The elevator ride to the lower level was long and mind numbing for Meredith.

I am not doing this. she thought. I am not doing this. Not alone. I'm not. It's not happening. And if I keep telling myself that, it will be real.

After hours of waiting and watching for her son, Meredith finally had an idea of where he was. Unfortunately, it wasn't the idea she had wanted it to be.

"Dr. Grey, your son…He died a hero. He disarmed the gunman and helped a whole group of children to escape that cafeteria. He was a very brave boy; he saved a lot of lives."

"That doesn't make it any better that he's gone," Meredith whispered. Holding a tightly clenched fist to her mouth, she willed herself to hold in the tears until after she was done.

The elevator came to a stop at the lower level, and the door dinged opened.

"Dr. Grey?" the woman by the doors asked.

"Yes," she whispered, wishing with all of her heart that she could be anybody else.

"Follow me, please."

Putting one step in front of the other, Meredith willed herself to take long deep breaths, coming to a stop in front of the observation window.

This is nothing I haven't done before…I've been in the morgue before, I've been here before, I…this is…This is my…As the curtain came open, Meredith realized that she'd stopped breathing.

This is my son…

OoooooooooooooO

The doors to the lower level came open, and Addison entered the hallway just in time to see the curtain of the observation room come open. She ran to her friend just as Meredith collapsed to the floor and totally came apart.

"Mer, I'm here," Addison whispered, drawing her into her arms.

Her fingers tightened on the fabric of Addison's sweater as she struggled to breathe. Addison gestured up in the air over her shoulder for them to close the curtain.

Choking sobs escaped Meredith's throat as she tried to suck in giant gasps of air. "Addie…" she whispered between sobs. "He's…gone…he…"

Addison folded her into her arms and rocked back and forth slowly. "Sshh, sweetie, it's all right, it's okay."

"I can't…breathe," she gasped.

Getting to her knees, Addison rummaged around in the cart behind them, keeping one hand on Meredith's back to keep her from falling to the floor. Pulling out a small paper sack, she put it in Meredith's hand and helped her hold it to her mouth. "Breathe into the bag," she instructed. "Breathe into the bag, and try to make your breaths longer."

Helping her lean back against the wall, Addison scooted up next to her. After several minutes of breathing into the bag, she pulled it away and let it fall into her lap. Her hair hung limply around her face as she stared at the floor, exhausted. "I can't believe he's gone," she murmured, the emotion totally erased from her voice. "He's really gone."

Addison took her hands as they faced each other, meeting with uncertain gazes as she tried to figure out what to say. "Mer, I…I am so sorry."

"They said that he was a hero…" she whispered absently, her eyes drifting back towards the floor.

It seems almost inappropriate to mention that he saved my daughter's life. Addison thought. Maybe now's not the best time for that.

"He saved Lanie's life. He saved everybody's lives in that cafeteria."

Of course, if I sit here long enough…"He did," Addison agreed.

"And as happy as I am that all of those kids are alive…" her voice trailed off and she shook her head. "As happy as I am for those parents…for you…It doesn't bring my son back."

"I'm so sorry, Mer," Addison whispered. "I'm just…so sorry."

"I am too," she whispered, gripping at the wall as she struggled to get to her feet.

"Let me help you," Addison said quickly, offering her a hand.

As she pulled Meredith up to her feet, a police officer exited the elevator with Izzie close in tow. Her eyes were downcast, and as she came into the hall, and Addison could think of absolutely nothing to say to her.

I know that I should feel for her like I do for Meredith. Addison thought. I know I should. But…I can't right now. I just can't.

Keeping a loose hand on Meredith's arm, Addison tried to steer her towards the elevator and away from Izzie. But Meredith slipped right past Addison, and she stepped directly into Izzie's path, forcing her to look up. "How could you not know?" Meredith asked. "How could you?"

Before anyone could stop her, Meredith's hand struck the side of Izzie's face and sent her spinning. Izzie hardly reacted at all, coming back to her full height slowly. No signs of feeling flickered across her face.

"Miss, I need you to step back," the police officer said, coming between Meredith and Izzie.

"It's okay," Addison answered, one hand on Meredith's shaking shoulder. "We're okay," she insisted, steering Meredith into the elevator, and pressing the door close button.

As the doors slid closed, they just barely heard Izzie whisper, "I just…didn't. I didn't know him at all."