I did not know how to keep Samuel with me, he is going to go whether I want him to or not, I don't want to accept it.
"Samuel, please, listen to me," I beg. "I don't think it's safe for you to go." I grab him by the shoulders.
"I'm not backing down." he tells me.
"Samuel, please,"
"Integra, look, I have a duty to fulfil, and it's going to happen, I know you aren't someone to back down from your post, and you should expect the same from me." He looks at me sternly. I sigh.
"It's different if it'someone you love, sam, don't tell me you wouldn't protest if I was in danger."
"I suppose you're right," he relents, I smile. "But," He pauses, "I'm still going." My smile disappears.
"You're not going to listen to me, are you?" I ask.
"You are correct." He tells me, I groan, then frown,
"Samuel." I furrow my brow, giving him a look of solum.
"Integra." he speak in a strict tone. "I'm not backing down." He tells me once more.
"Yes, you are." I sneer. He growls.
"I'm not." He pauses, he grits his teeth. "You're slave." he then turns away from me, walking down the hallway to his office. My mouth gaped open. I follow after him. Opening the door to his office.
"We are not done here!" I shout.
"Yes we are." He says calmly. He folds his arms, his feet on his desk. I narrow my eyes.
"You aren't going!" I yell at him.
"Yes, I am darling." He says, tending to his working, acting like I wasn't even there.
"If you go-" I pause, "If you go- I'll -I'll-" I struggle to find words, but nothing came to mind.
"What will you do deary, tell me." he says, rummaging through papers on his desk, filing them, fingering them, tearing them.
"I don't know! Something!" I exclaim, folding my arms. He puts on his brown rimmed glasses. He looks at me, apathetic. I groan. "Samuel, please, listen to me." I beg of him.
"I am listening, and I have told you my answer." He says. "And I say, I am going, they need me." He tells me, he looks up at me, his eyes soften upon my face. "I'll be okay, don't worry about me."
I sigh, stepping closer. "Samuel."
"Integra." He says, looking up at me. "Why don't you come here." He slightly smiles. I do, sitting on his lap, wrapping my arm around his shoulder.
He sighs, "Now, my dearest Integra." He pauses. "You know I love you, right?"
"Yeah, I know."
"Good." He smiles. What was that about? I furrow my brow, curious as to what he is planning. "And don't you forget it." he tells me.
I put my head on his shoulder. "Samuel." I murmur.
"I'm sorry." I swallow. "I shouldn't have snapped on you like that."
"It's fine." he says, rubbing my back.
_
I lay next to my husband, late at night, tossing and turning, as he is sound asleep. He is going go, possibly cause the end of the world, possibly getting killed, who knows. My heart races at the thought. Two years, two years of happiness. I couldn't deal with loss, not again, this time I did not think i'll be strong enough. I turn over, touching his shoulder, rubbing it. He wakes up, slowly, stretching. His eyes open, looking at me.
"What is it dear?" he asks.
"Nothing, I just want to touch you." I scoot in closer, wrapping my arm around his neck, holding him close.
"Oh." he pulls me in tighter. I rub the back of his neck.
"Please." I beg.
"I have to go." he tells me.
"Please," I whine softly in his ear.
"I can't stay." He kisses me, pulling me in closer, our chests touching. In between our kisses I keep saying 'please', our clothes getting lost in the sheets. I'm on top of him, bouncing up and down. His hands squeezing and cupping my breasts, I hold them there. My moans echo, and I am sure some guard heard down the hall. Sam finishes inside of me. Warm liquids flow out of my broken womanhood. I go to the bathroom and clean up, I come back to bed, his arms cradling me. We both fall asleep.
_
Samuel packs for his two month trip. I help, and so does Connie. 7 suitcases worth of clothing, among other things. He's leaving tomorrow and there is nothing I can do about it. I look down at the suitcase I am packing, saddened by it's contents and what it ment. Samuel puts his hands on my shoulders from behind, and kisses the back of my head. I sigh, then smile. I turn around.
"Hey."
"Hey." he smiles at me, his eyes kind. He hugs me tightly. I hug him back. "I'm going to miss you." he tells me.
"I'll miss you too." I say, I slightly pull away from him, "Now, don't be go dying now, okay?" I tease him. He chuckles.
"I won't." He smiles. "You have my word."
I pat his back, "Good." I take a small sharp breath, "You'll call everyday right?" I ask.
"Yes." he chuckles, his eyes closed. "I'll write you everyday too, if that will suffice you."
"Will you?" I ask, serious. He laughs.
"All right, all right, I will." He kisses me. I kiss him back. Connie tugs on my pant leg, I pick her, pressing her between Sam and I.
She climbs into her father's arms. She hugs him tightly. Softly pouting, her lip quivering.
"How long will you be gone?" She asks, her voice shakes.
"I'll be gone for two months." He tells her. Connie had repeatedly asked this question, sometimes multiple times a day, like the answer would change. Sometimes I would find myself doing the same thing. I remember doing the same thing when my father would leave for trips. I still remember the smell of him, when he would come home, the smell of the world on his suit.
The little girl started to sob. "I don't want you to go." She whines, in a depressed tone. Sam holds her tightly.
"I'll be back, my dear." he says to her, smiling, lifting her up by the chin. Making her look at him.
"I love you." he tells her.
"I love you too daddy." She whines.
That night, Samuel and I spent it in intimacy. Our last night we could spend together for awhile. He did not hold back, I am left sore, needing to be cared for, he does so. Running me a bath. Letting me soak, rubbing my feet, apologising for being so rough. It was completely fine. The pain was temporary.