"Samuel." I say, my voice deadly quiet. "I have some news."

"Really? What news?" He asks, worried. "Is it bad?"

"Well, I'm not sure, it depends really."

"Well, don't keep me on my toes, my love, please tell me, we don't have much time to speak."

"I'm pregnant." I say, finally. A long pause comes from him.

"I see." He finally says. I only relax slightly. I fidget in my seat. Awaiting for him to say something more. "Do you want this child?" He asks me.

"I'm not sure." I say, "Do you want it?"

"Of course." His words rang through my ears like pleasant church bells. I smile.

"I'm glad, I'm so, so glad." I chuckle, my eyes slightly tearing. "Samuel, I'm so glad."

"Me too." I hear him sniffle. "I can't wait to come home to the three of you." He says, I hear his smile. "Now, when I get back, we'll have to plan, did you tell Connie yet?" He asks.

"No." I say. "I haven't, I wanted to tell you first."

"I see." he pauses. "Now, i'll call you tomorrow, after the hearing, I can't call you before the hearing, for security reasons." He says, far too casual, which oddly put me at ease. "I love you." He tells me softly.

"I love you too."

Click

My heart fills with relief. And I silently rejoice. I was so glad he did not take this badly, we aren't exactly planning it, but I wasn't going to abandon motherhood so easily, an unexpected duty, is still a duty. I look out the window behind me. Walter stands in the corner, looking at me, I turn to him.

"So, he took it well?" Walter asks. I nod. "Wonderful." he smiles, clasping his hands together. "I'm sure he's happy to be a father again, although i'm sure he wishes he was here."

"I'm sure of it too." I say, "I'll tell Connie when he gets back." I stand up. I look down at my desk. Wondering if I could tell you. Wondering, if you knew before me. If you could hear the tiny heart beat in my stomach, or if just sounded like everything else in my body. I fold my arms.

"Is something wrong?" Walter asks. I shake my head.

"So, you've pregnant for two months, with no symptoms?" He tries to continue conversation.

"Yeah, and it doesn't make any sense."

"And you still had a regular menstrual cycle?" He asks. I flush.

"Yes, Jesus Christ Walter!"

He straightens at my outbursts. "I did mean to pry, Sir, I just wanted to see if I could help." He says, apologetically. I sigh.

"I don't know what went wrong." I say.

"Well, I will get to research, if you don't mind, Sir."

"I don't mind." I say.

"Do you need anything?" he asks. I shake my head, He bows, and leaves. Only to come back an hour later, a stack of papers in hand.

I perk up, my hands clasp underneath my jaw. "Hello Walter." I greet him, not expecting him to come in, without knocking, it must have been important.

"Sir, I think I found something." He tells me, putting down the stack of papers. He stands next to me.

"What did you find?" I ask, looking down.

"Human chorionic gonadotropin." He says, matter-of-factly, "It's a hormone produced in the placenta after implantation. And in some women, the placenta does not produce enough to cause symptoms, or show up on a urine test, it is only detectable on a blood test, and you are quite lucky you found out when you did, because sometimes, the pregnancy can go even longer without being detected." He explains this to me as I read the paper. "And, or you could have a tilted uterus." He adds. "But you're not experiencing any pain, I doubt that is the case." He smiles.

"I see." is all I can muster. I wasn't sure how to feel, about any of this still. Happy? Surprised? It all, is strange. What was I really expecting? Babies happen. Samuel might be happy, but I am uncertain. I am the one that has to carry it, conceal it. Deal with the pains of childbirth.

"Your symptoms will gradually increase." Walter's adds.

"Hm." Is all I mange. That's something to look forward too. Morning sickness, bloating, back pain.

"You don't seem very happy." Walter says, remarking my disinterest. "Aren't you happy?"

"I am, just shocked." I say. "I don't know how to get this, I wasn't exactly planning this." I clasp my hands together. "But I'm glad." I continue. "If that makes sense."

Walter rubs his chin in thought. "What are you hoping this is, a boy, or a girl?" He asks, seeming to try to change the subject, sort of.

"Well," I stop, thinking for a moment. "A boy." I smile.

"A boy?" He asks, curiously.

"Yes, A boy, I had dream once, where I was holding a little boy, blonde, and blue eyes like me." I say, I remember that dream, very vividly. I was holding him, as he chewed on his tiny fingering. I always thought it meant what I would be like if I were a boy.

"Hm, what would you name him?" Walter asks me.

"Jacob." I say, without a second thought. "Father said it would have been my name if I was a boy." I explain. "Besides, I've Always liked that name."

"Did Samuel ever say anything about names?" Walter questions.

"Well, he did mention he liked the name Saul." I say. "It means "asked for," In hebrew." I add.

"I like it." Walter says, and stand up straighter. He has on a slight smile. "So, when will you hear from him again?" He continues.

"Tomorrow," I say, "After the hearing, because of the security risk."

"I'm sure he is very eager to speak with you again."

"Yeah, so am I."

"A baby!" Seras exclaim, excitement in her tender voice.

"Keep your voice down!" I yip, covering her mouth briefly, before taking my hand away. She smiles softly.

"Sorry, Sir, It's just so strange, you didn't seem pregnant." She explains to me. "You're so flat."

I furrow my brow, feeling my lower stomach. "Well it certainly does look that way."

"Do you know what's wrong?" She asks.

"Walter says it might be the HCG hormone. And that my body wasn't producing enough."

"HCG?" Seras asks, confused.

"Human chorionic gonadotropin." I say. "It's a hormone produced when the placenta is formed." I say.

"I still can't believe you didn't know til two months later." She says, rubbing her chin. "Can I feel?" Seras asks, showing her fangs, although I doubt she knew she was doing it.

"Sure." I say quietly, giving her a flat gaze. She chuckles in delight, and puts her hand on my flat stomach. She looks intently at my stomach, then her eyes widen, a smile brighten her face.

"I can hear it!" She exclaims in an excited whisper. "It's tiny heart beat." She says, then takes her hand off.
I smile.

"It sounds like the heart of a bird. A tiny, fragile bird." Seras asks.

In that moment, I feel as if I must protect it, the tiny, fragile bird, growing inside of me. I touch my stomach softly. It was mine, all mine. This tiny body inside of my body, molding, developing, within the confines of my uterus.

"That's quite the descriptor, Seras." I say. I wonder for a moment if you hear the bird fluttering inside of, I want so desperately to ask you, but I dare not. "Don't let your master know." I say. "I don't want him knowing for awhile."

Seras frowns, "Well, why not?" She says, "I'm sure he'd want to know."

I shake my head. "No, he wouldn't."