep."

Suga blinked at him, uncertain. But he nodded and then looked down to Tobio.

"Hi, Tobio. Are you ready for class today?" Suga asked with a soft smile.

Tobio's face scrunched up pitifully but he nodded. Akaashi patted his head, thankful that Tobio did not push him away like the day before.

"I'll see you later, okay?" Akaashi said.

Tobio nodded once, and turned to enter the classroom without another word.

Oh, there he goes. Are you going to break that promise you made with him?

Akaashi pushed the voice aside and took a deep breath.

"I'll ask Bokuto-san when I see him!" Akaashi called out to his son. Tobio stopped and turned his head back, surprise written on his face. "I'll go ask him right now, okay?"

Tobio paused, his eyes locked with Akaashi's. Then, he nodded, looking sure of himself, and padded off to his cubby to drop off his backpack.

Suga watched the scene unfurl and then turned to Akaashi with a soft smile.

"Things better now?" he asked.

Akaashi gulped, anxious and nervous. He opened his mouth to speak but froze, a horrifying thought sneaking its way into his brain.

Please take care of Tobio for me. I'm sorry.

Akaashi winced. He had almost forgotten that Suga was the one he was going to text to come get Tobio after he…

Disgraceful.

He puffed out a quick breath of air and then looked up at Suga with a strained expression.

"It's getting there," Akaashi said. "I think."

Suga smiled sympathetically and he reached out to pat Akaashi's shoulder.

"Hang in there. I know it must be difficult being a single parent. You're doing the best you can," Suga said.

Ha! He has no clue, does he?

Akaashi ignored the voice and nodded at Suga. "Thank you very much."

They said their goodbyes and Akaashi turned to leave, heading towards the front office to ask for Bokuto. He had to keep his promise to Tobio no matter what. He had to get Tobio to not hate him anymore.

Just as he was about to turn down the hallway, Akaashi heard a shout along with the satisfying sound of a hand slapping a ball. He stopped and turned his head to see the gym's doors wide open, the volleyball club members going at it.

Akaashi took a step forward and hovered in the doorway. He watched as the players all lined up for spiking practice, each one running up to the net and slapping the ball down on the other side.

The sound brought back memories of his own team so many years ago. He remembered how they almost reached nationals his second year, and how his team vowed to go to nationals the following year.

Akaashi sighed.

He did not stick around long enough to find out.

"All right! It's my turn!"

Akaashi's eyes lit up at the voice and he snapped his head towards the sidelines where the famous volleyball coach stood. He was grinning wildly, his eyes locked onto the setter standing beside the net.

"Give me a good toss!" Bokuto called.

"Yes, sir!" the student shouted, getting into position.

Bokuto tossed the setter a ball, the student receiving the ball with his fingertips and pushing it upwards towards the ceiling. It was a higher toss, Akaashi noted, not too close to the net.

Bokuto did his run-up, his arms stretching behind him before leaping into the air. He had a huge smile on his face as his arm flung downwards at the right time, sending the ball to the back line.

The sound sent shivers down Akaashi's spine.

"Yes! Good toss!" Bokuto said, reaching over to ruffle his student's hair.

"Ah, th-thank you, Coach!"

Bokuto smiled and released his student. He stood tall, smiling brightly. He looked well rested despite being up late the night before. Akaashi could barely contain the slight jealousy he felt at that.

Bokuto's eyes suddenly locked with Akaashi's, his grin faltering only for a second before returning on his face. He turned to the members, his hands on his hips.

"Okay, guys! Go get dressed. See you this afternoon!" Bokuto said.

The members heaved a collective sigh of relief before scattering to clean the gym or head to the lockers. It left Bokuto to turn his attention back to Akaashi, his legs carrying him over to the doorway.

"Akaashi!" Bokuto called with his hand in the air, skidding to a halt in front of him. "It's good to see—"

He stopped suddenly, his smile falling. Akaashi swallowed nervously, wondering if something was wrong. But Bokuto put on a tentative smile, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck.

"Ah, did you not sleep well last night?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi blinked slowly, still feeling the puffiness from the night prior. He sighed and hunched his shoulders.

"Not exactly," Akaashi said.

Bokuto frowned, and it was almost as pitiful as one of his son's frowns.

"Sorry. I probably shouldn't have suggested getting coffee so late at night," Bokuto apologized.

Akaashi immediately put up his hand to stop him.

"No, don't apologize," Akaashi said. "I… actually wanted to thank you. For everything you did last night."

Bokuto's eyes widened comically and he froze, stunned silent for a moment. Then, his eyes lit up and a smile broke out on his face.

"Of course, Akaashi!" Bokuto said. "I'm always willing to help!"

Akaashi smiled. Of course Bokuto was willing to help. He was sure that he could keep his promise to Tobio.

"Um, if you don't mind, I have a favor to ask you," Akaashi said, fiddling with his fingers.

"Oh? What's up?" Bokuto asked, cocking his head to the side and placing his hands on his hips.

Akaashi glanced down the hallway towards Tobio's classroom, his fingers wrestling with each other in a nervous dance.

"Tobio wants to play volleyball, but he's nervous that no one will want to play with him," Akaashi said. He looked back to Bokuto, his chest aching and hopeful. "Do you think you could teach him some of the basics?"

Bokuto's eyes flashed and he smirked, pointing to his chest with his thumb.

"You can leave it to me!" Bokuto said confidently.

Akaashi smiled softly, feeling relief. He almost felt pride in his chest for putting that voice in its place.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said with a slight bow of his head. "I'm sure he'd really appreciate it."

"Of course!" Bokuto said, almost shouting. "And you can come play, too!"

Akaashi lifted his head and stared at him with a puzzled expression.

"What?" he asked.

"Hm? You said you used to play, right?" Bokuto said. "You should come play with some of my friends! We meet up on Thursday nights."

Akaashi blinked at him. "I… I don't know. They all sound like experienced players."

Bokuto waved his hand in the air. "Nonsense! Some of them don't play all that often. I'm one of the only ones who plays regularly!"

Akaashi fiddled with his hands again, feeling self-conscious and unsure. He bit his lip, wondering if he could actually step out onto the court again after ten years.

"I'm not sure," Akaashi said finally, and he dropped his hands by his sides. "Can I think it over?"

Bokuto nodded enthusiastically. "Sure! Take all the time you need."

Akaashi smiled, ready to thank him and be on his way.

"But!" Bokuto spoke again, a playful smirk on his lips. "In exchange for teaching Tobio volleyball, you have to come with me to the coffee shop at least once a week!" Bokuto said, pointing at Akaashi.

Akaashi stared at him, wide-eyed and frozen.

Go with him to get coffee? Once a week?

"It's either that or you come to play volleyball on Thursday nights," Bokuto said, rubbing his nose. He seemed so proud of himself in that moment.

Akaashi glanced down at the ground, a strained smile on his face. When would he find time to get coffee? And what about Tobio? And his job?

He looked back up at Bokuto, who was still standing tall and proud with his hands on his hips.

"It looks like I don't have a choice, do I?" Akaashi asked.

"Nope!" Bokuto said with a chuckle.

Akaashi sighed, feeling perturbed by the sudden invitation. But he glanced up at Bokuto and relished in the peace that he felt.

And the voice was silent.

"Okay, Bokuto-san. What day works best for you?"