Hotel Lez
Chapter 8
Kelly: Hotel Lez is filmed in front of a live studio audience
"I never thought Ani was gay" Livewire said to the Hotel gang in the lounge
"Yeah. Especially since him and Obi-Wan were last seen snogging at the guys' bar" Helga replied
"Hey. How's Padme doing?" Alex asked, sitting down
"She's not doing well. She's been in the beauty room crying for Argentina" Livewire said
"poor Padme, she didn't deserve this…" Supergirl said
"look, Padme's pretty devastated, I think we need to do something to cheer her up" Jean said
"That's a good idea" Supergirl added
"Hmmm… what's her favorite brand of wine?" Helga thought
"uh, no thanks sugar. I'm taking a break from wine for a while" Moxxi groaned
"I wasn't talking about you silly, I was talking about Padme" Helga corrected
"Oh, right…" Moxxi said, giggling lewdly
"hey guys" Kaylee said happily, bringing in the pizzas
"ooh goodie, dinnertime!" Supergirl cheered, Alex tying a napkin around Kara's neck
"well ladies, let us all pray before we eat" Helga said, everyone holding hands
"…and in your devoted honored name, we salute you. V8" Helga finished
"V8" everyone repeated as they all clinked their goblets together
"Mm-mmm, this pizza is soo heavenly!" Odette gushed happily
"Mmmm! You really should try the breadsticks" Stella said through a mouthful
"aww hey there you are, you're just in time for dinner" Helga said cheerfully as a forlorn Padme walked in
"Anakin loved pizza when he and I were married… now he likes cosmotinians and visiting Mykonos" Padme whined
"look sweetie, just take your mind off of him, sit down and have a slice of food heaven…" Supergirl said comfortingly
"ohhh thank you Kara, you're so very nice" Padme said gratefully
"I'm one of a kind" Supergirl said cheerfully
The next morning…
"hey, what's with all the people outside the hotel?" Livewire asked Helga
"oh Padme's auctioning off all of Anakin's things so she can live here with us" Helga answered, braiding her hair
"well if that isn't a way to spruce up business, I sure as hell don't know what else is" Livewire commented
"mmm… I dreamed I was the Nutcracker" Jean said girlishly to everyone at breakfast
"I never thought the Rat King was allergic to cheese" Black Canary commented naively
"yeah and I didn't know the Sugarplums lived in Piscataway" Kelly said
"what's a Piscataway?" Supergirl asked curiously
"it's a town in New Jersey" Clover answered
"um, Helga? Don't you think we should do something fun with Padme now that her ex-husband's now a banana crammer?" Livewire asked
"I do think so indeed Leslie, thanks for reminding me" Helga said thankfully, brewing herself some coffee
"mmm… I love this coffee…" Supergirl hummed in happiness
"Kara, sweetie… that's decaf coffee you're drinking" Helga said
"mmm…" Kara moaned, dropping to the floor, snoozing softly
"wow! I don't know what Rikke put in these cinnamon rolls, but they're definitely a treat" Maya exclaimed
"well I'm always happy to hear you girls complimenting me on my culinary skills" Rikke said warmly
Later that same day…
"And here we are again…" Helga said, crammed in Kara's bed with everyone sleeping in it
"ZZZZZ…" Supergirl snored softly, floating over the bed in mid-air
"You didn't tell me Kara could sleep in mid-air" Aela hissed
"Hrrmmm…. You didn't ask" Alex mumbled, turning on her side
"oof! Aurora, quit kicking me" Cinderella griped as Aurora tossed and turned in bed
"Hmmm… yeah, yeah right there… ooh Ivy… that… hmm, that feels so good…" Batgirl giggled in her sleep
"wow. I never knew Babs was this kinky in bed" Helga remarked
"SHHHHHHH" everyone shushed
"Sorry" Helga whispered sheepishly
"Mmm… everything's alright, everything's alright, yes, everything's fine…" Supergirl mumbled
Livewire:
Woman
Your fine ointment brand new and expensive
Should have been saved for the poor
Why has it been wasted?
We could've raised maybe three hundred silver pieces or more
People who are hungry
Yes People who are starving
Matter more
Than your feet and HAAAAAIRRRR
Helga:
Try not to get worried
Try not to turn onto
Problems that upset you
Don't you know
Everything's alright
Yes
Everything's alright yes
Supergirl:
Surely you're not saying
We have the resources
To save the poor from their lot?
There will be more always pathetically struggling
Look at the good things you've got
Think while you still have me
Move while you still see me
You'll be lost
You'll be so sorry
When I'm GOOOONNNEEEE
The next morning…
Alex:
I'm alright
Don't nobody worry about me
Why you gotta gimme a fight
Just let me be
I'm all right
Don't nobody worry about me
Why u gotta gimme a fight
Just let me be
Supergirl:
Why should I worry?
Why should I care?
Livewire:
Has he lost his mind?
Can he see or is he blind
Can he walk and talk
Or if he moves
Will he fall?
Is he live or dead?
Has he thoughts within his head?
We should pass him there
Why should we even care?
