Whoops sorry for the delay in posting. Forgive me?

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Darkness prevails over all else. Voices come to me from time to time. Telling me to keep fighting, to hold on. I'm drifting and sleeping and dreaming. Although I've been injured in the line of duty and been in the SGC infirmary before, this feels different. Longer. I don't know how long because every time I'm awake long enough to think about it, I drift off again. I'm not in any pain. I just feel like sleeping forever. Sleeping and dreaming and most definitely not thinking at all. All I know is I'm home and that's good. All the non-good things about home I'm only vaguely aware of in the back of my mind and that can all wait till some other time when I'm not so sleepy.

I'm pretty sure Carter has been here. I had a moment when I thought I should be asking her to help with the device but then I remembered that I was already home. She was thanking me for something but I have no clue what.

More time passes and gradually I become aware that I'm becoming more aware of my surroundings. There is a really nice smell beyond the usual cleaning product scent of the infirmary. I concentrate on it. It's like coffee and chocolate and nuts and something else sort of familiar and comforting. I want to say sunshine but that's just silly. There's a voice. A nice voice. Talking to me.

"...sort of impolite to say that you're a good listener but it's true. I remember that about you from before all this as well, but now... well, you're the only person I've really been able to talk to about how I'm feeling. At least things seem to be getting easier with time. I guess I'm becoming more like who I was before – less of a potential disappointment to everyone. I feel less like I have to pretend to know what's going on..." He laughs slightly. "At least that's given me an insight into Jack. You'd laugh at that if you were awake, by the way. I really wish you'd wake up. I want to thank you – for everything. If it weren't for you..." His voice trails off for a moment before he moves on. "So, an update..."

The chair creaks ever so slightly as I hear him shift. A warm hand takes mine. It's very nice.

"Your team has finally gone back into rotation. They weren't happy about it but I think it's probably the best thing for them. They need the distraction. Harper, especially, wasn't willing to let you out of his sight for more than five minutes for the longest time. They've only agreed to go on missions if someone has been arranged to sit with you while they're gone. I hope you haven't minded that I've taken a lot of those shifts. I just... like I said, I can talk to you... and well, I worry about you when I'm not here. Not that I can really do anything for you. Janet says you're improving but it's been so long and it's hard not to be concerned."

I imagine I can feel his breath on my cheek, as if he has leaned forward. I imagine I can feel the heat from his body across my arm.

"Dakota... did I ever tell you that you have really nice eyes? How about you open them for me right now? Go on. Please?" He sighs, and I feel his feather-soft breath on my cheek move away. "Well, how about you squeeze my hand then? Come on. Call yourself a marine? Squeeze my hand."

I try but nothing happens. He sighs and his disappointment weighs heavily on me. I wonder vaguely if I can somehow telepathically suggest to him that he kiss me to wake me from my slumber. That would certainly shake me out of this lethargic haze that prevents me from awakening fully. I think I should be surprised that he's here – that it's a big thing – but my brain won't process why that is. I like that he is here so that's all that registers fully. I don't like that he has fallen silent. I worry that he will leave me. Leave me again like he did once before. Left me in a darkness deeper than the one I'm trapped within now. I don't want to think about it. I don't want him to go. I have to keep him here. I have to tell him that I… something. I have to tell him something important.

A fierce determination grips me. The same determination that saw me not only succeed but excel in all those training programs that led all the way to my position on one of the best SG teams. The determination that before the marines had been unfocussed – hidden beneath misunderstood 'bad girl' until it was dug out by that steel-eyed NCIS Special Agent.

I don't think he'd ever let a simple challenge like squeezing someone's hand go unmet. No matter what his physical condition. He was a marine. I was a marine. The hand in mine would be gone soon if I didn't do something. I focussed my whole attention on it. The feel of it. The warmth. Strong yet gentle and larger than mine. With monumental effort I managed to curl my fingers around his. To stop the departure of that hand.

"Oh my god... Dakota..." His voice is so soft. Surprised and pleased. His fingers tighten ever so slightly on my hand. It was worth all the effort. But then his hand is gone – he is gone – and replaced by various medical personnel fussing around me, poking at me. I try to call out for him but barely a sound makes it out of my throat. I am drowning in a sea of hands that are not his.

I am furious and frustrated. I try to beat at the hands but they hold me gently and I am too weak to resist. They are talking but I hear nothing they say. I reach and stretch trying to hear if he's still there. If he's saying anything. I want more of his voice. I need it. Need to know that he hasn't vanished. I can't lose him again.

I'm disgusted to hear what sounds like a thin wail escaping my lips. Oh god. He died. My Daniel died. What if he's not really here? What if I'm still back in that other place where he loves someone else? What if he will always be denied me? Come back! I try to open my eyes but all I get is a thin crack of bleary nothingness. I need to know if he's real but there is no way. Frantically I struggle more but the more I try the more everything starts slipping away again. He's gone. I am gone. There is nothing.