Batgirl:
Nobody wants him
He just stares at the world
Nobody needs him
He'll just let the world unfurl
Neyla:
I've been dead before
But always hit the floor
I've spent a lifetime running
And I always get away
But with you I'm feeling somethin
That makes me wanna stay
I'm prepared for this
I never shoot to miss
But I feel like a storm is coming
If I'm gonna make it through the day
There's no more use in running
This is somethin I gotta face
If I risk it all
Could you break my fall?
How do I live?
How do I breathe?
When you're not here
I feel like I'm suffocating
I wanna feel love
Run through my blood
Tell me is this where I give it all up?
For you… I have to risk it all
'cause the writing's on the wall
"and cut! We have it" Helga announced in the director's chair
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SEE HOTEL LEZ'S MYSTIFYING BRITISH FELINE
SEE HER IMPERSONATE
JANIS JOPLIN
HILLARY CLINTON
MARGARET THATCHER
QUEEN ELIZABETH II
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DON'T MISS
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LAUGH YOURSELF SILLY WITH THIS ONE NIGHT ONLY STAND UP PERFORMANCE
BE BEDAZZLED BY HER WIT AND ONE-LINERS
BE MESMERIZED BY HER JOAN COLLINS AND ELIZABETH MONTGOMERY IMPERSONATIONS
BE AROUSED BY HER DYNAMIC TENSION AND EROTIC POETRY
STARTS SUNDAY NIGHT 9:00 SHARP
FOR ONE WHOLE WEEK
LESLIE "LIVEWIRE" WILLIS ON STAGE, UNCENSORED, UNCUT, UNSUPERVISED
SEE THE ELECTRIFYING DIVA LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE
YOU'LL LAUGH
YOU'LL CHEER
YOU'LL BLUSH
YOU'LL EVEN BLOOM
SO GO BOOM! SHAKALAKA WITH THE SIZZLING NEW COMEDIENNE
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HOTEL LEZ PROUDLY PRESENTS
THE EASTER EVENT OF THE YEAR
PHOENIX CHRIST SUPERSTAR
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SEE PHOENIX SHINE AND MARVEL AS PHOENIX CHRIST HERSELF
BE AWED AND INSPIRED BY LIVEWIRE'S PORTRAYAL OF JUDAS
YOU'LL LAUGH AND BE AMUSED BY KING CARTMAN
YOU'LL BE TOUCHED AND HEARTWARMED BY HELGA'S PORTRAYAL OF MARY MAGDELENE
AND YOU'LL TAP YOUR FEET TO 23 SHOWSTOPPING SONGS
SEE THE MUSICAL STORY THAT'S BEEN TOLD 1,000 YEARS AGO WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY
COMING SOON
DON'T MISS…
THE PHOENIX OF EGYPT
AN ALL-NEW ALL FEMALE MUSICAL A THOUSAND YEARS IN THE MAKING
BE AMAZED BY PHOENIX'S ROUSING PORTRAYAL OF MOSES
BE STUNNED AND MYSTIFIED BY ERIS' PORTRAYAL AS TZIPPORAH
YOU'LL LOVE TO HATE CIRCE'S PORTRAYAL OF RAMESES
YOUR HEART WILL BE WARMED AND TOUCHED BY KELLY AS MIRIAM
YOU'LL LOVE AND ENJOY SUPERGIRL AS AARON
AND YOU'LL FEEL REBORN WITH HELGA AS THE VOICE OF GOD
PLUS TEN HEARTWARMING, TOE TAPPING SONGS
AND RIP ROARING MUSIC FROM COMA DOOF WARRIOR AND THE WARRIORETTES
WINNER OF SEVEN ACADEMY AWARDS
INCLUDING BEST DIRECTOR- HELGA K SINCLAIR
BEST ACTOR KELLY CHAMBERS
AND BEST NEWCOMER ACTOR VALERIE "VOLCANA" VASQUEZ
VOLCANA
"THE BEST ALL-GIRL MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN"- COMMANDER SHEPARD
"TWO THUMBS UP"- VANESSA KIMBALL
"KELLY REALLY SHINES IN HER STEAMY DEBUT"- MYSTIQUE
"I LAUGHED, I CHEERED, I CRIED, I ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE OF IT"- HAWKGIRL
"YOU'LL HAVE A HELL LAVA GOOD RIDE"- TALON
"SIZZLING, SPICY AND STRONG"- THERESA RUSSO
"BEST. DISASTER. MOVIE. EVER"- POISON IVY
VOLCANA
THE COAST CAN BE TOAST AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN
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SEE THE NEW HORROR FILM THAT HAS AN ALL NEW HOWL
"IT'S SCARY AND WILDLY ENTERTAINING"- FIRE
"HORRIFYINGLY FUNNY"- ICE
"TWO PAWS UP"- NALA AND VITANI
"HELGA SINCLAIR IS A GENIUS, AELA DEVOURS THE SCENERY AND LESLIE IS A REAL HOWL"- ARIA
AN AMERICAN SHE-WOLF IN LONDON
NOW PLAYING
RATED R
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